Divorce rituals change from culture to culture and over time. In some areas of Japan, couples write their separation wishes on paper and flush them down the toilet, along with the marriage.
In the United States, changes in our belief systems have had a radical effect on the state of divorce, especially for those with children. To prevent yourself from making mistakes that can seriously affect you and your family, you will need to clean out some old beliefs and embrace the future.
Kids Need Moms First
There was a time when dad worked and mom stayed at home to raise the family. By the mid-1960s, these views began to change as women took to the workforce, though the lingering legal affects persisted into the ‘90s.
When the emotions of a divorce become real, this becomes the default belief for many men. You’ll notice this if you ask for joint custody of your children with equal parental responsibilities. This is usually not done by fathers as a bargaining strategy or a way to hurt your spouse. Fathers do this because children absolutely need their dad, too. It may be hard to see now, during the turmoil of separation, but studies show that the role of the father is just as important as the mother in the well-being of children.
You may stop being a husband, but you never stop being a dad.
I’ll Move Out
Because dads often feel mom is supposed to be with the kids, it is common for a father to volunteer to move out. This is a mistake.
If you make more money than your wife, moving out means you will need to support two households. Not only will you need to pay rent or make payments on a new place, but you’ll probably be expected to pay the mortgage or rent, utilities and food for the marital home.
Depending on the jurisdiction, voluntarily leaving the home can be seen as abandonment. This means that you have just given your house and all of its equity to your wife.
Unless there is danger, do not leave your house before you see an attorney.
Friends Are Helpful
If you are in mediation to come up with amiable solutions to make the future better for both of you, or even if you are going through a contentious divorce process, you should stay off Facebook, Twitter and other social media pages.
According to a study published in the Oxford Journal Social Forces, friends on social media can have a negative effect on positive solutions developing during the divorce process. The results indicate divorce can spread throughout social network friends.
Attitudes, including erroneous and inflammatory ones, are common among social media friends. With your lawyer reminding you not to lose your cool, you do not need friends or acquaintances making you more angry or upset regarding the divorce.
Once The Papers Are Signed, I Am Done
This is a bad way of thinking, especially if you have kids. You will really be in a relationship forever. It may change from a married relationship to an ex-spouse situation, but that does not mean that the ex will simply disappear from the universe.
If you are nervous about your spouse seeking you out or causing you harm, then use identity protection to keep yourself safe. This can help in terms of social security info or account numbers.
It’s important to remember, however, that all of the reasons for the divorce still exist. So, it’s important to deal with family issues and relationships on a new and post-divorce level.
One comment on “4 Beliefs that Can Turn Divorce into a Nightmare”
Overall, this is definitely good advice and I agree with it. We all have some different circumstances, i.e., in my case my kids were all older (17 and older), and my wife hasn’t worked for over 15 years. I was the sole bread winner.
I definitely agree – – keep quiet on social media (e.g. Facebook) and consider either ceasing to use/post or close the account. Also, for many in the south (the Bible Belt area), friends aren’t always as helpful as you hope as many fundamentalists will berate you or judge you for going through a divorce. So “friends” aren’t always helpful.