Divorce Tips To Live a Healthy Life

by Richard Avdoian, MS, MSW, CSP

Three of the deepest human necessities are the need to belong, to be needed, and be involved with family, work and community.  It is important to remain healthy during divorce and afterwords.

The need to belong and engaged is so great that people who aren’t actively engaged in all facets of life tend to be poor performers, disengaged, lack motivation and simply exist one-dimensionally.

In some cases being detached and inactive can lead to bouts of down-heartedness, depression and higher rates of chronic illnesses.  Read more to find out what you should be doing to stay in the game.


Staying Socially Engaged in Living Life

Keep updated with current events (Sports, local and national news, community activities).   Take time to read various papers, magazines and listen to news on the radio or TV.

Attend family and friends’ gatherings and special celebrations.

Reach out to your family and friends.  Invite then to visit and give them a call now and then to stay connected.  Let them know you want to be included in their gatherings and leisure activities.

Continue to attend worship services and gatherings or start attending now.

Many positive factors come together at almost all worship services: the ability to be part of a larger community, the chance to turn your phone off for an hour and simply contemplate, the place to make yourself available for service and many more. Open yourself up to this experience. You might be surprised that it’s not the same hour of boredom and itchy clothes that you remember from your youth.

Embrace the day – no matter how down you are, force yourself to get out of bed, shower and dress up daily.
Kick-starting your day by forcing yourself to get out and walk the dog, jog to the mailbox, take in the morning air might be all you require to get your blood pumping and to gain a new, fresh perspective. Hint: mix it up and refuse to fall into a routine!

Ask for what you need from family and friends. 
Sometimes family and friends have the mistaken notion that those going through the divorce process want to be left alone. You’ll be surprised how much people like to feel needed. You’ll likely find a way to be of service to them too, and that will make you feel wonderful.

Make as many decisions yourself as you maneuver through the divorce process.  This is the other side of inviting friends and family in. Know when to say “when.” Be appreciative, but resist giving up control of your life to well-meaning family and friends. Some roads must be traveled alone. Hint: If a particular invite doesn’t attract friends and family, it might be one of those efforts that are best done solo. Continue to actively participate with hobbies, civic groups, and sports leagues you enjoy before the divorce process began.
You’re not a different person now, just a person going through a different situation. You don’t have to disappear from the places you used to frequent.

Continue working, avoid unnecessary use of sick days to avoid socializing with colleagues.
It isn’t good to drop out of life. See, the above suggestion. Sometimes routines that you had before the divorce began might become painful, but pain is a part of life. Stick with commitments you have made. Continue being a man of your word.

Maintaining your routine life as much as possible.
While it is good to add newness to your life, remember that it is still your life. Major changes should be taken only after careful consideration. Praise from others may be gratifying but don’t rely on others to define your worth.
All the great heroes defined themselves and you should too. Achieve your own standards.

Find Confidence within yourself and applaud your achievements.
An important part of setting and achieving your own goals is deciding how you will celebrate their achievement. Reward yourself now and then.

Involve yourself in your child’s activities (recreation, school and church).  Volunteer to drive your child and other children to and from activities. Great conversations can lead to new friendships when you take a shift as playground monitor each month. It’s also a great way to get to know teachers and administrators and to keep in the loop of your child’s life.

Implement a healthy diet and exercise plan.
Getting strong now! Exercise can be implemented into many of the above goals. Set an appointment with your Doc. Tell him about your life change and ask about diet and exercise requirements. Be sure to ask him for your baseline numbers so you can mark improvement!

Monitor use of alcohol and smoking.
Avoid masking your feelings behind chemicals.  Your body and mind are flexible and self-healing if you treat them right. Just as healthy habits strengthen you, unhealthy ones weaken you.

Get sufficient amount of sleep daily (6 – 8 hours)
Rise and shine and make it happen!

Learning to forgive, get over it and make a decision to move on is an important part of reclaiming a healthy life.  Those who embrace life are successful in being resilient and actively engaged in all facets of life.

© Richard J. Avdoian, MS, MSW, CSP (2009)

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Richard Avdoian , MS, MSW, CSP Dads Divorce Coach

Located in Metro St. Louis, Richard works men who are in the divorce process and with men who are committed to living healthy lives, enhancing their personal relationships and achieve their goals.  Richard can be reached at Richard@RichardAvdoian.com

© Richard J. Avdoian, MS, MSW, CSP (2009)

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