What Can I Do If My Ex Is Using Child Support For Her And Not The Kids?

colorado springs divorce lawyer Stephanie RikemanQuestion:

I am paying child support to my ex-wife who frequently goes on vacation, gets plastic surgery, and has home renovations done while I’m barely able to survive.

I would rather pay for my children’s medical expenses, school costs, etc., than give her a fat “child support” check each month that likely doesn’t always go to supporting my kids.

Is there anything I can do if I suspect my ex-wife is using child support to support her lifestyle and not the children’s?


I am unable to give you legal advice on divorce. I can give general divorce help for men, though, my knowledge is based on Colorado child support laws where I am licensed to practice.

Each state is different in how it calculates child support, though one thing that is generally applicable is that courts are not going to get involved in designating where each dollar of child support goes.

The receiver of child support is generally going to be presumed to be acting in the best interests of the children and the court generally will not get involved in dictating that each dollar of child support must go to specific expenses.

This can be very frustrating to the obligor paying child support when he or she is seeing their ex spending money on vacations, home improvements, etc., but the way the court views it is that the parent uses the child support to support the children.

The court won’t interfere in saying where each dollar goes because it’s not practical and if a person spends a dollar of their own income on lunch for the child, then uses a dollar of the child support to pay a credit card bill, the money is benefitting the children in one way or another.

In short, it’s just too difficult for the court to police where every dollar of child support goes so the court doesn’t.

Remember, I am unable to provide you with anything more than divorce tips for men, so please consult with a divorce lawyer in your jurisdiction.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.

To arrange an initial consultation to discuss divorce rights for men with a Cordell & Cordell attorney, including Colorado Springs Divorce Lawyer Stephanie D. Rikeman, contact Cordell & Cordell.

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25 comments on “What Can I Do If My Ex Is Using Child Support For Her And Not The Kids?

    Your ex can spend the money how ever he/she wants. Mind your own business stop snooping. Long as you pay the set amount who cares? My ex was just about the money that’s why I left her.

    My child support makes me live in poverty for being a divorced man living on 1200 a month the ex gets 801 in child support for two teenage kids. Then I save 800 on top of that it’s not considered spendable income. I have 5-6 years to go on this , 802 pays her house note she makes more than I do with the tax benefits and 891 tax free income.

    All in well , it’s a debt I’m paying I can’t wait until it’s over with too!!! I get access to 66% of my money now being divorced where when married I got access to 0% of it.

    I have hopes now that never were possible and I’m happy I hope other men out there are as well.


    Wow, you sure are a real gem, aren’t you? It is their business buddy – its their child. Why don’t you take your comment and shove it.

    What if the kids are in rags while the ex buys booze, weed, and has big parties with seafood and steaks for 10+ friends?

    Doug you sound like you screwed yourself!!! as a father you have every right to know that your children are being taken care of with your child support. My ex wife refuses to work even after being told several times by the courts. So on top of that she enrolled my daughter in to private school. With no employment as I told her how do you pay for gas and repair and your rent with whose money. Technically she is not paying anything towards her daughter but using her money. She even had body work done on her truck. I said with your daughter money!!

    Guys all i can say and i am from ohio.things are a little different i work 2 jobs and i never tell my childrens mother about my second job which she doesnt take me back for more child support.another thing is it suck and it hurts what im going to say next for most men but threaten that you will sign your rights away. If you love your kids you can still pay for them as you see fit at that point and if you truly in your heart know your children love you as they grow up they will understand.as a child who was in fostercare i know my real dad now and i forgave him.he told me the truth showed me paper work and i found him he didnt find me.so if you truly love your kids and your not surviving and getting screwed over its helping no one if your not on your feet let alone if she is spending all of your money and your barely seeing your child.you are told to fight but the fight gets you no where.its because they want you to stay getting screwed over.stop giving them that power.sign your rights away give the money or clothes and food you feel your child deserves to her.just because your names not on a piece of paper doesnt mean your not dad.forget what people say about you.be a dad that you can be and thats all that matters take the power from them.yes signing your rights away may come at a threatenong cost but if your getting no where anyways tell me what your doing other then loosing your own sanity and livelihood.i tell you what i fought back they told me to give up half of my earnings a year.i told them fine ill quit college work harder and see how my own life turns out.guess what that child support went down. My childrens mother threatens to take me back everytime and you know what i tell her go ahead then you wont get any money ill sign my rights away and ill see fit my kids get what they need myself by giving it to their grandmother. Guess what guys she doesnt threaten me anymore stop giving them the power to control your lives i work hard 100 hours every week i have 2 step kids to also raise (which by all means on me) a mortgage and other bills. I make a decent living but i refuse to give alot of money to someone who had the same oppritunities as i did to better themselves and didnt most of my check to go buy a wedding ring (which has happened) or to go on vacation.i believe im paying for my child not a people who wont get off their butts and work for a living wont happen.

    Yup…sounds about right. Lawyers will not help. They are all colleges and their goal is to make money regardless of who they hurt. So yes…destroying a father’s financial resources is the goal and I am assuming somehow that is in the best interest of the children. I will be in debt for the rest of my life. Oh…by the way…the GAL in my case also felt that 7 hours of visitation. ..(.not parenting time as they like to call it) is sufficient time to spend w my daughter in a 24 day period. In Illinois a father is screwed the worst among most states….the system is design to be this way.

    LOL! Thanks guys! You made my day! You’re not going to get anywhere asking lawyers for advice unless you’re a vindictive female. It is what it is. Lawyers are part of the extortionist movement who make their money from your children’s tears. (Not much different than DCF in practice.) “The courts don’t do that blablabla” No kidding! Their making way too much money. And yes, it is unconstitutional. (Understatement of the millennium.) Watch “Divorce Corp.” on Netflix. It explains a lot. Better yet… Sign the petition to reform family court at petition2congress.com. It automatically sends your letters out. I don’t have much faith in that unfortunately. The courts, lawyers, and judges are just making way too darn much money off of us “Dead beat dad’s” Whose biggest crime was being cheated on, having our children taking away, being told by the courts when we can see them, and of course stealing most of our hard earned money for the privilege. You wanna hear someone laugh… Ask for help. You want a change?… Make plans to move to Sweden and take your kids with you. All hope is lost. Vote for Trump

    My ex-wife is giving my son hand me downs for pretty much everything, which isn’t exactly bad, but ever since I have been paying the child support, she and her new husband have all of a sudden had more money to go out to eat, go on trips, expensive concerts or entertainment. Then on top of that she sends me emails telling me that she can’t afford daycare, and that I have to pay half, which is a joke because her and her husband are working. It’s not my fault she doesn’t stay home to take care of my son, it’s their situation that calls for them to have to take him to daycare. Then she also asks me to buy him things all the time, and if I say “I pay child support, that’s where that money is supposed to go”, then she tells me that It’s my fault that he is now going to have to go without. I am disabled and 75 percent of my check goes to her. I am also on food stamps, and with food stamps, I have a special card, an EBT card, and that card will not allow me to buy anything that isn’t approved food. Why don’t they have a system like that for child support. You can’t tell me that the government can’t come up with a program where judging by the age of a child, they have a list of things that are essential for a child to be raised, i.e. food from the grocery store, clothing from approved stores…etc. If they can do it with food items for food stamps, why not child support to make sure the money is going where it needs to?

    File for custody. Or pay child support. And child support isn’t enough for all the child’s needs. The children don’t disappear after a divorce. They need to be raised.

    Child Support
    My ex husband has not paid his child support in 2 months and now I hear from the kids he got a job in another state… what happens if he doesn’t pay and he doesn’t live here, maybe hes going to work for cash I don’t know ?

    I 100000% agree !!!!! Being a woman who is involved with a fiancé who pays ridiculous amounts of child support every check to his ex who claims she can’t work but one day a week , has no bills bc she sponges of everyone around her and has no obligations to these kids makes me sick ! She neglects her kids does not feed them does not take them do school or do even the bare minimum as a ” parent” is getting paid child support to go on shopping sprees and use every penny for herself meanwhile my fiancé is struggling financially and barely can put food on the table to meet their basic needs , while he works full time and overtime just to make ends meet! This is not only beyond disgusting but gives women and mothers a bad name. Just bc you lie on your back and get pregnant doesn’t make you a mother . It’s just disgusting and how laws aren’t out into effect and courts are so corrupt they don’t even take the time to see that child support is to ” make the kids have equal lifestyles and have their best interest at heart” it’s neglect it’s fraud and people like this should be thrown in jail for sponging off society and neglecting their so called children ! It’s repulsive !!!!!!!!!!

    Sounds like my son’s ex. In 2009, she claimed that she could not car for her daughters and twin boys. Favors boys ( different father) over girls. So I took them (girls) in. I was financially responsible for their care from 9/2009 to 7/2010. Their mother contribution was zero.

    At the end of the year, I found out that she was still receiving child support payments. The money she spent on boys and herself. As of today, she is married and gainfully employed and has not gone back for an adjustment. I have yet to get a thank you, a card , a gift.

    Child support regulations need to be changed.

    Omg. He pays child support because he has children that he fathered. Don’t want to pay child support. Don’t have children. Laying on your back???? Where was he while she was on her back. Either file for custody or be quiet. It’s no different. Men have custody. Woman pays. Woman has custody. Man pays. I get sick of hearing this. This poor guy has to be financially responsible for his children. And I don’t know what so called children are. Living and breathing humans. I do know. I know how hard it is to try to work and care for children.. Losing jobs when they get sick. The price for child care. Very hard. I don’t know the specific situation. But, if the children are being neglected. You can file for custody without an attorney. But, until then , trashing those children’s mother, serves no purpose. Only shows ignorance. Where is the concern for the children???

    Please I have seen numerous ex wives get child support and the kids do not even live with them. Also to be a man and get custody of your children is a miracle unless the mother gives up her custody rights. I know because I am retired law enforcement.

    Agreed I had a friend who wife had 3 dwi and on the 4th one with the kids in the car and drove into a store front. The judge finally gave him custody but warned him if he made one mistake the kids go back to the mother because kids belong with mom no matter what happens.

    My child support is also used by my ex for her lavish life. All my kids unfit clothes, shes are discared at my place. I just feel the kids deserve a better life. I feel the system is so biased? A bad mother always taking advantage and leaving a good dad bleeding.

    Is there a way to pay expenses like child care, clothes, diapers, etc. to ensure the money is going to the children?

    The system is nothing but fraud and unconstatutional curruption
    Child support is nothing but a buracracy entittlement to pay the state money in witch it uses to fuel its game aginst bias sexisum aginst men over weamon due to the fact the money never goes to the kids just paying for the bitches lifestyle pain and suffering of the devorce nothing more nothing less.( in witch case is also considered unconstatutional.

    In my opinion she shouldn’t have custody of your child because she is using the money that should all be going to the child no matter what. She is using it for all her personal needs so your just paying for her lifestyle and not for the benefit of your child so if anything you should try to gain custody.

    I walked in the store yesterday got in line, I was like the forth one. My Ex is in line to but she didn’t see me walk in, she was the second one in line. When it was her turn to buy her stuff, I seen what she bought. And she always saying she broke, no money, and I pay child support. But she right there buying ciggaretts and beer for her man, that’s all she bought. I seen like 3 other kids in her van and nothing for none of them. She has had 5 kids, gave the first one away. Second is my son, the other 3 from two other guys. Whats bothering me is when my 9yr son ask her for accouple dollers to put in his lunch account and she never helps him.. Ten dollars ain’t nothing for what I’m paying.. she’s taking advantage of this situation, I need help, this has been going on for to long..

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