Lessons Learned When Requesting a Modification

By DadsDivorce.com reader Big D

When children are involved in a divorce and post-divorce modification situation, it will always be ugly and costly. I feel there are two things that drive most ex-wives in their decision making when dealing with their ex-husband: power and money.

When power or the illusion of power is jeopardized, bad things will result. When money or the reduction of money is jeopardized, bad things will result.

What can a man do to protect himself? Here is a list of things that I highly recommend any man do when trying to modify his situation.

  1. Never lose your cool.
  2. Always stay in control of your emotions.
  3. Hire a great attorney. (Learn how to choose the right lawyer.)
  4. Try to reduce verbal communications with your ex-wife over change-related issues.
  5. Keep documentation of all email and text communications wife regarding “change” related issues.
  6. Be true to yourself.
  7. Look for trends, areas of weakness, and areas you know your ex-wife will leverage in retaliation to your change.
  8. Be consistent with your behavior.
  9. Be consistent with your children.
  10. Never punish your children for your ex-wife’s behavior.
  11. Don’t bad talk your ex-wife to your children, no matter how much you feel they deserve to know what she is doing.
  12. Always remember your children love and cherish you!

I wish all of you the best of luck and please stay true to yourself, your children, and pursue a life past your divorce. You deserve it, your children deserve it, and there is no reason to be dragged down by your ex-wife or her lawyer!

Read about more real-life divorce experiences and divorce advice for men in our series Divorce Survival Training.

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