Divorcing When Children Are Involved

Guest blogger Josie P. de Dios is a freelance writer with expertise on women and health.  She is the editor of http://divorceandannulment.blogspot.com.  She is likewise the author of ebooks entitled “Understanding Antioxidants and Free Radicals” and “Asian Skin, How to Take Care of It”.

Divorce and Separation have grown in great proportions that it has turned into an inevitable fact of life.  While it is true that you commit to love, respect and honor your spouse during marriage, as we know, sometimes insurmountable problems can arise.  And while some marriages can get through those rough times, others fall apart.

Divorce is not only for celebrities like the recent divorce of Madonna and Guy Ritchie.  Divorce affects anyone who finds it impossible to handle issues in their marriage.

Divorce is never easy and it is completely unacceptable in some societies.  There are still women who resent the thought that they are divorcing and often end up depressed.  This however does not happen to women alone, men, with their proud personality resent divorce because some men think of it as weakness in their part.

While others with the intrinsic proud personality blame it in their wives, some men do actually admit that the mistake comes from them.

Whichever point of view you look at it, divorce is almost always difficult, especially to the children.  Thus, it does us good to remember that no matter how hurt we might feel because of the divorce, the children’s feelings should always be considered. Children almost always feel that they must be at least partially to blame for their parents’ separation and subsequent divorce.

Thus, the topic of divorce should not be raised only between husband and the wife.  We must be sure to inform the children in an appropriate way and assure them that they will continue to enjoy the time with both their parents as they grow.

In this case, it is preferable that divorcing spouses arrange equal time with the children.  It is also preferable that they arrange visitation rights and agree that special occasions involving the children will have the participation of both parents.

If you cannot live under one roof without altercation, we should always remain civil during these special occasions.  Do this not for your spouse, but do this for your children.

If you have to go through the process of mourning because of divorce and separation, please know that your children will need to go through the same process.  Thus, mother and father need to strive to understand their children.  It might not be easy to not outwardly look depressed and disheveled in front of them, but if we must express our more intense emotions it should be with the understanding that everything can affect our children.  Certain levels of mourning must be done in secrecy.  I know this is hard. If you must leave the house, do so.

Go somewhere when you can be alone and be sorry.  After which, wash you face and face the world, your children will be home waiting for you and they are also feeling bad about what is happening. And now, with your fresh perspective, you must be there for them.

Husbands, if you are to leave the house because of separation from your spouse, you may find that you must go to difficult lengths to reach out to your children.  Your efforts to visit them as often as possible especially during the initial stage of the divorce process will certainly make a difference regardless of how difficult it might be.  They want more attention right now, and you are right to give it to them.

Divorce hurts everyone.  Thus, if there is still a way to fix your marriage, you have to work for it.

If, however, it is already beyond repair, make the efforts to help the children understand.  Never make the mistake of thinking that they are too young and they would not understand.  If you can explain to them that the problem does not lie within them and that you are divorcing the spouse and not them, it is possible that you can help your children go through the process without unnecessary problems.

Josie P. de Dios is a freelance writer with expertise on women and health.  She is the editor of http://divorceandannulment.blogspot.com.  She is likewise the author of ebooks entitled “Understanding Antioxidants and Free Radicals” and “Asian Skin, How to Take Care of It”.

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