PART THREE – Empowering Fathers’ Rights:
The Ultimate Best Interests of the Child is your first and best tool…
Children naturally love their parents; they hate fighting that leads to separation and divorce; they hate when it continues after separation and divorce. The # one fantasy kids have when separation and divorce hits home, is mom and dad getting back together…
When that is impossible – the strongest persistent wish is PEACE. And that is the “Duty of Care” parents owe their kids – no matter what. Without TRUE PEACE, there cannot be a fully functional happy child.
It is that simple…
PART THREE – Empowering Fathers’ Rights: The Ultimate Best Interests of the Child is your first and best tool…
Children naturally love their parents; they hate fighting that leads to separation and divorce; they hate when it continues after separation and divorce. The # one fantasy kids have when separation and divorce hits home, is mom and dad getting back together…
When that is impossible – the strongest persistent wish is PEACE. And that is the “Duty of Care” parents owe their kids – no matter what. Without TRUE PEACE, there cannot be a fully functional happy child.
It is that simple…
The only remaining question is how does your plan, mom’s plan, your lawyer’s plan, the Family Court’s or anyone else’s plan achieve this objective?
It must begin with you, if you are to be an effective advocate for your child.
YOU MUST be like Gandhi – PEACEFUL; Be like Teflon – where nothing sticks.
Be the man of peace you claim to be no matter what. Be creative like your child when they want an ice cream cone and won’t give up until they get their hearts desire.
You will often hear every excuse, game, and power trip under the sun to justify a position that does not meet the Ultimate Best Interests of the Child Test:
Remember, here’s how a child looks at it:
“I want my parents to stay together, and love me. I don’t want all this fighting. It scares me…”
If you start with this premise, and scale it back by one small slice to account for the fact that the parents and child will likely now live in two homes what you have is this:
“I want my parents to love me. I don’t want all this fighting. It scares me…”
In other words, a child wants their parents to love them without fighting, because they need their parents to love them. Ask any adult child of divorce what they want, even 30 years down the road after their parents split-up…
“I want my parents to put me first – I’m the child, they are the adults…I can’t even have a birthday or Christmas with my entire family.”
Is that what you want to sentence your child to? Of course not…
Then be that parent your child so desperately wants you to be. Never mind that the other parent might be incapable of such behavior. That doesn’t matter – you can’t make the other parent do a darn thing if they are determined to act like a jerk. Regardless of whether they know better, are damaged goods, or are determined to wage war forever.
Your child will know who you are. And better yet, they will know who they themselves are as a result. Children are not as ignorant or without insight as many professional would have us believe. It simply that the two people they are relying on for guidance do not agree, so they are somewhat confused until they are able to sort out and articulate what they feel.
If you are that example, they will cope, sort out and articulate their feelings that much sooner. And they will be grateful they had you as their example to emulate.
I’ve seen these principles play out countless times for dads who cannot find any other answer. And it does not always resolve in Family Court, sometimes it is the child themselves who becomes stronger in the process when they are given such clear choices.
These children naturally become confident, competent and articulate, because a disciplined father, who has excellent self-control, is teaching them clarity of purpose. They are living examples of how to not let circumstance nor others dictate their response to false allegations, be they subtle or outrageous.
The most important right you have is to define yourself through your example. All language begins with who we are, what we experience, and how we feel about ourselves, others and events.
The important distinction is this – Values versus Character. People are not what they say, they are what they do.
Values = What we Believe
Character = What we Do
Now you have the context and measuring stick. How do you shape up?
In Part Four, we’ll explore Exercising Fathers’ Rights: The Five Insights of Successful Divorced Dads…Feel free to join the dialogue at http://www.DivorcedDadWeekly.com to ask your questions, give me you comments and feedback. Heidi and I welcome every question of every kind for our weekly virtual meeting / telewebcast for dads just like you…
