By Katie Davis
Father’s Day in post-divorce years can be tough, particularly if the divorce happened fairly recently.
While divorced dads may worry about what this day will hold after divorce, how they can best celebrate with their kids or whether an ex might try to upset plans, it’s important for these men to focus not so much on their losses but rather on what the future of fatherhood with their children may hold. In other words, the focus is on fatherhood.
In that sense, Father’s Day can be a great opportunity for divorced dads to re-think how they celebrate this holiday, whether on the actual day or sometime close to it, and what they want this annual tradition to mean to their children.
Read through some of these ideas on how to best approach Father’s Day weekend, and enjoy time with the kids, this year.
Take Worry Out of the Equation – Regardless of what divorced parents try to do during or after a divorce, or how much parents can try to reassure children, the kids have a knack for worrying about their parents. Children also pick up quickly on feelings, particularly those from one of their parents toward the other.
Before you dive into time spent with your kids around Father’s Day this June, take a step back and examine yourself. Are you giving off some negative energy? Do you have built-up resentment toward your ex that might be a bit too obvious to your kids? It’s time to set that aside and allow both you and your children to celebrate a worry-free holiday.
Be Open and Communicative – While you may not want divorce, or your ex, to be the focus of this Father’s Day weekend by any means, it is important that your kids feel as though they can turn to you with their questions, emotions and issues related to this event (this is particularly true if the divorce is recent).
You can still work to keep worry out of the discussion by being open and honest, but also confident and understanding. Listen to what your kids want to, and need to, say.
Divorce Detox tells fathers to “Consider their age and developmental stage, talk to your children about how Father’s Day may be different for them…and let them know how excited you are to spend time with them on this special day.”
Let them know you will always be their father, and prove to them both in words and actions that you mean what you say.
Making this Father’s Day Meaningful – This is the time in both your life and your children’s lives to reinvent Father’s Day traditions going forward. Look at it as a fresh opportunity, and make sure you stay present and responsive when your kids’ offer up ideas.
If you need to turn off your smartphone or switch off the television to keep from being distracted, do so. This is the beginning of a great holiday for you and your children.
Make it count.
One comment on “Celebrating Father’s Day as a Divorced Dad”
I am spending fathers’ Day with my 6 year old son alone. I also spent my Valentine’s Day alone with my son. My ex-wife ISOLATED me from my social contacts (friends, family, and just about everyone else). She used every malicious and damaging tactics to claim that she is a VICTIM of domestic violence. She, as a woman, used TEARS and FALSE stories and even official police reports to get sympathy, and claim that she is a VICTIM of Domestic Violence. over the past few years, while we were married and after we got divorce about a year ago, she ISOLATED me from my social contacts (friends, family, and just about everyone else).
She has been abusive verbally and physically, since we got married in 2001, but, I thought that would change. It did not. Actually, she became very abusive of our son in 2012. I understand her sudden increasing in anger and abuses, because we both were unemployed at that time, but, abusing an innocent child is not acceptable to me. Thus, I called the Department of Family and Children (DCF) in 2012. However, DCF, after 2 years of alleged investigations did nothing, because they (DCF) believed that my wife was a victim of domestic violence. Finally DCF sent the case to the court system
I believe in telling the truth. She twists the truth (she lies, cheats, manipulates others, uses anybody and any way or ANTHING) to get what she wants. She violates knowing that she is hurting our own 6 year old son, me, and all involved parties. She discovered that claiming that “she is a victim of domestic violence gets her, always, REWARDS”. Therefore, now, she claims to all people that she is still a victim of domestic violence.
We were divorced in October of 2013; we had a mutual divorce (non- contested divorce). In our divorce agreement we agreed on joint custody of child. I work as a part mathematics adjunct and tutor at a local college. She works for a grocery store and she makes much more money. Thus, we had to resort to assistance from the State of Florida Food Stamps and Medicaid programs. We got both (food Stamps and Medicaid), because we have a minor child.
About a month ago, she filed a new application and removed me from any benefits. She requested all benefits for herself and our son, because she claimed that she has sole custody of our son (which is not true). She also claimed that she is “a VICTIM of Domestic Violence”.
On 04/29/2014, she got an injunction (restraining order) against me and alleged that I was an imminent threat to her and my son.
On 05/11/2014, we had a hearing and the judge dismissed the injunction against my son, therefore, I still see my son as before. But, she manipulated her attorney to ask for continuation of her injunction against me. It is still pending, and I don’t know where to turn, because even the legal system seems biased and believes that she is a victim of domestic violence. Even my attorney failed me by not serving my son’s interests and mine. He told me that my ex-wife reported to her attorney that I beat her while we were married, and that I am a terrorist, and a threat to the security of USA. All these allegations seem to scare my attorney, because he withdrew from my case completely, and now no attorney wants to even take my case. I have been always a good citizen of this country. I don’t have any records of arrests or even any kind. But, it seems that my ex-wife’s allegations that she has been and still is “a victim of domestic violence” and her newest allegations that I am threat to the security of this country biased everyone and even the legal system.
Please help me and my son. My son is with me right, and I will do the right things for his wellbeing.