4 Problems With The Modern Child Support System

child-support systemRuth Graham recently wrote a feature for the Boston Globe shining a light on unfair child support payments and why the system is so flawed.

Graham’s piece traces the history of the modern system and exposes how it is based on stereotypes and outdated notions and exposes why child support is so unfair to fathers. Several sociologists and scholars are quoted in the story suggesting possible solutions to update the system to better support children while also incorporating fathers into their lives.

The child support system covers about a quarter of American children, and can provide a crucial safety net for some families. But it is obvious the current laws need significant restructuring.

Here are four of the most critical flaws of the current child support system.

Unfair child support payments

The child support system was originally a bipartisan policy reform designed to serve divorced parents who were steadily employed. But the system was established nearly 40 years ago, and is based on outdated stereotypes that viewed Mom as a housewife and Dad as the sole breadwinner.

As Johns Hopkins University sociologist Kathryn Edin explained to Graham, the traditional roles of mothers and fathers have changed dramatically since the 1970s, but the laws are still stuck in the past.

“We have a 1970s narrative about a 2010s reality,” Edin said.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.

Why is child support so unfair to fathers?

As Graham points out, 29 percent of families in the system live below the federal poverty line. Many fathers sincerely want to do right by their children, but simply don’t have the means to do so. That becomes a very slippery slope for a lot of dads.

When unpaid child support payments accumulate, this often snowballs into another issue: parental alienation. Research has shown that men with outstanding child support debts tend to be less involved in their children’s lives. Some even find themselves incarcerated over unpaid payments.

And since many states treat incarceration as voluntary unemployment, child support debts continue accumulating while men are in prison. It’s easy to see why this is such a difficult cycle to break.

The “deadbeat dad” myth

Another stereotype feeding many of the problems with the current child support laws is that of the deadbeat dad.

In 1986, CBS produced a report titled “The Vanishing Family: Crisis in Black America,” which featured a New Jersey father of six who bragged on camera about not supporting his children financially. The report sparked outrage across the country and even led to stricter child support laws.

Not long after the piece ran, Congress passed a law forcing states to adopt stricter enforcement practices when collecting past child support debts. That trend continued well into the ’90s when President Bill Clinton’s welfare reform act gave government even greater power to enforcement child support collection against noncustodial parents.

While fathers skipping out on their child support responsibilities certainly shouldn’t be ignored, current research suggests the “deadbeat dad” is probably more of an outlier than the status quo.

 In 2013, Edin coauthored “Doing the Best I Can: Fatherhood in the Inner City.” Edin and coauthor Timothy Nelson conducted in-depth interviews with 110 low-income fathers in the Philadelphia area over seven years and discovered the majority of the men were exhilarated to be fathers, even when the pregnancies were unplanned. Even when faced with difficult financial situations, many fathers tried to find other ways to provide emotional support for their children.

Edin’s study goes hand-in-hand with other recent research that suggests economic support, although necessary, is hardly enough to qualify one as a good parent.

The current system fixates on enforcement and ignores involvement

The core of the problem with modern child support laws is that there is too much emphasis on enforcement and not enough focus on getting fathers involved in their children’s lives.

The Federal Parent Locator Service uses a national database to track down noncustodial parents to enforce payments. In 2013, $32 billion of child support was collected and that number has been steadily rising over the years.

While the government is very efficient with its enforcement of child support laws, it might be more beneficial to address its child custody statutes.

The National Parents Organization recently released its Shared Parenting Report Card, which graded every state on its child custody statutes and how well they promote shared parenting following divorce or separation. Nearly across the board, states scored with a cumulative 1.63 grade point average (on a 4.0 scale).

There is no shortage of evidence showing that shared parenting helps offset the negative effects of divorce. While it is important for them to receive adequate financial support, it is arguably even more essential to have quality time with both Mom and Dad.

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364 comments on “4 Problems With The Modern Child Support System

    There should not be such a thing as child support. Child Support was never designed to be about the child. That is the lie the court and it’s band of merry thieves in the Support Collections Unit tell non-custodial parents who most often happen to be fathers. Child Support is a money-making scam used by the state who are financially motivated to enforce child support. How? Each dollar of child support collected by the state the state gets in federal grant money on a 1:1 basis. Most of this money goes to fill the welfare coffers of the state who like to pander to single mothers and the children. Welfare recipients are most often single mothers. Don’t believe all this? It’s all spelled out in the Social Security Act Title IV, Part D, Section 458 “Incentive Payments” to states. This scam employs many people. Many judges issue Orders-of-Protection against the father to expedite this process and confiscates custody of the children away from the father most likely before he knows what is going on. Then, the court treats YOUR child as though they are the property of the state as though YOUR child is just being loaned to you to take care of. This is called kidnapping, and it often goes by another name: “courtnapping”. Then, they guilt trip you by asking “you want to take care of your child, don’t you”? This is a trap question. Father’s are victimized by the court who now makes it illegal for you to be a father, and only by the court’s leave are you allowed to be a father. You are not a subject. You are a citizen with rights. Don’t buy into this “best interests of the child” lie. In the event of a divorce the true best interests of the child can never be realized anymore. Children need both parents together for that to happen. Ever wonder why the state doesn’t care how the child support money is used, only whether it is paid? Because child support is extortion. Don’t pay child support, we’ll take away your license. Don’t pay up, we’ll arrest you and put you in jail. If a threat follows a demand, it’s extortion. Finally, since the state is financially motivated to issue child support orders, that creates a conflict of interest. Men, the only way to win is not to play.

    Parenthood being a 2-way street and all let’s consider the fact that the parent paying child support also has freedom. Freedom being not having to find childcare, being able to go out whenever or wherever they want, not dealing with teenage drama or temper tantrums, making sure the kids are respectful civilized human beings etc. Child SUPPORT goes both ways. Being the monetary and human being support system for said child. Whether it be mother or father the ones who make it work are the ones who care about the child over their own selfish biases.

    I agree about that – the loss of freedom to do whatever whenever by the custodial parent. Having to pay a sitter just to go to the doctor/dentist etc. This is just my opinion – but the parent who has custody usually ends up being the ‘mean’ parent because on the visitation days – the other parent is usually going to do something fun with them. Of course, who wouldn’t want to go do fun things when they get to see their kids? So IMO one parent is the rule enforcer, do your homework, clean your room, do chores, go to bed early… and the other is the carefree let’s go have fun and stay up late on weekends parent.

    I’ve seen this. So you resent him for getting you pregnant, then you resent him for having “freedom”….the freedom to be robbed of fatherhood. Have fun with your weapon, i mean child.

    So that must be all the women then. There must be no good men because 90% of custody cases are awarded to women. Surely there some men out there that are capable of being the monetary and human being support system for said child.

    This has to be about Parental Rights and Children’s Rights, not just Fathers’ Rights. People have no idea how many mothers also lose custody and end up paying child support they can’t afford. Even in cases of domestic abuse by their husbands and even when they are deemed excellent mothers by the courts. It really all has to do with corruption in the courts and who the judge happens to be. I say we don’t separate fathers from mothers in this battle for new legislation and justice. We’re in it together,, to make things right for our children.

    It’s not about male or female. It’s about abusing the system and the children. In most cases these children were made out of love. It doesn’t matter who cheated. My husband ex wife admits to breaking bottles over his head and stalking down women she thought he was sleeping with. She abused him to the point he stopped coming home and slept in his truck. He drank to medicate himself and begged for a divorce. Eventually she gave him the divorce and married the man she was cheating with. She asked my husband to pay her $50 a week, I agree this is not much but many times I was there as she requested her money occasionally asking for more if the kids had opportunities. She refused to let the kids see their dad unless he joined her religion- so he did. Then she still didn’t let him. When his son came out as gay she had her new husband beat him up she told him she hopes he gets aids and dies. She pulled their daughter out of school because it made her son gay. Now 6 months before their youngest turns 18 she sues is for 78,000.00 $20,000.00 is interest. She changed her number and said we wouldn’t contact her and rejected all our certified letters.

    My husband is in active therapy for his PTSD and depression and is unable to work physically..

    She abused him and he was to weak to fight her then she abuses the children and now she’s abusing me.

    Why pursue it now, we don’t bother her at all. We actively reach out to the adult kids but are met with denial. It is against the rules on our home to speak Ill of the other parents.

    The system is flawed but too many people take advantage and it’s disgusting.

    I have a phenomenal relationship with my sons father and his wife. We all parent together and have boundaries to ensure my son can love all his parents- my kid is almost 18. It may seem weird but it’s actually calming compared to my husbands baby mama issues.

    Let me ask you this. Why is it ok to see women as victims of rape, and not men as victims of the archaic family/divorce laws? Things are not equal right now, so don’t pretend they are. I know women have a monopoly on victimhood, however, it’s ok to see men as victims for once. I know this takes a little power away from you as a female, but it’s ok. Men have been wronged, just accept it. All the data points towards it. Women paying child support are the outliers. So no, this isn’t about parental rights. It’s about FATHER’s rights.


    Lisa although I understand from your perspective you share about single mothers. But the world still runs on “women and children first”…while shouting or “roaring” women are the same if not better than men. So let me clarify my intention for this response. It is baffling how any woman could sit and complain when they are being majorly supported in “almost” every arena.

    From businesses to governments, from tv shows and commercials to major league sports. Now there are some women who see and have commented on gender bias against men and boys. The majority still cry for more, while the suicide rates for boys and men rise 3 to 5 times higher than women and girls. these facts are not my own just do your own research if you dare. but then i dare you to speak “the truth” not just your truth.

    I have nothing against you

    Lisa STOP ✋ far more great fathers are being fucking over by dead beat mothers looking for a handout! How dare u turn a page to help fathers again into a women victims bullshit. Women are MENTALLY and FAR more physically abusing them men. YOU Dnt hear about it cuz it widely goes unreported. In today’s society men are weak if they report spousal abuse. So take ur bullshit to another 10000 million help mother pages.

    it is a human rights issue that disproportionately and unethically affects fathers and their children to the tune 97% of all obligations financially insofar as child support payments are the father paying it- whether they are a better parent and excellent or not, whether they were domestically abused by the mother or not, whether the children were abused by the mother or not, whether the mother has a criminal history or not and even whether the father has actual custody or not… not moms getting that insane obligation percentage across the board…. dads. In the same way that the medical right of woman is forwarded as a human right to have an abortion as it alone (supposedly) affects the pregnant woman then it is also therefore only proper and ethically to first and foremost identify this unconstitutional involvement and enslavement by the govt into the lives of the populace as dads issue first and foremost. Its math. Hard to argue with the injustice of the overwhelming amount of evidence in support of it being just that. Insofar as the childrens rights? When the best interest of both parents is actually attempted at being met at all? That is the only time the best individual interest of any child forced to live with whom they are told to live with will ever be met. As it is fathers are segregated from their children as though they have done something wrong or immoral by no longer being with the mother and turned into quasi-criminals by default at an alarming rate and it is an absolute abuse and assault on the male gender as a whole insofar as their humanity from boy hood to man hood and it will stop… or ill die trying.

    In my experience almost all divorced women claim to be abused. That is just another weapon that women use to be unequal again. Woman are equal to men when it suits me. Men are abusive when you want his money, and women are never abusive. But we are all equal.
    Unbelievable. When my ex physically punched me several times in the back of the head while 6 months pregnant, what police officer would believe me. I broke a window out of frustration
    Because my ex was denying my court ordered visitation and I spend the weekend in jail for assault. During the trial for the charge my lawyer made a deal that I give up my right to access my kids at her residence to get out of the charge. I took the charge to stand up for my right to visit my kids. The judge chastised my ex and the crown attorney for trying to overturn a family court order in a criminal court and told the crown to stop catering to all these woman.

    I was in relationship with my boyfriend and we were planning to get married soon and all of a sudden he left me for another girl, i really love this guy and never can imagine my life without him. I further tried all my best to get him back but all my effort to get him back in my life did not work out. It was on this faithful day, i came across some comments on a website about this great Helper called Robinson.buckler… , so many persons claimed that he help them to renew their relationship and bring their ex back, i had to contact him because he was my last hope. I contacted him through his email and he assured me that in two days time my boyfriend is going to leave the other girl and come back to me and it was a very great surprise to see my boyfriend coming back to me after two days. I am so very happy today that he came back to me and i achieved this with the help of ( Robinson.buckler @ yahoo. com, and i advice if you need his help too, ………………………

    My wife decided to have an affair and marry the guy. She split up our family with 5 young kids and tried to bankrupt me in the process.
    They are now all in school, and she still refuses to get a job to help support them. She doesn’t spend the CS on them and beyond paying her each month, I purchase the majority of clothes, their car, their extra curricular activities, pay for all their cell phones all because she refuses to.
    I’d get thrown in jail for not paying her the CS but she has absolutely zero accountability to spend it on them or help support them in any way. She does nothing but try to make my life miserable at every turn.
    The system is completely broke. Especially when one parent tries to do the right thing against all odds and is not rewarded, just punished.

    In the 21 century men and women are considered equal.
    Like in an algebraic equation, anything you do to 1 side of the equation,
    you do to the other side of the equation, it remains equal.

    Both man and woman decide to lay together equally.
    Both man and woman decide to not use protection equally.
    Both man and woman decide to take responsibility of that action equally.

    If a pregnancy occur from the equal decision is when equality breaks down for the man.

    The woman make the decision wheather to keep the child and the man have no power in that final decision. The only thing that can again make the equation equal, is the ability of the man to decide if he’s willing to be responsible financially and supportively for the child. And no government action should have the power to upset equality.

    That is my humble 21 century opinion!

    Well ok let’s look at the cost and risk of abortion and adoption. Abortion pill whatever poses a health risk to the mother also. Men are allowed to get off way to easily. After the deed is done they are left with zero physical consequences


    He gets off easily?

    He can be thrown out of the child’s life, and have to fight the mother for years to get his child back from the adoptive parents. She faces no consequences.

    She can abort the child, without his consent. Or, she can take him to the cleaners through child support enforcement, and get away without ever letting him see his own kid.

    She has a hundred different versions of birth control, not including adoption, AM after pill, and abortion. Man has pull out method, her word she’s on BC, a condom, or abstinence! Products like vasalgel and the male pill are always kept five years away with no reason given. Largely because governments and feminists don’t want me to have control over their sexual reproduction. Too many single mothers, feminist organizations, law firms, and state funding to be made. Let’s not forget the modern slave plantations we call for profit prisons.

    Look, you’re clueless!

    it is three times more deadly for a man to spend any given year supporting his children on the job than it is for the mother in that same years time to ever have a pregnancy to the birth or for the mother to have an abortion. 3x… get that? The mortality rate is three times as much… sorry even womens mortality rate on the job is no better…. its four times more deadly for a man then. try again…. your opinons are based on ignorance, ego and idiocy.

    Wrong. There is zero equality about it. The working dad (or in some cases mom..change the names per situation) gets a huge bill each month while the mother does whatever she wants with the $.
    Whenever Dad makes more $, he gets taken back to court to pay more $. Although the mom did nothing to help him make more $. Why is she entitled to it?
    She has No accountability, and there is no equality whatsoever.
    There should be an accounting of where the $ goes and when the kids are in school both parents should be forced to get a job and work to support the children especially if child support is ordered.

    Lets not forget you get behind and they take away your right to drive how do you get to work when they suspend your license too …such a screwed system …it takes 2 to make a kid and one to pay when they split up …come on someone fix this issue

    I am still paying arrearages from being closed down in construction and my kids are 25 and 27 on there on and I’m a great farther. They wouldn’t modify when I was on unemployment for two years!!

    I agree. I am a single mom of 4 (raised and on their own). I have always stood behind the fact that the state is prejudice against dad’s and is one of the main causes for ‘deadbeat’ dad’s. If the dad’s were given the same rights and respect as the mom’s, maybe there’d be more parenting done the mature adult way…..doing what’s best for the child (children). Parents are supposed to support each other and their children not have children just to collect support.

    I hear women I would say 97% of the time now saying they need to find a Baby daddy so they can get a new paycheck this is reality what are we going to do about this!!!

    How can we the people “men” change this? Other than just standing by waiting for it to change how can we change it ? Lets do something people !!!

    We can help get a repeal of the Social Security Act Title IV, Part D, Section 458. Shut off the spigot to the states and the states are less motivated to enforce child support. But that will not stop it. The problem is too many people are employed in this scam. I believe the states couldn’t care less about whether your child is supported. They just want money. Repeal child support and you would see a reduction in the number of divorces. But again, divorce employs too many people.

    I pay 337.00 every 2 weeks and it will go to 400.00 every 2 weeks very soon and that is for only 1 Child. She works at a very low paying job and has for years. Guess she doesnt know they go off my $$$ not hers. I feel for the mothers out there that get only 100.00 a month. But 800.00 a month and 1200.00 on a 3 paycheck month, come on thats crazy. Long story short if Your gona be a great Dad, Your gona have to pay alot of alot of $$$ .God bless and Thank You Jesus for taking care of my needs and keeping me healthy enough to work.

    Stop complaining, just take the corrupt corporations and government out of your lives, you don’t need a corrupt corporations or government to tell you what to do with your money or kids, be responsible take good care of your kids and kick this corrupt parasites corporations and government out of your life they never going to move a finger to help you, they are always ready to screw you open your eyes fight back

    Exactly!! I had to spend 30 K on attorney to get 50-50 Custody. My baby mama was trying to get me to pay 80% of daycare and only give me visitations. I got 50-50 custody of my son at eight months old, but still have to pay her $600 a month.

    General Attorney office is a joke, and yes the system is full broken. They don’t honor cap. I’ve paid over 25% to the mother, who cheated, with held my children and who was the breadwinner of the household. I was immediately looked at as a deadbeat dad but kept losing over half my checks to pay amount that was based on my previous job. A job I lost when I found out she had the affair with a co-worker. Went from a 26.00 an hour job to a 10.00 job and no adjustment or assistance. I was even told to stop trying to get out of your responsibility. Some how the lord works in mysterious ways, I have still been able to be there for kids, two jobs and steady plasma donation. But still always there for my kids.

    Dido mine cheated …and my kids live with grandmother her mother while she’s out partying and doing drugs I’m in mass she’s in florida and my kids tell me she’s never their …said she lives in a van her own mother can’t stand her

    Totally understand where you’re coming from, my ex cheated on me married the man she cheated with and they live 12 hr apart, I worked in the oilfield got out to be home for my kids more and now they dont want to lower my child support I pay her over half my income and she works and lives with her parents with my kids, the system is so jacked up!

    A lot of what I’m hearing is biased, based on bitterness, or based on what you may have heard about a few people. I can’t imagine living on child support, it’s not possible, even living low income. Unless you have a child with a millionaire and you live a little below middle class. I don’t understand why half your check is missing, I thought you said it was 25%. 25% means you have more than one child with that person because it’s only 20% if you have one child. Who cheated or asked for the divorce isn’t relevant, it has nothing to do with taking care of your child. People make mistakes and they fall out of love, things happen. Things don’t always go the way we want them to. And parental alienation is against the law despite whether or not you’ve paid your child support. When you lose your job or get demoted you put in for modification and that modification is granted based on what you currently make. There are questions when you go from making $26 an hour to making $10 an hour, many dads do that intentionally to lessen the amount of child support the ex gets, usually out of bitterness. I just don’t understand, it’s your child and it’s only 20%. Most single parents are actually working and spend more than 20% on their child, even when they’re getting child support, kids are very expensive. It’s about what’s best for the child. Also, you have to be behind $5,000 or $10,000 to be put in jail. You have to owe several months worth of Child Support to get to the point where you can’t drive your own car. If you’re paying something somewhat reasonable, usually at all, they don’t go after you. You might be going through a hard time, but that doesn’t mean the responsibility of the children doesn’t exist. The single parent has to pay for what the child needs despite what kind of time they’re going through. The custodial parent is also responsible for all of the child’s needs majority of the time, that’s not easy. For some people it’s worth it to be happy, but it’s not easy. I just think a lot of these stories are twisted and about anger and bitterness over the dissolved relationship, kids are suffering & going without because of this.

    Jade I am sorry you have know earthly idea what you are talking about. Guys have went to jail for owing $1500. So stop it. Child support is about the child not a flawed or failed relationship.

    Where do you get 25%, because I have 54% of my paycheck taken and that is for one kid. On top of that I have been forced to pay an extra 52 a week for child care at a daycare my ex told the court he went to. He has never attended day care. I got proof to the courts but they do not care. Also I had a garnishment of 9000 held in limbo for 15 months where it was not applied to my child support for that entire time. I had to track it sown to get credit and when I did they didnt refund my 9000 of being over paid they just kept taking and I was quite a bit ahead. I have paid over 80000 in child support in 14 years and about 5000 for depositions and another 20000 for lawyers. When 54% of my paycheck goes to my ex and 46% goes to my family of 5 how is that fair. Worat thing is my son wont see most of that money, he wont have a college fund because I still have to get him clothes that fit and school supplies. If child support didnt exist then the parent that wanted to be there for the kid would be. Instead the kids are living paychecks and bartering tools for the other parent. Also If the female has the right to anything then the male should have equal right period. So abortion or adoption should also be equal rights and mothers should not be able to abort or adopt out or refuse to tell father they are pregnant. If we are trying to be fair and equal.

    Well first off it sounds like this opinion is coming from a mother i may be wrong but thats how it sounds. An second if someones co worker ends up with the women you love are you going to remain at that job no you are going to asked to be moved to a different department which may impact what you make or you find a different job. An my wife owes only a couple of months so she owes $250 in child support an thats only cause i was takin out of work due to back injuries like spinal stenosis, degenerative discs an a pinch sciatic nerve in my left leg. But they dont care. My wife has all these programs she has to do an they say she still has to go find work so there saying ahes not allowed to sleep cause she has appoinments everyday of the week an then her daughter on the weekends. She had her permit suspended for oweing a few months when we were paying it all on time until my injury. N they gave us a week to make a payment an have it show up in there system when it takes a couple weeks to process it which sounds like they dont care if she makes the payment or not. An then when she goes to court for it tbey charge her $500 an if she dont pay that they send her to jail. She told them due to all her disabilities she had to apply for ssi an they dont care they say she still has to work even though alot of professionals told her that she cant. Child support dont care about anyone they have no hearts they just want to be cruel to random people. Like the father would not pay for 2 years an guess what not once did he go to court or see a jail cell for it an he owed over $1000 so why isnmy wife being brought to court for $250 an he doesnt get brought into court for $1000. Im pretty sure they target the weak cause they know someone else would find a way out or they know someone in child support an they let them go. Child support an child support court are all biaist. An the court system in general is biaist. Like can anyone tell me how a guy who doesnt pay child support, is a sex offender an is a repeated sex offender doesnt go to jail an gets out of it even admitting to the crime still gets out of it, abuses women including his mother, an his grandmother an a bunch of other women doesnt get a day in jail an the family court judge says hes still 100% fit to be around his daughther even thou he doesnt have any contact with her or even tries to, doesnt pay his child support an keeps raping women of age an under age an nothing happens to him at all

    It is not about bitterness…… The curry court system is one sided. I left my relationship asking time ago withtwo little ones. I did not work for 15 years. So I went to school and got a job. Allot of the people in this situation get Taniff and food stamps etc on to of the child support and do not want to work. Jobs are not a guarantee and neither is what you earn. Modification is there for that reason. But the current laws assuming just because you made 25.00 and do not have that income anymore and make less should not be held against you. It is the responsibility of BOTH parents to make sure they’re kids are taken care of!!!!! Women these days claim they are equal to a man. And the courts should revise they’re laws accordingly.

    It doesn’t work like that in Missouri. They take way over 20%. My boyfriends kids have lived with us for 2 years now and he is still paying child support for them. We requested a modification in writing and never got a response. A modification was requested again after his company shut down and he was laid off and we still got no response. They did make sure to take child-support out of his unemployment though. Finally when the three your time it was up we got paperwork saying we could request a modification it took four months before we got any response after the request and now even though the mother said the kids do not live with her he is having to prove that they live with him before they will change anything. Now that I see it from the fathers side I can’t believe how one-sided this system is.

    I read many comments at random and most were from a dads perspective. I can agree with the law definitely not being perfect but from where I stand its all in favor of the “other parent”. In my case, I am owed 30k plus in child support from the last 10 plus years. It was set at about 25 percent of monthly gross wages for the minimum wage back when the support order was put in place back 10 years ago or so. The father has done everything in his power to avoid paying from jobs under the table to living with his mother to not filing taxes. When he figured how to game the system to avoid paying he went along and had more daughters (3 more kids with 2 different woman). So now in the rare event that he does call his kid its only to make false promises and to gloat about his trips with the new girlfriend to Las Vegas and how he just sued someone and won and got compensated for that. If you are wondering well does the system take from that and give it back to his child, the answer is no. I call child support and they say that they can not do anything about it. So here I am barely being able to make ends meet and I agree something is definitely wrong with the system. If guys can go around have kids all over the place without facing consequences for their actions then yeah something should be done about that.

    Isn’t that a two way street. Unless it was rape, doesn’t the woman chose to have sex also. Maybe what should change is her will power to not have intercourse without protection. Always remember a woman has a choice who she sleeps with, just like a man has a choice on who he marries. So it sounds as though women should think of the possibilities before exploring their sexuality.

    amen to that. two people same problem one child them to me it becomes a two people payment problem not just one side.

    I fully agree with that man. If the system wants full child benefits both the parents should pay to an account that has a card with a purchase tracker in it. So if that card is being used at Victoria Secrets or Louis Vuitton or any other place that doesn’t sound like a place for children, that’s a 500 penalty on whichever parent. What one parent pays the other pays half to equal that payment. (That will both benefit the child and parents and stop these money hungry people from using children as bait) so if I have to pay 500 per month she has to pay 250 to 500 per month. If some one has to pay 25k per month the mother or father (regardless of earnings) either has to allow the child to live with the wealthier parent, request less money that’s within her budget, or match the amount. This is the best way in my personal opinion. It’s sickening to see great fathers can’t even afford a child’s birthday with these women act as if they are the only ones who care for that child and manipulate them. All this because the child doesn’t know any better and is trusting and dependent on her.

    This makes no sense? It is a two-way street, 100%. I’m not understanding why the woman should be the one who needs to think twice? Sounds like they both made a mistake equally and they’re both paying for it equally. The custodial parent isn’t without responsibility, have we all forgotten that

    Both women and men are guilty of being that way.Women are not perfect and men are not perfect and as long as the courts are biased nothing will ever change. Judges don’t get to know every case there are just to many and to them it’s only a job and they could care less if you are struggling due to an idoit you were once involved with,you are only a paycheck to judges and lawyers and they sure don’t give a crap about the child.

    I know a case where the father just deside not to present himself over and over again to child support office appointments for revision. The office then says they can’t do anything about it , if he is not there. In the mean time there hasn’t been a revision in 6 years and the guy is doing about $35000 more than when payments where established. In total does about $125000 a year now , who knows if is more. But goes to Vegas and Cancun all the time.. and when he takes the kid , he makes him babysit so he and his new wife can go and get drunk on a bar and party. While a minor is taking care of another minor home alone at night..

    I thank heavens did not have to deal with the child support drama. The “father” wasn’t interested in parenting so I was able to avoid the drama. I got a job 2 at first, and supported myself and my child, his father as well as his family were welcome to be very involved in our child’s life…you see it’s about what’s in the best interest of the child not about money, figure it out it’s not that hard.

    Absolutely right.. I did the same thing. I have no time running in and out of offices and court rooms and arguing about what he should or should not be doing.. I have a life to live. Whenever he feels the need to put the daddy hat on. I allow him. The rule is if you are 15min late without contacting me. We areout the door planning another activity. We don’t mull and wait and wonder. We move on..

    You can as well, you have more choice in the matter and have noone to blame but yourself. As a woman you have many non pemanent options for BC first off, guy get condoms that can be tampered with by people searching for a paycheck,not saying you did this but many do. Second only you had the opportunity to walk away from responsibility. Women can choose abortion , adoption or selling the kid basically . Males get no choice in what you do. You could even put kids up for adoption when they are older. You could even not tell the guy til the kid is 17ish then get him for back child support. What needs to happen is both parents should be gicen equal time and both should be forced to pay child support to the child not to the custodial parent. It should be equal on both parties and the same across the board no matter the income. My brother in law gets less then 200 a month for twins and i pay 770 a month for one kid. How is this fair to my niece and nephew or to my other two children one of which is special needs. My oldest son gets 54% of my income and my other two children and myself get 46%.

    He’s got 3 other kids and he’s doing great? You only have one kid and you can barely afford it but he’s supposed to support you too? Work hard, get a better job and you won’t have to worry about it. A woman can do anything a man can do, right?

    One point that no one has raised thus far is the universal right to parent a child. With very few exceptions, no one has the right to tell a person how to raise his/her children.. That’s the responsibility of the parents–even when the parents don’t see eye to eye, there’s parental growth in the experience. The child benefits greatly from the growth in both parents, agreements and disagreements. Again, there are exceptions, however, when parental rights are determined by the government, we do not live in a democracy–more like the dark ages. This is a basic civil right.

    When you find yourself in the judicial system, especially men of color, you are experiencing discrimination and institutional racism. You are being conspired against as soon as you enter the court room. Don’t be afraid, make sure that the powers that be, the judge, understands that “you are not in agreement of any order that violates your rights as a human being, that is, your right to parent your child as you see fit.” and your civil rights are being violated and definitely hire an attorney.

    Know that, your child in not a ward of any state, it is yours. Stand up for yourself and you’ll be standing up for future generations. That’s worth way more than any amount of money for child support. The law presumes that people are incapable of determining right from wrong. The truth is, it’s just another out of control government institution justifying it’s own existence on the of backs of minorities. Martin and Mandella were jailed for being right. Just because it’s a law, doesn’t mean it’s right. Black slaver, Jim Crowe and apartheid were laws as well.

    This system is so bad! It’s unbelievable. I’ve been paying child support for 19 years in the state of NY and to date its at $148,450 PAID! I still have two more years and last year I lost my employment and because I was out of work for 3 months it went up to 4K and now NYS child support is asking for double what I was paying every two weeks. And their reason is because they want it to be paid before the child hits 21 years old. SMH…even the judge said “WOW! Why is NYS asking so much?” she was at a loss for words. #ChildSupportSystemChange

    Someone in charge needs to change the system. Badly. Dads everywhere are getting screwed over and treated badly! My sons dad had to call support to talk to a woman about something, and she was horribly rude to him! I emailed her, and yelled at her. I said he was a great dad and does everything he needed to. And to not disrespect him. I got an apology, but still. Because hes a guy he needs to be treated badly?!? I think not!

    Dads with evidence of mom’s keeping them from seeing thier kids, should definatelty get in trouble. And noted so when the dads want more time, it should be awarded.

    My last point..guardian ad litems need to actually do thier jobs or back down. Be there for the kids or dont be there at all.

    I feel everyone’s pain in this comment section I’m a dad and I have not worked for 3 months dues to my wife having an AFE(amniotic Fluid Embolism) I have to help her she is in bad condition and I’m the only that can care for her she cannot be left alone she is a fall risk and has numerous health issues she can’t even walk. I explained to them but they rudely told me that I had to pay to avoid getting a letter for court. Fast forward to today and I get a lien on my bank account I was counting on some money that we were given as donation to use it for bills and gas but they just took it all. When I called to try to at least ask for some of it back there was a guy and he was talking to me really rude like really rude I got mad because earlier I had spoken to 2 other people and were treating me very unfairly over the phone they didn’t even give me time to explain my situation. So this guy told me that the money was taken due to the support I told him I was gifted that money which o have proof and he raised his voice and told me “so you have responsibilities with this support case” and he snapped. I calmly told him why are you talking to me in a rude manner and he got pissed he told me “ I don’t need to respect you or put up with this and hung up on me. So back story on this case is my ex used to beat me all the time but I was young (17yrs old) and embarrassed to tell my mom about it she would always hit me when I was driving and almost causing accidents I would just take the slaps and hits she would justify it with it’s cuz my hormones smh. Now I regret not making police reports or reporting her. I just feel overwhelmed right now I truly feel like giving up in life. It just seems the system wants to see you fail and be poor. Also the my ex didn’t let me see my son for the until now I haven’t seen him.

    I agree, an employ of ours is a great father, he was a teen father and has always paid child support but never received parent time, and the courts completely ignored his request to having parent time. He is now married with 2 adorable children, his wife has a good job (they can pay the bills and provide necessities for the children and themselves, and some wants), and they decided they didn’t want someone else raising their children so he is the stay at home dad. For his child support he is a child care worker, again he requested parent time with his 1st born and the court (a woman judge) told him he should be paying more child support (He is already paying more then the required formula states should be paid) so the judge told him to get a real job ( a woman would have never been told that!). Now he works for us in a “real job”. When did raising children become unreal.

    Mindi, thank you for standing up for fathers. Unfortunately, most people who work in these support collections units are operating on a political agenda and abuse their positions to achieve those ends. What business it is of the states to decide how and where your child is raised. I should have married an Omish woman!

    My story? My ex left me in 2005 for a female soldier when he was in iraq and had gotten her pregnant. I struggled for 8 years with 3 daughters to avoid as much drama as possible, never sued him, he took me to court to get a reduction after he had not paid the first year a dime. So his attorney started a witholding which ended when he quit his job in 2012, and in 2013 he had convinced all three that I was evil and caused all of jis financial difficulties. I used to give him money for food on his weekends so that he would not cancel on them. His wife harrassed me nonstop all hours of the night, because she was a bartender who needed to emotionally abuse someone and I was her favorite victim. They bribed my kids with concerts, alcohol, promoted promiscuity, made me look like ai was completely against them having any fun, when I was a considerably lax parent, and knew to pick my battles. My ex was behind 26k, got emergency ex parte custody, and ultimately sole custody after getting a default judgement when he did not notify me of custody hearing, and used completely fabricated income ammounts, causing me to lose my house, the only home my 5 year old had ever known at the time, my job, and very worst I lost any relationship that I had with my girls, he got discretion on visitation , and the man has not allowed us to see them at all, these people are criminals with records, and I was a mail carrier. This bogus system pits male against female, so we battle eachother instead of the clearly evil court system that we should have demolished a long time ago. My kids have no future now thanks to the childrens right tp choose to cause all kinds of drama and litigation when they should be focusing on school and being kids. They used to call cps on me once a year, and when tha never worked, they waited for the paternal grandma to get a settlement from a minor car wreck so that they could essentially purchase my daughters, who became dropouts and my oldest a teenaged mom. I battle ptsd and still face constant harrassment from my ex’s wife, while any attorney ai have gotten has been seemingly paid off to thwart any justice for me and my daughters. The first step is recognizing that this is a Parental Rights issue and not a Fathers Rights issue. They are winning because they successfully pit men against women and vice versa, when there are good parents of every gender, every sexual orientation that are being denied their constitutional rights because apparently civil law is above the law, and we need to fight them together, as parents, not fathers or mothers. Statistically the only difference in who wins custody has become the number of men who dont battle for it, the actual custody battles that take place display numbers that show this issue is about family, about capitalism, and about a government that has no concern for the livlihood of our children, of their future, of our grandkids future, and our society is essentially doomed because of the denial of the manevolence of our powers that be. They are turning our children into disrespectful, hateful, unappreciative, entitled, narcissitic young adults who lack empathy, and have learned to lie cheat and steal as long as it is a means to their end, without remorse, without morals, standards, or integrity. They are taught that any form of punishment is child abuse of some form, and that they can forever blame their short-comings in life upon their childhood, shrowded with falsehoods and depictions of even the most blatent displays of affectionate parenting as some form of neglect or abuse, tainting their entire upbringing, that could have been fairly peaceful and normal had the number one focus been on raising the children to the best of our ability as co-parents. Instead I dealt with kids that slept through half the week in class because “they never had to go to sleep at dads house,” kids that came home every other week with a different hair color, which has been proven to increase the risk of them to develope cancer in their lives, and setting my kids up to get in trouble so that the would have yet another negative memory of me. Things like having my daughter call me at 230am to ask if her friend could spend the night next weekend, which when i would try to explain that it is common curtousy for middle of the night calls to be only emergency, got met with the exs wife snatching the phone away and stating that she told her to call, because if i love my daughter i would always be available for whatever she wants, no matter that i had to be up at 4 for work, she even said “what kind of job makes you get up at 4, that is ridiculous”. I could literally go on all day. Bad people are everywhere, mothers, fathers, step parents, it is our nations duty to defend us from their attack, foreign AND DOMESTIC. Our government has failed us. It is time to ACT.

    Read most all of these comments. And the article. This makes the assumption that the states don’t already know their laws are draconian. STOP acting like attorneys care. These evil jerks know exactly what they are doing. That is why they fight shared parenting legislation!?

    The state? The state uses federal matching funds from teh federal taxpayer to balance their budgets. And continue to incentivize the worst women to destroy their soon to be ex-baby’s daddies. Section 8 housing, TEACH/FSEOG college funds, welfare, WIC, and numerous other benefits that is not even including child support.

    Feminists? If they didn’t want the above, they would have listened to Karen DeCrow. She died in 2014, and a lot of them paid lip service to her after having not talked to her for decades because they stabbed her in the back for being the first father’s rights feminist.

    THEY WANT THIS STATUS QUO! There is too much money to be made in respect to how it is. They are not killing their cash cows. DV and Divorce agencies, feminists and their tax payer pork, state agencies and their matching funds, attorneys and judges with their artificially propped up legal fees, and single mothers who benefit from it all. NONE OF THEM WANT A CHANGE!

    We are going to have to take it. And NEVER MARRY BOYS! They aren’t worth it!

    Sir you are 100% correct! And which is so sad and painful to see the corruption that is going on in America, it’s not the war on deadbeat dads, it’s now the war on Dad’s.

    This is considered modern-day slavery. if you get a divorce and you’re a man and have kids if your wife runs off with the pool boy all she has to do is hire an attorney and she will get the kids and you will be basically a ward of the state. Your wages will be garnished out of your check and sent directly to the child support office so the child support office can get their matching federal dollars which is a huge multi-billion-dollar industry for these states it is sad and corruption and it’s very worse taking children away from their fathers so the state the attorneys the judges can all make money off this deal sickening is what it is

    That’s absolutely 100% correct , it’s just not worth it in this day and age . Remember boys never love them , or impregnate them , and under no circumstances shall you sign the marriage certificate . And remember this a few minutes of sexual gratification is not worth 18 years of monthly child support payments .

    I did not read all of the comments but one think in terms article got my attention that is incorrect. My child support got lowered to $3.35 because the father is incarcerated for a criminal charges. For the next 8 years while he is in there most of his support responsibilities got erased . It’s unfair to my child.mind you before he got incarcerated he owed over $15,000 in support. He put himself there by his own bad choices he should not be rewarded by lowering his,support to almost zero. They have a study on some program while incarcerated and after release that support obligations are better being paid…. that’s because they lower it so much . The system is so messed up . While my husband works his butt off and pays over 1,224.00 a month for 2 children while the mothers are not required to work . Something in the system needs to change .

    I take care of my daughter. I’m a father. I have one child and is paying child support of 1375 a month. Yes I have a good job. But I had to move out of my home. And wont be able to really have my own place because my child support is so high. My daughter’s mother put she was only making 8.50 an hour working 28/hrs a week when she filed for child support. I was in my child’s life before she even was born. Helping out financially with anything she needed. Because the mother got mad one day from an argument she filed. Mind you the whole time after my daughter was born. She wouldnt even let me come see my daughter. I went to court she didnt bring any paystubs showing she only made that much. Then she brought in a hand written note that anyone could of wrote. Saying “she owe her friend payments of 125 a week for watching my daughter”. Now mind you everytime I got paid I asked her if she need money for anything. She said no. So that red flag number two in court. But her word of mouth and a note someone wrote for her granted me to pay amln extra 542 a month on top of the base child support. If I didn’t find a roommate in time I would owe a lot of money. I would of got in all sorts of trouble. And I do the right thing for my child. So what should we do about the mothers who dont want to succeed in life and live of child support. I think it should be a different system set up for father that showed they want to be in their child life but low life mothers dont allow it. And I have no criminal record. I have a great job. I want to be in my daughters life. But because her mother is a low life I’m charge 1375 a month cant even afford my expenses and will get in trouble with the state. It’s a different world from back then. Yes we have dead beat dads but we also have dads that try. It’s really is unfair in some ways now days.

    I feel your pain I have a evil kiss mom took everything gets 1300 a month I’m left with 220 week to live off of been trying so hard so long I’m about to give up either go insand, kill myself ,or hurt people..I am refused my kids by her she tries to keep our bond up tells them bad things about me took and takes eveverything I plus gets all my money Idk wtd I’m sick of living ,cryingstressed ot of my mind I’m sick every day I cant remember the last time I was happy I’m a good father she always wins dont work just makes my life hwell

    I’m going through the same man if it makes you feel any better I had no idea till last year after paying the same amount for 9 years I would get taken to court for back support my kids are 23, 18, 17 and right before the age out took me for the original amount she was awarded when we agreed on separate amount I payed 600 every month for 9 years. I’ve felt the same emotions as you, still feel a lot of them. I hope for someone to help us but I feel we are only two of thousands stuck in a system that’s easily manipulated! Sorry man

    I just want to take a moment to thank you for your post. This hits home for me by far. I have three children that I was able to watch come into this world. I have always been a strong provider and have always helped my family as best as possible while we were a unit. My ex wife fell “out of love” all the while falling “in love” with a coworker while I’m at work taking care of business or home with my children. That is all beside the point. We are now divorced and I 1400/month in support. Because uncle sam takes another 30% from my wages, I don’t have the option to be involved in my children’s life as much as I would like. I had to move in with family and my closest relative lives close to an hour from my children. Because I chose to be a good father and a decent husband, maybe that’s too boring for some women. Now I’m just a stranger to my kids that gives their mother without them knowing. What should we be doing about these situations? I fought just to get my children every other weekend and week for week during the summer when they aren’t in school. If I could afford to drive the extra couple hours to see my kids during the week I would but there is not enough time in a day or gas money in the bank to support this. Parents who pay child support and make less than 70,000 a year will simply not make it on their own. They will have to find a roommate or family to live with to cover costs. Sad truth and when I think about it all….I just say its not forever and when my kids are grown they will learn about this from myself and hopefully not put themselves in this position. Life for one is too expensive seeing as most people have to sell portions of their life for wages to buy necessities let alone supporting children in an era of bartering where common folk start off upside down. I’m in definite agreement for change.

    It defies logic on so many levels
    Why is the non-custodial parent responsible for paying child support any more than the custodial parent? And why is it based on income? A kid can only eat so much or wear so many clothes. There should be a base number that covers food, clothes and lodging split 50/50 between both parents. Not one parent paying all of it including paying back the State for welfare and food stamps the the other parent spent and ate. If one parent doesn’t want to work the other parent should get the kid. Making one family suffer so lawyers and judges can pad their pockets and the other parent can sit on their butt is criminal. Good luck man.

    Everyone…NOW THIS IS A MONEY HUNGRY WOMAN!…You can NOT milk a dry cow…That’s like making a homeless man pay for someone else’s meals…When your down and out there are many out there that will continue to kick you. This woman has NO Empathy for the father of her children. And will trash mouth to the children about their father. How can you live with that!

    So he’s supposed to keep paying while he’s in prison? Please explain how that’s supposed to work. You’re right though, he’s brilliant (obviously you knew this when you had unprotected sex with him) all he had to do was get locked up for 8 years now he gets to kick back, have fun and not pay you. Every guy’s gonna do that now. I’m a little confused though, you married a guy that pays child support for 2 other kids? You really know how to pick em. I wouldn’t force someone to pay me if they couldn’t afford it or didn’t want to. Nobody is entitled to the fruits of someone else’s labor, Legally. Morally and ethically maybe but the government should not be mandating how or if someone raises their kid. If a woman can legally give her kid up for adoption and be absolved of any financial obligations to that kid why shouldn’t a man be allowed to do the same?He can’t because she can trick a guy into getting her pregnant, get cash and food stamps from the State AND get the state to harass, extort, threaten, and terrorize some guy into paying her under threat of garnishment, loss of rights, imprisonment etc….. No wonder your ex got himself locked up. I don’t blame him. Added bonus for him, it sure pissed you off.

    The system is broken! We have been fighting for years to see my husband’s kids but we finally gave up because of the nightmare she made it. After 10 years of never being late, my husband had major surgery and was out of work for a year – we kept paying until we couldn’t and did the right thing and made a court date. The judge ruled that he should keep paying the same amount with o income and he now had an arearage for the time it took to get the court date. unbelievable- luckily he is back at work but the arrearage is now on his credit report which he was never made aware of. The arearage is now paid and we have only 6 more mos before the child turns 19 – thank God

    This is what you call corruption, plain and simple, It is sad really. The kids are the ones who suffer from this unjust law.

    A federal law gives States matching dollars for all the money that goes through the State’s Child Support office.

    The more men on the system the more money the States gets from the federal Government. The matching dollars was supposed to help States pay for tracking down dead beat dads, but now every dad that gets a divorce is a dead beat. It is a multi billion dollar a year enterprise that the States have going turning fathers into Child Support Slaves for Federal Dollars. Also don’t forget how much the attorneys are making off this gig, pitting parents against each other.

    Once last comment, what is sad also is so many women would use this unjust system. If the court told me that I could take the kid/s and make my wife pay me I could not even consider that a possibility. I would tell the court no and that the kid/s need to spend equal time with each parent.

    Check out a documentary called, DivorceCorp.

    Please support reform laws in your state and at the federal level!

    Get an attorney. Child support may be established, but custody and visitation may not be. Legally, if no court order is in place, you could keep your child and have her come after you for custody. Get an attorney asap.

    My older cousin put himself on child support because his baby’s mother was upset that he wanted nothing to do with her but everything to do with their son so she started threatening him that he wouldn’t be allowed to see him anymore. Fast forward to the child’s 8th year and now my cousin is in between jobs but is currently working on getting his CDL license. He spends just as much time with their son as the boy’s mother does if not more so during the summer months and when he WAS working he never missed a payment, often times paying a little extra in addition to any of the day to day things his son might need (new shoes, clothing, food, school supplies, etc…). As of last week his driver’s license was suspended and the job opportunity he had lined up has backed out because he can’t drive for them without a license. When he called child support this week and essentially asked them to reconsider and/or issue a temporary license due to his situation they told him flat out that there was nothing they can do and he still owes regular payments even without having a source of income.
    I’ve spent the last day and a half searching the internet for some sort of solution and so far all I’ve found is a bunch of policies that make sense on the surface but lack the emotional depth necessary to determine a “fair shake” for everyone involved. The policies, while necessary themselves, would probably benefit from learning how to adapt with the times in order to maintain a level of flexibility based on case-by-case scenarios.

    Child Support laws are outdated and need to change. Too many good fathers are being forced into poverty over this ridiculous system. In my state the father is subject to license suspension, penalties and fines, and jail time if the support amount is not current. Meaning you will go to jail, not see your kids, and the support amount will accrue with interest while you are in jail. So when you actually do get out, you are in debt, and the cycle continues. The guidelines need to be taken back to the drawing board. The current calculated guideline DO NOT take into account the basic survival needs of the father. How can a person be expected to support someone else, if he isn’t able to take care of his own survival needs, and is being forced into poverty by the states ridiculous statutes.?

    It all begins with gender inequality.

    Women have the advantage right off the bat. Best said by attorney Melanie McCulley: ” When a female determines she is pregnant, she has the freedom to decide if she has the maturity level to undertake the responsibilities of motherhood, if she is financially able to support a child, if she is at a place in her career to take the time to have a child, or if she has other concerns precluding her from carrying the child to term. After weighing her options, the female may choose abortion. Once she aborts the fetus, the female’s interests in and obligations to the child are terminated. In stark contrast, the unwed father has no options. His responsibilities to the child begin at conception and can only be terminated with the female’s decision to abort the fetus or with the mother’s decision to give the child up for adoption. Thus, he must rely on the decisions of the female to determine his future. The putative father does not have the luxury, after the fact of conception, to decide that he is not ready for fatherhood. Unlike the female, he has no escape route”

    I could go on, but at this point it wouldn’t change a thing. So why bother.

    I thank God for the CS system, because without it my ex would not voluntarily give me one red cent for the support of our 2 boys. Not only that, but I actually offered him 50/50 custody with no child support on either side, and he turned me down thinking he wouldn’t have to pay that much because I work. Seems actually having to care for his boys for an entire week, every other week is too much to bear for him. Imagine having to come home from work to cook dinner, clean, help with homework (and those science projects take some effort) and spend a little quality time with the kids before heading to bed, then waking up to do it all over again the next day!!! Oh, The Horror. He apparently needs his “Me Time” after work to go to happy hour and smoke weed.

    I make a little over $45,000 a year and my ex thinks that is enough, so he should NOT have to contribute unless he wants to buy a pair of sneakers here and there, or pay for a bi-weekly haircut. He swears I am out partying and conquering the world with the $500-600 he is forced to pay every month because I manage to have a nice car, maintain a nice home, take a yearly vacation with the boys, and have the latest electronic devices. However, his contribution is used strictly for food (do you know how much teenaged boys eat?) and I foot the bill for everything else like rent, health insurance, utilities, school expenses, birthdays, holidays, cell phones, activities and all the other little extras. Yes folks, this man will not even come out of pocket for his own children’s birthdays or holidays. I am not a perfect parent, but I could never treat my kids this way.

    So do I feel sorry for him because he was jailed for non compliance with his job searches or when his tax refund is snatched (when he finally did get a job) and given to me to satisfy his arrears? HELL NO!! He can keep sleeping on his mother’s couch and taking public transportation (his license was revoked after a year of non-payment. You don’t need a driver license to get to work if you don’t have a job and are not looking for one). I take that money and put it in my retirement fund with no shame and no regrets. If he wants to give me all the burden of child rearing AND 90% of the expenses, then he and every parent like him (male or female) can suffer the consequences.

    As a father, I pay support for my three and now two daughters and always have…and also contributed what I could for Birthdays, Xmas school cloths and whatever else they needed. And when they were small kept them 3 days a week! Yes! I don’t need the state, court or anyone else tell me how to care for my children. Saying that I still think the system is broken and outdated. New laws need to be passed in child support. Deadbeat dads are not the norm at all nowadays.

    The government should not have to get involved because you married the wrong guy. I don’t sue my ex boyfriend for the time and money I invested, it’s my lost! Be independent or move on just like any couple what’s the point in getting angry at a person who you already know is going to disappoint you. We humans forget what we really need to survive food (learn how to cook you save money and it’s healthy) believe me there are many other important issue that need to be addressed at the courts not drama, waste of money and so called justice. I can not believe as veteran and as a tax payer that money is going to these resources for people who can not get their stuff together. As a women I feel that we have lost touch as what it means to be truly independent and not rely on people who will let you down. Remember you chose who you wanted to mate with you were not force like in some countries where human rights do not exist.

    In the state of Wisconsin, if the mother has primary placement of he child and receives ANY kind of state aid, for her, the child in question, or children with another man, child support is required to be paid. that support is paid based on gross income of the father. In my situation, we had an agreement for over 6 years for a set amount. Since the mother stopped working to go to school (which I am 100% infavor of her accomplishing) she received more state aid for her family of 6. SInce the family of 6 receives so much state aid, I am now being taken back to court to pay twice the original agreed upon amount, even though in front of the Agency lawyer and judge the mother says she does not need me to pay more to support her other children.

    The System is beyond broken. Individuals like myself work hard to be a part of our child’s life, make our payments and stay on amicable terms with the other parents only to be drug over the coals simply because they state wants to recover their losses. So the effort put into digging out of college debt, working extra hours, and occasionally a second job, all are now being used against me, as ALL of my income is used to calculate my child support obligation for my one and only child regardless of what we as the parents want and agree to.

    Divorce game plan for women.
    Get Divorced. Find a new man that owns a business. Quit Job. Work for new husband for free. Have a child with new husband. Collect tons of child support. Laugh Maniacally.

    Cynical much??

    Divorce is not a gameplan for women. In fact, most women put up with a lot more mental and emotional abuse in marriage/relationships than they should for wanting to keep their families intact. I bet if I asked her why she divorced you it would make complete sense, so stop acting the victim. Sounds like you have sour 🍇 because your ex found a new love and you are now forced to pay child support for YOUR children.

    Move on with your life, be a good father, and pay your support. This bitterness you are harboring won’t help your relationship with your ex one bit, thereby affecting the emotional well being of your children. I’m sure that is more important than the few hundred dollars you have to pay every month. And I can’t stress this enough — PLEASE DO NOT go and make more children if you cannot afford the ones you already have. I guarantee you child support will not consider these extra mouths to feed when calculating your contribution to your first obligation. Good luck to you👍🏾

    They do consider the extra mouths to feed… “at 2.5%” of the total. I really find it concerning that so many women are misinformed about the way child support works. It leads to not only frustration on their end but also a unwarranted animosity toward men. The body politic is responsible for most of the frustration but limits the information to its own benefit. Setting us against each other and gaining revenue in the process. Did you know they also charge the non-custodial parent 2.5% of the payment each time it is made…?

    Billionaire William Buffett was asked recently, “What is the MOST important to be successful in life? His answer, “Marry the right person!” He meant the first time Divorced loser! Your judgement obviously stinks!

    The biggest problem I see with these cases is that everyone tried to make their case the poster child for this situation and that’s on both sides. He’s case is real to him just as your case is just as real to you. He can’t comment on your position just as you shouldn’t comment on his.

    Yes, he did say child support was a game plan for women and in his case that might be true. Being an advocate for family law reform, I can assure you that there are 10’s of thousands of guys who would agree with him.

    I’ve also heard many arguments from women who would agree with you.

    What I don’t like is that we all pick the mates who are now our exes in the first place and when the relationship goes sour, we expect courts to dole out the punishment on our former paramores to vindictively get revenge for us.

    Your case is very rare though because most MEN, not boys, wish they could get more time with their kids even if they still paid the same amount of money but you offered 50/50 with no payments. You obviously Madea bad choice in men because I know fathers in almost every state in this country would jump at that opportunity if for no other reason than to be with their children more than every other week and a couple of hours on Wednesday in the off week.

    I hope you both can work out your situations so your children don’t end up paying the price.

    I am recently separated, I left my wife last year. we have a 4 years old daughter in which I was still supporting until I left the house. She kept filling my daughters head with nonsense about me leaving her so I was having to try to explain that I would never leave her I just left her mother. I stopped going around her house and was calling to speak to my daughter in which I kept saying to her lets make an arrangement for me to support her, she went off the hook and started cursing me out so I returned some of her words then 2 weeks later she served me with a protection order. I went to court with all this paperwork and the judge didn’t even look at anything or wanted to hear what I had to say but granted her the order for 3 years so I can not see my daughter for 3 years. This is killing me cause I’m thinking how could she do something like that since we haven’t been happy together for such a long time. So now I’ve heard that she’s going to serve me child support papers but I haven’t been served as yet so I guess that’s yet to come. I was happy to help her with what ever she needed but she’s gone through legal actions that now I don’t know what or where to turn as I cant wait 3 years to see my daughter.

    The courts tried to do that to me to. You need to appeal the decision
    The so-called judge cannot deprive you of your kid without due process. Meaning, he has to prove you are a threat to your kid. And make sure you request a jury at the hearing it’s your constitutional right. I got my kids back after about a month. Hang in there and good luck.

    What can i do if my mom didnt take care of me from 12-18 and she collected child support and now im 28 i watch my 60 year old dad struggle to keep paying his arrears to her still today?

    I’m currently 13 and although I’m young, I know what goes on with child support agreements. My paprents got divorce about 5 years ago and up until 3 years ago, my mother had custody. My parents used to live in the same city but 3 years ago, my mother moved five hours away and there has been some issues. Long story short: she made us move with her, which became an issue between my sister and I with her. We didn’t like being there and we made it clear. She gave custody to my father, but she also made him continue paying child support. We see her once a month (3-4 days each month usually. Sometimes we only see her once every two months). My father is a firefighter/ paramedic and makes a fairly good income but is struggling financially because he has to pay child support to my mother even though he has custody. Is this legal? (I live in Florida if that helps) they may have an unofficial agreement that hasn’t been brought to court (I’m not exactly sure about that) im Afraid that if my dad stops paying the support than my mom will try to bring it to court and do something crazy. I’m just trying to learn more about the situation.

    What your mother is doing is illegal.
    If she is collecting support on you and your sister while your father has custody, that is fraudulent.
    If your father is paying alimony to your mother, then no.

    Talk to your father, get nosey, ask questions.

    The system is wrong. I have two daughters with two different mothers. I had full custody of my youngest daughter until her maternal grandmother in Kentucky decides to file for custody, therefore began the scenario of stating that it’s not right for a little girl to grow up alone with her young father (I’m 27) and that her and her husband can provide a better life. She lives in a drug and gang ravaged area in Covington Ky. So she wins and takes her to Ky with a nice $255/month CS order. I have had constant visitation with my oldest daughter for 6 years now and have always made child support payments the whole time. I got an OVI and spent 4 months in jail last year and lost my job and have restored my life yet with my current criminal record, the best job I could land is working at Wendy’s, closing making $8.75 an hour while paying my oldest daughters CS plus arrearage payments. So I pay $560 per month for child support while I only make after taxes about $1,000 per month. I work full time and receive a $250-300 check every 2 weeks. I can barely pay my rent at $600/month for the 2 bdrm I’m required to have to continue my visitation schedule. I apply for food stamps and am DENIED because I am just at their income limit because they DONT COUNT CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS!! What is that??!! I literally can’t afford car insurance, gas, electric or food. I sold my car and I walk with a back pack everywhere. I live about 25 miles outside of Cincinnati Ohio. A lot of walking. I have to beg churches for food assistance I can only receive once a week. There are no soup kitchens around here. I am literally having to take food from my work to eat. Thank god I work at a restaurant. But my days off… not much to eat. I asked my attorney if I can do a child support review to get it lowered and he says best bet is don’t do it because when I had my orders set, minimum wage was lower and all they will do is raise it to new minimum wage standards. This system is entirely corrupt… we have to change this. Women plead for EQUAL RIGHTS yet all I see is condemnation of men. #METOO, free the nipple. gtfoh. I believe in equal rights but for every gender, race or religion. We all bleed red and eat bread. We’re all the same, we deserve to be treated the same. Especially in our justice system that preaches equal rights. “DOWN WITH THE MEN” is all I hear them saying anymore. Therefore I think we should get together and start out by creating an email template where each of us can tell a small story of our complications and struggles as men who are doing their best to be good fathers yet are being held back by child support enforcement, and create an emailing list to each of our states representatives, then move up the later to committees and senate and congress and all of their aides and secretaries and literally devour their email lists with our movement and make them know that we will not be ignored any longer. We will not be demonized for our struggles. We will not lie down without a fight. WE WILL BE HEARD!!

    I have a child that I was seeing everyday I picked him up from school everyday then went and cooked him dinner before I met backup with his mother I spent thousands of dollars on daycare alone with no help paid out of pocket for medical because she wasn’t going to do it also got him every weekend. Not to mention I was trying to build s case about her living conditions because they were terrible the house was filthy and my child’s room smelled like urine and the mattress was urine filled I had to go buy a cover for it at her house. But now because my child’s mother is bitter she goes and puts me on child support but claims it was only for insurance. Get to court and have every thing I need all types of paperwork but they wouldn’t look at not one piece didn’t even want to. Just told me what I was going to pay based off what I made they didn’t consider my other cases now on top of that she jumped up took my kids out of school and moved to a different city called child support and they said she can do what she want. I’m like wow. Now what I do

    Get a lawyer, build a case, and fight for custody my brotha. Make sure you get a decent lawyer because she’s a woman and automatically has the law on her side. You said something about his room and the mattress. You should’ve taken pictures of those. Make sure anything she says can and will be used against her in the court of law.

    Get an attorney. Child support may be established, but custody and visitation may not be. Legally, if no court order is in place, you could keep your child and have her come after you for custody. Get an attorney asap.

    Everyone on this bored is complaining, and rightfully so. Child support laws are designed to keep the noncustodial father/mother in a financial decay, as if they are the ones who are responsible for the child and divorce. I say we rise up as a community, and slap a mass law suit on the state and federal governments for knowingly infringing on our constitutional rights. We should not feel criminalized because our spouses cheated on us, or villanized us, or whatever they did. We shouldn’t be financially struggling just because we have been divorced with a child. Please email me at robert.a.green45@gmail so we can get this law suit in motion

    When you look at it…. the child support system is flawed in so many ways…. like for example with the income tax.. A lot of you may not have noticed this but, when they take your income taxes you are really paying child support with money that child support already came from… and I think it’s very unfair if you start off in the hole, but you make regular monthly payments and still be subject to tax offset…

    The one whom owes Child Support pays Child Support with After-Tax Money.
    The one whom receives Child Support receives it Tax Free.
    To the government this is a net zero impact.
    To the payee it hurts.
    To the receiver it is awesome.
    To the Government – they get theirs.

    Mary Ramos I feel your pain. I know there are genuinely some men who want their children and are great fathers, and I applaud and support them in this battle. HOWEVER, the majority of men do not want the day to day care of children, but will agree to the 50/50 arrangement in order to avoid child support. Believe me, they are NOT the primary caregivers of the kids when they do have them.

    50/50 will not work !!!!!

    If the dad was the only income and moved out a stay st home mom will not be making the same money going back into the work force. So the guy will still have to pay!!!!! Also when the now ex wife gets the house he’s not able to afford a new one due to child support being what a house payment is. So how will my kids stay with me when all I have is a rented bedroom? It won’t work.

    Tax offset is done based on the amount owed for ARREARS. If the child support payments are current and all arrears are satisfied, the tax refund is not intercepted.

    funny that’s what I’ve said for 16 years!…but I’m the woman who pays, I lost the house all 6 cars (truthfully it was evenly 3 his 3 mine) and 4 busineses, my accounts were ceased and several professional lawsuits and tax suits were filed following the big D, because of a prick x, whom I put thru college. I do not believe in child support at all because if you have to get a new home you have to buy everything, no-one helps you with groceries, bills etc. regardless of which parent is custodial both have to pay for clothing, beds, groceries, healthcare, other insurances, school incidentals. or you could be like my ex and skip the state leave no contact info and still want paid. Notice I’M NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT MY CHILDREN whom I nursed and sang to as infants etc…I loved being a mom and business woman and soldier. it is me…but for the 16th year I can’t repair my car or get a new one because the state took my federal taxes in escrow again and its more than my entire arrearages which I refuse to pay for since noone can even tell me where to find my children because apparently visitation and obsconding from court appointed visitations is an allowable choice in our state, which should be rewarded for ruining your children. This because I was left to die at the bottom of a set of stairs while they left stepping over my hemorhaging body…I would have gladly given up that fight to survive and recover if had known I would never have my children near me again. The suffering i can’t bear must be worse for my kids thinking they were not loved…
    THE MONEY CAN BURN, it won’t save anybody

    My issue is it is off a gross number. I make $80k per year, take home $3,900 after health insurance and taxes. I pay $1,741 per month for two kids when the mother makes over $140k a year. So I have to support myself and the kids with nothing even though I work like crazy and try to do the right thing. How can I ever get ahead?

    Why does it matter how much the mother’s salary is? Have you ever considered getting a $140k salary instead of comparing salary differences?

    The mother’s salary absolutely does matters because it takes two parents to create and raise a child and a working mother can pay just like a working father. As a woman, I am personally sick of certain women( not all) taking good honest men for all their worth just because these men had had children with them. If his ex wife wouldn’t have never married Mr. V and was an actual single mother with no father in sight, wouldn’t she still have to dig into her own 140k salary to pay for her children anyway? I don’t think a woman has the right to force fathers to pay for everything alone just because they have given birth. It’s almost as if high financial payouts are a secret personal reward for going through birth when in most of the cases, it’s actually us women that want to have children.

    Aurora; I completely agree with you. I had my son when i was 21 years old. My son is now 12 i never asked nore put my sons father on child support all i asked of him is to be there for hes son and buy him clothes and shoes and any school needs . I can say hes father and i have a healthy relationship not that i wouldnt need the help.But my son is far more inportant that to put him in stress of seeing me and hes father arguing for money . i dont understand why you need childsupport if you made the choice of having the baby a mother shud not complain of provinding for it. I Love my child bottom line that what shud matter .The father s spend more time with there child.Why is it all down to money? So sad how the law works..

    AMEN, this is the mos awsome thing I have heard/read…I absolutely applaud, and what I was expecting…not what happened, not close by far…was awful. This is so very inspirational and wonderful to hear of. Many continued blessings.

    Because child support should be a joint effort. In Georgia they take into account both parent’s incomes and calculate CS based on the cumulative needs of the child. Also, maybe he isn’t able to make $140k. Most jobs don’t pay that.

    Please 140k is an executive position at a company or a good looking stripper can make more than that in tips. Most normal people don’t make more than 75k at a typical job.

    Are you kidding me?? If the mother works and makes $140k a year, then your annual child support obligation of $20,892 does not even come close to what she is contributing to the care of your kids if she is the custodial parent. Sounds like she works her butt off to give these kids a great life. If she were sitting at home collecting welfare and not working, you would have an even bigger issue with that. SMH at all the ridiculous complaining on these boards whether the CP (usually Mom) is working or not.

    Mr V

    You should not be paying more than 30% if your net to the ex. Being she makes 60k plus over you she should be getting less and paying half the insurance. You should be paying like 1160 to the mom. Medical is not mandatory anymore just have a major plan for emergencies it’s like 90 bucks a month split by both parents for 2 kids. If your kids are young? Daycare??? If they are 12 and up 30% for two kids max of your net. She’s getting 45% of your net. File file for an adjustment.

    Get this adjusted modified you should only be paying like 1k for 2 kids per month. If she makes that much more

    Your entire scenario is just about a “number-for-number” match of the situation I’ve been in.. I just don’t get it.. In addition to the Child Support I also pay entirely for their medical, cell phones/tablets (Just to be able to keep in touch with them) and vacations when they come out to visit during the summer (While still paying child support that entire time). Not to mention all of the little things they ask for through the year.. We have 50/50 custody though she is the custodial parent.. Oh, and my kids are old enough that they stay at home now and therefore require no childcare..

    Our kids are and always have been well taken care of. Never, in any given month, did we spend over $2000 dollars to support our kids. Even if you take into consideration housing and vehicles.. It’s a flawed system. It’s a guaranteed paycheck every month to the custodial parent in which they can do with what they please with little to no oversight..

    As a side note/observation – I saw a comment that was questioning why the mothers vastly greater income mattered.. It matters because it’s disproportionate.. She loses nothing, essentially, while the fathers salary is now roughly 20k less. Half of the amount that Mr V is paying would be more than enough to support a great quality of life for his children. You’re telling me that (assuming an equal amount of financial responsibility was considered during Child Support calculation) it takes roughly $40000 dollars a year to raise and support those kids?? All it takes is a little bit of common sense to see that the system is extremely unrealistic and completely favors the Custodial Parent. Even more so for those of us who would gladly assume the role of the custodial parent with no expectation of monetary support.

    The system needs Common Sense Reform. In every state.

    The harsh reality is that non of our law makers have the balls to make the changes that are truely in the best interest of the children in fear of losing votes. Lets face it, our government (federal, state & local) cant even manage their funds s0 in exchange, the system becomes over burdened, yet the salaries of the government employees continue to rise. In addition, the judges and lawyers are all browneye buddies and the whole thing becomes nothing but a money grab. They spend way too much time chasing and threatning the fathers that are paying so that those cases can used in their bs statitics as a means of showing the system works. As far as their concerned, the system isn’t broke, infact it just fine. Believe me, I understand that women got screwed back in the days. But the pendulem has swung all the way to the other side and it doesnt appear that it’s going to be put where it belongs…..in the middle. I encourage our law makers to do whats right and truely make the necessary changes.

    One of the dirty secrets of ‘child support’ is that state’s get kickbacks under the Child Support Performance and Incentive Act for increasing the gross amount of child support collected.

    This creates a financial incentive for states to order sole custody with the lower earning parent, and to restrict the noncustodial parents access to their children because it increases the gross amount of ‘child support’ collected.

    These financial incentives also explain why states ignore 42 US Code 654(21)(a), which caps the maximum amount of interest that a state can charge on child support arrears at 6-percent. Charging illegal amounts of interest on child support arrears increases the gross amount of child support collected, which again, increases the kickbacks that states receive for collecting child support.

    My family court judge is also not happy with me because I had the local prosecutors office recalculate the interest on the retroactive child support that I was ordered to pay, which cost my family court money. Her Honor was not happy that someone without a law degree proved her wrong.

    If anyone has been ordered to pay interest on their child support obligation, please feel free to ask the court or local prosecutor to recalculate the interest you are or have been ordered to pay based on this FEDERAL law.

    My son-in-law lived with me for 12 years and I took care of their children. We gave him and my daughter their own land and mobil home. and after 2 years he kicked her out. She has been staying with me for 3 years. He got her for child support and took full custody of the children said she was going to leave the state which is not true. He got him a girlfriend and he lets his daughter live with his girlfriends dad and uncle and her two little daughters. His girlfriend don’t even take care of her children. She has called CPS on me to keep me from seeing my granddaughter cause I have supervisor rights. They collect child support from my daughter. An get mad if she loses her job. My grand sons they found out in April has HLH a rare disease. They have lied to keep my daughter in her son’s life and told her she wouldn.t be part of their life. The first year in a half they wouldn’t let my daughter see her children of her days. Then I got supervisor rights. They have done everything to make her look like the worse mother in the world. She did not cheat on her husband as he says. She went to my nieces house with her daughter to get away from him for a week and when she went back he kicked her out. He really needs to get with someone that does him the same way so he will no how it feels to be controlled. Just saying. I love my son in law but don’t like him.

    I Agree..It was not my choice to get divorced
    It was not my choice for her to cheat
    It was not my choice to be accused of false abuse
    It was not my choice to vilified
    It not my choice to have every visitation center say “sorry your an abuser we will not supervise”
    she had a team of free state supported lawyers counclers I had what i could afford .
    it took them 3 weeks to even decide to allow me visitation..because of her plan and how she played the victim card..i don’t have the money to sue for perjury. Even after i gave in to her demands she got the house,new car,property,kids,tax credit i got the 20k loan debt that i had to barrow to cover her Credit card spending spree and a fixed amount for child support,,no problem…fine that was the deal my lawyer said sign it its the best you will get and its over for good. it was signed finalized. and low and behold i’m being taken to court to ALTER the child support 2 weeks later.. they want 1200$ a month for 3 kids i never get to see because of her lies and brain washing..I even have to PAY for the visitation i had 3 visits in a year. i can’t afford the debt i took from her AND the amount they want…”the judge says why did you take the debt?.” BECAUSE i was tring to be the better person and ease HER burden to provide for my kids in exchange for a fixed amount of support that SHE set and agreed on and i prayed she would ease up on the allegations and allow me to see my children…NOPE…not everyone chooses to be put in this situation. she makes almost as much as me…and i BEGGED to have 50/50 custody…deaf ears

    I’m kinda in the same boat, but I’m not going to be a slave or indentured servant: I’m going to take my life before that happens.

    Yeah me too they have taken my children and all my money. This system simply destroyed me and any hope i once had.

    Max, please don’t take your life for someone that probably didn’t deserve you. There will be someone out there that will be honest and get you through this. Have Faith!

    This blows my wife has 400k trust fund her dad pays her13 k to be in a band she has a part timing gig at weight watchers only to make 25 k a minimum here her dad did our taxes for years and he has pumped thousand of dollars over the years as gifted money. Not to mention she has a college education and substitute teaching certificate I work construction so my hours don’t reflect yearly pay

    That’s why I suggest every man I meet in US suggest, don’t marry at all in US, use her as girlfriend, and don’t have kids until you really observe her for many years maybe 10+ yrs. For me no problem India isn’t that bad yet it has only 1% divorce rates in the World.

    I have been paying child support for 18 years, i received papers showing case closed and even got a refund check back for overpaying, this is North carolina that i am talking about, so 2 weeks ago i got a letter stating that my child support was reopened and now i am 2 months in arrears and now put in for garnishment. So i started to do some investigations, I found out that my daughter was pulled out her junior year of high school, so i called my child support agency and asked if the mother ever updated my daughters records, the reply was nope. Than i ask why was nothing ever produced that she was going to school, they said its not our job to do that. So i asked another question that my daughter turned 18 in feburary and it states that if a child fails to or does not attempt to further education that child support stops when 18, The answer i got “do you have proof” Really!!!! So i called the DA office, 2 weeks of leaving a message with no response. I live in texas, so the case worker says you can file an appeal but have to be in court !! really i got a job b(#!h. Hmm so where do i go from here i found out she purchased a house back in 2006 for$277,000 when she did her financial report she said she was only getting 1000 a month, HMMMM now i start looking into more info, the case worker does not care, all they care about is getting my money, where do i go from here?? Yes i had to get a lawyer, were in process of appeals, 2nd what do you think about the 277,000 home?? and all bills….I know for a fact she does not work, Could this be some scam that she is into, she filed chapter 13 appx 3 years ago, looks like it was for back taxes, than she took a 56k loan from the house also…Weird….HELP please

    This is a problem in our society. Child Support Enforcement can be a tool to ensure those dads (and moms) who voluntarily decide not to support their children are forced too, but these laws need to be revamped significantly.

    I was in the service and my wife and I had been married 9 years. She did not work the first 7 years which was no complaint since she was home with our child. Once she began to work she stated she wanted to be more independent and took our child out of state to move back home to live with her parents. I contested for a while but in the end realized I could not keep her where she did not want to be. So we agreed on $400 a month to be paid to her for monies aiding in support of our child. I made these payments every month for 3 years while we were separated.

    I was lucky enough to work an assignment to the state where her and our child lived so that I could be closer to him as Summers and holidays were just not enough. Once I relocated she began to file our Tax refunds without informing me she was doing so, she filed an official child support order where I was blindsided when a County Sherrif showed up at my door (i saw my wife often, visited my son on christmas the day after she filed where her and I spoke, we lived in the same neighborhood – yet she did not inform me).

    The Support order was for $1,000 which was clearly a mistake so i contacted Child Support Enforcement which told me they did not calculate any of the 35% of the time sharing i had with my son during the year because the dates I provided i had him during the year did not exactly match the dates she provided (was told if one date does not match they calculate it as 100% time to her) I was outraged – but fought trying to correct this for some time. The order also stated I was over $20,000 in debt, my passport was revoked, tax refunds began being intercepted, 40% of paycheck garnished the list goes on. I was told that Child Support credited me the $400 i sent over the course of the previous years but i was in debt the remaining $600 every month since the day she walked out on me. I was confused as how this could be a debt even before a child support order existed??

    My sons mom agreed that this amount was absurd and that the back pay (arrears) was ridiculous and stated she would clear it up. Financially it was a hardship, I could not pay my bills, moved back in with my mother, filed bankruptcy etc, while still attempting to correct this child support issue. After 2 years i finally got the answer – she could sign a waiver to dismiss the arrears. Once I informed her of this it – she began to avoid my calls, msgs. This divided things and made dads home and moms home two seperate sides for our son.

    The current system does help in some instances but in this one i believe it created greed. I have always provided for my son – always will. But the system is unjust. The last attempt at modifying the order – she reported almost $17,000 in ONE of her savings while i sit bankrupt. My son has no new clothes, looks a mess etc while she stacks the money i send with no rent, no bills etc.. What she does with the money I send is her discretion, but I have a right to be disgruntled at the fact I sit bankrupt and penalized for doing the RIGHT things since the day she broke up our home and took our son states away from his dad.

    I still sit here penalized with restrictions, garnishments etc when I’ve supported my son since before an order ever existed. I’ve signed a release for my son to obtain a passport so that he may go on a cruise with his mom and her boyfriend because it was the right thing to do – yet I am restricted from leaving the country or having a passport because…..?

    The system needs serious reconstruction.

    There are a lot of valid points being made in this conversation. I, like so many of you, am a single mother of one 10 year old. Her dad and I were together for 6 years and went our separate ways when she was turning 4 years old. For the first few years, things were good. He spent a lot of time with her and helped support her financially. I never even considered child support. Fast forward to the last three years and it has been downhill since! He has not held a job in almost 3 years and will NOT get one, despite having a college degree and a pretty solid work history. Though I do not get in his personal business, others tell me what he’s up to. Apparently, he moves from one woman to the next living it up, drinking, partying, smoking weed and taking trips. None of that matters to me, but it does when our daughter, his only child in the world, gets upsets because she can’t see her dad, he has nothing to say to her when he calls, he does not show up to any of her extracurricular activities nor does he even ask what she has going on, he doesn’t show up to any of her school awards days or activities, and he has not given her a birthday or Christmas present in three years!! He has not contributed financially to her expenses in the last 3 years either. Like others of you, I take good care of my child, and will continue to do so. I did file for child support, but did so because I feel it is not fair to me to have to bear the financial burden alone, not when he is capable to help do so. I filed for child support in 2015, but cancelled the case when he begged me to and we agreed that he would pay me $250/month (I have text messages to prove this). I did so, giving him the benefit of the doubt. Well, he gave me money for 3 months and has given nothing since then and doesn’t even acknowledge that he should. We do NOT talk at all. I am so frustrated and upset that I really do not have any words for him. What do I say? What do I do? His family avoids me as well because I honestly think they are embarrassed. I do not keep our daughter away from him or his family; I have, however, stopped being the person to make arrangements for her to see any of them. She is old enough and has her own phone, and so she is free to call/talk to her dad and his family, and to go visit with them as long as she asks me first and they are the ones who come to get her. Her dad is not allowed to come to my house, though. He has to pick her up/drop her off at my parents house.

    I did go back to file for child support, but at this point, I know I’m wasting my time. It has been about 9 months and he has yet to be served with the paperwork because he has no real address. I gave the DSS the address for his parents house, and for the woman’s house he supposedly lives at. I know he is avoiding being served, as that is very apparent. To add to my frustration, the case worker told me just today that if they cannot serve him then the case will be dropped and I can reapply when I have better information on him. WTF?!?!

    I guess I just needed to vent my frustration with the whole system. I work hard to sustain my lifestyle and to take care of my child. She wants for nothing, and is more fortunate than most kids who are growing up in 2-parent homes. I just know that I did not create/produce her alone and I shouldn’t have to take care of her alone. More importantly, I want her to have a good relationship with her dad, as I know too many women who have “issues” because of the kind of relationship they had with their dad, or lack thereof. I have expressed my concerns to her dad (when I still talked to him) and he never has any response other than that our daughter knows he loves her.

    Am I wrong for not communicating with him at all? I have decided to not even communicate with his family. Is that wrong?

    You make valid points. There are both good scenarios and bad. The truth is, many mothers that have sole custody don’t get to “start over”. We rarely date, go out or have “me time”; in fact, the children ARE our lives (that is, if the parenting is appropriate).

    While many low-income fathers have trouble with accommodating support; how does this level up for the monthers, working two to three jobs, attending college courses and spending the majority of their non-working moments on the expressway, shopping for Schiller clothes and supplies, household goods, groceries, cooking, entertaining, helping with homework, disciplining and a plethora of other responsibilities.

    I was raised with the notion that if you don’t set expectations that anticipate some results, then don’t be shocked when the output is shabby. Why is society complaining about the mothers when there are clearly more fathers claiming to be degenerate and allowed to move on and breed more families, thereby, adding to the pain of the children they have. Women, we are no better, because we allow this behavior. We gang up on each other, being content with whatever title the man has awarded, without holding him accountable. Should we be shocked that we are in the same position on the game board two years later? Think about it. How much are we allowing to occur?

    The man I was living with lived a double life. Yes, I was his wife. I left because of the alcohol abuse, his nonchalant, laissez-faire approach to work, life, family and our relationship. I don’t think I asked for much. There was a point where I think he stopped bathing. I worked and attended a full time program for nursing., every three years, advancing a level. He played disappearing acts, staying away for two tho three days. We lived in Florida. The final straw was one summer, when our youngest was just a year, the central-AC broke. He refused to have it fixed, even when I offered to pay him back in three days s. I couldn’t bear watching my young toddler and other kids sweat for a day! I got a hotel room and bought four window units. Do you know that this man made sure that every time he went into a room, he was in front of one of those units?

    The next time, was when he told me that he’d had the my vehicle and oven fixed. On the eve before Thanksgiving, I attempted to put the turkey into the oven and made plans for a trip out of town, to find that he hadn’t. We missed holiday dinner and I had to pay someone else to fix my car. That was seven years ago.

    Now, he is almost 58 and he looks OLD. I have since raised all of the children, with the Lord and the crumbs he provided for child support. Oh, by the way, he old paid it because I filed for divorce and took him to court. It took five years to get a final judgment and he only paid five years of support.

    Ladies, sometimes it is with walking away and getting away. I have 1.5 master’s degrees in nursing now. I am a teacher and clinician. I have a lot of debt, but no regrets. My last child will graduate this year. Sisters and (brothers) who are raising your children alone; keep the faith. Your children with be proud of you. I’ll tell you! I’m not lonely on the holidays. They always come home and bring their friends and significant others with them.

    He never picked up the children and NEVER spent time with them. They will remember. Pray for strength and be glad you will never have to look your child in the eye and explain why you didn’t try. God bless!

    AMEN to your story. As a still single parent of two, I never got to start over or have any “me” time either. My kids father NEVER got them. Best way I can describe him is he is/was a non-participating parent. To make it worse, my daughter, was diagnosed at the age of 10 with a brain tumor and severe brain swelling. Two brain surgeries later, a programmable PE shunt placement, a shunt revision a year later due to it malfunctioning and 5.5 weeks of extensive radiation now my daughter is legally blind. Top it off, I could not get SSI benefits for her, she was denied!! Her father NEVER paid one penny towards any medical expenses. He showed up for both brain surgeries and one visit after. He never offered to take or come to any of her appointments or any radiation treatments (Mon-Fri). Gets better, I have a second child, his son, which he also never offered to take care of while I lived at the hospital with my daughter. Both my parents were deceased before my children were every born. My babysitter offered to care for my son (live there) while I stayed in the hospital both times with my daughter.

    I’ve had to fight for every cent I received from child support to include being their investigator on the fathers whereabouts, where he worked, where he lived, what he drove etc.. I’ve written numerous letters to Judge Carr that fell on death ears. The SYSTEM IS BROKEN!! I paid for all the health insurance, I paid all the co-pays, I provided all the birthday, Easter, Christmas, etc., presents. I paid all the medical bills from my daughter, I’m struggling to help pay my kids through college. I’ve moved my son back and forth to college (3 hrs away) and not one time has his father offered to move him or assist. NOW I receive a letter from Child Support telling me they are CLOSING MY CASE with him still owing almost $20,000 dollars!! He’s now getting SSI benefits which cannot be garnished and my daughter is LEGALLY BLIND works a full-time job and cannot get SSDI benefits! These systems have FAILED not only HER, but her brother and myself!!

    You should consider how the father daughter relationship was during those two first years. The only reason I say that is the reason I even saw your post. I’m am completely distraught. I don’t tbink I am the only father who has felt this and I don’t know how anyone can get through the feeling of the child not wanting to spend time with them. I raised my daughter essentially by myself, I was a stay at home father and her and I were with each other every day. My wife began seeing someone else and blamed it on me being distant. So she wanted a divorce. My daughter has never been close to me since. Her mom just moved the new guy in and doesn’t value my daughter and my relationship. I recently lost my position as a therapist because honestly I could not ethically do my job as I felt like telling men things based on my experience alone. I’ve payed her child support for years with checks. But now she is taking me to court for past amounts as she knows she can get money. To be honest, she could have whatever she wants. I just want my baby back. Or, there is no real reason to continue.

    Here is a social experiment for all of you….all mothers give up primary custody to the fathers who want it.
    Then see how many ask for money from the ex to support the children.
    Every divorced guy I know would take over primary custody of their kids in a heartbeat, even if it meant they would receive no child support from the mother.
    I would certainly make that trade.

    I second the motion.

    I asked to use a child support trust account in the form of a shared checking account that both parents contribute to in order to share the responsibility for providing for my children’s needs.

    My family court judge refused and stated that “Your [ex-]wife” (NOT our children) “deserves that money”.

    The family court judge then denied my parenting time credit and credit for the health insurance that I provide for my children because my ex-wife is voluntarily unemployed, and is using the ‘child support’ to support herself and her …paramour.

    When I learned about the kickbacks that states get for collecting ‘child support’ from the Child Support Performance and Incentive Act, the family court judges actions suddenly made sense. The more ‘child support’ the states collect, the more profit the state makes from the federal government for collecting ‘child support’.

    I’m sure Steven, but for how long? This is not to say that women are better parents. Don’t you see what is happening? More of the same. “I’m better”, “No, I’m better…”. Where is the child? Do you understand that?

    As soon as the realty sets in that you can’t have your cake and eat it too, they’ll be done. This isn’t an episode of Trnasformers, where the hot dad, looking like Mark Wahlberg is raising his daughter alone, or on some other isolated tale there the mom is the bad guy. You and I both know those incidences are fewer and further in between, but it tells a good story doesn’t it?

    That’s the whole point. Stop using your kids to get brownie points and do the job. That only means, to look in the mirror, if that characterization applies.

    Tell me what about his Physical needs he is losing his Wife sometimes Wife herself wanted Divorce for her so called Freedom to Dance, go everywhere with maybe men, and he lost his kids. And on top of all this what about his biological needs, he needs a relationship too. If he loses all his money which woman going to consider relationship with him? If doesn’t have money to have comfortable life then would you consider him to be in relationship, I don’t think many women would.

    That’s why I suggest every man I meet in US suggest, don’t marry at all in US, use her as girlfriend, and don’t have kids until you really observe her for many years maybe 10+ yrs. For me no problem India isn’t that bad yet it has only 1% divorce rates in the World.

    100% agree! I just received notice in Ohio that my support is doubling. I now have to pay the same amount for 1 child as I was paying for two just 5 months ago. Meanwhile, their mother has written off my son and refused to help with anything now that he’s emancipated. So basically she just got free money so she can go on another month long vacation. I’ll take sole custody and all the financial responsibility in a heartbeat. I don’t want a dime from her … I already pay 100%. Why filter the $ through my ex?

    Absolutely right, Stevon! I have told my ex-wife this several times. Of course she has never taken me up on it thought.

    I tried that with my ex and he does not even want 15 days with my kid so he does not have to pay child support, he just simply does not want to pay if he could even at the start when we he watches our kid every weekend (now down to 7-9 days) since he start paying, does not even share medical bills as per our divorce decree. And if my child stays with him, she will be fed with food that she is allergic too, stays in the computer all day long and unsupervised with assignments, and not even read to before bedtime, only goes to the mall as part of going out does not even bring her to the park which is just walking distance, so why the hell I will let that happen,

    Im with you my wife cheated and im the bad guy?!? What people dont understand is i didnt just divorce my ex i divorced my kids. I went from seeing them to bed every night for 13 yrs to every other weekend. And 100% would gladly take care of my kids every night and i would not want a dime from her.

    I think both parents should have to work and if the parent with custody has infant they shouldnt have to work until the child starts school then starts both parents haveing jobs and i think the custodial parent should have to show receipts of where the “CHILD SUPPORT” goes to the the children like light bill rent water if ya have to pay for such and heating if not wood heat a/c is a luxury not a necessity fans cool just fine also no car payments cause less face it people theres always public transportation that will take you anywhere you need to go and there are goverment assited phones so ya dont need an 800 dollar iphone or what ever anyway thats just my take on things O one more thing if its court order that you pay…and have visitation ever other weekend well dangit custodial parents stick to the LAW and if a child moves out before turning 18 dont lie and keep collecting child support for that child also a LAW i think its called fraud theift embezzlement or something im sure its nit good and could lead to prison if you still accepted the money for o i dont know 3 years and didnt let the person paying the child support see their children which was court ordered okay i think im done STUPID CHILD SUPPORT😤

    The child suppprt office in South Bend, Indiana has been rude, and steretypical in being pro-woman, anti man.

    The State of Indiana, St. Joseph County, specifically, awarded a court order of $2, 346.00, this at the initial child support hearing, 219.00 every two weeks.

    I have my children 3 Nights a week, 3.5 days a week, the garnishment was sent to my employer, the first amount is 213.00, plus an additional 6.00 applied towards back child supppt.

    Fine, already have them on medical, then not even two days ago before the first payment, they send me a notice to pay all,chikd support or they are sending it to credit bereaus.

    Calling them, i was told although a payment plan was included in monthly payments, they will do whatever they want to get it sooner.

    I hear you. 50% joint custody. I have to pay child support in the amount of money I would have spent on them while not in my custody.
    Problem with support. Once divorced, unless one parent has sole custody, no child support. My ex should be responsible 100% to support their own household. Just splitting the bills associated with the children. Now, I pay support and I will be paying all the bills associated with the children, because ex refuses to work and can’t pay that bill.


    I wish my support was 219 every 2 weeks! I’m paying basically double that 801 a month for 2 teenage kids. I have like 4-5 years of this nonsense to pay. My ex unless she’s smooching off another man will go into financial hardship when the support ends. Even if she makes 2-3 more an hour her house nite is more than one of he paychecks lol. 795 a month. The support pays her house note she’s late paying all the time crushing my credit.

    I’m buying a house in cash in 8 years so it matters none. I have a few credit cards with no balance if I need them. Bought a new camaro less that a year after leaving my ex in cash. My ex was a gold digger narcissistic type.

    My advise is don’t get married, have kids or be with anyone who’s a gold digger. I made all the mistakes. Not doing them again 😉

    But all water under the bridge 20 years of my life and over 700k nwt income spent on nothing. I’m recovering strong to reach my goals, even being 20 years late.

    Interesting conversation. I never thought I’d be in a situation like this myself. Without going into a lot of detail, I had it pretty bad with support and other divorce obligations. The sad reality is I began to understand why some fathers would disappear from their child’s life. Their mother made every situation so impossible, add drinking a prescription pills into the mix, then a court system that always gives the mom the upper hand – even with criminal convictions and documented suicidal tendencies, there is no analysis of the entire situation or consideration for the good of the children beyond the support dollars. I am disgusted with our family court system, I am disgusted with women who play the system and take advantage of their children’s father, and I have a new understanding why for some fathers it is easier to wash their hands of the entire situation and walk away.

    We live in a society where women are above men.
    Men have not reproductive rights and women are the sole arbiters of reproduction.
    Women can get men jailed easily one bogus domestic violence or sexual assault charges.
    Women can get men fired from a job easily with just a mere sexual harassment allegation.
    Divorce courts are gender biased in favor of women and women get custody of the children the majority of the time.
    Aso for child support it is nothing more than “stealth alimony” that is why the awards are so high.

    I find all your stories very interesting and true from what I have seen and I would love some advice if anyone has any I’m just at a lose and have no idea what I can do but here it is. I have been paying child support for 16 years now always been there for my kids tried and tried to make a family life with their mother it didn’t work like most but I pick them up every two weeks and once for a few hours during the week try to spend as much time with them as I can I also have two others and a step daughter so I have now but I love my kids they are my world but I have asthma real bad and it has gotten a lot worse to the point that I lost my job a year and a half ago so I haven’t been able to make support payments so I decided to sign up for disability didn’t know what else to do so I called child support office told them what was going on they told me no problem just keep them informed and I thought ok sounds good about two months later I get served my my local sheriff I have a court case for my child support so I called the child support office they said it was a mistake and told me to just go it would be taken care of so I bring my letter from my attorney showing I am trying to get disability benefits well they didn’t want to see it the prosecutor refused to look at it and when I told them what the child support office had told me about it mistakenly went threw I was pretty much called a liar and to shut my mouth so what other choice did I have I shut my mouth so when I went back for the second time I was very confused I had no idea what they wanted from me I asked for a lawyer before court proceedings because like I said I had no clue what I was doing and I was turned down immediately and then I was surprised when the judge ask for the paper of proof from my attorney showing I was currently signed up for disability I was speech less because it was the same paper I tried to show them the first time and they refused to except it and this time I didn’t bring it I don’t think they wanted it . I know I’m not good with all this court stuff but anyways they got me for contempt of court for not having that paper after trying to explain that I had brought it the first time well I have been making payments seems my first court appearance thankfully for family and my fiancé but the judge is saying that isn’t good enough and they want a paper from my doctor with certain information on it that my doctor is even confused about and all the judge keeps telling me is I’m looking at a lot of jail time and I may look like one of these guys who has been in and out of the pin but I’m not in a great dad and love my kids the only people they are hurting is my children and they don’t see that and I can’t figure any way out of this I am paying my support and a little extra on my support then I’m ordered to it isn’t a whole lot extra but I’m making a effort and concistent and my court appointment lawyer that I finally got said that she doesn’t understand what there issue is either it’s like they have it out for me because the way I look and when I told the judge I have been paying child support for 16 years he said that doesn’t count for anything wth does it count for I’m very disappointed in the child support system and my kids are going to loose a father because these courts screwed up and nobody is to blame at the courts when are they to be held accountable for there actions.

    Thought I would mention, there are numerous laws on the books, not statues, but laws! Federal law says they can’t take your passport or licenses away. The US Justice Department said in a 9 page memo that incarceration for court fees and fines is against the law.The Federal Government contradicts itself in Child Support Regulations though?????! Just type in US Department of Justice 9 page memo March 14 2016 in the search. There is US Supreme court Ruling stating that parents and children have “NO RIGHTS or ENTITLEMENTS” to child support! WEHUNT v LEDBETTER is the case. Also EXPARTE DAVIS, 344 sw 2d 295 (1976). Also EXPARTE YOUNG. The law says that parenting is suppose to be 50/50 unless one of the parents have been declared unfit or a danger to their children, which means you are entitled to a jury trial to declare you unfit! Judge Judy who was a real judge, hates child support. She said that most of the judges in family court are suppose to chose 50/50 parenting, because that is in the “BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD”! There should be no wealth transfer! They make noncustodial parents finance their children’s college education, but they don’t make married parents pay for their children’s college educations?????! They make noncustodial parents pay back welfare cost if the custodial parents go on welfare?????! How come they don’t make married families and singles on welfare, pay it back????? Judge’s will force noncustodial parents to get a job, any job to start paying welfare back or they will throw them in jail????? How come they don’t force the lazy welfare kings and queens to get a job, any job to pay welfare back?????! How come they give illegal aliens welfare but don’t make them get a job, any job to pay it back?????! Anyone that thinks Child Support is fare needs to get a grip on reality! When you have been falsely labeled a deadbeat dad or mother, you don’t know how us noncustodial parents feel and why we are so bitter about child support! The system, all of it, is corrupt from the lowest peon to the highest rank on the food chain. Child Support is a “SCAM”! READ all of 42 USC! You will then find that the state is the real and true “DEADBEAT”! On and For the record, 42 USC was never passed into “POSITIVE LAW!

    I’m going through this right now with to kids from different mothers and I don’t Kno what to do or where to start il love my kids dearly and would give my right and left arm for either one of them when I went to court I was so nervous and ashamed I was all alone and the judge belittled me in front of all those people there was nothing I could do when I went to the court house that day I spoke to a lady and she gave me figures of what I had to pay as she did for everyone that came in ..all smiles and everything little did I Kno she was the one the would be trying to hang me out to dry! I’ve done all that I can to be in children’s lives when they need I give if I have it at that time and if I don’t have it when ever I get it I send it but it’s never enough for the mother’s I don’t want to turn my back on themmy son is now 22 and my daughter is 12 I love them very much they are already taken out for my son I haven’t seen a tax refund sense 2000 I don’t work a corporate jobs I’m just a cook and I love my kids I was there for every birth as me and the mother’s were together for some time after but for whatever reason it didn’t work out and now I’m being penalized and labeled a deadbeat because of it it’s not fair the state and alot of this women are racking up on are misery I wish there was something I could do to stop this SCAM from happening it’s not right something needs to be done because despite what some people may think no what women and the state think SOME FATHERS REALLY DO LOVE THEIR KIDS AND WANT TO BE IN THEIR LIVES.

    Thank you!!! My hat goes off to you sir!! My husband is also going through a horrible mess with an interstate child support mess. The mother of my step kids (who are now 17 and 19) is a lazy, selfish, self admitted pot smoker, drinker and pill popper. She shoves my step daughter, damages her things that she buys herself and that we buy her, wears the clothes we buy her and that she buys herself. the mother is so nasty that there are roaches in their house. She has moved several places, my husband would try and follow to care for her and his kids. My husband even had custody of his kids as she said when they were 18 months and one a newborn that she couldn’t care for them and moved away again leaving my husband a single parent, than some how several years after my husband solely psychically and financially cared and raised their children she went behind his back when she actually wanted to take the kids for her visitation to get custody in a different state. She lied about his address so he was never notified of anything going on until it was done he tried to fight what she had done but him being the father they didn’t care. Only for her to go for child support which she never paid to him she was barley in their children’s lives before they were 3 and 4 . He paid her 735 while he was in the military he got injured in the military now he is a disabled vet and despite multiple attempts to get this amount modified they haven’t followed through with it for these past 10 years . She had moved further away making it more expensive for us to fly the kids up for the summer. Through out this whole mess my husband and I have been living below poverty level, not by choice either and they still want him to pay 735 on a 1000 dollar income we pay 300 plus a month whenever we have extra plus we pay money to the mother directly or go online to buy the kids clothes, school books, other school fees because she wont use the child support for them and the kids call us because something is due that day or the next and despite them asking their mom she won’t pay for it. He is so far in arrears because the state that is enforcing the order has neglected to follow through with the modification our state filed for him! Now he is going to court in a few days to show why he isn’t in contempt of court and our 10 month old baby may have to see her father go to jail because of this corrupt system!!! They care more about money and jailing then helping families succeed!! He loves all of his kids so much and would do anything for them and she could care less about her kids especially their daughter and he is the one with his rights threatened just because he can’t… we cant afford to send more than 300 dollars a month just so our daughter we have together has food and shelter!! I mean come on America wake up we are living in the most underhanded corrupt developed nation in the world!!!

    Let’s discuss reason why single people don’t have to pay back welfare.

    The same people who hate welfare are the same people who demand personal responsibility right? Well, personal responsibility got so popular in the 90s that ol’ Slick Willy did a big overhaul on the welfare system. Now *any* parent must meet their financial responsibility to their child. If the custodial parent can’t or won’t pay to support his or her spawn, then that parent can potentially get welfare. Welfare is not the parent’s money, it is effectively child support paid by the state because the custodial parent can’t or won’t pay. It is the child’s money. Since both parents have a duty to support, the parent who isn’t taking care of the child has to pay back the welfare. If the non-custodial parent wasn’t paying back the welfare, then that isn’t fair to citizens. Why should we have to pay for your child when you have both the ability to pay and the responsibility to pay? The custodial parent doesn’t have the ability to pay when on welfare, so we make them able. The entire welfare system is designed to get them off welfare as fast as possible. Don’t reproduce with someone who can’t support a child if you don’t want to have to pay back welfare, it’s really that simple. Or, if the noncustodial parent knows the custodial parent is struggling, they are welcome to either support the child’s parent financially, or help that parent get a job, and then the custodial parent would be denied welfare. So again, don’t pass off your responsibility on tax paying citizens, thank you.

    Joe , guess you end up paying anyway ! Most kids from single families become criminals, homeless, alcohol or drug dependent. You kill the family you kill the country and it future !

    True.., pretty good read, too, I looked up the memo, I’m suprised I hadn’t come across it earlier… Seriously once I got ruined I couldn’t get back out of the loop, it just keeps and the fees the state charges for all of that is nonsense. I read all about the fees charged for everything they collect mostly fees on the support if my children get the trickle down its like 3/4 state 1/4 to kids…

    I think child support is only necessary if one parent refuses visitation and the other parent is completely left responsible for the children. if parents divorce they choose to go separate ways which mean they a equally responsible to maintain their separate households and utilities. child related expenses should be equally divided and same with medical and dental care. the non sense of putting one parent into poverty is ridiculous and its not just. both of you chose to bring these children into the world so both are equally responsible. if parents agree on extra circular activities than both need to pay for it. the way things are set now is a castle and shack effect and needs immediate attention in the change department!

    I am a divorced mother and I agree men typically get screwed when it comes to cs. My ex and I have no support agreement, (not sure how we got away with that one!) but we keep a separate checking account for child specific expenses (sports, books, clothes, medical, school lunches etc.). We equally fund the account but neither of us subsidizes the others life. Neither one of us is required to pay for college. We refused to put that in divorce decree because if we were still married nobody could make us pay, so why should being divorced change that? Our daughter spends approximately 75% of her time with me, but I don’t expect him to pay me to feed her or house her. That’s what I signed up for when I had a kid. We have no “visitation” schedules, as long as it doesn’t interfere with school he can get her/see her whenever he/she wants/ is able.
    The child support system is absolutely broken. There needs to be something much more child specific. Custodial parents should be required to document actual costs of the child (day care, health care, clothing, extra curriculars etc) and there should be an equitable split of these costs between the parents (based on earning ability, education etc, not whether they want to work or not). Neither parent should benefit from the arrangement, only the child. If the custodial parent can’t be bothered to document and substantiate actual costs then they should get either nothing or 50% of a basic formula for what the average costs of a child’s educational and healthcare are for whatever age.

    I have to agree with you.
    I have one child and her father and I don’t have any written form of agreement.
    But we NEVER EVER fight over her.
    We work together as a team to support her and we communicate. We also don’t degrade one another in front of our child.
    The system is almost similar to yours and has been working for over eight years.
    I am so thankful for our ability to not use our child as a weapon or greed. Our children are suppose to be the best of both of us.

    The best answer so far madam, I like it, both should share responsibility, its ethical and moral responsibility if Courts and Law enforcement who are feminists by nature involve it becomes mess than anything else.

    I am a single dad of four. My oldest daughter was diagnosed with Autism, FASD, and static encephalathy. I have had custody of her since she was born. Her mom doesn’t pay me any child support, never has. I have three children with a now Oman who has tried to push me out of their lives every chance she gets. I currently pay her 1186 a month despite the fact that the court reduced my child support months ago. After the deductions come out of my check (60%) and I pay my bills I am left with $360 a month for gas, groceries, and entertainment for the kids. I tried to get food stamps so I could afford groceries, but I was denied because she has a food stamp case open. All of this after she brought the man who beat her while she was holding their baby back into the home. OCS hasn’t pulled the kids, and so far the judge hasn’t either. The system is not kind towards men.

    Why is everything focused on the father paying I’m a single dad of 3 she left me with the kids and when I took child support out on her the paperwork basically only asks about the father it’s a sexist system today it seems more men are being the ones raising the kids and still getting shafted by the system it’s been 4 years since she left she doesn’t call or even text the kids she won’t pay a dime and I’m pretty sure she never will and the system won’t do anything about it because she is female things need to change about this system it’s definitely not the same as it used to be

    When you get a subpoena to show up for court regarding child support, you get a “are you so and so? you’ve been served”. You get a page saying write a letter to the court before the date because apparently it helps. There are a couple of other pages, but it’s the same thing in other languages. There are no outlets, besides grassroot organizations for single fathers to reach when dealing with child support cases. When you’re young and not knowledgeable about law, U.S. policies and your state’s pros/cons for single fathers trying to get rights to their child.

    On the other hand, women can approach an office and they set the mothers up with face to face conversation and direct contact. All she needs to do is provide information about the father to them, and direct contact with the father is unnecessary. It leaves young fathers in confusion and a state of helplessness.

    In court, they treat the dads like shit if the child’s mother talks about them disparagingly. This is a biased environment and isn’t the American way people come to expect in a court of law. Each side should be given a fair chance, but the way it feels is fathers and their rights are unimportant.

    As a mother of 3 i really don’t care if there dad oays me child support. As long as he is involved in there lives that’s all that matters. I live a life that I built . I’ve been through so many obstacles in my life, but I’m still here and with my head up high. I know many women will not agree with what I have to say, but it’s what I think. I like I said don’t not care if my kids father pays me child support, because I know that it’s what keeps me going everyday. It’s like I know that I have to get up and work harder so my kids can have what they want. And just because he doesn’t give me anything I don’t throw fits, I’m actually happy that at least he try’s to get involved in my kids life. It’s more than enough for me. I’m not the type of women that says if you don’t pay I’m not letting you see the kids. Oh hell no that doesn’t go with me. Now my husband story is different. We decided to open a business because 30% of his check would go to child support. So he was not making enough money to help in the household therefore came our decesion in opening a business, however this came to a bigger problem the ex found out so she is sending us to court to have her child support increased . I really don’t get it why should he have to pay more just because we decided to have a better income. It’s like she still wants to receive more just because he makes more money. Why, if we made this change because it would be of great help to our living and financial problems we were going through. Now I think that there had to be something that can be done to stop this . If she was good before with what she received why complain and ask for more now…… There’s something that has to be done, I struggled for many years as a single mother but that didn’t stop me. Why I need answers because it’s ridiculous that he now will have to pay more than $500 a month…

    I just went to court in Connecticut last week to have case transferred from Rhode Island to Connecticut, as the mother has lived there for several years now, and never got it transferred. I had to do this transfer because all 3 kids are now off of support, BUT I am responsible for filing to remove them rather than them coming off automatically.I live in Tennessee, and at 18, the kids are removed automatically by the state. If support needs to be extended due to them still being in school, or going to college, as some states allow support to continue for, you can call the state, and they will reinstate it for you. MUCH simpler system to deal with than the politics of the North. I feel the judicial system and the lawyers in the Northeast line each other’s pockets and wipe each other’s hands.

    So, needless to say, I didn’t get the support case transferred due to the fact that I still owed $3000 in arrearage (not an issue, I have had automatic payments coming out of my check for the past 12+ years going to current support and arrearage). The arrearage was from a few years period back in the early 2000’s that I was unemployed, as I was laid off from my aviation job after the 9/11 attack, when the airline industry went into a slump. I don’t have an issue with comtinuing payments to take care of that. I owe it to her to help with my kids, not a big deal. What I do have an issue with is the state telling me I also owe $23,000.00 for interest which has accrued since then, which I find to be TOTAL b.s.!!!

    If I was still with the woman, and I was laid off for a period of time, would she, being in the same house with me, be punishing me for not having a job by billing me thousands of dollars more? No! The family would adjust for that period. We may not be getting Ben and Jerry’s, may need to cut the cable for a while, not get that new iPhone, etc. But life would go on, and the times would be pulled through. If the relationship still existed, the interest would not, so what right does a state have to penalize you in this manner, making more of a financial hardship on you and your current family? At that, the “interest money” goes to the ex spouse, as well. How did she earn this additional money? “Sorry I missed payments for a while, here is a new car for you”…. My current wife has 2 teenage boys from her prior relationship. She doesn’t get interest from arrearage, hell she doesn’t even get child support. As soon as the state locates his employer, he skips to another job. And I cover her boys under my insurance, at that. Lord knows he isn’t supplying anything. But that’s ok, I will continue paying my ex so she can get that new SUV….

    There are MANY things wrong with the child support system, that need to be changed, starting by making laws uniform across the state, allowing it to be a pre-tax reduction for the person who pays it, a unified stopping point where the non-custodial parent is removed from paying without having to spend the time or money to have to go to court to get it stopped, etc.

    Child support guidelines are ridiculous. Costs to raise a child should be split 50/50. Basic necessities, certainly, and any ancillary costs to which both agree. Having the higher earner shoulder more of the financial responsibility, just because they can makes little sense…especially when they are ones who see the child the least! “Not only am I taking your child away from you, but you now have to pay more for the right to what little time you do have together”. Child support also assumes the non-custodial parent doesn’t spend any money on the child on their own (which we all know is nonsense in most cases). I spent a few thousand dollars (outside of support) on my children each year, but that wasn’t taken into account.

    Child support isn’t supposed to cover 100% of childcare. It’s supposed to cover 1/2 of childcare. Also, child support assume the custodial parent is going to use 100% of the funds for the benefit of the child. That’s a laugh. My ex lived off child support alone for a few months, after she was fired. And she saved none of the child support for the child’s future, including college education. 10 years later, she still hasn’t save one dime for their college. She overindulges them, but doesn’t save for their future.

    I do not receive support or my daughter. I have full custody . So tell me how this is possible but MEN should pay ? Sorry Child Support should be removes from the books period . Children are not pay checks !

    I used to pay CHILD SUPPORT from the judge in NEW HAMPSHIRE in 2001-2005; Then I have a massive stroke, paralyzed from my right side, aphasia. Been through almost 4 years ago from assistive living in Vermont. My lawyer told me,”Do not need child support any more.” Now, on SSDI because could not work any more due to my stroke.

    My children are now adults.

    1) It is mind boggling to me that people are complaining about $1,000/month child support when their ex has full custody. Have you ever seen how much it costs just for daycare? That will eat up $750 a month, by itself. Then how much do you think your ex has to pay in additional food/rent/utilities/car/gas?

    2) Yes, 50/50 should probably be the default.

    3) If you are out of work, and you don’t pay child support, what? Do you think your kid stops eating? Stops going to daycare? You are going to say “you can’t get blood from a stone” but your spouse still needs to pay the bills. They don’t go on hold because you lost your job. You should be saving up a several month emergency fund that includes child support.

    4) “She makes a lot of money and doesn’t need CS” isn’t a defense. It is outrageous so even suggest that you shouldn’t have to pay for supporting your child because your ex works hard.

    5) If you don’t want to pay child support…. Don’t have children.

    What if the husband doesn’t want a divorce but is forced into it anyway? And what if that same husband had this happen to him in a previous marriage? Why should that man, who doesn’t have a large income, be forced into a situation where he has to struggle just to make ends meet when the woman is perfectly capable of working and has a job herself? Do you seriously think that $1,000/mth isn’t a lot of money to some people? What world are you living in?

    Mike indefinitely agree with you. I am a mother of 3 and when my oldest was 12 I started receiving child support, just last September their dad stoooed working because of an injury. My son will be 17 this year. I for once don’t even bother in asking for money. I’ve always said and many women will disagree but if the father wants to give me money then so be it but if he doesn’t o well. We both decided to go out separate ways, however that doesn’t mean that he has to support me . I think that I’m enough of a mother to support my kids. I’ve been on tough situations but never did I bother there dad because as a mother we always find a way to make money. Meaning that there’s people that do plate sales, there’s always people looking for house keepers, babysitting etc…. but going back to your point is that I think if a women who has 3 kids and receives $287 a month then any other women can make it. I think that child support system needs to be corrected because I hate it that some women don’t even bother in looking for jobs because they live out of child support ….


    I totally agree! it makes ZERO sense. I’m a mother and I often get flack for my ideology behind child support. It’s the equivalent of putting a bandage on a bullet wound, half of the parents who receive, puts the other parent in such poverty. So my story is similar, I’m in a relationship with an awesome man who happens to be a divorcee like myself. He’s been on child support, while being a great dad, whereas my daughter’s father is not present, even with attempts to include him. I will not go to a court and put him on that crap, it would do nothing for her lively hood at all. My goal is to raise a well rounded emotionally stable child… peace

    Child support is on top of child support…so dads in sd pay their child support and also half of daycare…forces dads into poverty

    I would like to see receipts for expenses for children through child support services, so child support is paying for mom’s drug or alcohol habits

    I definitely agree but by that same token there are parents who are expected to pay over $1000/month to a parent who doesn’t even make that to support a child. All this state funded support also places a burden on the noncustodial parent to replace that support when the custodial parent is more than capable of providing some type of support to at least even the blow.

    Exactly… I am ordered to pay close to 1800.00 a month in child support to my ex who does not work and has 2 other kids by a guy that has never paid a dime

    We chose the wrong women, John. No offense to your kids mom (mine is the same way), but shes probably a loser just like my ex. It’s not forever though. Counting the days til 18…
    Don’t make the same mistake again buddy.

    Though I understand what this article is trying to say I don’t fully agree with it. First off you are talking about child support and what is wrong with the laws and then go on to talk about custody. These are two very different things. No matter what the circumstances are a parent should pay child support and the child should live a life style which they have become accustomed to. With this being said it shouldn’t matter if you remarried and had more children or lost your job the child you are paying for still needs support. The laws about child support should include some kind of work forlow for the parents that are ending up in jail (not prison) for back child support. This way the parent can still continue to pay and the child doesn’t suffer. Though I also agree some parents are wonderful parents and unfortunately do have financial problems I also believe their are dead beat parents out there avoiding responsibility. I also believe your children should never be looked at as a financial burden. I myself am poor and work my butt off to support 3 children on my own with no help and i can tell you I go without and sometimes I fall behind on things but my children never go without or feel the stress of my situation. Now onto your custody views. In a perfect world both parents could share custody and fulfill our rights as a good role model and loving parent but this isn’t a perfect world. Some parents don’t want to be and others aren’t fit to be parents even though they want to be. If they want custody in any form they will go to court for that because no matter what it is a separate issue.

    Your money is good enough but you’re not. Yeah nothing wrong with that. The simple fact that child support doesn’t guarantee visitation makes me sick. Furthermore I bet the majority of the exes would try to say the other was Unfit. Well why did you sleep with them.

    When 50/50 custody is in place, each parent is responsible for shared costs of living. Each parent will do the best they can with what they have. After the child reaches 18 years of age, let see who the better parent was in the child’s eyes, not the courts. I guarantee the child will not look at the money, but who showed more love for them emotionally.

    Imagine a scenario where parents have 50/50 custody, earn equal amounts, therefore being capable of offering the child the same lifestyle at each home. Now imagine that because one parent wrote themselves as “primary” in the custody agreement, New York State has agreed that they’re entitled to receive child support, and share the cost of extracurricular activities and child care while also being responsible for costs of living. The equal earning parents then have dramatically different post-child support budgets, since one is receiving and the other is paying. Is anyone else in this situation? Eager for a fresh perspective.

    ‘Child support’ should be a shared responsibility to provide for the care and maintenance of children, not a requirement to provide a government mandated lifestyle for the children, and by inference, the custodial parent.

    Instead of measuring ‘child support’ compliance as the gross amount of money collected, the courts should use a self-support reserve (like Delaware does) to determine the percentage of parents (with the means to do so) who are sharing the responsibility for providing for their children’s needs.

    The self-support reserve would allow enforcement sanctions to be focused on the true ‘deadbeat’ parent while allowing ‘deadbroke’ parents to receive job training and social service referrals to give them the opportunity to become self-supporting and better able to provide for themselves and their children while being shielded from administrative sanctions (such as drivers license suspensions) that can cost a parent their job.

    I would also like to see a child support trust account like this one (http://www.mediate.com/articles/if_they_can_do_parenting_plans.cfm) become the norm, again, to make supporting the children a shared responsibility instead of treating the non-custodial parent as a support check that is allowed to visit with their children at the custodial parent’s whim.

    So what happens when children hit school age and daycare is no longer needed? How can you justify $1,000.00 in support monthly? Children do grow up and I have a 8 year old daughter that I would have a HARD time spending that on. If expenses were split down the middle evenly a child can easily be raised on much less than $1,000.00 per month if you are a good money manager. Regardless of whether you have a child or not housing costs will always exist. Medical insurance, copays for doctor’s visits clothes, food, medicine (healthy food not fast food) entertainment and outside activities can be split by both parents. The only thing that matters is the kid is happy and healthy. Your assumption is that people have children under ideal circumstances where the parents have good paying jobs, a big house with a nice picket fence, and two cars in the driveway and $1,000.00 is chump change. Look outside the little bubble of your life and understand that people that have less in life still have children and bad things happen to people. Some fall victim to illness, job loss, accidents, and disasters and other uncontrollable things. Seems your horse is a little to high for you to notice the reality of the situations that regular people face. And for the record I know children are expensive hence the reason I am one and done.

    I sooo agree with you on this!!! I am a disabled parent of 4, let alone a single parent. I get disability benefits and $700 does not do it a month. I had to apply for snap/TANF. GUESS WHAT….STILL DOESNT PROVIDE ENOUGH! To those who really believe in the dead-beat dad’s and trying to make an excuse for them, instead of talking SO MUCH ABOUT IT….FIND THEM AND HELP THEM! My kids have a roof over there head, clothes on their back, shoes on their feet, and food on their table, BECAUSE of the Lord and ME! I tried to be Nice, I begged my husband to please give his kids time, love and support. He went over 2yrs without seeing them, so I did what was BEST FOR “OUR KIDS”! HERE IN SC, THEY GO ACCORDING TO YOUR INCOME AND HE MAKES MORE THAN ENOUGH, AND YET MAYBE MAKE A PAYMENT EVERY 2-3MONTHS. STOP THE EXCUSES, GIVE THE HELP, AND ACKNOWLEDGE THE SINGLE PARENTS WHO PROVIDES WHEN THE OTHER PARENT WONT!!!

    That’s easy. You file a support modification to eliminate the daycare portion. Lose a job? File for modification.

    That line where you say that people assume both parents have good paying jobs goes both ways. I think the takeaway from all of these comments is there is no standard situation. The courts have tried to make it standard. CS in my state is a calculation based on the number of overnights each parent has, their salary, if they have other children to support, etc. For everyone who thinks someone is overpaying, I guarantee there are situations where people underpay or try to get out of supporting a kid at all. I don’t thin there is any easy way to solve this problem.

    Such BS. If a man is not working he can be daycare and daycare is added on top of child support too, at least here. The system is broken and bias towards women in almost every way!

    Low income families CANNOT sustain the current model, and especially fathers and mothers (yes both) who can’t afford this system. How does a person survive off $3,000.00 / month income, when they have 2 kids (CS = $1,000.00 / month / child) with an ex-spouse that received full custody, WHILE PROVIDING FOR THEMSELVES. Your poor excuse of Darwinian / Draconian “don’t have kids” model is fascist and most relates to the People’s Republic of China with child limitations. The current system DOES NOT incorporate the rights of the person who has to provide Child Support; more often than not, they say, “Provide or you’ll be labeled a dead beat piece of shit, your wages will be garnished and you’ll likely be thrown out on the street because you have no money, but we don’t give a shit. Pay up, or go to jail (debtor’s prison).”

    “He makes alot of money and doesn’t need CS” IS an argument in the courts right now; in fact it’s how CS is determined. Both parent’s income IS EXACTLY WHAT GENERATES THE AMOUNT THE COURTS DEFINE AS NECESSARY. So how is it you can gear that towards men but not women? That’s hypocrisy, and insane. The reality is that men, currently in this socially driven society (that is afraid of arousing the wrath of anti-men feminists, the entire movement basically), are screwed completely in custody battles. Even if the man possesses ALL the means of support for the children, more often than not the children are awarded to the mothers. THAT IS WHAT ALIMONY WAS MADE FOR; one parent receives pay to sustain themselves long enough to develop a means of self-support, while the other parent uses their ESTABLISHED SOURCE OF INCOME to support the children in totality.

    By your argument, it’s okay to force a parent into poverty because they had a child and couldn’t keep a marriage together….. That’s not flawed at all…..

    Spoken like someone who expects someone else to foot the bill. My husband pays almost 1200 a month in support, yet the kids always complain that they don’t see any if it. When they need food or clothes, who do they come to? Him, not their mom who receives the cs. The problem is that the court treats kids like data on spreadsheet, not real human beings. So, when a man is only bringing home $200 a paycheck after cs, how are they supposed to provide for their kids so they can actually be fully involved? How about holding the mom responsible for where the cs goes?

    The dirty secret of child support is that states profit from increasing the size of child support awards.

    The Child Support Performance and Incentive Act creates financial incentives to both place the children with the lower earning parent, and to restrict the non-custodial parents access to their children. Taking both of these actions increases the gross amount of child support collected, which then increases the kickbacks that states receive under the CSPIA for collecting ‘child support’.

    Please see both: http://www.fathersunite.org/Child%20Support%20Incentive%20Abuse%20Report.pdf and https://web.archive.org/web/20150219014614/http://answerisland.com/child-support-kickbacks.html

    We won’t get started on the unintended consequences of the Bradley Amendment (42 US Code 666-somehow appropriate) or the states which charge more than the amount of interest allowed by Federal law (6-percent) in order to increase both the gross amount of child support collected, and thus the kickbacks the states receive under the CSPIA. Please see 42 US Code 654(21)(a).

    What the courts don’t tell you is that it is possible under Federal law to use a private agreement for child support. I’m trying to get my ex-wife to agree to use a child support trust account in the form of a shared checking account like this one (http://www.mediate.com/articles/if_they_can_do_parenting_plans.cfm) that both parents contribute to in order to provide for the children’s needs, but both our family court judge and her lawyer are balking. They are both under the mistaken impression that custodial parents (NOT their children) are entitled to ‘child support’ payments.

    !) It boggles my mind that almost 90% of custodial parents are women. It also boggles the mind that women who have full custody need daycare. Why the hell aren’t they taking care of their kids?
    2)Total agreement. . The problem is that 50/50 is not the default and men have to bankrupt themselves in the “hope” of obtaining custody of their own children!
    3)Again. Why does the custodial parent need daycare? Daycare is not a “need”. Why is it that men in the midst of the great depression were not thrown in jail. But today they are But then again. Women in general did “stand by their man” in those days. Unlike today.
    4) Why doesn’t the man ever get custody? Don’t they need support as well. Especially if the ex’s make considerably more money than they do?
    5) If a woman wants an abortion it is up to her. If she doesn’t, and he does, once again her decision. Same holds true for adoption. If she wants to keep the child and make the guy pay. Once again he has no say. Men have to pay but they have no say.

    Hey American dad,

    If the kids are younger than 12 they need a sitter or some adult model when moms at work. So technically daycare is not a need when you can use a private party. Nevertheless it’s an expense to be paid.

    It’s sll about the money.

    I’m in the army married 15 years with 2 teenagers. I came home one early morning to surprise my family been away about 9 months. My wife’s car and a car I did not know was in the driveway. My key did not work, she changed the lock out I knew nothing about this. But i have a pick set in my gear so I opened the door. Kids were not home they must have been at a friends house. I got my camera phone recording as I did not know what to expect. Going down to the master bedroom I find my wife nude spooning with s naked guy. Alcohol on the night stands and used condom wrappers. I got the full scene on video and got it online for divorce proof later on.

    I left I did not wake them. I hired an attorney who I thought was after my best interest for my divorce.

    So the result even with video proof she’s cheating on me while away and paying for it all I get shafted, I was denied full custody ir the house. She’s getting 1150 in child support and 660 in alimony a month. That’s half my take home too! How come judges don’t give a crap? She should have been denied alimony or anything for that matter.

    Oh well my advice don’t marry, live with anyone or have kids I did it all and got the bad deal for being a good dad.

    This is totally crazy talk. My ex wife took my kids and went to the other side of the country because her boyfriend (I had no idea) wanted her there. So now I am saddled with child support even though I want the kids 100% of the time and shell out 5-6 grand a year on flights ect.,.

    So just like every other “tax-man” I have ever met you are woefully uninformed and clearly do not have a gasp of real life sufficient to comment on real world matters

    Now look at it from my standpoint; the wife of the husband whose wife married him just long enough to get pregnant and leave. She tracked him down when he was in seminary, a widowed man with two small girls to raise after his first wife died of cancer. She was a nurse practitioner whose license had been yanked and she was looking for income. She got pregnant immediately and left when the baby was just 6 months old and moved 5 hours away. His salary was $2800/mo before taxes. Courts awarded her $1000/mo because of the RENTAL value of the church house we were living in (we could not profit from rental or sale of this house–it belonged to the church). She got $1000/mo for one child she never let my husband or his daughters or I visit, while the rest of us had to survive on less than $1500 for three! Daycare, my foot. She never even got a job but lived on our money. Her full intention on marrying him was do live on his salary. She was the deadbeat but the courts awarded HER!!. Because we could barely pay bills, he got behind on taxes, had to file bankruptcy to get out from under all of the credit card bills she ran up when they were married. Child supp0rt took almost all he made leaving us with a home in disrepair, while she took vacations on that money we were sending her!! Child support needs to be based on a case basis. SHE abandoned him and for no reason; I have been married to my husband for 16 years and he has never even raised his voice to me, he is so kind and gentle. She saw a sweet and trusting man and she took full advantage. We tried to fight this in court and he lost. So now, we will be paying over $70,000 in support for the next 6 years. And my husband turned 70 today!!!

    I have 50/50 so called placement. Paying over 500 month, while She’s living rent, mortgage free because her mom paid for it along with a brand new vehicle. Quite honestly, if the custody was more level, my daughter would actually see the child support money forked over to go spend foolishly. But we all know it isn’t bring used for my one and only. So there are fathers who pay religiously just to get the shaft. This is a new time and the child support laws seriously need to be changed.

    Agreed!! It takes both parents to raise these children of today,,, its not just one parents obligation to foot the bill because they can hold a job…our problem is not the child support department Its baby’s having baby’s….grow up an take responsibility for your actions!!

    750 a month daycare? Try 110 a week. Half of that is 55 a week. And let’s not forget that the non custodial parent still pays for everything while the child is with them. Furthermore after the child turns 4 daycare is used the 2 1/2 months a year. It’s very simple unless you’ve been the one to pay your exes new car payment while driving ole trusty rusty you have no idea.

    Rent should be taken out of the equation,both parents need a place to live and see there children,to me this is the biggest flaw in child support,I had full custody of my daughter since 5 her mom paid me $150 a month that’s it.

    Taxman. You make wild assumption that mothers use the child support for the kid and daycare… It is often not the case, even my own mom (a good mom) still used the system to throw my dad in jail for missed payments in the 1985. And she used a good chunk of the money for a horse riding fetish (where was my college fund or money for school activities l)? All child support should be put into a trust for the child and only used for approved medical, education, rent, food, etc… NOT given to bad mothers who use kidd as paybacks, with no damn oversight or accountability. Would have been nice to have some college savings, instead of debt to pay. I managed to grow up and become successful and am now paying 6 more years of very punitive CA child support to a woman in PA who stole a sperm from me basically when I was young and stupid socially (despite book smarts) now I have a pretty daughter I’ve never seen on the other side of the country. But this welfare queen who remarried some low income Asian guy had two more kids of course claims zero income during the DCSS court case to go after max amount of my salary. The system is circa 1950 male breadwinner BS and expects a percent stable economy. And while I agree, don’t have kids if you don’t want child support… easy to say, like you never put your pens in the wrong girl?

    The whole system is punitive, if I lose my job and can’t afford an attorney to get my payments reduced… they threaten to take away drivers license or put you in jail. How does that help the father payback arrears if he can’t drive to find work? Or is it just to boost our industrial prison system? It’s a slippery slope, I’m OK if I can keep my income up for next 6-10 years…

    Taxman…you work at IRS? Ever watch the movie fight club? The entire financial system, DCSS, and the corrupt IRS needs a complete overhaul or they should get the fight club treatment (see end of movie).

    Thank you!!
    I was waiting for a voice of reason. Do you see some of these complainers?? Paying 300, 500 per month?? That is pennies of the cost of raising my precious spawn. I literally spend 300 on sushi…

    Finally, someone who gets it. It is mind boggling to me that these people think it costs so little to care for children. If the costs were truly added up and split 50/50, they should actually be paying more than they are complaining about.

    I sat down and crunched the numbers concerning the monthly expenses for raising my 2 boys, and let me tell you, my ex is getting off easy. If he paid 50% of the actual expenses for the boys, his child support obligation would be $1084.13 per month. This includes food, health insurance, transportation to school, and one third of the utilities. I did NOT include rent, extracurricular activities, cell phone bill, or clothing. His support order is $750 a month. So please, someone tell me again how child support is unfair?

    A fairer modern version of the custody law would: a) make 50/50 physical custody in ALL circumstances automatically (even at a distance) except when one party does not desire it; b) no transfer of income unless one of the parents makes below a certain amount relative to the other (the notion that full equalization of home incomes is good for the children has no research basis); c) changes in child support would occur automatically, in either direction, depending on each parent’s income (there would be no bias againts males); d) in general the legal interventions would be minimal except to guarantee that both parental rights and responsibilities are preserved and that they are raised by both parents on equal terms. Shared custody is not just whats best for the children; its what complies with a fundamental human right: the right to paretn your own children. No government should ever get in the way of this fundamental right to parent your own children. You only give up this right if you reject to assume your 50% parental responsibility, in which case the parent ith 100% of the responsibility deserves entirely the other parents support.

    Amen to that brotha couldn’t agree with you more this system has to change asap our rights are being taken away little by little and with that our parent raising views and dreams /our hard work earned money and some.. I saw first hand how the court system simply does not care about anything you have to say in regards to your parenting rights being taken from mom without any valid reason it is truly sad but I’m hopeful things are gonna change

    so if one of the partners has been deemed unfit because they abandoned the child at the onset to someone else to raise and then 3 years later they decide since they got married to a notheer person they are ready to be a parent. that they should share 50/50? I think not.

    I know how all of these fathers feel. I also can understand how some of the women on her feel. The problem is that all of us good fathers, as evident by the comments on this site, are lapped together with all the real deadbeats out there. Child support cases really arent handled on a case by case basis but some stupid formula that revolves around money. Yes money is important because it pays for food, clothing and rent but many statistics have proven the detrimental effects of not having a father involved in a childs life. I could not afford to pay the payments plus the past support. How is it fair that I foolishly got with a woman who lied about her past was intimate with me and then breaks up for me after she gets pregnant and then remarries and ironically has another child.
    Women are not saints , far from it, this women used me to get her pregnant only to get child support and she doesnt even use it on the child. Child support needs to be reformed where almost like food stamps where the money can be used for certain things like food, clothes and other essential things. This lady is a classic example of someone who abuses and takes advantage of the system and the courts do nothing. Not all men are deadbeats and they also charge interest on past support. So how is a man supposed to pay current support plus back support with interest. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that this is a big scam. The courts need to have a better way of enforcing and calculating payments. Lots of good dads like myself are being chastised, judged and criticized as if we are deadbeat fathers. That is like saying all white people hate black people or all Asian people know martial arts. This is a huge stereotype that if a man is paying child support he must be a deadbeat. The fact of the matter is that, SOME, women now how to play the system and only want child support to ruin the guy. I know a fact that this lady does not use child support money on our child, she uses it on alcohol and other things that have nothing to do with the child, but hey I digress. How can i spend more time with my child when I am struggling to pay rent, have my own health problems that require medicine and try to afford all of that plus TRYING to spend as much quality time as possible with my child. The payments were so high I eventually became homeless. Do you think the mother cared nope, she probably prays that something horrible happens to me. All of this is satisfactory to our horrible flawed court system. Yes there are SOME disparages between men and women in our laws but when it comes to child support this is not one of them. Keep in mind that the deadbeat dads are a minority. Child support has ruined my life and ruined the quality time I once spend with my child. I love my child and I was at my happiest when I spent time with him. He is what brought the most happiness in my life and an outrageous amount of support made me homeless and broke that time that was once spent with my son. Often times child support is breaking the bond with fathers and their children because payments are so expensive that we fathers may not even have enough gas to visit. This is not an excuse I have to work to pay my rent, and buy food plus child support plus the gas to pick up my son. It really is a lose lose situation because if I visit less then some lady or idiot organization is going to say you dont care about your son or want to know more about him, yet if i spend more time and work less and then cant pay support then i became the stereotyped “deadbeat dad” so yes this system is flawed to the max. I for one am sick and damn tired of good fathers like myself who love my child dearly and see a women who lives and has custody know less about my child than I do. 9 times out of ten I know more about what my son likes than my ex, so I dont need anyone telling me well spend more time and learn what your kid likes. I know what my kid likes because I spend quality time with him when I can and i expose him to numerous activities to broaden his horizons. My ex does not do this, and in the process I find out many things he is interested in. If women want a fair fight in this then realize that just because your situation involves a deadbeat dad it by no means that all men are deadbeat fathers. Using absolutes makes you look less credible as nobody all the time, nor every person is the same. The courts need to take into account all of the other broad complexities of a situation.. For example the federal governmetn says 12,000 a year is plenty for a single person to live off of, and then they have other numbers for familes with 1,2 or more children on what a single or family should be able to live off of.
    As we all now those numbers are not based in reality. A single person can not live off of 12,000 a year. For example if my rent is $300 dollars and my child support is $500 just between rent and child support by itself that is 9600. So that leaves me with 2400 for food, clothing, gas, electricity and God forbid any other unforseen expense. A $300 dollar rent is a pipe dream as that kind of rent is very very hard to find in this day and age and even if you do you risk living in a violence prone neighborhood. Given that much information that rent will typically be $400 dollars plus that just makes those numbers even smaller or in some cases puts you in the red and so starts the quick descent in homelessness.

    I pay $530 a month for 1 child i have a great job with lots of hours and great pay but my job lost the contract to the city that i work in due to being underbid by another company i have been working in the same city for 9 years this recently happend in november my hours went from 60-65 a week to 40 i also have 3 more kids with my wife all of this was pit into how much i would be paying and the number they came up with $530 a month i filled the paper work to see if they can drop the payment i filled out all the paper work they sent for me to fill out i sent my past w2s to show how much it dropped sent check stubs from last year and some from this year showing how much it dropped this was 2 months ago i have yet to get a single letter or phone call about it im struggling every week withy bills and my wife cant find work its really hard

    There are bad mothers and there are bad fathers. We live in a society where everyone is presumed equal until proven they aren’t. Except this doesn’t matter when it comes to men and fatherhood. We automatically assume woman are better parents and men aren’t good parents. We deny men equal treatment. Men should have equal access to their children until its proven they aren’t worthy of equal time.

    If money is the most important thing when it comes to raising a child then we should give custody to the parent who makes the most money. If money isn’t the most important thing, and time, emotional support is, then the father has to have equal access.

    I was paying $436 a month for child support. The judge made me prove how much money I made. The mother lied, I even had proof that she was working even though she said she wasn’t. The judge took her word for it. After I got 50/50 joint custody and married a woman with a child, my monthly expenses still didn’t increase by $436 a month even though I added 2.5 people to my household.

    No idea what mom was using all the money for.

    I have been dealing with the same issue. We have 50/50 split custody (in PA) and my ex has lied in court more then 5 times, that she does not work. But the truth is, she is a photographer who works under the table.
    I have 2 other kids with my current wife. But on top of it all, she remarried into money. Her husband alone makes over 30K then me. So with all of this, I still have to pay support. I managed to prove to the court that the ex does in fact work under the table. But it costed me a lot of money to get proof and to go to court those 5 times, and in the end I’m still paying. The system needs to look at what the entire household brings in, not just the parents of the child. Step Parents are still parents too and if they are providing for the child, they should be accounted for.

    Even when the mom proves she’s an unfit parent, family court doesn’t care. Moms can do no wrong.

    The system is ridiculous. We get my step daughter every weeks 3 days a week every week and her mother has her 4 days. We pay almost $400 a month in child support for her to have her only and extra 4days a month? I don’t understand why we should be financially responsible for her at our house and when she’s at her mothers. We could split the cost of the 4 days or better yet split the time and make it an even 50/50.

    I highly disagree with 50/50 custody. It’s awful for the kids especially in contentious situations. Recent studies show impairment in brain development when children are thrust into these environments (and no, I do not believe that the system is outdated. It’s just the opposite. It’s going over the top to accommodate non- custodial parents for no other reason than they are biologically linked to a child. Not because they want to parent or are even able to provide what the child needs.

    If dads are the primary parent- i.e. Taking care of the child, scheduling and taking off work to take them to doctors/dentists appointments, paying for the bills associated with these appointments, paying for school supplies, providing clothes and winter coats/shoes/haircuts, paying for extracurricular activities and taking them to practices and games, doing homework with the child, playing with them, engaging them and not dumping them at grandmas every second they get, etc etc, then yes, they are most likely the primary parent and children should reside with them solely.

    But if the primary parent is mom. The children should solely be with mom for consistency and stability. It’s what is best. Children need to bond to one parent when they are growing up. This is biological.

    You can have a wonderful, healthy relationship with someone with whom you don’t reside. Children don’t have to live with you!!! It’s not about you and getting what you want. It’s about creating a healthy life and situation for the children. This isn’t a parental rights situation. This is about the children and what is best for them, but somehow the legal system hasn’t quite grasped this. Children are merely a piece of furniture to be split and distributed.

    I’ve experienced the outrageous rulings of 50/50 custody when a man’s psychological testing showed he was a liar, mentally unstable, and knew nothing about his own child or raising a child. He was threatening, abusive, pulled guns on me. In the end, I got decision making through mediation (I couldn’t afford court).

    That’s it.

    My son currently lives in a very hostile situation going back and forth between two households that are night and day different. Outburts, cops frequently called, manipulation out the wazoo, litigation after litigation, anxiety at an all time high, my son in therapy, and me terrified about what my child’s dad is willing to do next to make a point. He completely has controlled our lives and finances for the last four years.

    Way to go legal system. I’m really glad you made it a priority for dad to get his 50% custody.
    (I’m sure you can sense the dripping sarcasm.)

    Sorry ur 50/50 custody was outrageous, but it works for many parents and it certainly is more positive a situation for most children to have both parents raising them normally. Just reading ur rant against 50/50 custody for anyone states why urs would never work because of you yourself.

    I’m sorry that your son is thrown into a multiple household situation that is only hurting him. No parent would want to see their child hurt.

    The great news is that you are already aware of the problem being 50/50 custody and split households. Therefore it should be no problem for you to do the right thing and give up your parental rights while sending a large portion of your income to your son’s father to do as he wishes with. Sounds like a great plan, right? Yea. Didn’t think so. Either put your own money where your mouth is or shut it.

    I’m a father who lost 50/50 custody because I grounded my daughter 13 from a cell phone. Her mother lost the case in civil court and that made her mad enough to try to change custody. The judge yelled at her for many things she has done but granted her custody and all, anyway. See the kids want 5050 I want 5050 and now my kids can’t see me but 48 hours every other week and 3 hours on Wed if I can take off work. I’ve paid thousands in CS and they have 4 vacations planned so far and when I get them those 48 hours all I can do is a park and ice cream. The system is geared toward women and father’s get the bad deal. And the father of your child seems like the mother of my children, she tries to control my household and finances. So enter a judge’s job… But it’s just a job to the judge so status quo is what you get. Rotten and broken system where the children get hurt the worst and a father is allowed to raise their step children and not their own.

    Dear Rose,

    Just recently here a 12 year old boy was locked in his bathroom for more than a year. He was 30 pounds. The mother had full custody. Every time the father went to see him they said he wasn’t home or playing.The mothers defense is that she was overwhelmed.

    Way to go legal system. The father is really glad that you made it a priority to give sole custody to the mother just because she is a woman.

    It was the father that busted the door down and found the boy. For every situation you point out about terrible fathers I will point out a terrible situation that 50/50 joint custody could have prevented.

    From reading your comments it sounds like you are having a problem separating your feelings about your ex from your feelings about him as a father. My dad was a terrible husband but was a great father.

    You are bitter because you lost your son 50% of the time. You haven’t stopped to consider that most men lose their kids 90% of the time. Take what you are feeling, times it by two and now you know how most men feel. Now take half your paycheck and give it to the next person you see. Feels great doesn’t it?

    Ross please keep everyone updated on the ages of your children when they severed ties with you and moved full time into their father’s life.

    Lady I worked 2 jobs for 18 yrs cooked, cleaned helped kids with homework while ex slept in or stayed in pajamas all week. She would stay in bed til 2 pm and get up and make herself food. I would come home after 16 hrs of work to be bombarded with kids being hungry. I’d wash my hands and make me and them dinner, put in laundry then go to bed. Now she left me after 18 yrs with our 15 and 17 yr old kids. That’s when my nightmare began….I’ve received 30 days incarceration, had to pay child support plus 100% of all their financial needs. Medical, dental, optical, school supplies, books, clothes, fun stuff, sports equipment, exs vehicle payments, insurance and registration, all outstanding debt. I’m broke she gets new boobs, car, marriage and turns both kids against me. Restraining orders, false accusations, her step dad tried to kill me etc. Courts wouldn’t accept my modification request (they said I didn’t file one) manipulated my tax return to show I made more, threatened me with 6 months in jail if I didn’t admit to contempt for not paying support on my son when he moved in with me and my daughter was emancipated. Now this system is nothing but a ponzy scheme for women ran by man hating feminists

    As father of 3 boys I’m currently paying $2028 a month to a college educated woman with a degree who sits at home and recently just purchased a 2013 camry with child support while my bills building up my trash bill is suspended and gas utilities is off its struggle and fustrating this woman is avoiding court summons because I want a divorce..but the state has already ruled in the favor of the woman the children resides with both parents but documentation states one parent I’ve written them and called and they listen but do nothing marriage is a joke along with child support laws…not fair i love my boys just as much and more

    I’m so sorry rose but you’re so full of yourself do not generalize your own perception of men or parenting values with your own personal experience thank you

    Your situation is in the minority overall. That is not the case for most of the others out there. Plenty of times it is the mother who is proven psychologically unstable and yet the courts, in a bias, will give her much more in terms of rights and leniency. I’m sorry your situation was as it turned out to be but know that yours is not the norm.

    I totally agree with you…. 50/50 custody does nothing to serve a child well, it screws them up.. modern day laws are completely out of touch with reality of best interest of the child standard” its a joke, and as for a parent that doesnt want to pay child support, 50/50 will most likely grant it…. i feel bad for any child who has to be forced to live this way… the law makers should be shot!!!!!

    Well after reading through these posts I see I’m not the only one!!!! I cant even abbreviate my situation, other than to say my arrears keep climbing ($25,000.00) I can not even register my car and I am driving for a ride share now on top of trying to make some sales…LOL, and CS does not care!

    No parent should be paying another parent to rasise their own child. Both parents should be supporting themselves and be able to support their children with their own income generally speaking.

    Unfortunately, some parents don’t take initiative to support their child but I do see that the system is flawed

    I. Fill your pain? This what you do get all your payment together check for discrepancies. I sure you will find some, look at what you paid, then the balance deduct what you paid, this is what is going on,examples: if your statement say you paid $20,000 by 2015, with a 30,000 balance,if your balance is still $30,000 at the beginning of 2016 there not deducting nothing, can you imagine how many people are suffering? you will never pay it off. even knowing this who you’re gonna call? Pass the word.I know I am not the only one come forward

    My wife walked out on me and our children they live with me we were married for 18 years she wanted something different i am disabled i asked her to pay to help me with them she did for a couple of months and stop i just had to take child support out i was told even if they live with me i may have to pay her child support that is not right i was told most fathers dont get child support but that is not right either moms can be dead beat moms to be no one says that.

    File for full custody. If it is 50/50 or split depending on your state law and her income you MIGHT havre to help her otherwise.

    With the gender equality movement why are men still paying support? Be a man ladies raise kids like men do…without any handouts. My dad raised me and my brother and took care of mom by himself as I did.

    Why is child support based on gross pay? Because the custodial parent (90% of the time being women). get all the tax breaks like earned income tax credit, child care credit, and they can deduct the kids from their income. etc. While the non custodial parent (90% of the time men) have to pay. So the men pay and the women get the tax breaks and tax deductions.

    To add further insult to injury. Women can get wic, medicaid, and snap (food stamps). In many states the men cannot. In many cases jail is actually better from some men if they are young enough and physically big. Jail is preferred over poverty.

    My ex wife had no job and I had a restraining order against her for domestic voilence. I had all 3 of our kids full time and I worked full time. SInce I was resposible and had a job I STILL was ordered to pay child support just because I had a job and she did not. She was lazy. The child support system is Set up to PUNISH the hard working parent and MOTIVATE the lazy parent to continue to be jobeless and lazy. System is outdated and unfair. System should be changed where if a parent wants child support then the jobless parent MUST have a full time job. That way kids are being helped by both parents. The minute the lazy parent quits job the child support also ceases. This would motivate lazy parent to work. This should be the new law. All politicians out there need to read this.

    In P.A. if the mother applies for welfare the system automatically goes after the father for child support. Okay, you with me still? In P.A. if the father reaches out for help or welfare nothing happens! It just goes to show you. That we merley are just a number to be bought and sold! Thats it! Thats all we are; a figure to be bought and sold.

    So what can be done? How do men fight this? There are causes and fights for just about everything under the sun but this? Where’s the task force? Lawyers? Organizations? Where? Looks like a lot of complaining and no action. Well I for one am ready for action because I am a good dad who has been taken advantage of left and right for years because of this exact stuff in this article. I’ve been thinking all this same stuff for a long time on my own!

    I live in California, is there no one to help men who are being extorted by a broken and bias court system? I am facing the loss of my contractors license, drivers license, garnishing of my bank account and jail time because I cannot afford to pay the unfairly and grossly inaccurately calculated child support obligation. I pay what I can when I can but I won’t be able to work at all if this happens and my girlfriend can’t afford to support us both and shouldn’t have to if the courts would follow the law and calculate the arrears and payments based on my actual adjusted gross income. Can anyone help, or are we just victims of a system that cares only about generating revenue by victimizing innocent people.

    Hey Dan, I feel you. I’m I’m nor cal. I felt with all that and than some. I haven’t found any groups to help with child support…all for women. There are support for the divorce side which wasn’t helpful for my case. Child support is corrupt and judges are afraid of women bashing or what may be taken as that so they trow the book at us men. I did however find that paralegal services can help significantly to wording and filing the proper paperwork. You will just have to represent yourself. Good luck.

    If you only owe arrears, they have the COAP thay you may want to look into. They can lower your payments or you can pay a lump sum and get it all taken off.

    We are being unfairly treated.. I’m a contractor and had my ex’s lawyer trying to use my wages before deductions for the child support calculation… As in before all the materials,fuel, and subcontractors I had paid out of it for the year. But I studied all of this and fought it like no other… I pay for a majority of my girls clothes, coats ECT…. I pay for all of their private school tuition, child support, and I have them equal time other than 4 days a month. And I can see when the child support check is cashed off my bank statements… Each month it’s cashed a weekend I have my girls… And the next week when I get my girls back… They didn’t do anything but sit on their tablets and didn’t get snacks like they do with me (fruits and vegetables) but their mother does have a brand new car…

    The problem is no one wants to advocate for the fathers. The political powers do not want to touch this subject.. Is career ended taboo

    This is outrageously untrue.

    Mother’s are grossly exploited nowadays while dads sit back and receive the money, 50% custody, and respect for “fighting for their kids” when in reality most just dump them at grandmas and make mom pay for everything and do all care-taking…. while also stripping her of her God-given talent and love for caring for those precious kiddos.

    You want your kids? Then be involved in their care-taking/homework/life and work you ass off to make a good relationship with your ex wife who is probably fed up with your entitled opinions about owning the kids when she does all the work of raising them.

    Kids are not furniture. You don’t own them. You are not entitled to them.

    You want to be a real parent? That’s a different story. Go do well and quit complaining about unequal laws.

    Rose, stop ur man bashing cause that isn’t a sign of good parenting on ur part. There r plenty of lazy, lying, no good moms out there too. Plenty of women just enjoy complaining and man bashing when they aren’t a perfect parent either.

    You sound completely impossible to co-parent with. It sounds like the father could jump through hoops backwards to be there for the children and that still wouldn’t be good enough for you.

    And that is coming from me. A MOTHER.

    The statistics simply do not support Rose’s claims. In constested custody cases (i.e. when BOTH parents want custody) mothers win full custody about 75% of the time. It used to be closer to 95% of the time, so some progress has been made. NO detailed study has determined why the courts are making these such biased determinations, but its clearly can’t have much to do with fathers vs mother characteristics, nor an objective assessment of what’s best for the children, because there is virtually no strong evidence supporting female parenting over shared parenting. By the way there is little to no evidence that moms make better solo parents than dads do. There is also little evidence to suggest dads can’t learn all of moms behaviors normally associated with child rearing. There is mounting evidence that the absence of dads is major cause of boys behavioral and academic problems, and even of girls self esteem, relationship and male imaging and interaction skills. There is little rational or scientific basis for bias towards females in custody determinations. There is even less basis for fears realated to childrens well being – one education and job levels are controlled for. To tell you just how off social normed expectations of parenting are: homosexual couples appear in some studies to be the best parents! A more important point is that society doesn’t generally put parents to some comparison group, test their traits and decide who gets to be parent in our society – because it’s a fundamental human right. Why should dads (or any parent) have to show they will be better than any other parent (real or imagined!). They don’t. Because parenting is a fundamental right. Even if you are not the best parent in the world the government shouldn’t be able to take your kids away and hand them over to the other parent. 2

    Rose seriously! Just because you had a bad husband and perhaps bad father, doesn’t mean the rest of us fathers are bad also! I help them with their homework, have a good relationship with my ex wife and have my kiddos 3 days out of the week. If my ex needs extra help with the kiddos during the week too, I help out. All us good dads want is a voice to be heard and change in this messed up system. How am I supposed to survive when I make 1550 per month after taxes but the city thinks I can somehow afford $987 per month. I send some months $400 and others only $300 because I need to pay my bills. My ex drives a 2015 new model car, I drive an 1989 toyota Camry. Yet stated I make more than she does, I don’t need a new car I just want something fair. Now I fear if I get pulled over for any reason, I’ll end up in jail. Yet the child support bill keeps racking up, I never want to leave my kids. I grew up without a father and I know they’re better off with both parents in their life. Seriously if I end up in jail for failure to pay the full amount owed in Child support. I’m moving to Canada, Mexico or any other country for that matter. CHANGE NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!

    I agree!!!! Something has to be changed it is o my making fathers to work longer hours and not have time for family…

    I’ve been divorced for over 5 years now, I have 4 kids that I love dearly. In PA of Armstrong county. They have been making me pay child support. Which is fine but, they don’t require the woman or custodial parent to work nor if she does work don’t make her show her pay stubs. They pretty much don’t care. I feel that they need to fix this. Domestic relations should investigate her by searching her ss# and see for themselves.

    Why do you say its fine to pay child support, would it not be better to have equal time with your children?????

    Exactly, or even unequal time if that is what works better at time; u can always change up if needed. What’s important is both parents in their childrens lives; neither should be handed money to support their own child.

    So whatever works best for the parent is what should happen? So if your work schedule interferes, it’s okay to leave the kid at Mom’s until it works better for you, right? So it isn’t about what’s best for the kid? If 50/50 works, it’s what’s best for the kid, but… Right. I got it.

    According to your logic, if Dad can only find one day a month to be in his kid’s life, Mom should be expected to feed Kid 3 meals a day, drive Kid everywhere, pay for school costs, etc. without any financial help. But as long as Dad sees Kid that one day, all is well!

    I had a daughter with my now ex wife while in the service, she decided to divorce me on my first deployment without discussing it with me before I left. When I came back, she had full custody and stolen a substantial amount of money from my account. Luckily I was medically discharged before the courts could decide how much child support I would have to pay as an E-4, so now unemployed they charged me to pay what someone making minimum wage would pay. I just came back from war when all of this was going on not to mention I found out she cheated twice, once before our daughter was conceived and once 2 months after she was born. Whenever OAG messes up my payments and I call them, I’m treated like a deadbeat father. I’m currently saving money to take her to court and get shared custody, because I’m afraid of trying to get full custody which is just down right impossible, which in Texas it damn near is. I do feel it’s important that my daughter spends an equal amount of time with both parents, but now I’ve come to discover that she maybe hitting her boyfriend in the face just as she did with me when she got mad. Bipolar disorder runs in her family unfortunately, I wish I was making this up but it’s the harsh reality we live in.

    I’ve had custody of my 7 year old son for 4 years now.. I paid all my child support out of my check directly. Problem is I haven’t gotten a single child support payment. My sons mother had a job, and was court ordered to pay, but it never happened and when I went back to court about the issue, the court said she wouldn’t need to pay child support since she was pregnant and currently not working.. Talk about gender bias. I’m in Illinois btw..

    Jamie I can relate. I too live in Illinois, and I’ve had custody of my son and daughter since 2004. My ex wife was ordered to pay $55/wk, but is now $60G behind because she’s never been enforced to pay. She was put in jail for two weeks once, not for the child support itself, but for lying to the judge. Other than that, our kids have been shafted by the custodial father/noncustodial mother bias that does exist in this state. My brother is an even better example. He was nearly jailed over being $2,000 behind on his oldest daughter, yet however he has custody of his second daughter and her mother, though working full time making $12/hr, was allowed to not only become delinquent without issue but then also reduce her payments to $10/mo. What noncustodial father would have been given this treatment? I don’t get it.
    I quit even trying to collect in 2009. It was wasted time and energy. Maybe one day deadbeat moms will receive equal treatment, but it won’t be anytime soon.

    Women are good for wanting more than equal rights for themselves, but don’t want men to be treated equal if women are expected to pay support.

    Calling women who expect child support feminists is the most ignorant thing I see in these conversations. EXPECTING women to be feminists is the problem. When they aren’t, they want and/or need financial help raising their child(ren) because often they have stayed home to raise them, and that was the agreement/understanding during the marriage. So when a woman has children under the guise that she will raise them at home and not send them to a sitter while she goes to work, she will then expect the same consideration if things go south. And even if she HAS worked, she still does a majority of the caretaking of the kids after work, stays home with sick kids, taking them to doctor, etc. It is rare that the father is the caretaker. Men say women are bitter, and men are just as bitter for having to pay. Shame on people who complain about child support. My ex-husband paid $410/month for his daughter and I often wrote that check with absolutely no problem, even when his ex was re-married to someone who made good money.

    Gentlemen, here are some tips-1) Get an attorney whenever dealing with child support. 2) Always wear your condoms when having sex. 3) It would help to listen to Tom Leykis on line. He gets many phone calls on his show about this topic. 4) Think about getting a vasectomy. Even though I have no children, I got one anyways. The look on the faces of the two women who accused me of being the father of their children after I revealed this was priceless.
    It seems some are not interested in having a relationship with you, but rather just your wallet.

    The current child support system completely encourages monetary monopoly incentives with no equal parenting initiatives and most monetary monopolies are controlled thru corrupt gender biased woman who try to corrupt the process more and more in favor of their financial gains while enterprising the children. To keep that monopoly money coming in the mother must deprive the NC parent access to maximize payments. What the PC parent has to realize is when the parent-child relationship is destroyed to maintain the monopoly that is an actual legal way out of the monopoly. Ex. CT allows parents to TPR for no ongoing relationships
    Why keep a parent paying when no relationship exist .

    Move to TN. Men have complete control. You can own your children just like you want.

    Meanwhile, women are demoted to 50% custody parents…losing the babies they’ve carried, nursed, took work off to care for, loved and nurtured and know like the back of their hands.
    Children are ripped from their primary parents in TN, bc, well, dad’s “deserve” their 50%!! (Insert male grunt here).

    Kids are not furniture. You don’t own them. You are not entitled to them.

    You can have an incredible relationship with someone who does not reside with you by the way. Perhaps you should explore real parenting and relationship building instead of complaining about unfair laws that don’t exist.

    It’s all about men’s rights right now (notice, not child’s rights) and somehow I’ve still managed to create an incredible relationship with my son. Of course, I’m actually an involved parent who does everything for him. Go figure.

    Rose you really are making it sounds so like you created the child alone. Someone had to carry the baby till birth. You don’t get to make all decision because of it. That’s what’s wrong with parenting,there is always that one who feels they should have ALL THE SAY SO.. EVERYONE has to learn how to Co -parent. Children are stronger than we give credit to. As long as the children are healthy and clean when they come home to you, it really isn’t your job to tell you X how to raise the child. You can’t control him anyways. So if they are at grams perhaps she is helping him. If your not going to try and work together with him then you do what you do and he does what he does. The kids will come to their own conclusion in time

    I don’t believe children should have to live back and forth with parents. There will become a time that they grow older and have friends that want to hang out with do things with go places with but they want be able to because they will have to go to the other parents house . I raised all 4 of mine alone two are twins he paid me 350.00 a week !!! Try clothing four children pay for extra activities pay for sports pay for field trips snack money shoes school supplies medical expenses! No amount of child support will actually take care of a child’s needs for a month unless it’s like 1,000 plus and it’s only one child then it would be a different story. I don’t think the children should have to go for visitation unless they want so many are forced to go. I think children belong with their moms with the exception that she is proven unfit. And all this putting them in jail a day or two for non support m back support is their own fault they had these children and know they are court appointed to pay to help support them they should know they must get and keep a job . They should have to sit behind bars until it’s paid ! Somehow once they are put behind bars the money comes up. It’s a matter of being responsible for their children I don’t think children should only go see the other parent on weekends why can’t they come take them somewhere for the day or a spend the night during the week. Some custodial parents think that money is all they have to contribute to raising their child or children. Thank you just my opinion as a single mom of what are now adult children I raised!

    My fiance currently pays 800 a month for 4 kids, order was placed about 2 years this August, divorced took about 4 years, now 2 of the kids are grown, both graduating from high school in May(she’s spending about 3000 for the after party, she posted it over facebook about how their father should helped), the other 2 are 15 and 16. He had custody because mom’s now husband is a pedophile, and so the children were placed w/ him and but the husband of mom took a test in Nebraska due to her pleas w the courts the kids need her etc and he passed to be safe around kids(who knew there was such a test, but he lives w them and is a lifetime register offender), so mom taught the kids what lies say to get removed from dad and have them beg to be placed w her family and it worked. So now my fiance hasn’t seen them in about 2 years, doesn’t want the next lie to place him in jail and she makes about 50,000 a year while her husband makes 40,000, and my fiance makes about 30,000 a year. He can’t afford a lawyer, and I am on disability for MS, so my kids and us strive to make it on the basic’s, while she is on the ball if we are 2 days late on a payment, and we end up losing food stamps or they threaten to take his license. We are waiting to get married til his last child is a adult so she can’t count my income or my land as I am Native American. The system here in Nebraska needs redone for certain situations. Just sad, he raised his kids til they were teenagers, was married to her for 14 years, until she cheated, and now he doesn’t get to be there for them as mom used them as a weapon and still tells them he doesn’t pay, so they send him not so nice emails. Hopefully for future dads and kids the system can be changed.

    This story is a common one . Before I say my opinion let me first say that able body men should pay their child support .
    The problem is not every case is the same. Let’s say for example , the dad is the majority financial provider at the time of separation . In most states they base the child support on the income of the father . However if the father’s income gets reduced , there is nothing in place to take that into consideration . What if dad is sick or injured and can no longer work for say 2 years . Even if the mother asked for the support to be modified by asking the judge, it usually is not granted. And so the father is screwed . So dad now owes 2 years in back support and in a lot of cases the mother is making 2 to 3 times what the father did before he was injured . Now he is labeled a ” deadbeat dad “. He eventually gets a job and after working there for months he and his company receives garnishment notice . Not only does this taking 33% of his net income , his company looks at him like he is a looser. The father cannot get back on his feet when 33% of his income is automatically taken . The average father won’t bring home enough money to get a decent place to live where his children can come and stay the night occasionally. But the judge won’t do anything either because the laws are so concrete or the judge is a jerk.
    This senareo is more common than not.
    Are there deadbeat dad’s out there ? Absolutely . But there are also fathers who go through senareos similar to what I discribed above.
    We need to have a more flexible child support system in place .
    It’s interesting that when a father’s income increases , the judges don’t have a problem with increasing their support amount . But not when it has varifilable proof that the father’s income has gone down .

    It is impossible for the father to have a decent life and have fun times with the kids and give them the things he would like to when he has to give 50% of his income to the mother. It’s sad it comes down to money instead of pure love, but unfortunately in this society If you do not have enough money so many things fall apart. I now make half of what i did when my ex started her plan, I cant provide for myself anymore, much less let my kids to experience a great time when I have them, other than juat the love i can give them,but sometimes that just isn’t enough for them at rhia point as little kids, they don’t know all about the deep down love I have but they do know we don’t get to do a whole lot or have a whole lot when they are with me, and as little kids that is important to them. It’s a sad situation that there is no way they can grasp as 8 and 5 year olds, they aren’t adults able to understand it all yet.

    There are so many issues with this system. Why would the mother stick around? Why would she put the necessary effort into a relationship, when she could just as easy move on, collect child support, and start a new life with someone…who has income of his own. The system provides a pathway to a broken home, It facilitates divorce, and leaves the father with little to start over with.

    I had 2 children with a woman that was 18 years older than me. She was 34, and I was 16. All it took, was one argument, and I’ve had CSS on my back ever since. Obviously, she had the upper hand…due to my ignorance and nativity…and there’s no way it would happen without a fight, if I had it to do again. She filed a case against me, when I was 17, claiming that I hadn’t paid her, when all the while…we were living together and sharing bills. We ended up reconciling, and I wasn’t experienced enough to make sure the case was closed. Anyway, when we finally did break up, I had received a notice, claiming that I owe 16,000 in back pay. From that moment on, I accrued interest on that 16,000…with an astronomical percentage, and have also paid OVER 50% of my check…since I’ve been 18.

    I’ve had CSS employees tell me that it’s a horrible situation, and they feel bad…but give me little advice. I’ve hired a lawyer, who couldn’t change anything, and I’m now over 100,000 in debt. Being that I’ve paid half of my check for 19 years, and still can’t meet the minimum payment…all of my debt is all accrued interest.

    If the shoe was on the other foot, I would have been locked up for molestation, and had my kids taken away. Instead, CSS has helped her collect half of my check for my entire adulthood. I have a great relationship with my kids, and I’m proud to say that they are now in college, and doing great. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I’ll continue to pay on this debt, but it’s not right. They’ve received my money, and have had their parents in their lives, from day one. This debt of mine…is all interest on a balance that should’ve never existed in the first place.

    She can move on with her income, mg income and the new mans income, they like that idea. It seems to work out so well for them?????

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    I lived with my kids and their mother for the better half of 14 years had a 65k year job and a lovely home.Only to find out she’s kicking me out and moving her 2 time felon lover.Went to custody court several times and was told that since I was a hard core druggie and alcoholic that my rights were fully revoked.100% fiction.She lied and I was ordered to pay 1500 per month.throughout the time she had the kids he and her lived solely on my income.I went balistic when I found out all the empty 12 pack containers of beer were bought with my support money.I called cs numerous times and was told that I was to have no contact with her or the children whatsoever.I lost my job and was forced to take a minimum wage job and they were still charging me 1500 a month and they would not adjust the payment sending my past due skyrocketing.it quickly went from 13k to 75k in short order.I had to move in with my mother so as to not be homeless.Come to find out my kids were both living with his mother because of all the fighting they did.I contacted cs and let them know and was told that I was not paying enough and that’s as far as I got with them.Both of my kids were removed from her to go live with their aunt and I still had to pay their mother.I’m now in debt over 100k and my daughter is 24 been in jail 10 times and is currently looking at 5 years in state prison.And my son had to be raised by his aunt and is 21 in college.I’m still paying her 850 per month.

    I’m sorry, but I don’t believe your story for a second. When accusations of substance abuse are levelled against a party during the course of litigation, drug and alcohol tests are MANDATORY in order to prove or disprove said accusations. No court is going to take those kind of accusations at face value with no evidence, especially in a child custody case. I don’t care if you are a man, you would be ordered to be tested.

    Sounds like someone doesn’t want to admit what’s really going on, but wants to place all the blame on the ex. How typical!!

    My boyfriend of 5 years has a child that was a result of a one night stand. I came into his life when the child was just 3 months old and it wasn’t long before I realized how biased the system really is. My bf is an amazing dad and from day one tried his best to be an active parent. The mother of the child filed for child support with false information and with no time sharing agreement in place, my bf got screwed. The dept of revenue basically took her “affidavit” and never asked for proof of anything. He has always had the child 15 days per month and she filed as though he didn’t have any overnight stays and with false income information. His child support payment was more than 1/4 of his monthly income and he had the child 50% of the time. It took 4 years of back and forth through the courts trying to get the time-sharing custody plan in place so the child support could be reduced but she kept stalling and wouldn’t provide her tax returns because she knew it would be all over for her. Finally 4 1/2 years later and the 50% joint custody is in place and child support was reduced. However, they would not retro the payments and elimate the arrears so he still owes almost 20k in arrears which, is ridiculous. The mother always used the child as a weapon prior to the legal matters being settled and now she doesn’t have a leg to stand on. For me, that’s with the 20k but at the end of the day, what that system puts well intended fathers through is brutal and I sometimes wonder if the “system” is part of the reason some people just lose it and do crazy things. This process actually made me consider going back to school to practice family law just so I can advocate for father’s rights.

    I’m still a low income father with huge back payments. I have the kids now and have had them for three years … guess who the dead beat is now, and she can afford to pay

    I want to use a shared checking account like this one (http://www.mediate.com/articles/if_they_can_do_parenting_plans.cfm) that both my ex-wife and I contribute to in order to provide for my children’s needs in order to share the responsibility for providing for our children’s needs, but my family court judge won’t let me.

    Her Honor (sarcasm intended ) has stated that “your wife [NOT my children] deserves that money” and that she is not going to allow me to become a ‘deadbeat’ dad.

    I did some research, and found that my state measures child support compliance by the gross amount of child support collected, because it increases the federal reimbursements that the state receives under the Child Support Performance and Incentive Act (http://fathersunite.org/Child%20Support%20Incentive%20Abuse%20Report.pdf).

    As a defunct website named AnswerIsland explained it, both ordering sole custody with the lower earning parent and restricting the non-custodial parents access to their children increases the amount of child support collected, which increases the incentive payments (kickbacks) that the state receives for collecting ‘child support’.

    I continue to email my legislators asking them to make child support a shared responsibility instead of requiring the non-custodial parent to provide a government mandated lifestyle for the children (and by inference, the custodial parent) but the legislators are terrified of being seen as ‘soft’ on ‘deadbeat’ parents.

    Many states also charge illegal amounts of interest on child support arrears, which buries non-custodial parents in debt. 42 US Code 654(21)(a) caps the amount of interest that a state can charge at 6-percent per year, but many states ignore this statute. The worst offender is Indiana, which charges 1-1/2 percent interest per month.

    There isn’t time or space to get started on the unintended consequences of the Bradley Amendment (42 US Code 666 – somehow appropriate) but it desperately needs to be rewritten or repealed.

    The government helped to create child support when they initiated the welfare system (TANF). Was known previously as AFDC. Single parents were given financial assistance from the government. That is when CSE started. Find the father (usually) so he can help to financially aid the family. Child support is based on the income of both parties and subject to the guidelines of each state.

    Holy crap, the excuses here for being a deadbeat.

    1. No, the system is not “outdated” — you’re thinking of alimony. Modern child support rules expect both parents to be working, and support rules are meant to maintain the standard of living the children had before the divorce, also to equalize living standards across households if the NCP makes a ton of money and the CP doesn’t.

    2. I know it sounds totally crazy to guys who don’t actually do the work of raising children themselves, but hand it off to their moms, gfs, and exes: if you’ve got care of a child, you’re going to make less money. The childrearing — crazy, I know! — takes time and energy, and employers pay higher salaries to employees who’re available for work anytime, can travel, etc.

    3. Low-income fathers are expected to better themselves, find better work, go to school, do what they have to do for their kids. In the meantime, their support payments are a fraction of what it costs to raise their children. Guess who makes it up? The mom or the taxpayers, so stop complaining and say thank you to the other people who pay to raise your children.

    4. Deadbeat dads a myth? Ohohohoho. Tell it to my lawyer.

    5. Involvement and support are dealt with completely separately. In no state is a parent allowed to withhold visitation because of support owed. Stop blaming the mom for your own failure to show up. If she is in fact withholding visitation, take her to court. The judge won’t be amused — but if you’re actually dangerous to the kids, like a lot of whinging dads are, then no, the judge isn’t going to help you get access to them. Meanwhile, Mr. “I pay all this money for a kid I can’t see” — guess what, you’re not buying access. The money is for your daughter’s welfare, not to give you something.

    Stop feeling sorry for yourselves and blaming other people for your own mistakes, and go do right by your children and the women raising them.

    51% deadbeat MOM, by current Wa. state DSHS numbers… and the states are enticed with a 2-1 (every dollar they collect the feds cough up 2). also I am holding my revision of CS schedule (I Have custody) and am STILL responsible for 69% of CS (thanks in part to the 10% badbad father must pay baddad rule drafted under title IV-D of Social security act). How is this at all even remotely “in the best interest of the child?”
    support the brandon jones act in wa state

    You are only looking at it from your point of view .
    I changed more dippers and fed my child way more than my ex ever thought of.
    Don’t lump every man into your situation . The child support laws are extremely out dated .

    You sound like a mom that may has a deadbeat dad, envolved. BUT they are all NOT deadbeats. Keep fathers from fathers ans additional siblings is EVEN more wrong than not paying. Money does not and should not ever come before time spent. In the long term that is 100% more essential the the child’s long term development. Childrrn that grow up with constant dipport but no contact, develop issues in most situations. Whete is the one that hey no suppory bit see the other drvelopment better.

    In MO as a father you have no rights. You pay half your income to support of your child. To go to court to fight custody is another half. If you have another child then that child does not factor into the support. Example my husband pays support for a child which is half of his income. Can not see his child because a court order was not put in place when his son was first born. He started paying support to hey prior to an order. She would not let him see his son, but he did not want to sacrifice the support because he knew she was could not afford to raise him with out it. Catch 22.

    Now he making more and can fight it but that will take money out of the mouth of his other son. Who still has never gotten to meet his brother. Worth a sacrifics in the long run but the counter support for him, can come from me. However is that right?

    Beging close minded and one sided is what is wrong with the system. I grew up in this kind of situation and got to watch it from 3 different points of view of a child. Money does matter to the kids, time does. Any parent making that choice of money over the other does not have the childs best interest at heart and should not be the one pulling the strings.

    I have even seen thia to be true with foster kids. Time matters not Money.

    Not true for MO. If you pay CS you are guatanteed visitation. Denying visitation is a contempt of court/warrent issued punishable offense. I know because my ex-husband tried to run me up on one.

    1. Both parents are not required to be working. My husband’s ex worked maybe a total of 2 years in all the years he had to pay child support.

    2. In the 12 years my husband and I have been together, he never once tried to hand off the child rearing to me. When the children were with us, he was 100% involved, and when they went home to their mother, he still continued to try to be involved in the raising of the children. However, any conversation with his ex would turn into “I have custody, I will raise them how I want.”.

    3. How can a person afford to improve himself when he can hardly afford to support himself? When I first met my husband, he was living with his friend, in a studio apartment, with no money to spare. Go to school? Financial aid claimed he made to much money, because the fact that half his paycheck was being sent directly to his ex meant nothing to them. It was still considered part of his income. Same with trying to get better housing, so he wouldn’t have to go to his sister’s house every time he had his children. They had to include the child support he paid as part of his income. This still blows my mind, because that money essentially was being counted twice. His ex was on housing, having to list how much child support she was receiving. So since she was claiming that as income, he should have been able to claim it as an expense.

    4. Yes, there are some deadbeat dads out there. The father’s who never pay, never visit, who want nothing to do with their children. However, many dads want to be involved, but when the court says you can only have them every other weekend, it’s hard to form a relationship. There were many times when my husband went to pick up his kids, and either one or both of them wouldn’t even be home, his ex having let them go elsewhere, even though it was his turn to have them.

    5. Your right, support and involvement are dealt with separately. While if my husband missed one payment, the courts would be all over him, calling him a deadbeat. However, when his ex allowed first his daughter, then his son to drop out of school, drive without having a license, and let their current boyfriend/girlfriend move in with them, the courts did nothing. “She is their mother, so they belong with her.”. Plus, by his time, the kids didn’t want to leave a household where they could do just about whatever they want, and come live in a household where there would be rules and consequences.

    Every situation is different. However, while my husband didn’t like it, he also knew that it was his choice to have children with this woman, and until they turned 18, he would have to just deal with how she did things. He tried to be as involved as he was allowed. The lack of relationship with his children has nothing to do with him not trying, but everything with her not letting him be the father he wanted to be. And he is an amazing father. I’m blessed that he is the father of my children.


    I can tell you know nothing. Only your own hatred for the person that burned you. Not all of us men are the same. Sorry you’ve been done so wrong that your mind has been clouded. Open your mind and see the truth. Do some research. Educate yourself and stop assuming that every man is like your kids dad.

    I work for the CS system in CA. And I understand the struggle. Not having enough to make ends meet. I see it everyday. Although it is interesting to see these testimonials. For this state I can say that they attempt to work with both parents. Orders can always be modified and they are based on ACTUAL gross income. Our automated calculations take into account taxes(if you’re not working cash), and visitation time. Fathers always have the opportunity to file for custody and visitation and plead their case to the courts. However if you go walking in there with attitude and saying you need more visitation to reduce CS, you’re digging yourself a grave. Should you become unemployed they can order a work search and you would just need to report the jobs you’re applying for and they don’t charge current, as long as you follow the rules of the court. Because after all saying “oh I can pay $200” isn’t a reasonable request. A child does not survive on $200 a month. So many stories of past due child support have to do with parents ignoring our letters, phone calls, subpoenas to court. The process will continue whether you want to participate or not. And yes child support collected does for back in part to repay the state for welfare. But the simple fact she had to go ask for help is heart wrenching enough, what they receive in welfare is the bare minimum to live on, it doesn’t provide a luxurious life as most of you say. And every other weekend in visition is truly a joke, it’s about 14% of the time during the week, the mother still needs to support the children the other 86% of the time. And guess what let’s say she gets $300 in welfare, and your order is $200 or $100, you don’t have to pay $300-the state eats the debt and tax payers support the rest of your child’s needs. If you ask for reasonable help the state will try to help, but asking for $0 if you’re able to work and help is ridiculous. FYI I am a man of anyone was assuming I am a heartless woman.

    I am not sure where you gets your “facts” from but half of this is garbage.

    I have never received actual child support, we each take care of what we have to, and I have zero issues financially supporting my child by working, WHILE taking care of my child in every other way.

    I am sick of hearing these mothers complain to no end about how much more expensive or hard it is. Because its NOT. Grow up and do what YOU need to do. SMH.

    50 % of my income goes to cse and taxes. My son is with me 3 months a year. My daughter is with me every other weekend and about a month of extras. My step daughters are with me every other week 50 50. We receive not one dime of help through cse or fed gov. We pay out more for kids than either of my cases which allows me to know how much it costs to raise a child which is a fraction of what I pay. Dead beat dad no. Someone who has made the exes car payment 100 times to many yes. You sound like the type that enjoys not being responsible to make their own house payment. Further examples. It was one year after I divorced before I finally let my child meet my love. She had her out of town with her new boyfriend before the divorce was final. She moves in with a new bf every other year while my love is the only woman I’ve introduced her to. She tries to make my visitation as hard as possible and lies to my daughter every chance she gets. While I try to build up time spent with her mom. So who really is the dead beat. Hint it ain’t the one footing the bill

    I don’t even have kids or have to pay child support and I can see that the laws are so unfair and sexiest it’s not even funny women that use the kids as pay checks are the lowest form of beings but the government awards them for doing so this generation is the hand out generation it is now normal for girls to pop out a couple of baby’s get free housing, schooling, insurance, food and phones plus get a hefty child support payment. While I’m over here working 60 hours a week to get what they get for sating at home all day the government is inableing useless people

    The system is all jacked up we can all agree, but some action needs to be taken! Have any of you contacted an elected official or one that running for office? The only way things are going to change is if “we” collectively and individually “make” “create” that change! Posting on here is great as it shows the fathers that there are others going thru similar circumstances. Let’s do more to fight this injustice. Email me

    Well both parents should be paying for the kids and it doesn’t matter if the woman makes good money or not. It’s not welfare and it’s not based on need. It’s because 2 people had sex and as a result they had a child. Both of those parents…BOTH are responsible to financially raise those children. Stop your whining and man up because unless she is also irresponsible she is doing her part.

    I found out that my state (Indiana) measures child support compliance by the gross amount of child support collected.

    I continue to lobby my legislators to have them use a self-support sustenance reserve to allow them to tell the difference between ‘deadbroke’ and ‘deadbeat’ parents, and to then use that self-support reserve to measure child support compliance by the percentage of parents with the means to pay child support that are sharing the responsibility for providing for their children’s needs.

    Until the Child Support Performance and Incentive Act ‘incentive payments’ (which are actually kickbacks) for collecting child support are changed to stop rewarding states for increasing the gross amount of child support collected, I don’t see this happening.

    It will take a million man march to be heard or we all stop paying support for 3 months to cripples the machine , then after the 3 months we all pay up so we are not in arrears , no other way you sheep…

    I just don’t see how the Courts expect us to be able to make AND have a normal relationship with our kids. I have rent and a car payment, phone, cable, auto ins. I have my two kids on my health ins & dental. I pay $1200 a month CS. I have to save for a month to be able to take them to a movie. I don’t do drugs, drink, or smoke, but hell if I have a pot to piss in.

    The system is so stacked against father’s trying to do the right thing. My X uses me as a cash machine. I get my kids 45/55 and she doesn’t use the majority of my money for my kids. Between my wife and I and there grandparents, we buy all there clothes,its also the only time when there not eating frozen fish sticks etc etc.
    My son graduated 2 weeks ago ,lives with her,works 2 jobs and is 18. The child support agency in Virginia says I have to continue to pay her the same amount because we have a unitary order instead of an per order, we were never married and all the stuff I have read says in VA 18 or graduates. I am planning to meet with a lawyer in a week or so. ….
    This is so frustrating because I pay my child support, she gets insurance credit, we buy most of there clothes etc etc and now I have to spend more money I don’t have trying to get them to do the right thing.

    Any advice would be appreciated. …..child support agenciesare the worst on fathers and treat us like second class parents in Virginia. Thanks

    In georgia there is a “fatherhood program”, which helps dads find work to catch up their support. No such luck for moms. I sat and watched a judge laugh it up all buddy-buddy with 3 dads behind on support. The first was a rastafarian who claimed he could not cut hair like he used to, and planned to get an hvac license, $300 perge 30 days. The second, a young man who claimed his ex was supposed to be sending papers for him to sign over his rights so her husband could adopt and she has not followed through in a timely manor, $300 perge 30 days. The third was an elderly man who when asked what he was doing with his time since he was out of work, he replied, “sittin up at the house”, $300 perge, 30 days. Each man was informed about the fatherhood program, each was given a speech about how pointless it is to lock up fathers for child support when it just costs the state money and puts the fathers out of work.
    My turn. I told him i was fighting the injustice and that my income numbers had been falsified, that i could not work because of this trauma, and that i currently stayed home with our 2 7 year olds while my bf worked. They laughed at me and made me out to be a kept woman. I have never been so destitute in my life. I started having panic attacks behind the wheel after the terrible courtroom manipulation and legal abuse had occurred and i delivered mail. I could not drive. I still dont. I am agoraphobic now. My ex has erased me from my daughters lives. 5 years now. The first words out of the judges mouth were “incarceration!” And amid my screaming bloody murder i eventually heard him offer a perge of $1300 and 2 weeks to pay it in.
    I could not have imagined a more ridiulously biased courtroom, i could not have written a more obvious display of anti mother hatred and attack. I pawned my truck, all that i had to my name, and he sent cps out the next day to figure out why i was not in jaik where he wanted me. I have no criminal history. I was my kids only involved parent, only disciplinary, only actual oarticipator in their rearing. My exs tjme was always to busy with turning them against me, manipulating them to hate their own mom.
    Every one has their own story. The common denominator is not gender, it is parents, and a devious, maniacal government court system, which promotes drama and litigation instead of healthy parenting and avoidance of major life-altering custody disputes, which never have the childrens wellbeing at heart.

    Being in the state of NY I have been through hell and back and back to hell when it comes to family court. My ex is a college graduate from a top college to be a registered nurse. She is fully capable of make $85+k per year in our state doing the proffesion she went to college for. Instead at 33 years old with an 8 year old child, she chooses to live at home and work a job in a doctors office full time making $30k per year lol!! I’m a high school graduate and make $70k year. Just cause I make more I have to pay 70% of summer camp, after school care, and now she wants tutoring cause our child supposedly has adhd. I have another child with my wife I also need to support. The child that doesn’t live with me costs me almost $1300 per month. The one that does live with me costs me $900 a month. Looking at the numbers I’m paying every part of raising my daughter who 8 that lives with her mother and giving her mother a nice tax free tip each month! I pay most of the summer camp and after school care cause she needs to work for a living. Well I need to work for a living as well to support my son and my daughter. Shouldn’t they let me deduct my child care expenses from my year to date income to lower my child support? Sounds fair to me but in the one sided battle it ain’t gonna happen! How about if I choose to quite my job and be a stay at home dad for my son that lives with me? Can I pay the min $25 a week in child support and now only pay 20% of the extras? Not a chance as they will say I’m fully capable of making the money I once did! Well if that’s the case why can’t she be held to this same standard? She is a college graduate who is fully capable of making even more than me! She chooses to live with her parents and work a bs job collecting my money each week instead. Why can’t we just go 50/50 on all the extra to make it fair? So many flaws when it comes to child support and the extras but for some reason they make absolutely no changes!

    I haven’t seen my daughter in over 3 years due to the fact my ex found out I was getting married and was having a child with my wife. She stopped letting me get my daughter giving me every excuse in the book. Yes I’ve got police reports and went to court spending thousands of dollars for a judge to tell her to stop. Why not throw her in jail!? Why not suspend child support as punishment!? Why not make her lose custody!? At the rate I’m going I’m just making it financially due to this unfairness. I have no problem paying but it seems I’m stuck paying for all of it and her getting a free ride. This isn’t just my child it’s hers as well and I pay all this money for a kid I no longer see! I can’t afford a lawyer to keep going back and forth to court so I have essentially given up. I know one day when my daughter gets older her curiosity will get the best of her and she will find me and ask why. Trust me I’ll be waiting and I will tell her the story and show her the court papers of all the fighting I did to get my visitation and all the false reports her mom made so I couldn’t her like threatening to kill her, my home being unsafe, and mess a of other things. Even though I won in court I lost in the end but what keeps me going is knowing this can’t last forever. Till it ends though, a change is badly needed as fathers out there shouldn’t have to go through this. Hopefully in time it does :(.

    I am going through s very similar situation as many of you and it makes me sick. Family court and the “laws” r a joke and unfair. They NEED TO BE CHANGED or at least have these concerns be brought to light.. So what can we do??? I am willing to do whatever ever I can just dont know where to start.. Me email is zackson721@yahoo.com.. God bless and keep fighting for your kids

    Well mostly what i have read is comments from men. Well thats not fair. So heres my situation. I have 3 children by a man. He went off and got married, now he has 23 kids. Hes 52, and he has kids by his wife neice and daughter. Hes only paid child support 7 times. And my 3 are the oldest. Hes tried to run over my kids and myself more than once. Has thrown rocks at them when they were kids. And also tried to kidnap the oldest. Got my life and 2 of the kids in danger because of his stupidity. Always has worked, but when the state used to try and find him he moved. He hasnt filed an income tax since 1997. Gets paid straight cash, and has since 1997. And to top it all off he wanted me to go on a talk show in the 1990s. In his opinion i was not letting him see the kids. He had the other 7 women on the show, but me. I wasnt about to go, now my kids are over 30. So if that isnt a DEAD BEAT DAD WHAT IS? He wasnt paying child support before all the rest of his kids came along. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT. If you say its just bevause of visitation your WRONG. Some of you men are just EVIL.

    What you can do is move out of your grandmothers basement and try to provide a stable environment for your child instead of depending on them to raise your child. Make better choices and have respect for your childs mother. Also lay off the drugs.

    Sometimes, I am confued whether we (India) copied laws from India or US copied our laws. Parenting laws are similar in both the countries. The only difference is that after years long fight all that a man gets is 1 hour of visiting rights/month that too in the court that too if he is too lucky. Usually the wife will file multiple cases including domestic violence (99% false), cruelty on wife (most notorious section 498a, 98% fake) that will keep husband busy for 2 yrs to get bail of his relatives and parents including minors like nephews which are been named by the wife in complaint without any proof. Since presumption of guilt is there, it take 5-10 yrs just to prove that the case is fake. By that time maintenance to wife and kid has started and he is drained off all his money.

    India even recognizes adultery by unmarried man who sleeps with a married woman. (IPC 497). Interestingly, the wife in this case can’t be booked because adultery law doesn’t recognize adultery by a married woman in India. Which means, even if the husband knows that the kid is not from him, he is bound to pay maintenance.

    Laws for maintenance and alimony doesn’t acknoweldge the financial status of wife, her education, her earnings. If India passes new law (already tabled in parliamen) then a wife can even claim property of in-laws including parental and ancestrel property of husband which is today limited to pre and post marriage property of husband only. Don’t know where we are going.

    Yes the system is broken, anyone who’s been through family court knows this is true. But what most don’t know is this…state CSEA’s are provided a financial incentive and reimbursement from the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT for the money they process (anyone else pay a processing fee?). Don’t believe me, read the Social Security Administraion Act, TITLE IV, Section D.

    So look at the facts: In most cases the mother gets custody and typically makes less than the father; thereby the courts order the father to pay support. The states get a % of the dollars processed (for talking purposes let’s say 10%).

    If the support order is for $1000/month that equals $100 for the state.
    If the mother makes less $500/moth and is ordered to pay, that equals $50 for the state.
    If the mother has no income, the state gets nothing (10% of 0 = $0).

    So mother gets custody…dad pays…and the states gets a kickback from the feds.


    Oh, and if dad fails to pay, there is the Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement (OCSE). Whose purpose is to: “The OCSE assures that assistance in obtaining support (both financial and medical) is available to children through locating parents, establishing paternity and support obligations, and enforcing those obligations.”
    The FEDS help the states to ensure dad pays.


    The system is broken. But until fathers join forces and push for reform, our sons will face the same fate. It’s time to demand the following:
    – Reform Family Law and Family Courts
    – Abolish the systematic allotment of support without enforcing Shared Parenting
    – Do what is actually in the ‘best interest of the child’ and not the state

    A Father, fighting to be a Dad…Join the fight!

    I totally agree. I’ve been paying, lost my job, got behind, live in a different state. I tell the court that she will not let me see my children, she gives the court the excuse of “he didn’t call on my sons birthday, so I’m not going to make my 3 kids call their father.” In my relpy, I was at work. By the time I did call, my children were convinced to not talk to me anymore. Any time my ex and I have a disagreement, she makes it out really big to the kids and has convinced them that I’m a bad person. I’m a good father. Besides these 3 children, I have 7 other children from prior relationships. I’ve always paid. But I feel that it should be fair. A parent should be able to see their kids if they are paying, paternity testing should be done before payment is received, if arrearages are getting high( then a caseworker should call and ask for a modification). These are just some things that need attention. I’ve been going through a lot with this and the system needs to be fair.

    whats amazing to me is that, we all know the system is outdated and not fair, but does ANYONE with any power do anything to try and change these really messed up laws?… no becuase if they did that means that there will be less jobs, all those people whol get paid from the system would be jobless, so to hell with the middle and low income people. this is just another way to lock up black men and put them in the leagal slavery system,.. we have to pay half of support but we dont get half the time, we are expected to maintain a house so when the kid does come to visit he has a place to stay. when my son comes for the summer , his mother still wants me to pay child support and take care of him for the summer, she will only pay half on a plane ticket and thats becuase she doesnt want my son to switch planes, so she pays for a direct flight, my drive to the airport is longer then his flight home.

    KS and Lindsey
    Don’t know if your following. Lindsey I know about half the women I have talked to did the same and were shocked that the court didn’t want to accept it, and a few others chose to only accept what amounted to ongoing expenses to shut the judge up on the issue, even though they would have rather just accepted the money directly because they worked fine together.

    KS… I feel you. I am in KS and was told by multiple lawyers that if she didn’t want 50/50 then the judge wasn’t going to order it even though that was the direction of the legislature. I fought anyway, and now have a GAL that has equated me with a child abuser in his language and promises to punish me if I don’t accept what she is willing to give me. Its pretty fracked up.

    Current Child Support Laws Are a Barrier to True Shared Parenting
    Excellent article. One problem that is not stated as explicitly as it should be is the way that current child support laws serve as a barrier to true shared parenting. This varies from state to state. But in about half the states the guidelines do not adjust child support amounts for time with the children. This means that achieving true shared parenting–and dividing the parents’ economic resources so that they are available to the children in both homes–requires going to court and asking a court to deviate from guidelines–something that studies have shown courts do not do as frequently as they should. Because many judges are locked into the “the higher the child support is the better it is for the child” mentality–which completely undermines the shared parenting approach–they are reluctant to deviate downward in child support award. This means that the paying parent (almost always the father) winds up with “standard parenting time” or can have the children more but doesn’t have the economic resources appropriate for the expenses he will have on the children.

    It’s easier for the courts when there is one “custodial parent” who gets regular, guideline child support from the other (“noncustodial parent”), but it’s worse for the children. The fact that most states score so poorly on the NPO Shared Parenting Grade Card (a project I was the lead researcher on) belies the claim that our states’ custody and child support laws are all about protecting children. There’s a lot that needs to change if we really want to do what the research shows is best for children.

    I am a woman who flat out refused to take child support when the judge tried to award it in Oklahoma. I demanded 50/50 joint with no legal custodial, even though the standard was to me. Just because we divorced does not make him less of their father. As a woman, it is silly to not be able to raise my children without child support. If my ex husband died tomorrow, I didn’t want to set myself up to be relying on his income. Adding money into the mix just breeds anger and alienation. My current husband’s ex wife takes almost $1000 a month from us for 2 kids. She controls with money and has lied about receiving payments as revenge for us remarrying. And the court in Arkansas doesn’t care at all that we have 6 children now. It’s sickening. My biological kids are so much better adjusted than my step children because of the positive relationship that their dad and I have….money has got to be taken out of the equation. If a woman cannot support her children on her own or with her new spouse, then they need to live with the other parent. Or at least split the time. Period.

    The insanity did not stop until I declared BANKRUPTCY the best option out there to stop the bleeding and financial harassment.
    My opinion examine your total ex spousal obligations with a bankruptcy attorney .
    The ex filed a false claim stating six months arearage(thankfully I had canceled checks for all), and complianed
    that for the last two years my college fund contributions for my child had been underpaid (because I was not receiving an accounting of the fund from my ex, and I refused to contribute further until she could prove that she was not spending my child’s college money). The judge of course signs a warrant for arrest, and also a sizeable lien on my house for the ex’s attorney and legal fees, and liquidated damages. Welp when it finally all adjudicates, $26,000.00 in legal fees later and all the alledged arearages and counterclaims for legal fees and punitive damages dropped and property lien remanded. The ex refused to settle after recieving the court finding of fact, and the financial discovery revealing that the ex spent my childs college fund to “make a down payment on a house for our child”. The Judge asks my council to hold a telecon with my ex’s council in the Judges chambers. (get this , that makes it off the record). in the priveleged call, the judge urges my ex’s council to setlle out of court immediately, otherwise should my ex show up in court, the judge would be forced to hold my ex accountable for all of the aforementioned malfeasence. (yes fair and equal treatment under the law). so the ex realizing shes lost, stops paying her attorney, and my property lien being remanded is never filed with the county recorder by the exs attorney(because the money is dried up the exs coucil drops all work on the case). So with all, the financial disruption, being the straw that finally breaks my finincial back. I claim bankruptcy. The ex refuses to certify for bankruptcy court that my CS is current. Fortunately, after the family court adjudication, my CS is collected through payroll debit by probation court, and a quick comunique from the bankruptcy court to the family court clears the way. The relief i have felt from bankruptcy? You see, most opposing attorneys will run your credit score to asssess how juicy a target you are in order to get sued and your ability to pay, prior to compiling that 600 page compliant in court against you. Many people dont realize this. With the ability to be financially squeezed now being eliminated, the playing field becomes leveled again, and the family court will now have to temper themselves by consulting with the bankruptcy court prior to any further financial rape being visited upon you. Try it out. CS and spousal supprt etc., is considered in your overall ability or inabilitty to pay your debts off and your financial burden. Dont suffer because your pride gets in the way. 8 out of 10 male friends in the circles of my work and personal life have been through the same asymetrical court systems spanning multiple states. All report similiar injustices when we share stories.

    Steevo, I am contemplating doing just that. Could you contact me via email, I have some questions that I am sure you could lend me some advice on. Thanks you can email me at xrangr375(at)aol(dot)com.

    Bravo! You rock! And you told it as it is. It’s pathetic what the courts do to good men who are taken advantage of by women who seem to have quite a bit of knowledge of how the system works for them….

    KS sucks
    Supposedly we are a 50/50 state, but that is only if both parents agree. I fought, but basically was told that it would be unlikely. Was even told that by the Johnson county mediator with my ex there at the same time. How does that make it a mediation if he basically says that it is unlikely.

    I have 3 kids. One was 17 at the time, another 14, and another 7. The only one that spends weekends with me is my youngest. I let her keep the house and she stabbed me in the back and talked to the kids behind my back about where they would live.

    I am and always have been an active father. I was a scout den leader, I was the one who took them to practices, etc…

    As stated by someone above I am a money supplier and a babysitter. The way it works now I get to see my youngest based on my ex’s work schedule. Which she occasionally changes without telling me. I make accommodations for her so they can go to her grandparents all the time. My family is 600 miles away and they have not seen them in two years. My older two kids spend more time with their grandparents in a weekend than I have had in a year.

    I know I am ranting, but the system is so bias it is ridiculous.

    It should be 50/50 automatically and child support should never give more money to one parent than the other. As it is I nickel and dime everything. While my ex orders pizza and goes out to dinner.

    Thanks for letting me vent.

    Child Support was intended as a “TRANSFER OF WEALTH” scam. The idea of stereotyping ALL fathers as deadbeats was a deliberate ploy to make the fathers the debtors, and the denigrating term was widely used. The scam has been enhanced by the payment of incentives by the federal child support collection office to each state’s collection agency. Those payments run from tens of millions to hundreds of millions of $$ per year. To bring the courts on board, the state collection office was authorized to make payments to the courts for hearing child support cases. THOSE payments run from millions to tens of millions per year. Over time, more profiteers came on board, living off the conflict cause by the courts. Read Dr. Stephen Baskerville’s book, “TAKEN INTO CUSTODY” to learn the extent of the corruption.

    I Agree
    The system must be changed. I pay $1000/month for one child. It automatically goes straight to my ex’s account. She also receives almost half of my military retirement. She also has full medical from me. She left without my knowing over three years ago from Texas to Pennsylvania and I have not seen my now 16 year old since. (Parent Alienation). This went against the court order. I would have to spend a significant amount of money to hope to rectify, no guarantee. BTW my ex comes from a very wealthy family. None of that matters in my support payments. I feel so bad for my daughter. Every child needs a loving and caring mother and father, even if not together.

    I’m 70. My ex is 47. Wehave three girls ages 10, 14 and 17. She makes 160k a year. My retirement is 75k. We have joint custody. Yet, I pay her $525 a month in child support. This is Maryland. Thank GOD, O’Malley is out and Hogan is in!!!

    Stop your whining… I am currently unemployed and I pay $1,600 for one child and my x-wife makes 70k a year and I have nothing save for retirement.

    Don’t tell him to stop his “whining”. You and him and me are all getting screwed. Join forces and demand reform!!!

    Exactly Ban together… Just because you pay more doesn’t mean your better. Only means your judge made your a-hole bleed when you left the court room. Why hasn’t anyone made a movie about this!

    Please post this on Facebook so I can like it. I am afraid that sharing it will upset too many people but want to show support.

    That’s why it’s not going to change because nobody does anything about it because it afends people who think your ex deserves half of your check because the government uses you as a scape goat so they don’t have to pay for anything so they make you pay a ridiculous amount so that ex is satisfied and won’t ask for anymore hand outs

    Out dated system…
    I have 2 boys and share time with them 50/50. My ex-wife makes a very good living too. But by law she is still “entitled” to get child support (tax free) even though she has a very successful career. We both have homes with bedrooms for the kids and clothes etc. We also split any extra costs (medical, etc.) as well. The CS system is flawed and it should ONLY be for helping the Parent that is does not have a job and NEEDS the money to care for the children…not just a handout because of some “formula” that works in favor of one parent vs the other. THE SYSTEM IS OUT DATED!!!

    Support Enforcement but no Parenting Time Enforcement
    If I miss Child Support, she can contact a division of the court that immediately takes action to enforce. I’ve been alienated for years and have had essentially no Parenting Time. I’d have to lawyer up though to take her back to court so the judge can slap her on the wrist and tell her to play nice…or have the judge tell me that the kids are old enough to have say so and cannot be forced to come to my home. Something is clearly wrong.

    Maybe this elections cycle is a good time to get this on the radar of those seeking election.

    Push for change
    So how do Dad’s organize to make this a possible topic of political elections? As a dad who fought hard for 50/50 custody and won but still has to pay child support to a mom that makes a very good living, I agree the system is severely outdated. I have pushed my own budget to the limits to get my kids into quality schools while mom didn’t see this as a priority. We split all expenses 50/50 but I’ve gone above her in making sure my kids have the best educational opportunity and I’m the one that always attends their school events and such. The system sucks!

    I had all 3 of my daughter’s since before they started school. I got them because of their mother crazy action. But I never stop paying her child support because I would’ve had to put my kids on the stand. So I paid her 2,900 a month for 15 years. The other reason why I didn’t take her to court because the judicial system is all in favor of the woman and not the kids or fathet. The money doesn’t mean anything to me being a good father for my kids means the world to me. So father pay your child support but what is of more important spending quality time with them. They will remember that before a child support check.

    CS is Servitude not Parenting
    CS needs to go away except in cases of actual abandonment. The parents should decide together how to pay for the kids extras, and the few required expenses should be covered by a legal agreement to split the costs. When a parent has parenting time, they should be responsible for the costs of that time. There should be no extra money for extra time. The primary driver in most custody cases is that if the time division changes, so does the CS. I have been turned into an ATM machine and a babysitter in my kids life in many ways. This is not fatherhood.

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