Below is an excerpt from the book “The Tools You Need To Be Successful: Never Give Up, Never Back Down” by Joshua McDowell, a single father who shares with divorced dads the tools they need to keep themselves in their children’s life and learn how to have a happy and fulfilled future.
IN THIS DAY and age, everyone is having sex. It happens every day all over the world. I made the decision to have sex when I was 17 years old; I was only in high school at the time. I never thought the first time I would have sex would be one of the biggest downturns of my life.
I was young, dumb and I thought I was in love. I know everything happens for a reason, but if I could do things over, I would have done it in a heartbeat. I would have waited to have sex and waited to I was really in love and found somebody who actually cared for me.
It turns out that it is impossible to love someone who doesn’t want anything to do with you because you will only get hurt in the end. Trust me, it does not and will not work out the way you think it will.
I found out no matter what you do or say, you cannot make someone love you. I tried and tried for three years and didn’t get anywhere. All I got was heartache and pain.
My experience with dealing with baby mama drama is this. Every person has a choice in life. Whether it’s good or bad, they’re the ones who have to live with it. If your baby’s mama is anything like mine, and then trusts me, I feel your pain.
I have been dealing with baby mama drama for over three years now. At times, I feel like there’s no way out. When I and my son’s mother agreed to go our separate ways that was hands down the best thing she could have ever done for me. I thank God every day because I am now a better person from it. Our entire relationship was based on a lie.
I never thought about when we would split up. My life would still remain a living nightmare even when we were together; there never was a good time. All we did was fight constantly. It is never a good thing when you fight in front of your child. That is not setting a good example for them.
I have personally seen the kind of woman she truly is. I know all about being a single father and being treated like you’re worthless just because you’re a father. They love to bring you down because they are unhappy with themselves.
When I was going through baby mama drama, it truly was the hardest thing I ever had to go through in my entire life. My son’s mother and her family are in my personal opinion miserable people who are not happy until you are not happy.
That is not a way to live your life. To some that may sound bitter, but I believe the truth will set you free. My son’s mother has done everything she could possibly do to make my life a living nightmare. At one point in my life, she succeeded.
I believe what one person does to another person will only come back to bite you in the butt in the end. Sometimes it just takes a while. I have been raised to believe that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. My crazy ex has successfully, without any proof, managed to have me put away. In her case, it pays to know someone I guess. I was locked up in jail, not once, not twice, but three times. The sad part about it is it was right in a row. I could not see how a police officer could just arrest a man and not have any proof of the actual crime. I know all about feeling like you just cannot do anything right.
When I was behind bars for about a week, I quickly realized that there were a lot of guys who go through this every single day. This world is crooked than ever. When it comes to a woman and a man, the majority of the time the woman can do no wrong. I’m sure we have all been in one of those situations before.
The courts don’t care about a man especially if he’s a father. When I went up in front of the judge to plead my case, I had all the proof right in front of the judge’s face to prove that I was innocent, and he still did not want to believe it just because she started to do a fake cry. Some women do that just to get their way.
When I was locked up, I soon found out that the majority of the guys that were there were there because of their girlfriend or in some cases their wives. Either they refused the guy to let them see their child or because the woman found another guy to be with and she wanted the father out of the picture.
They think, well, if my baby’s daddy is out of the picture, I can start a new life with my new boyfriend. These days, guys are being put in jail left and right. We could look at someone wrong, and we could get locked up. At least that’s how it seemed to me.
I don’t come from a family who has a lot of money to just spend for an emergency. Each time I had to borrow money off someone just so I could get bailed out of jail because of my crazy ex. My son’s mother and her family smashed all my Jeep windows to pieces. That was money in itself right there a lone just to replace them.
You want to hear something crazy. Her brothers even burned down my parent’s $30,000 garage. The worse thing is, I and my mom were coming home from court one day and her brothers tried to run me and my mom off the road twice. They tried to take us out, but as you see, they did not succeed.
I have come across with overwhelming odds and have come out victoriously. They tried to take me out for good because at the time, I was going through a tremendous child custody battle so I could get custody of my son.
I have learned that you should never stop fighting for what means most to you. I remember one summer day. My son’s uncle on his mom’s side came on my property. He came alone one day in my backyard and, in broad daylight, tries to take off with my son. His first mistake was coming in my backyard, thinking he owns the place.
His second mistake was trying to take off with my son in front of me and my family. I quickly stopped doing what I was doing and rushed over to him. I took my son out of his arms and got him away from him. Then it was on. I was waiting, hoping, just praying to go head-to-head with her brother. For some strange reason, he kept backing away from me.
Now that I look back on it, I thank God every day he didn’t go put his hands on me because of how I was feeling at that particular time. I would have taken him out for good. I guarantee he would not be where he is today if things had been different.
All I have to say is thank you God because I would have been spending the rest of my life in prison or on the run for the rest of my life. When you mess with me, I don’t care. I have the Heavenly Father on my side, but when you mess with my son, all I have to say is you better watch out because it’s on like Donkey Kong.
You know what they say, dynamite comes in small packages. I might be small, but when you mess with my son, I become deadly like dynamite. What I really don’t understand is when there were three or four or even five on one they act all hard. It was like it was okay for them, like it was a game or something. The brothers of my son’s mother would run their mouths day after day, but when it came down to one-on-one, they never wanted any part of me. I don’t understand it.
I am a very lucky father. God has blessed me with an amazing son. My son is smart, funny, talented, and a very gifted little boy. I love him more than anything or anyone else in the world.
I have spent thousands of dollars on my son just so I could keep us together as a family. All I have ever wanted was to make my son want to be proud of me. I will always be there for my son until the day I die. My son is my life. My son is my pride and joy.
Please visit “The Tools You Need To Be Successful” website to order Joshua McDowell’s divorce book on surviving as a single dad.