Divorce Survival Training: Being Strong-Armed (Part 2)

By DadsDivorce.com reader Big D

Note: This is part 2 of a two-part article on how to deal with being strong-armed in your divorce. Part 1 advised the correct ways to address potential divorce issues.

Common Attacks

I am guessing you are aware of the different areas of attack or divorce legal strategies your ex wife will try. If you are not aware, you will be all too soon. For me, I have heard nearly every possible angle of attack in an attempt to strong arm me into a decision that I do not want to make.

I have heard that I love money and not the kids. I have heard that I love my new wife, but not my children. I have heard that I am willing to spend money on myself, but my children are left to suffer. I have heard that the children really want “X”, so I should listen to them and provide this for them.



Beyond the verbal attacks, you might also get attacks in the form of letters, calls from companies, calls from lawyers, etc. In all cases these are nothing more than ways your ex-wife is trying to dodge her communication, put something “solid” against you in her case, and in some way prove that you were not willing to even listen to her point of view. If you follow the advice of your divorce lawyer and do what you know is right for your children’s sake, all of these tactics will fall way short for her case.


Tactics, Rebuttals, and Actions

When you are in the midst of a conflict like this with your ex-wife, you need to be smart and precise. You don’t want something to slip through the cracks causing you to look like you ignored her, caused issues to arise beyond the current issue, etc. So be sure to do and say all the right things for the situation and your children.

Start by making sure everything is documented. No voicemails, phone conversations without a follow up e-mail, no nasty notes, etc. All communication should be void of your opinions about her; expletives, demeaning comments, or anything that you would not want your children (or a judge) to hear. Consider that a judge might be looking at this making a decision as to whether you owe money to your ex-wife.

With every communication stream, be consistent, be clear, be honest, be open to receive information, be open for options, and more. When there is a meeting with someone required, be available or suggest alternate times. When there is a second opinion required, be sure to get information from the first opinion and invite your ex-wife to the meeting with the second referral. Ask to be invited to all meetings that your ex-wife sets up.

When the strong arm begins to get a bit stiff, make sure you quote the divorce decree and exactly what it states about the situation. Be clear to back that up with the communication you have been sending; the two should be in alignment.

Make sure that your communications are being received. This means e-mail read receipts, duplicate communications such as texts, ask for a response, ask follow up questions, re-send emails that get no response, etc.

Finally, get legal help in case a decision is made that you did not want so you know your legal responsibilities. Know what you can and can’t say. Respond quickly and with good behavior and language.



You will be strong armed by your ex-wife at some point. You will be put in a situation where you need to take action immediately. You will be put to the fire to see how you react and you must react properly.

Many times you are not being strong armed for any reason but your ex-wife was trained that she can manipulate and control you. You need to remain consistent and persistent. Remain calm and under control.

If you do everything required to take care of the situation appropriately, there should not be any consequences against you. However, like all other instances in the family law realm, since you have a penis you might get the short end of the stick! Good luck in all your situations!


Note: This is part 2 of a two-part article on how to deal with being strong-armed in your divorce. Part 1 advised the correct ways to address potential divorce issues.

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