The War In Family Court

PART TWO – Asserting Fathers Rights: The War in Family Court is lost before it begins

Picture a man having his wife in a hammerlock, beating her as he goes down the street. He’s not going to get very far before many intervene and restrain him…

Picture a woman having her husband in a hammerlock, beating him as he goes down the street. Most are going to be laughing as they watch and do nothing…

And that summarizes what goes on in Family Court far too often…most men just don’t get this. No one explains it to them in such clear terms.Now go watch Family Court on motion days when temporary, interim or interlocutory orders are made. Here are the 15 steps to what happens next in the majority of cases I see every day: 

PART TWO – Asserting Fathers Rights: The War in Family Court is lost before it begins

Picture a man having his wife in a hammerlock, beating her as he goes down the street. He’s not going to get very far before many intervene and restrain him…

Picture a woman having her husband in a hammerlock, beating him as he goes down the street. Most are going to be laughing as they watch and do nothing…And that summarizes what goes on in Family Court far too often…most men just don’t get this.
No one explains it to them in such clear terms.Now go watch Family Court on motion days when temporary, interim or interlocutory orders are made. Here are the 15 steps to what happens next in the majority of cases I see every day:

Step 1)   War is declared: Dad rises to the bait – leaves home

Step 2)   The battlefield is chosen by Mom who serves Dad Court Papers

Step 3)   Dad’s six months behind Mom in planning. He plays catch-up

Step 4)   Dad rises to the bait – he declares war on Mom

Step 5)   Kid is caught in the middle; Mom has possession of kid

Step 6)   Possession is 10/10^th of the law in Family Court

Step 7)   Dad wages war he can’t win – doesn’t know this yet;

Step 8)   Lawyer has not explained situation in way dad can understand

Step 9)   Dad lost at step one; He did not know about step six

Step 10) Dad cries foul, spends himself into the ground to win; loses

Step 11) Huge legal bills are unpaid; huge support amounts ordered

Step 12) Dad gives up; Joins a fathers rights group – if he can find one

Step 13) Dad finds others in the same boat; no one has an answer

Step 14) Dad says the system is corrupt, and gives up

Step 15) Kids become like Mom, because they miss Dad

The first place we need to begin if we are to change anything is to educate each other to NEVER leave the home without our children unless there is absolutely no other choice…

The second place is to do everything necessary to assert our child’s constitutional rights to security of their identity and person which comes through family, the place one comes from and belongs to

The third place is to do everything necessary politically to activate the tipping point of change.

It is the adult child of divorce that will articulate what is right; It is the women who support real equality such as our mothers, sisters, aunts, daughters and second partners / wives who will be our strongest allies; and finally, but certainly not least, it will be the dads who possesses the self discipline, articulation, idealism, enthusiasm and “can do” attitude that freed our world from every other form of tyranny; and it begins with hope, which grows into a strong clear vision that is acted upon in our homes, communities, and the world at large.

This is what I have learned from a lifetime of divorce: World Peace begins at Home. There is no other choice.

We have no right to expect a peaceful world until we can be that example of peace in our families, teaching our children from the moment they draw their first breath and from beyond the our own mortality as an inspiration to what can be, when we determine to make it so.

We live in wondrous, miraculous times. We often forget that. But it is the resiliency and forgiveness of the human heart that is the true miracle when it steps up to the plate to serve instead of demand; to love instead of hate; to explain rather to blame that shapes the true character of children to be the very best of both parents when their family dies.However when children are caught up in the struggles of their parents, and see no solution, they become embittered; the apple does not fall far from the tree…

But when the child becomes the center point and fulcrum of all that is good in us, it is then when a parent sees undeniable love in their child’s eyes.The love that melts hardened hearts every time – it is where truth always resides.Children trust so spontaneously and easily. They forgive even quicker. Until we teach them not to…

And that is why the Best Interest of the Child test in family Court is so very insidious. It is far too often reliant upon the subjective discretionary power that politics makes into law.The Politics of Waging Peace is a core strategy to success in Family Court. It shows that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make things work for your child.

It puts the other parent to the test – think of the Bible story of King Solomon:Two women appear before the King asking him to decide to whom a child should be given. Solomon listens to their stories and asks for a sword. He says: "Cut the child in half and give half to each woman," and thus revealed the true mother. The woman who said "no let the child live," was awarded the child since she cared more about his life than the other.

The textbook analysis begins by considering the story’s form, and in this case, it moves from problem to solution, or we can see it as a story, which moves, from quarreling and talk of death to unity and talk of life.

Secondly, this can be analyzed as a detective story with Solomon the detective. Solomon hears their testimony and then makes the right call.

Third, we are shown characters besides Solomon – two women identified only as harlots or prostitutes. This makes them symbolic, since we know what kind of women they are without elaboration, but it also shows how Solomon did not deny justice to anyone.

And last, we see symmetry in the story: it begins with a clearly defined situation, moves to discussion of it, and concludes with Solomon wisely discerning the truth of the situation through insight and a testing of the women’s character.  Not that every Family Court Judge is this wise, but the principle the real mother acted upon was this: She was acting against her self-interest.

Only a truly loving and devoted parent will act this way. It’s a powerful strategy, used by successful Dads all the time. In Part Three, we’ll explore how can you apply this principle to your case Empowering Fathers Rights: The Ultimate Best Interests of the Child is your first and best tool…

Feel free to join the dialogue at http://www.DivorcedDadWeekly.comto ask your questions, give me you comments and feedback. Heidi and I welcome every question of every kind for our weekly virtual meeting / telewebcast for dads just like you…