Known for writing books like “The Successful Single Dad” and “The Successful Single Mom,” Corder creates a great handbook for navigating divorce and its many challenges as well as creating the life one wants in her newest work.
As a former single parent, a well-established author, mentor and more, she has a true understanding of divorce, how it affects those it reaches and the importance of turning divorce’s implications around and reinventing a great life.
NOTE: DadsDivorce will hold a book giveaway for one copy of Corder’s “If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules.” All entries should be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org by Tuesday, July 15, 2014 at 12 pm Central Time. The winner will be chosen randomly and announced the following day on Wednesday, July 16, 2014.
Read this excerpt from Chapter Three, “Rule #3: You Must Heal and Forgive…as Soon as Possible.”
You Want Me to Forgive Whom?
There are at least two people I want you to work on forgiving, and let’s start with the most important one first: you.
You might not think you need to forgive yourself, and yet I know if you peel back a few layers of the onion, you’ll see you are most likely holding a grudge against yourself. Let’s be clear: you are the very person who needs a soft place to fall right now, and one of those soft places needs to be within you.
You may find, as I did, it was very easy to beat yourself over the head about the “if only’s” and “should have’s”of your relationship.
–If only I had listened to my gut and not gone through with the marriage.
-I should have been more affectionate and not such a nag.
-I should have gotten off the couch and gotten a job. If only I had been a better spouse.
I want you to consider the possibility that you did the best you could, made the best choice in a spouse possible with the tools, history, information and perspective you had at the time.
So you didn’t listen to your gut and leave him when he admitted his sex addiction.
You should have paid attention to the fact that she flirted shamelessly with all of your friends.
So what, now what? Divorce is now your path, and being divorced is now your destiny. There is no benefit to beating yourself up because of your past choices. Simply put, self-flagellation does not serve you in any way. It only makes a bad situation worse, delays your healing and makes you feel awful. Doesn’t it? And you’re done with feeling awful as we’ve discussed, yes? Yes.