Ten Things You Can Do To Sabotage Your Custody Battle

custody battle

Compiled by Cordell & Cordell Divorce Attorneys For Men

The divorce process is usually very difficult and trying for anyone experiencing it. These difficult times often cause a person to act or react irrationally and in ways that detrimentally affect his or her case.

You should be aware prior to court proceedings that the court will evaluate your behavior in its entirety throughout the proceedings and always behave accordingly.

Below are some of the factors judges consider when making a child custody determination along with the 10 most common mistakes made by men during custody battles.

Best Interest Of The Child Standard

To determine how not to behave during this process it is helpful to review the criteria used by the judge (“court”) to determine appropriate placement of the children. The court is charged with the responsibility of evaluating the situation to determine what placement and parenting time is in the child’s best interest.

Some of the considerations include but are not limited to:

a) The length of time that the child has been under the actual care and control of any person other than a parent and the circumstances relevant thereto;

b) the desires of the parents as to residence-agreements reached by the parents and submitted to the court are usually presumed to be in the child’s best interest;

c) the interaction and interrelationship of the child with parents, siblings, and any other person who may significantly affect the child’s best interests;

d) the child’s adjustment to the child’s home, school, and community;

e) the willingness and ability of each parent to respect and appreciate the bond between the child and the other parent and to allow for a continuing relationship between the child and the other parent;

f) any evidence or allegation of spousal abuse;

g) any evidence or allegation of child abuse on this or any other child;

h) whether either parent is required to register as a sex offender;

i) whether a parent is residing with a person who is required to register as a sex offender;

j) whether a parent has been convicted of abuse of a child;

k) whether a parent is residing with a person who has been convicted of abuse of a child

Watch Your Behavior

Whether you are fighting to be the primary residential parent or for weekend visits with your children the evaluation process by the court will encompass all of your behavior.

In particular, expect your children’s mother to point out all negative behavior. If you behave as though the judge were standing next to you each time you interact with the children or their mother, you will certainly avoid the pitfalls that will reduce your custody chances.

In reviewing the following list of things not to do, keep in mind the fact that children are wonderful mimics. You should expect your children to tell their mother everything you tell them. Knowing this, you should be aware of things said to the children or around the children that relate to their mother.

Conversations As Evidence

You should also anticipate your children’s mother hiding a tape recorder on or near her person when you interact. Recorded telephone conversations are common during divorce proceedings. In such cases, words spoken out of anger and frustration quickly become the rope that hangs the speaker.

Technically, such recordings should not be permissible but some courts will hear them for the purpose of evaluating a parent’s intentions and mental state. Do not be caught on tape saying things you would not say with the judge present. It should go without saying that any e-mail or text message correspondence can be easily handed to the judge for review so fits within the same admonition. The admission of such written lapses in judgment is much easier since you clearly knew it was documented at the time.

This list is not exhaustive but includes some of the most common mistakes made by men during child custody battles.

Child Custody Laws:

Will I Get Custody?

 

  1. Alienation of Affection: Children thrive best in a two parent household whenever possible. If a parent makes it a habit to put down the other parent, the children feel torn and forced to choose one parent over the other.

This is very frustrating and confusing for the children. Judges are quite familiar with the damage this behavior can cause and are extremely intolerant when this behavior occurs. The two most common forms of alienation of affection that get dads into trouble are: criticizing mom around the kids and keeping the children from mom in any way.

  • Yell at wife and/or children: As covered above, assume all conversations are being recorded. When you yell at your wife or your children it often gives the appearance that you are being abusive or bullying them. Men are in a distinct position in this society where they are presumed to be dominating and more powerful then women (and of course children).That being the case, women are in a position to claim they are afraid of their husband or the father of their children. Whether their fear is authentic or not, the court takes such allegations very seriously. Do not give her any ammunition for the court. A tape recording of a telephone conversation or an in-person argument will appear to the court to demonstrate you losing control and possibly becoming dangerous.

    No matter how hard it becomes, fight the urge to yell at your wife or your children. If that becomes a general rule you will not need to worry about such behavior impeding you in court.

  • common divorce mistakesHave a physical confrontation with wife and/or children: Making physical contact with another person in a harmful or offensive manner is a crime. Some states call that crime “battery” others refer to it as “assault”. Whatever the term, it is criminal. You cannot very well care for your children from jail. No matter how upset you become during these proceedings, you must not make physical contact with your wife or children when you are angry.If this is something that has occurred in the past, you need to acknowledge that you are susceptible to such behavior and leave the area when you become upset. It is much better to walk away from an argument then to be in a position where you have little or no time with your children or such time is supervised by a stranger.

    There are many women who are abusive toward their husbands. It is no less a crime for a woman to be physically abusive toward you or your children. If you feel such a situation is going to occur, you should attempt to leave the area. If you feel the children are in danger, you obviously would not leave them alone with her at that time.

    If she hits, pushes, punches, or otherwise makes contact with you in an offensive way while she is angry, you need to call the police. Such behavior should be reported. The police will treat her the same way they would have treated you and she will go to jail. Legislation related to domestic violence has increased over the last few years and law enforcement no longer treats it as a family dispute.

    Judges take these matters very seriously as well because physical violence between parents is very confusing and upsetting to children. Studies have shown that children who witness domestic violence from an early age suffer developmental challenges as well as life-long emotional problems.

  • Move in with a significant other: Divorce is a difficult time for children. It is hard for them to grasp the idea that their parents’ love for each other can simply end. Things are even more difficult when it becomes clear that the love transferred to a person that is not the child’s mother. Courts are reluctant to expose children to such truths. Judges do not appreciate children being exposed to significant others while a divorce is proceeding.In addition, children are unlikely to be comfortable around the new woman and may refuse to stay overnight or even visit your home if she is there. That will certainly prevent you from having a healthy relationship with your children. Until the divorce is final-and even for a while after-do not expose the children to a new woman.
  • Criticize mother to friends, family, case worker, or guardian ad litem: Keep in mind that your friends now are likely friends that were shared by both parties at one time. You should expect friends to still talk to both parties. Assume comments you make will get back to your wife.If a case worker or guardian ad litem is assigned to your case, be aware that they are looking intently for signs of alienation of affection. Do not let them see it coming from you. Focus on the good relationship you have with your children and how well you communicate. Do not waste time criticizing their mother. That is easily misinterpreted as alienation of affection.

    Caveat: if the children’s mother is involved in illegal drug use or otherwise engaging in behavior that is dangerous to the children, this should be brought to the attention of the case worker or guardian ad litem and closely investigated. Be certain you have some form of unbiased evidence before making such allegations or you again run into the problem of appearing to be trying to alienate the children from their mother.

  • Fail to pay child support: If the court enters an order of support and you choose to ignore it that is considered contempt of court. If the judge makes a finding that you are in contempt, you may be fined or even jailed for such behavior.As a general rule, the judges feel that paying child support is more important then any other financial obligations. Failure to pay child support appears to the court as your lack of respect for the court and lack of concern for your children. Obviously it costs money to raise children.

    Child support amounts are set using several variables to determine what it will take for the child to continue to survive as the child had prior to the break up. You may hire an experienced mens divorce attorney to fight the support amounts ordered if you have good cause, but until the court orders otherwise, you are responsible for paying child support as ordered.

    If ordered to pay your wife directly, always do this by check and save the receipts from the bank showing these checks cleared. Your wife may later deny receiving cash payments.

Prosecuting Child Support:

Advice From A Former Prosecutor

 

  • Damage property belonging to mom or her family: Property damage is often a sign of aggression that is building up in a person. Not only will the court make you pay to replace any damaged property, the court may also see you as a threat to your children due to such behavior.

 

  • Deny telephone contact with mom when the children are with you: This relates back to the earlier topic on alienation of affection but may not always be as obvious. Even if you have limited time with a child such as a couple hours a week, you must allow that child to call mom when requested.In addition, if she calls to check on the child you need to be polite and allow her to talk to the child unless that would cause disruption or the child is sleeping. Keep in mind that such calls from mom must be reasonable. Children should feel free to communicate with either parent at any time.

    If your wife denies you contact with your children when you call, be sure to keep a journal of the dates and times so the court may address it if it becomes a problem. You should expect your wife is keeping a similar journal.

  • Take kids out of the area without warning mom in advance: If you have a family vacation or reunion planned outside the metropolitan area in which you live, be sure that you have notified their mother before you take the children. Many parents reach agreement about vacation times with the children so that each parent has an opportunity to spend a week or two out of town with the kids.If you leave the area without notifying your wife, it may appear you are attempting to kidnap the children. That could result in her obtaining emergency orders restricting or terminating your parenting time or custody. If at all possible, try to notify her in writing two weeks in advance so there will be no confusion when the time comes.
  • Remove children from school or daycare without notice to mom: Temporary orders will usually designate parenting time but rarely includes the time when the child is at school or in daycare. If the school allows you to visit the children over lunch or other times you should freely do so as long as it is not a distraction. You should never remove the children from school or daycare if you are not the primary custodian.Even if you are the primary custodian, the children should remain in school or daycare unless you have a good reason to remove them. Expect your wife to bring the judge a printout from the school that will show tardies and absences while the children are in your care. If you are not primary custodian, removal from school or daycare may appear that you are kidnapping the children and could result in serious restriction or full termination of your parenting time.

There are no guaranteed ways to win a child custody battle but avoiding the above mistakes can at least keep you in the battle.

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174 comments on “Ten Things You Can Do To Sabotage Your Custody Battle

    Really
    During my divorce I have accused of everything under the sun and have not retaliated. The result is that I have limited custody. Your advice is probably right in an unjust society that consistently looks for people who will take it in favor or those who will not. It is sad that all the advice here is essentially — Dad’s if you want to see your kids turn your other cheek so that you can get slapped around some more. What is needed is a political fight that puts an end to the big business of divorce and marriage. Removing money from the system will result in equality. Band together men and replace the political leaders who support the unjust system of enslaving one person to benefit another.

    You are so right. And just so you know, it’s not only the men who lose to the corrupt chauvinistic and biased justice system. Woman do too. I’m on the other end of the snakes. If you are an emotional loving caring mother and your husband tells lies, you’re automatically guilty before considered innocent. He has the money the great job and the attorney. Therefore, divorce is hell. Think of life without your kids. Just a day away (sharing) makes it all NOT worth it. Don’t pay. Stay with your wives! Marriage should be a sacred commitment and your kids deserve better. Suck it up and follow it through for theirs and your sakes.

    I tried, we had a great marriage then boom, I don’t want you anymore. I asked to do therapy, suggested we spend some time actually like dating again and learn more about the other person again. She replied “I’m not putting myself through that”(referring to therapy) . I wish everyday it could’ve be helped for the kids sake. I wish more ppl saw marriage for the commitment it is rather than something easily giving up. It’s sad

    I am going through this heartbreak now. I put myself through nursing school right after I lost everything in a tornado in Mo un 2011. He is a business owner and very well set. I cannot fight him because his pockets are to deep and he knows this. After the tornado he kept the children for the summer so that I could get things together and refused to give them back. He has told so many lies to everyone who will listen and is such a manipulator. He tells the children such terrible things about me they are scared to show any positive feelings toward me. He gets away with everything and I’ve been nice and not said anything to the children and I end up still on the bottom.
    This is a very unfair system. It all needs to change.

    Hi, I am sorry to hear your situation. I am the step-dad in my case. My wife has the child while this situation is pending until the 21st of this month. His dad does the same. He puts the child against her mom. But, there is a god. And everyone pays their debt in life. Even that business man one day may get a bad cancer that no pocket will save. Kids grow up, and they get to know very well their parents and who they really are. I grew with my step dad saying bad things about my dad who I never met until I was 20 because he left the country seeking for a better future for the family and couldn’t come back again (Cuba) until I came to USA and I met him. During that time I developed some anger against my stepdad which turned to be right in many aspects. Now, I could confirm many things with my own eyes and I am not angry at my step dad anymore. But, the point is that your ex is simply hurt inside, and he does this as a way to cause you suffering. Do no show feelings in front of him, make your kids feel like home when they are with you. There is a big difference between the love to moms and the one to dads. After 13, they can go to court and decide for themselves who they want to live with.

    This is so true…im dealing with the same stuff.my daughter has been taken from me without my consent..what do I do

    I completely understand where you are coming from. My ex has custody of my two daughters, and my oldest one has been completely alienated from me. I see my 11 yr old two days a week and I took her to a movie. The next day I get harassing texts from my ex stating that the movie was too scary and I’m irresponsible. Everything I do is wrong, even going to a movie. In the mean time, he goes to a family picnic, drinks a few beers then gets in the car with my kids. Now that is irresponsible. But that doesn’t matter because he has all the money which is all the courts look at.

    That’s all the court look at. I lost my daughter’s custody to my ex’s parents! I have a perfect life in MO but since they started the case in a small town in KY with this family that are friends with pretty much everyone in town and has all the money in the world to drag me in court, they won. Now my daughter lives 600 miles away from me. I get little to no visitation because my daughter’s psychiatrist have to make sure my daughter cope with the separation right. Why take her away from her mother in the first place? One mistake I had was I let her watch over my daughter, then next thing I know, they took me to court and I couldn’t get my daughter back since then. The court system is really messed up. Someday my daughter will know the whole truth.

    Jennifer, I have a very similar situation and I have posted on support sites but gotten no replies. I am sick of everything being about ” feel sorry for the dads” and now it is so twisted that I feel hopeless. It’s all about money when it comes to the dad in my situation. Money controls it all. I’d love to speak to you in private. I am assuming you are still in MO ( Joplin?)? I am in Iowa.

    Hey im a dad n i have no money im actually in nj recieving food stamps n i have full custody and all it took was my 55 inch tv a for her to sign it all she just left us for her behind the scene pill dealer / penis now he’s a convicted felon for several bad checks stealing from her job Harrahs casino and I’m not talking hundreds or even thousands talking tens of thousands what does she get because she’s a woman 3 years probation and I get child support nope she supposed to pay $48 a week but owes / 5700 and has a warrant out every other month and then pay the hundred bucks in the circle starts again but I try my best still let her see her every Sunday and keep her mother in her life even though my fiance has raised my daughter since she was 2 will be a better mother than she ever could be shit said really

    I think we may have the same ex! LOL My ex adopted my 2 older children and then when I filed for divorce, he decided he wanted our son, but not our daughter. He’s got endless contacts in the legal and court systems and has filed false police reports and gotten caught and filed court documents late and he has still not been reprimanded. He does not pay child support and refuses to meet me half way to drop off the kids because he simply doesn’t feel like it. He has told lies to anyone and everyone that he knows he can manipulate and will believe him. I’ve never been in any type of trouble and even went as far as accusing me of child abuse and had the children taken away from me for a few hours, until it was proven he lied and manipulated the Judge, but still no consequences. He was arrested and charged for attacking me last year in front of the kids and only received a $250. He has completely turned my son against me (who is not biologically his and I have proof he acknowledges he did not want to adopt him) My son was never good enough or old enough for him before, but as soon as I filed for divorce he suddenly became his number 1. My son has always been loving, kind and sweet he now looks at me with what feels like complete and utter disgust. The way he responds to different things are directly from the divorce decree and/or sound just like my ex. He even comes up with stuff that he should not even know about. I spent over $16,000 on attorneys and have nothing else to spend. I’ve don’t everything I know to do to show the judge what is happening and nothing is been done. Any advice would be great!

    WOW….. Jess… I am truly sorry for what you have gone thru. I think we were with the same person. He never showed any attention to my oldest from previous relationship until we seperated and now they are the best of friends. Ive had them full time since birth 9 years ago and the past few weeks he has forced his way into getting half visitation. And now he feels like he has every right to have 50/50. He would verbally and phsyically abuse me for so many years and go to the gym for almost 3 hours everyday after work. He makes up lies and never has any proof to back it up but I have to bend over backwords to prove myself. He told even had me sign a contact with him that I would get full custody and now he is saying he didnt write the part about getting the kids but I recorded him writing it. My court hearing is in the morning and I do not have a lawyer so hopefully I can reschedule.

    I am so sorry for you. My stomach hurts just imagining this scenario. Lots of good thoughts your way. I go to court tomorrow with my manipulative ex and am scared shitless.

    I know I’m a bit late to the thread, but I’m in the same boat, and the custody battle hasn’t even started yet. I got an acs case, because my son is failure to thrive. The case was closed because they couldn’t find the allegations of malnourishment true, and my son was born small, and he is special needs. They found in my care, my son was gaining weight, slow but gaining. Up to date with all shots, I followed up with all genetic appointments, gasternorology, diet plans made by the dietian, endocrine appointments, immunology appointments etc. Acs violated my rights MULTIPLE TIMES. Me and my ex have had a two year history of domestic violence, including during my pregnancy. He was a good father, but a bit irresponsible. Coming in our home strung out on weed, around our newborn baby who just came home from the NICU, leaving our son unattended, etc. A week later, I have PTSD, and I try to harm myself, acs takes my son and places him with his biological father, now my ex. Prior to this, we had a case for ‘malnourishment’ he was defending me. All of a sudden, after we split and I get a second case, because I don’t want to be with him, he’s hell bent on getting revenge. As well as for the time I placed him in jail for what.. a couple of days? I didn’t even testify knowing he would be a felon, and because we’re in college, and not done with our undergrad, and him doing premed, it will hinder him, and will cause a strain on child support being he can never get a job, and it will limit where he lives. I didn’t want to do that, but guess what he does? He is willing to testify against me for ‘malnourishing our son’. Um, last I checked, my son was removed from me because I tried to harm myself, and he wasn’t even home, and he was in the care of my family at the time. Where is the imminent danger? Their being biased toward my mental health, but what about my issues with late child support, him leaving my child unattended, beating me with my child present, and during the pregnancy, and he also beat up two other girls who got restraining orders against him, wtf? I didn’t see the signs of how crazy this man was until I was four months pregnant. He has even brought the baby late to visits with me because he’s upset I don’t want to be with him. What the hell? And he lives like six blocks away from the acs office. And he is placing things about me saying I’m a bad mom. If I was unfit, why nineteen months later, AFTER A BREAKUP, you’re saying I’m a bad mother? His family didn’t even want to help with the baby, wanted a dna test. And after two dna tests that’s when they want to get involved. They also helped try to take the baby away from me and they didn’t even know me. My son’s doctors aren’t willing to testify against me. Their bringing in a psychiatrist who has met me once when I was unconcious from the pill overdose, trying to commit suicide to say if I should be reunited with my child? And a social worker who called in the last case, to say what? Where are the doctors who have EXAMINED MY SON. Also, their using my ex as a witness and some of his friend’s. How biased is that? I have a stronger case. I have the doctors and my friends and family, and my neighbors where acs harassed them, and they told the truth. The baby is seen with me, and in good care. Sorry to rant. But I am TIRED, of these corrupt family courts. The worker stated I did drugs, and I passed their drug test, then he’d recant. He said I was never in counseling or taking my medication the doctors prescribed to help the depression and anxiety. I have proof I was, and my psychiatrist will be testifying as well.

    Yes, you are right. I was a victim in this battle too. He has money, attorney and lie and he won the case. I have no criminal and bad history, very good mom and I didn’t work. I was immigrant, full time mom no job and this jerk judge reward sole to my ex. No fair in the court only money and power.

    You are extremely correct. The court system does not care about the father’s rights….YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS UNDER ANY PARENTING AGREEMENT. The court system has destroyed me. I have 42 counts pending against my x wife that have been completely ignored by the guardian ad lidem. Friday my x called me 17 times to say good night to our child…he was notified and ignored it….intead, he put a time limit for when phone calls can be made….the time limit occurs while I’m at work! My child is manipulated constantly….I video tape it and submit it to the GAL….he reports back to me my actions are inappropriate….guess what…the court only looks at factual evidence; lawyers hate factual evidence! If my daughter is going to be manipulated emotionally and psychologically, I’m recording what she says and submitting it. I’ve had it with this court system! Father’s right’s.? Really? YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS….get used to it because the politicians and the judicial system are making TONS OF MONEY ON THIS!

    That is not always true. My ex husband sexually abused a 10yr old girl. The judge over our custody case has not even heard the testimony of the girl yet or anything else we have to present in court — we have been waiting a year now. She *thank God* did order that my ex husband undergo psychosexual evaluations but while we wait for the results she is giving him unsupervised access to our 7yr old daughter. It is sickening. The reasoning behind it is the judge says he has just as much right to see the child as I do. Having the district attorney’s office, police department, Childs advocacy center, and child services say he is guilty of child sex abuse and sodomy of a child under age 12 hasn’t led the judge to do anything to protect our daughter from him. The judge is prejudiced against me because I am the “ex” and her experience is that ex wife’s will say anything to get their ex husbands in trouble…. The system is horrible

    Mother’s have no rights neither take it from me I have been fighting for my son for 9 years and I am still a piece of crap in the courts eyes because I used to be addicted to drugs and now cleaned for 10 years his father moved him away 2 years ago so that’s how long it has been since I seen my son but that is OK because he carries primary residents custody no is not OK what about my right

    I have to admit, I totally agree. We had a counselor, who at Moms request, was “helping Dad and daughter have a meaningful relationship” yet when said counselor was given text messages between mother and daughter showing her calling Dad by his first name, saying she hated him, telling the daughter that “she hopes she sees how XXXX really is now” (at the age of 12) in fact we gave the counselor at least 15 photos of messages like this only to get a phone call saying this was all too much information! How can it be too much information or bad conduct on the part of the parent collecting the information, when the bad conduct is obviously the other parent?!
    I tell anyone who asks me for advice on these issues to stay out of court. If someone comes after your right to be a parent, you might be better off giving it to them because people with these intentions never stop. They don’t have an off button that tells them enough is enough, they will just keep pushing and pushing forever until the kids are too old to continue doing so. Even then, someone dead set on bringing ill will your way will never be done with you. Chasing our tails just gives the evil person more time and energy to pursue their agenda.

    Well said sir! Turn the other cheek seems to be the “best” advice available. On social media, there are hundreds of thousands of fathers who have been unfairly judged by the family court system. The experienced and even the gullible newbie lawyers for dad try to milk as much money possible from you so they can split it among the court officials; subsequently, passing a verdict not in favor of dad. Ever!

    Well my wife has had depression since she was very young and has had a tragic life. After 8 years of marriage and our 5th child she has decided to talk to another man. I still tried my best to work it out. She says it’s just done. And is willing to do 50/50 with the children. She doesn’t really have a job and I make good money. Should I still get a lawyer? Or will I need to with the whole child custody thing or can we work it out on a self agreement. I STILL deeply love her and am willing to let her go if it makes her happy. It’s been emotional and rough living under the same roof as she has nowhere to go and I don’t want to just choose to be away from my kids. I don’t know if I should rush to filing for a divorce while things are civil or wait to see if things can work out. Q

    Hold your kids close and no matter how much your wife crys DO NOT let her have them. I made that mistake, and now my ex has our daughter who she never cared about until we broke up. she broke a signed agreement and now I have to go to my lawyers in the morning and try to get my daughter back. Worst mistake of my life, and I owe it to my lawyer who said if I had it in writing and we both signed it I would be fine. well I’m not fine, the police wont do anything, the lawyer isn’t reachable on the weekend, and even if he was he probably would be able to do anything on a sunday. now she’s going to hold on until we go to court and I don’t know when I will get to see my daughter. all because I was told not to withhold access, and trusted her to keep her word. NO, no matter how much she begs, NEVER let your child out of your arms!

    Amen. A female judge.. A female parenting coordinator. And a female lawyer for ex wife who seems to all 3 be very familiar with one another. I was screwed before I ever took the stand. Pure bullshit. So now… My kids don’t have a father because after 30,000.00. I lost the bidding war

    Bare in mind I am getting all of this second hand. However my father was accused of spousal abuse, child abuse, adultery and everything else my mother could think of. I was 12 at the time and there was a thing or two I wanted to tell that judge. However my father wanted to protect me and my mother knew better than to put me on the stand. There are things she did that it took a long time and help from my stepmother for me to forgive her for. Maybe if my father had gotten custody of us my sister wouldn’t have ended up pregnant out of wedlock at age 18. If you have reason to believe your ex is an unfit parent don’t give up. The damage done now doesn’t go away. If your child is willing to take the stand on your behalf in court at least consider it. Having my fate decided by a judge who never even met me is that still bothers me twenty five years later. I have a good marriage and I am doing my best to raise my child. However I still can’t get along with my mother for extended periods of time. My sister has cut our father completely out of her life.

    Well I posted on here about 6 weeks ago. My wife had wanted to try and work it out. So we did. Little did I know she was talking with a cocaine dealer, drug addict with 4 kids with different moms and only gets to see 1 of his kids. I do not want my children (5) around that type of atmosphere nor do I want my wife, but that’s her choice. So, she doesn’t have a job, still lives in the same house as I do. my leases is up next month and I just want to pay the last month and tell her she has to find somewhere else to go, as I will move in with my parents until our divorce is finalized ( that way I can save up money and have help). we agreed on 50/50 ( I knew she would because she doesn’t like being a mom) but if she is going to put my kid around someone like that with the poor judgement shouldn’t I go for more custody? She has tried to commit suicide dozens of times, after a while I started to record these actions, swallowing bottles of pills, cutting her wrists, etc. twice even was doing this infront of our kids. I don’t want her to suffer anymore and I try helping her. her depression is so bad though.
    Now, i have her on tape saying she is taking our brand new, newborn baby over to this guys house as she admits she knows he sells cocaine and that he is an addict, she even told me his name and how to spell it. Is this all permissible in CA court? I want whats best for my family, now that my wife doesn’t want to be a part of that i just want to focus on my kids and myself. IS this wrong of me wanting to get more custody? i don’t mind the fact that i will have to pay child support or spousal support as i want them to have good lives. But i know my wife and she is a spender on pointless things. might have something to do with her being bipolar. Anyways thanks for reading if you have any information that could be of use please email or text me robbieknight87@gmail.com thanks!

    Oh let me just say that in Michigan women do not automatically get custody and they certainly don’t always get ” their way”! I am one of the few that lowered support so my ex could get on his feet and I’ve never gotten a raise in support cause the courts said I should b happy I get anything even though he makes 90 thousand a year and I make 22 thousand. So believe me when I say it usually depends on who has the better lawyer. At least in Midland Michigan cause the courts play by rules they make up as they go along!!! Sad but true that the kids are rarely 1st priority! It’s all about money as far as I can tell.

    Unfair
    I am a woman and I agree that men have to suck it up overall and still get scrutinized in the end. I have watched my husband get the blame for EVERYTHING even things he has not had any involvement in regarding his two kids. On top of that there is a paper trail a mile long showing that the mother is an unfit mother and yet the courts keep catering to her and now there is a huge mess for my husband and I to clean up. It is frustrating to see how the courts like to blame the dads for everything when it takes two to make the kids and TWO parents to take care of them in every aspect…mentally, emotionally, physically and last and certainly not least FINANCIALLY!!! Yet again I feel the courts love to enable so many mothers to use her kids as a financial asset to getting ahead in life, trust me I have watched it first hand over the years, it is sickening and ultimately destructive not only to the kids’ future but any other family or kids involved. I feel the courts need to wake up and see that the old sterotype of dead beat dads have shifted more to the reality of money grubbing mothers!!!

    Yes I agree with you. My partner and I are trying to bring up a baby in a settled and calming environment yet my first wife never sticks to the court order for my oldest son. She is constantly taking drugs, out partying or working 12hour shifts. Yet in the eyes of the csa and courts it is her who supports our son even though he is with us the majority of the time. He is constantly being let down by an unfit mother and yet it is always the father who is automatically presumed to be the guilty one. My solicitor has not been much help as without sufficient evidence, thousands to waste in court fees or the ability to want to create such an awkward situation for my son as to drag his mother through the courts, I am left feeling powerless. To make matters worse I’ve just found out it is pointless to save any money up or look at taking out a mortgage as my wife refuses to sign any clean break settlement for financial settlement. I only got married the first time so I could do the right thing for my son but in the end could not cope with a woman who got constantly drunk built up huge debts wwasing every penny on expensive clothes, nights out and cocaine. I just never had the heart to shop her to the police and I eventually walked out and left her.

    I agree with you. No money grubbing on my exes part. She didn’t have to dig like a grub worm. She simply didn’t wear makeup, wore old clothes and looked pitiful. She makes 5 times,more Money than I do and yet she smiles. She got married this weekend so she will have even more money to spend on herself. When my son comes to visit with dirty underwear and socks with holes, she’s making enough. I’m so sick of the judicial system automatically awarding these type women momey they don’t deserve. I have tried to gain custody, she won’t hear of it. Says I’m a bad father. Someday it will be better for fathers. I can’t wait.

    My ex of 23 years decided to cheat and move in with a guy from her work. Took my kids there while we were still married. Told them not to tell, broke their hearts. Held the mail, refused to help me pay the mortgage for 6 months prior to leaving. Stole her 401k hired a lawyer put up a big song and dance steam rolled me in court(I had no money for a lawyer) took my son away…we had given our teenage kids the right to choose he chose me. Her and her lawyer painted me out to be this terrible person when SHE was the one who did it all. I lost everything including my self respect. What hurts the most is I hardly ever get to see my children. I was the one who was most involved with their lives. I’m so emotionally drained these days that I have decided to give up.

    if parent were good, why to take them to court in the first place?….its simple , stick to helping the kids financially and emotional, something is really wrong if you have to go through court, then those are really special abusive cases.

    Because that very attitude of entitled custody has to stop. The kids are the ones who suffer and us men are not banks without hearts. Because we are tired of hearing people like yourself act like mothers have more rights, sorry but like it or not this type of attitude means you most likely are one of those

    Banks without hearts? Why pick a woman to have a child with that would act in that fashion. Men have to start taking responsibility for what they do.

    I must be the stepmom huh? I get what ur saying but it’s easy to get lost in what u think is good parenting but ultimately it’s ur husband and his exes kids and though he’s been blamed for things I doubt highly he’s perfect and at one point he must have agreed with parenting styles cause he had more then one kid with her right?? U usually don’t think someone is horribly unfit and decide to have a village of children with em …. Right? Seems like a lot of ppl problems mostly stem from years of jealousy and pent up aggression. I’m sure if u could get away with it u would probably beat her ass right? Well, just remember the more she annoys u the better she feels so forget her and forget trying to take her kids cause I’m sure u would do a lot of what she did if someone was trying to take ur kids from u. Plus, nobody is a perfect parent and I’m sure that chick is right fit for a straight jacket but don’t play her games cause it will just cause fights between u and ur man. B the better person even if it’s the hardest thing in the world to do. Just my opinion of course.

    Courts Need to Wake Up!
    I couldn’t agree more with the 2 previous comments. My husband’s ex will stop at nothing to disparage him to anyone who will listen – his family, the children, friends and not least of all the courts. GREED is her middle name as she hauls him in to court to pay for the decisions she unilaterally makes even when he disagrees such as high end private schools, trips abroad, high end computers and more. Why have a court ordered agreement that stipulates that the parents need to make joint decisions about the children, their education, health care etc. when she can do whatever she wants and my husband is on the hook financially. We are not wealthy by any stretch and the court, although they say they don’t take into account my income, they absolutely do! They have said that my husband has “access to other resources since he has a spouse who works”. So, basically they are saying that I can pay and just repackaging it a different way. Whoever is responsible for creating these laws and the views that the courts have was deranged! On top of all that one of the kids who is a teenager, hates my husband, sends him horrible emails and texts calling him names, swearing at him etc., and he can do nothing except continue to write checks! This must be what insanity really is.

    I’ve never went thru a battle with my OWN child. But a male family member is going thru it. The mother is found in contempt of court more than 10 times, and she still has sole custody. We all know the child is being coached. The child makes comments that make our mouth drop. Ex. She replies to her grandmother(her father’s mom) “I only have one memmy and pappy” the mother takes one bobo and tries to say she being abused. The whole situation is horrible for the child to go thru. Don’t get me started with child support. I praise to all u dads that try for ur child(ren).

    That’s what happens when you marry someone with baggage. Just because his teenage kid hates him does not mean he should stop providing. Next time you marry someone you should reconsider and make sure you are not dealing with someone else’s leftovers.

    Actually, Kat, in some states there are stipulations to the Child Support Guidelines that state “if a child is hesitant to spend quality time with a parent but has no problem accepting monetary gifts” from that other parent, then the child is at risk for losing that support. A teenager acting innappropriately should be dealt with by the parent exercising parenting time, and not allowed to take place. “Someone else’s baggage” might seem like so much “baggage” if the other parent were supportive rather than destructive. Some parents actually encourage their children to see their father as a way to “get things.”

    Here we are again. I am sick and tired of blaming men. This attitude of men bashing is not healthy and certainly not in the best interest of children. You are treating non-custodian male parent as a criminal. I thought your website is there to help dads connecting with their children. Let me tell you something, It’s truly unbelievable in a country like Canada, you can be separated from your children, alienated by the children’s mother and then she gets finance to fight you for years through the courts. What kind of sick, cruel legal system would allow this to happen?
    I believe the answer is always is money! Family lawyers intentionally inflame situations and then you have the judges who have the power, but lack the common sense and guts to stop these evil parents and letting the dads see their own children in an equal and just way.
    There is a movement in Canada that is growing increasingly frustrated and impatient and is starting to take matters into their own hands, to stop this cruel, state-sanctioned child abuse happening to our innocent children.
    Parental alienation is acknowledged and punished in other countries, so why can’t we act now and stamp it out here? It is time to stand up and make family laws fairer to stop child abuse being carried out and to promote shared parenting in the family courts so broken families can start to be repaired for the good of our communities.

    ok i just want to throw some thing out here,yes not all husbands and or dads are bad or deserve to be treated like this. but i am a mother of two beautiful boys and my husband,their father walks all over me like i am a door mat he has hit my oldest son before and me as well. no mind you i do have an active divorce case and i have an attorney, and i do plan on taking him on every thing but solely due to the four years of pure horror it has been being with him. his temper and attitude is so bad that my three year old son is showing the same poor attitude and behavior that his father has and quite honestly it scares the living hell out of me. now call me money hungry or greedy but some woman are actually abuse victims and any man that raises his hands to his children let alone his wife does not deserve to have children.

    Hi. My name is Ryan Gutierrez. I agree with you 500% . Any man that even raises his hands automatically is a red flag. Let alone hit his child and of course you as the mother of his child. He should get help and minimize the time spent with his children. My wife and I are going through a seperation but not a divorce and we have a 4 yr old girl and a 5 yr okd boy..they both love spending time with me as well as sleeping and staying the night with me.. it seems my wife is being manipulated by her sister to hold my children from seeing me because I put my wife’s mother in jail last year for leaving my children by themselves in our apartment while my wife’s mother slept upstairs in her apartment. ..so since ive dropped the charges last year my wife’s sister is trying to manipulate her to use my chikdren as a divorce weapon against me, and yet when I do get my kids and hear my kids tell me that when they tell my ex that they wana call me to talk to me they tell me she says no…and to go play while shes on her ipad going through facebook. My kids are 4 and 5 yrs old.. but they hear and see everything and ask questions and they tell me everything and yet I know its wrong that shes doing this and yet I still stick up for her and tell my kids that mommy knows im working so she cant always call me, but in reality I’m doing nothing and I would take any call from my kids. And when I call to speak with my kids she lies and tells me they are sleeping, when I know my kids sleeping habits.
    but no matter what I still have to respect the mother of my children and only hope one day she will realize her sister doesnt give a damn about our kids but only that I put there mother in jail for a light reason…and im still scared that one day when im working and I know she is working who is watching my kids at that moment when i know Stevie Wonder could watch kids better than my ex’s mother or sister..
    I only hope and wish that my wife’s sees the light and understands how important it is for BOTH parents to be involved in the kids lives no matter what…
    but I could never physically or mentally abuse the kids or the mother of my kids…its so emotionally scary for your own family and yes…you need police reports and get the Department of Children and Family Services . Put everything on record and have proof.
    but no matter what. Never talk negative about your ex to your kids. Your kids need to know both of you love them very much and its not your children’s fault. Communicate about everything your kids need not what you both want.
    good luck.
    Ryan Gutierrez

    I am divorcinga pretty bad guy. He is totally runnnghte show. he was abusiveto me in thepast–butnobody cares– ieven ahve pictures. iwastold that I married him so I guess I knew what kind of a man he was. He hitmy son and kicked him in htehead–my son told and nothing happened to him. My soon2bx shoved my son in the shower. it was a few years ago but it greatly affected my son and he still talks about it. When my son tolkd the hterapist and CPS about it–they did nothing!! All my stbx hasto say is tha I am makingit up and turninghte kidsagainst him. it goes both ways withthis kind of \deception. My stbx actaullly did the abuse and he claims it is bing made uip against him. He has been ableto twist everything around an dmake me look like the bad person when I have been teh primary care giver all along. he has been abusive (never called the cops) and lied and cheated adn none of that will be used agaisnt him. he has manufactored this entire case agaisnt me–that I am unfit, crazy, vindictive etc. Hehas spent a great deal of time creating thi case. none of it is true but he keeps filingstuff in the courts sayign I am ettactic, dangerous, vioent, and threateneing. BUT he left his children alone with me when he went to sty with is grlfriend. The attorneys buy him hook, line, and sinker.–even mine!! I am fearful hat the judge will believe him too. Not becuase hanything is tru–but because he knows how t organize everything and create a campaign agaisnt me as that is what he does for work. Not every girl screws teh guy. Often times–expecially with narcissists—the guy screwsteh gal, court and kids all in one show!

    my x husband was abusive and even admitted to it I was given a protective order and then he violated that one I was given a 2nd one. Well I didn’t pay for the court transcripts and he disappeared out of my children ‘s lives for 2 years because he didn’t want to be supervised by his mother or my parents to see his kids the court didn’t slap him on the hand or anything they gave him full unsupervised weekends and basically told me that I was harming my children by protecting them from being abused. My attorney who raped me financially turned around and said well you didn’t lose custody and I looked and him and said was that really ever in question. It is sick how much attorneys take on garbage and make the guilty look innocent and the innocent look guilty I’m done with them… Well until he tries to take me back to court again.

    Your stbx sounds like my. Do some research into sociopaths. It will help you with your case.

    I have been thinking this the entire I have been reading all these comments. Some of us are not money grubbing mothers. Some of us just want our exes to step up and be the father our children deserve. My soon to be ex husband stopped working and says there isn’t work for him at his commissioned based job so he won’t have to pay the full amount of child support. And he refuses to help with diapers and formula. Plus he wants to take our three month old to his mistresses house and I feel that’s very inappropriate.

    “Any man who raises his hand to his children let alone his wife does not deserve to have children”

    Shouldn’t that be ‘any person’? Or is it ok for mums to hit their kids and partners?

    It’s certainly much harder to get anyone to believe though and that’s for sure. My ex wife has hit me many times before, slapped, shoved, repeatedly kicked me in the genitals and guess what, when I finally got up the courage to speak to a police officer about it they laughed at me.

    But hey I guess I should just ‘man up’ and except that in this regard no one in society wants to accept that a mum can be the abuser and a man the victim.

    Oh and despite that I actually have some evidence of abuse towards the kids by her no one in the courts, police or children’s welfare wants to hear it.

    Still hopefully in 12 years when my son is an adult he will want to come find me and I can start helping him undo all the damage she is doing him.

    Till then. Justice. Equality. Fairness. Nothing but a sick joke.

    So just because he abused you and hit you and your son and I understand your divorcing him but that has nothing to do with you taking his money? Yeah for sures take your kids away with the swiftness until he get anger management and better way s to cope with stressful situations and hitting yall. But his money is his money. If u need something for your kid then yeah split the expenses. 300 to 500 a month? Wtf? For one kid? You know for sures that’s not all going to the baby!!!

    I would not ever call you money hungry or greedy for getting abused as you claim. I did notice early on in your statement you stated the exact words ” I do plan on taking him on every thing”. That could be looked at as MONEY HUNGRY.

    Protecting mother’s
    Yes, there maybe wonderful fathers and I am sure in the courts eyes there would have to be proof beyong reasonable doubt to seperate a mother from the child she nurtured and kept alive in her womb to produce a healthy child. Regardless, of what any of you have to say, “Don’t make a child if you will not even have the moral responsibility to raise the child in a loving home with both parents”. Everyone bickers but learn how to work it out or know who you lay down with before creating a child and trying to soley blame your issues on the court. Your the one who created this mess not our state legislatures. Let me give you some advice that I have taught my children always understand there are consequence behind your behavior and morally always do the right thing. As for the women who wants to butt her nose in the issues of her husband ex stay out of it. Really, you have some nerve this is not your child. You are only making matters worse. He is a big boy and I am pretty sure he does not nead a cheerleader in the background.

    It goes both ways. you say there “may be” as if you’re certain most are, for the most part, terrible fathers. Guess what, there “may be” wonderful moms out there, too. It’s possible, I guess, right??

    Lady you are wrong they do need a cheerleader. The system is broke and the courts do not have the best interest of the child at hand unless you want to explains the majority of convicts who had one parent was the mother. Using the matter that the incubator is more able is not true at all. Wake you blind person Shared Parenting has been proven time and time again the best solution to this broken system. Step parents are in the picture no matter what you say they have rights as well and are affected by abusive ex-wifes. Only because you are able to have a child does not make you the best pick to be a good parent. Real facts point to a dependable father being the best, but it takes two to raise a whole rounded person no matter my personal feelings and experiences aside.

    my mom is in a custody battle with her ex and he and his mother wont agree unless they get all the holodays and cristmas and her birthday so that leaves mum with school days and no holoday time with her can someone call me to give me advice to help mum with this court situation

    email: lukereeves8@gmail.com
    mobile: 0477460050

    so wrong
    what if you’re the mom and you wanted, and expected, it to be fair and as simple as possible, but then you get your husbands response and it’s one horrific lie after another? i’m completely blindsided by what he claimed i did in those papers. he said i’m violent, a drunk, i only buy beer and junkfood instead of food for the family, that i put an ad out so i could fulfill my fantasy of being in a threesome with two men, and that baby isn’t safe with me and he thinks i’ll hurt him. there has NEVER been any violence in our home, i don’t think i’ve ever raised my voice. i’m not a drinker, i put my husband and baby’s needs before my own, and i’m not some sex freak! he has a lawyer, i don’t and can’t afford one. i’m terrified and just sick. that baby is everything to me and i can’t be without him. why would he do this?

    Well to you all… Don’t come to Burlington Nj / family court system / the judges there are impartial and Bias / iam a mother of three one in college and my two little ones in private school did it all myself/ my ex stop being a dad/ stopped with everything / so I did without his help/ until I got hurt on my job and I needed support that’s when the ish went to full force/ this man can lie / has cheated / and abused me and our young daughter but this Judge Takes my kids and gives them to a reckless father and I had them since birth/ not to mention his multiple encounter with the law having Dui ‘ s / and I had to fight the whole system / burlington family court system is of a corrupt one and they don’t give a damn about family and if you report they do nothing but try and retaliate more/ but God is so good because I stood strong and got my babies back/ but it was hard I felt like I got shot through the heart/ it took my baby girl getting beat up by her dad for things to start turning around in my favor and its a shame/ these judges play God in other people homes and render decision that cause pain and emotional damage to our children and nothing is being done about it/ They system is a lucrative business in destroying homes that’s about filling there pockets forgetting about the child because it’s not ther home so these judges can care less/ if you are poor you can hang it up New Jersey courts will dog the mess out of you hands down because I had a judge cut my attorney off and turn and got out of his seat motioning to leave failing to listen to my motion and then we filed an emergent return of my children and this judge Denied it and said my kids wasnt in any harm and not even a month later my baby gets beat up/ I blame this judge because his job is to protect families /no child should ever have to endure this type of pain especially from a parent/ the system is truly broken but stay our of corrupt New Jersey family court system / my child has the marks on her today from what her dad did but the courts call it in the best interest. Signed a pissed off mother

    The system is crazy, criminals always,want to look like the victims to get off the hook and the crimes committed to hurt innocent victims they always want to be lame and pin stuff on everyone else…Pathetic, wwyd?

    Yes and mothers and children that are being abuses, cheated on and financial get raped when they wouldn’t hurt a fly and just struggling to make a good life. I don’t look for trouble do drugs or never been in jail. I need to see how I’m a help my situation cause at the end of the day the father of my kids family double team and make my life hell and have. I only trust GOD.

    This insane, I had raises my son for 3 years with full guardianship along with no support. Ended up needing a hip replacement and 3 months after my surgery I married a mother of 3. I was told that she had done the same and all of her kids 2 fathers were dead beats that habent seen them in ages. So we decided to move to 1500 miles away to start over. 2 weeks after arriving she tells me that we have ti go back asap that she lost her parental rights temporary for leaving the state. 4 days later we arrive back in Florida and find out not only that she is pregnant but that she has been on methadone for drug addiction. Our whole marriage was based on lies. 3 weeks after her firsr court appearance with supervised visitation I go over her custody agrrements and case against her. She had changed her number every month with a government phone plus was getting child support that she never mentioned and found out she has been doing this for years to the 2 other parents, well the judge settled both cases and award both parents 50/50 with no child support on top I found out she was never a cna but a stripper for over ,8 years. I was blown away about how well she had manipulated not only me but the system bc she was getting $800 a month food stamps child support along with remaining single when we were married, out of the bond n vows of marriage I did what ever I could to support her snd make sure that my unborn child was going to be ok with the medications I found out she was taking. 4 months pregnant I found out that she had been staying n sleeping with her ex that she had a daughter with. We separated for a month and I stayed and worked on our marriage while watching her manipulate the systems in every way, from medicad fraud, getting her son adhd medication to sell or trade for more drug, child abuse, vulgar, bi polar, complete 180 of the person I thought I married. I could only take so much until my daughter was born and 4 months old. I reported her to dcf, sherrif, she became abusive with multiple vidoe evidence, we separated and shared custody for 6 months until She moved in someone that jus gor out of prison, had 2 children fostered out then adapted bc of child abuse, I came by to get my lil girl and she attached me. We called the law at the same time. While they seen the marks on me n my child she claimed I tried to take my child. I filed a restraining order for injunction for protection for violence along with protction for my little girl. Because my previous as attorney had moved, the local free attorney I couldn’t use bc she previously used and was a conflict of interest. I wasnt able to get the police reports or witness reports plus anotber case of child endangerment that our neighbor called on her, could obtain the reports until the day before court,, tried to get victim advocates among dcf but no help, the judge wouldnt look at the cases bc I didnt file a motion of discovery and he asked her if it could be presented and she said no. Judge said to file for a divoce n closed the case, dcf said that her boyfriend stays down the road b that she pissed clean bc theu give her a week and jis hand her a cup to go to her own bathroom where she pours pee from a peroxide bottle bc they don’t supervise her urine test although our daughter was born addicted to methadone and only weighed 4lbs plus her hospital papers said methadone, thc, benzodiazepines, opiates, and druf addiction. It has taken me 6 months to save $5000 for the retainer fee and I haven’t seen my daughter, she changes her number every 3 weeks, working as a stripper and hids my daughter from me. She has been arrested 3 times, gets over ,1500 a month government even when we were together when my baby was born. There is so much more, but she filed child support to back door her way to establishing full custody, dcf has had 6 cases in 9 months opened against her. She has plastered all over fb pic of her smoking weed, drinking, partying, while the child is present. I finally filed for divorce, and a petition for temporary sole custody until they examine her case properly but the Department of revenue still wants someone to pay, I have left bags of clothes, diapers, toothpaste brushes, cups, medication for cold n coughs, all to find out she has been taking back over half the stuff to the stores. And bc she has sign federal fraudulent documents and held my child from me along with posting pics of her calling this thug daddy. I raise my children and support them in every way, I coach my sons soccer, baseball, basketball teams, on the pto, involved my churches youth fellowship ,& sports coordinator. I have done everything possible for my daughter and have spoken with all the other children’s fathers and they say she changes her number, has given the courts false contact n jobs numbers. Our state is a no fault state and it doesnt matter who did who wrongly in the marriage its still no fault. I go to court monday for a bs child support order which I cant see how the state could stand by say that a stripper that is a known drug addict can maintain or manage money for the support of my daughter. Its taken everything I got to raise my son and fight the system to raise my daughter but I cant see giving her a dime to spend on cigarettes, alchohol, her court cost, drug addiction, plus support her other children that the fathers claims stays with them 75% of the time and the mother throughs a fit to get them when its time to get their prescriptions that the father know the children have never taken a day in their life and they also habe reported her…. How broken is this system…. concerned, heartbriket, angry father that has to tell his son his baby sister will be home soon over n over n over…..

    Why isthis happening..hun ive been though a horrible divorce. My ex usband s nd his mother teamed u ok against me took my baby for three months when i first said “i am divorcing you” and meant it. The Florida police told me its a civil matter and i have to wait for family court. I did i got her back a full ten days and it was fifty fifty until finalized divorce. My ex not soon aftr went to jail for battery the neighbors called the cops when thy seen physical violence. I had a no v contact prportction order full custody and he had supervised visits he never once did …. i later dropped the domestic violence injunction bc i believe that every child needs a father…(not that he was the best one all he did was hate me and play video games) buti dropped it and y hen he leaves me homeless in fl when all myfamily is in Ohio i moved with my newborn for him and he took his misery out on me the whole marriage and then his mother take my one and baby who i live for and the courts gave majority custody tohim (and his mom) bc i did not have a home i was legit homeless. ..he told the cc ourt i was a horrible mother all this nasty horrible things about me and my first attorney was my downfall he was crooked he did not do anything at all for me in my defense i was bullied to death in that court room and to not go to trtrial and be sabatoged and kicked when i was already down i decided to mediate..currently i am in ohio my baby is in fl and his verbal abuse and control issues nevr went away…. i am dying inside my baby is in my heart i tell her baby,where is mommy? she goes in my heart! and i go baby, now where is baby ?she goes in your heart! He tries to tell her m o mommy is in ohio it makes me sick but one thing you cannot take away is a mother child bond…… and to the men i lived on a base and i do empathize we with all you i was the only female in fami ‘ll y fleet that had their spouse take their chid and run ….god bless all of you

    The family court system is shockingly biased.
    I have been through what can only be explained as a custody war over my daughter for the better part of two years. In my experience with the court system in NY there is no equality of any manor. A mother must be proved unfit before the court even takes into consideration the possibility of awarding a father more than visitation, while a father has to prove that he is fit. It is essentially being assumed guilty until proving innocent. In pre-trial the ex’s lawyer brought up a single incident of my 3 1/2 year old daughter missing a day of school and my daughter’s appointed lawyer and the court mediator both said “if Ciara is going to miss school while at her father’s then she should not be staying with him”. My lawyer pointed out that my ex had failed to send my daughter to school a total of 13 times at least six due to missing the bus and sleeping in, both my daughters lawyer and the mediator then replied “due to the age of Ciara her attendence is not a concern of this court”

    I feel like the dad
    I am reading this because I am being accused and he is going for full custody. He even tried to put a restraining order on me with no proof!! He is fighting for EVERYTHING! Including the debt! Go figure he cheated and I was the stay at home! Now he’s the woman and I went and found me a woman after 15 years of marriage. He gives men a bad name. AND….he was a good man till I said it was over. So confused? Wish me luck, I only wanted our children to have 2 full time parents half the time. They deserve that!

    GA courts favor the dad
    I am the woman left for the other woman, who moves in on her ex and her children. I was a stay at home mom for !% years and married 27. I walked away with no furniture, no appliances no cars, no houses and we owned 2, and had to declare bankruptcy and lost my job from being in court for all the times my ex filed motions. Then after he has made me penniless and in poverty as he makes over $250,000, and refused to give me alimony over a false claim of infidelity as he was the biggest cheater around, and abusive to me and our kids…..yet because he held all the MONEY in the divorce, and was FINANCIALLY ADVANTAGED, stay at home moms basically have no chance at all. And for any woman to make comments about the originally wife being a money grubber as they go off into the sunset on a cruise, and I stand in the food stamp line..I can only assume you my dear are the money grubber, not the ex wife. I just want what my ex should have given me in the first place. So don’t presume to know how us left for dead ex wives feel…hopefully this will happen to you and you will eat your words. Ga is the good old boy system with nepitism and lawlessness abounding. If you don’t want to get screwed in a divorce, ladies do not move down to GA. You will be at everyones mercy and your family will be taken away and given to an abusive cheating man as you scrape by off your elderly parents to support you and your children as your ex is off with his GF on a cruise laughing about how they screwed you over…

    Georgia is a disgusting state that hates women. Judge Riddick here in Savannah is corrupt! Awards Goodbehavior to ANYONE who seeks it based on word of mouth no proof! Usher screwed over Tamika Foster, ludacris screwed over that lady and courts gave him a newborn. Georgia is a terrible state and Savannah is the worst city in the US. Also Kordell Stewart did his child’s mother in with the help of corrupt judges in Ga. Companies should not move here and neither should people!!!

    Need advice
    My son who is now 16 years old has a numerous amount of mental disorders.. His father is suing me for full custody, so He does not have to pay back child support.. He never has wanted him before the courts of Texas stepped in and said pay your debt.. he is behind 10 years in support.. and my son, is well loved taken care of, and is in a treatment place for kids like him, in our state. the father is not being fair, all he wants is for the tables to be turned.. He wants out 16 year old, while our 19 year old begs him for help all the time, and he refuses to help her… it’s not all about the money in some cases.. but when you don’t even try, and then you want the kid i think its a crock..

    Dads are not Dads till the courts say so no matter what where you live.
    I was looking for a site in the uk it seems that the situation in Canada is very similar to that in the uk. I have a daughter that is now an adult herself and doing very well. I tried the approach of always being nice to her mother and not engaging in tit for tat slander to the courts. She told the court every thing she could dream up to disgrace and slander (most of witch was untrue) me and as a result I found myself being told by a court that i was unfit to be a farther and shouldn’t see my daughter. I appealed the courts decision and after a 6year court battle was apologized to by a high judge. This cost me my home and my business as i had to sell both to pay the solicitors bill. Now 15 years later find myself in a similar position once again. I have two younger children to a different mother whom turn into a alcoholic and became violent towards me. I would leave the house by order of the police and return when she was sober but the incidents became more and more frequent and in order to protect the children I left the family home. Within months she sold the house and spent the money on drink. (sorry just had to talk to someone there is a lot more to my story it just seems so unfair to the kids and the dads. It stinks that dads are not dads till the courts say so)

    Not true. Here in MO (USA), my 15 year old left to live with her dad who’d never been involved until she turned 13-14 and he started promising that he’d let her smoke pot, drink, date, buy her a car, etc. if she’d live with him.

    We were never married and we went to court which he never showed up to, so we have no custody papers.

    I called DFS telling them the situation and all that happened was that my ex and his wife and my daughter all lied and said I was the one who did drugs with her and DFS tried coming after ME.

    Needless to say, it’s been a year of me sitting here helplessly watching him tear apart everything I worked building up in my child for 15 years just because he doesn’t want to pay me child support. That’s what it’s come out as in the end, he’s held a grudge all these years and he’s told my daughter that the only reason I ever kept her all this time was for the money. (Completely untrue, as we’ve lived in poverty as I’m on disability and he makes over 5,000/month).

    In the US, if they’re put on the birth certificate, they’re the father, but good luck getting anything else done unless you have a LOT of money to take it to court over and over, which I don’t.

    A mom who children father is abusive and his new girlfriend is making threats of violence and he is violating his 4year restaining order
    I am currently going through an custody battle nw with my children father when he is not even consistenly or at all paying any type of child support to any of his kid. All he seems to do is impregrant different and all females. Now that he came across an new young dumb female thats going to settle for his hot mess causes im not putting up with it.We return back to court in may for possiablity of some kind of vistation. But in regard to the non sense I will be bringing to court any and all neccsary documentations in regards to his court order becasue he is unfit dangerous,vicous, agrumentative, and commiting acts of violence. He told his new girlfriend where I stay and they both are committing acts of violence. Now the gal is involved, he doesnt have now where to stay and he is deranged. I am fighting tooth and nail for my 2 children small children to not be exposed to that unhealthy type of atmosphere. In return to the nonsense he is a drug user, who refuses to get an job and not paying child support but now you wants the kids. Impossiable.I dont want to expose my children to his new girlfriend because she is just as violent. I been stabbed before about 5 years old. During an simarliar situation but the only difference where different people was involved. He is trying to fight for full custody that means like 5 days out the week and including every weekend. Yeah right I dont see for this crap to happen when i am the bread winner and im holding down this forth by myself. He is jobless, homeless, mindless,dramaful, and also a person who doesnt respect any kind of judisdiction system.Since the birth of both of my kids he wanted me to abort both pregancies, because he didnt want to man up and take care of his kids.But now since they are here he still havent grown up by the age of 33. He thinks by selling dvds and cds that will be his career for life and so that he can send his kids off to college one day when they get of age. He is refusing all kinds of courts orders to pay child support he not in complaince with nothing. I need some help with this manic.

    A mom who children father is abusive and his new girlfriend is making threats of violence and he is violating his 4year restaining order
    I am currently going through an custody battle now with my children father when he is not even consistently or at all paying any type of child support to any of his kid. All he seems to do is spread his seeds to different and all females and have babies with them. Now that he came across an new young dumb female thats going to settle for his hot mess causes i am not putting up with it.We return back to court in may for possibly of some kind of visits But in regard to the non sense I will be bringing to court any and all of the documentations in regards to his court order because he is unfit, dangerous,and mental unstable, and committing acts of violence. He told his new girlfriend where I stay and they both are committing acts of violence. Now the gal is involved, he do not have now where to stay and he is deranged. I am fighting tooth and nail for my 2 children small children to not be exposed to that unhealthy type of atmosphere. In return to the nonsense he is a drug user, who refuses to get an job and not paying child support but now you wants the kids. Impossible.I do not want to expose my children to his new girlfriend because she is just as violent. I been stabbed before about 5 years old. During an same situation but the only difference where different people was involved. He is trying to fight for full custody that means like 5 days out the week and including every weekend. Yeah right I do not see for this crap to happen when i am the bread winner and im holding down this forth by myself. He is jobless, homeless, mindless,drama of a person and also a person who does not respect an court system.Since the birth of both of my kids he wanted me to abort both of my children because he did not want to man up and take care of his kids.But now since they are here he still have not grown up by the age of 33. He thinks by selling dvds and cds that will be his career for life and so that he can send his kids off to college one day when they get of age. He is refusing all kinds of courts orders to pay child support he not in comply with nothing. I need some help with this manic.

    I agree with Linn….. it just takes money……. as long as the expensive attorney can make one side sound like an angel…. it doesn’t matter what is in the best interest of the child…. he with the most money wins. Even DFACS doesn’t protect the children who truly need it, at least not in the county of georgia where I live.

    Im going through court right now, after being denied any access to my son for 8 months… I assure all , who ever has the better attorney, stands a far greater chance of success. I work 2 jobs 14 to 15 hours a day some 6 to 7 days a week… All my money is going towards child support and my attorney. I assure you its the best money I have ever spent, a true labor of love.. They are my light in my darkest hour. I rock myself to sleep knowing her stories of false accusations of abuse are slowly starting to unthread themselves. Her attorney seems like she is a parrot for my ex wife . Inital exchange of letters looked on her end like my wife had copied and pasted onto the letter head of her attorney.
    I dont ever want to use my son as a ping pong ball , so even though I can prove with out doubt she lied to police , to friends and family to judges and lawyers. Even though im broke , in debt and walked away from the marriage with a suit case of clothes, I still want my ex to be primary carer and I see him 2 days a week.
    Ive been told im nuts and I should ask for more. After reading about just how many women and sometimes men make false accusations, I figured at least im not the only one. No point in getting worked up , I’m just going to stand up and say do your worst Im ready.
    I spent so much effort trying to find amicable solutions that would not land us in court. I guess what im saying is I didn’t start this legal fight , but im sure as shit going to finish it, there is no price you could put on spending time with your children.

    absolutely true. He who has the most money wins. And if it’s not you…you’re out of luck. Having less money than your former spouse does not make you a bad parent. It should be 50/50 split time unless there is proven abuse, drugs, etc. Children need BOTH parents in their life.

    drunk dads???
    So what if the dad wants primary custody, yet hasn’t offered to help pay for diapers or food? Has drove drunk. With the child” drank a six pack while watching the child, and admitted to not being able to wake up when the child starts crying in the middle of the night. Should that man be allowed primary custody? More so the mom is willing to let the child’s Dad see the child every other weekend so long as he brings her home before the child’s bed/bath time to insure the child’s schedule is not disrupted. Not every dad out there is like this but come on isn’t that something to take into consideration?

    Who wins in custody wars? It is always, who has more money!
    Get ready for a story, most of you will think is a lie. I was the stay home mom for 10 yrs. In an awful marriage! Where there was no victims, or villans,
    we both were hateful to one another. I do believe that most bad marriages, are due to both people, & the only true victims are the kids, until the courts are involved. The courts most always side unfairly with one parent, just because they are siding with one parent, means they are NO longer unbasis, which means they are no longer fair! That would bring me to the horrified exsinctence, of my life now! I have not seen my two daughters in 10 years now! My ex-husband & his forth wife, adopted my girls 6 years ago! I reside in Boulder, Colo. I was not notifed, my ex-husband had been arrested twice for betting me up, & his wife did not reside one day in Colo.!
    Now you are thinking, I must be so horriable, or this could never have happened. I did have many things wrong with me, & still do. But, the worist thing I did to my children is I would yale at them. To which, after I would yale at them I always appologized to them, & would tell them it was becauce of my illness that I yelled not because of them. I was hit by a drunk driver when I was 19 yrs. old! The man that hit, & killed my mother, & put me in the hospital for 3 months, died on the scene with 9 D.U.I’s, & no insurance! I have tramic brain injury to the frontal lobe area of my head. Which controlls excutive functioning, & emotions! I have since that time been a fraigle persons who needs a lot of things to be a well adjusted person. Some examples: I need 10 hours of sleep a night, I need regular exercise, & I can’t be yelled at, or rushed, without expressing myself in an angery way.
    I would assume you all know what happiens when you are married with two small children ONE YEAR APART. You stop taking care of your self. With me, then my symtoms get much worse, & then your marriage gets bad.
    Well, this entire story is too long to tell here. I just want to warn people how bad custody wars can get. So, try to avoid them, anyway posiable. Also,you should remember, attorneys can be very dishonest, judges are ‘paid-off’, in this country, & your exspouces can be the person that wants to distroy your life, even if it hurts the kids. My husband is a very successful aeorspace engener, who can compartmentlize things he does as nesscarry, so he has no guilt. I kept thinking things could’nt happen because he once loved me!

    It’s not always who has more money!!
    WOw, it’s websites like these and comments that disgust me. I completely understand that there are good fathers out there, and bad mothers, and even good fathers and mothers that actually work out 50/50 custody. But don’t try to blame all women as crazy liars. My ex cheated on me with 5 different women. I had enough, and broke up with him. He moved in with her, and I tried to work out a visitation schedule with him outside of court. Did he appreciate this? NO. He kept harassing me, kept texting me sexual remarks, to have sex with him, that if I don’t he would beat the crap out of me all over my apartment. He even did these threats in person, while my son was present. I don’t have money. But really, is it healthy for a woman, let alone a child, to witness these acts? So I moved somewhere safer, and started everything in court. I had evidence of all the times the cops were called, of all the abusive text messages, evidence of everything. Even witnesses of how he treated our son as leverage to get me to obey him. No more. No money, I won full custody. With evidence. SImple as that. No lying, no crazy homormal tactics in court, nothing. He was the one that even made himself look worse, mentioned he did weed while taking care of our son, and that he wants custody because he can’t afford child support. Yes I look down upon anyone that lies just to get custody, it’s really the children’s well being that matters, and if both parents can work it out then that’s great. But don’t assume that all women are crazy, especially the many “new girlfriends” that like to bash on people like me when their man doesn’t even bother telling them the truth.

    My fiance’s custody battle
    My fiance is still legally married. They’ve Ben separated for several years and now is financially able to pay go a lawyer to start the divorce and custody battle. She’s six years old. And there is so much that can incriminate his soon to be ex wife and prove that she is an unfit mother. I dare not go into details. He went against his lawyer’s advice I. not letting her get their daughter back unil all was settled. After a month, he goes and talks with her and they try to settle it. After the girl gets sick then gets diarrhea and we end up sending her to her mom, meeting her mother’s parents in the closest town. And she was never told about the rash coming from going to bathroom so much. She was upset about that among a few other things, and that she had live still even though she got it when she was still with her mom a month and half ago. Then she also twisted and lied about something I said and now she won’t let him see his daughter. Now we have to figure out what we can do to get her back. One time his daughter came back in the same clothes and never had a bath when her mom had extra clothes and it was obvious that she needed one. She went to a sleep over and I had no chance in making sure she was clean before she went to see her mom.

    Custody and parental alienation of affection question
    It just recently came to my attention, a weekend dad, that my 7 year old daughter’s mother and her fiancé have been arrested for trafficking synthetic marijuana to the tune of 170lbs confiscated. They posted bail and the mom was arrested again for the same offense. Both arrest records show over 13 firearms confiscated along with $3900 in cash and an unknown white substance. While out again on bail, (Great Lawyer?), she was arrested for smuggling contraband into court for a good friend on trial for murder, charges dismissed, (Again, Great Lawyer?). Turns out that her fiancé drove the man sentenced to 24 years for this murder to the scene to sell $8,000 of real marijuana, the deal went bad and he shot and killed his victim. The fiancé then picked the murderer/drug dealer up and harbored him in my child’s home until he was arrested at my child’s home. My child’s mother’s brother, also a flagrant in on the trafficking was arrested at her home. My child told Child Protective Services that her mother and mother’s fiancé had her putting stickers on the synthetic marijuana packages after mother stuffed the bags on multiple occasions. CPS granted me an Emergency Custody Order and three days later it was overturned by the judge during the hearing. I then filed for an Ex Parte Emergency Custody Order in the county where I live, where all original jurisdiction for custody is, and it was granted. The hearings on August 30th. Mom lied to my daughter about all of this stuff, even though people have been arrested in front of her, she labeled this stuff and had to stay with her grandma while mom was in jail, (Cops never told me about it to come get her.). So when my child kept asking why she wasn’t going home, and why she was enrolled in school with me and why mom hasn’t been aloud to call here, and why she was going to be living with me, should I have told her the truth and showed her the police records, news headlines and mug shots while telling her that her mommy is still a good person, just confused and didn’t know what to do so she lied about all of this and wouldn’t have done it if she knew she would have to give her daughter up to me? Or should I have been the liar and cover for her and make my daughter feel like I just was stealing her away from mommy and being mean? My child is smart as a whip. She knew something was up. My wife and our neighbor , a 20 year veteran 2nd-3rd grade teacher told me I needed to tell her to help her understand the truth. We never speak ill of mom and never have. This has been the only time we have ever shown my daughter anything bad about her mom. Also, do you think the judge is going to grant permanency to the sole custody order under all these grounds if my child is already 3 weeks into her school year here if mom was changing schools anyway? Thanks.

    My Ex Is A Psycho Borderline With an UNTREATED Suicide Attempt Behind Her, and I’M Getting Hauled Into Court for Contempt Even Though She Hasn’t Paid Support In Almost A Year.
    I understand completely why Dads take their kids and flee the jurisdiction if they are financially able. I won EVERYTHING at our divorce mediation because she cheated and left the house, leaving me with our 8 year old son, and now SHE is taking ME to court for contempt despite her not paying her share of his medical bills for the past two years. The colossal BALLS on this woman are astounding! She has done everything possible to alienate her own son from her affections – I have done nothing but told him over and over again, “Your mother is a good person, and you need to give her a second chance.” He can’t stand her because she is rude and cruel to me, and I am the person he most loves in the world – THAT is why my son hates his mother – because she treats the person he loves most in the world like a punk! I don’t tell him about it – he lives with me, and he sees it for himself with his own two eyes!!!

    custody battles and jealousy
    I am hearing from all these comments lots of jealousy and entitlement. men, if you were a good father and spent time with your children and did your share of domestic duties then you should be entitled to equal time with your children as the mother, providing you are not violent. however, if you were an absentee father (and working fulltime is no excuse) and had little to do with the kids and the mother did all the things with the kids such as activities, school, drs. play dates, etc. then count on being an every other weekend father. Mothers, if your husband was a good man and treated his children well and parented them well and was there for them, even though he may have done you wrong, he still hasn’t done his children wrong. there are extinuating circumstances with every case and i guess that is why cases are all treated differently which involves lawyers and judges. but parents should have equal custody if they both equally contributed equally to the children’s upbringing. Especially if both parents work fulltime to provide. Incomes are not always fair and should be adjusted accordingly as far as support is concerned.

    WOW…again fathers are guilty just for working full time is no excuse, you right it is not an excuse it is a reason!. Again the father is guilty and the mother is not. Has it even clicked that maybe the woman has done something wrong to cause a divorce? I married the sweetest person I know within weeks of the marriage she took a sandwich I made and feed it to dogs because I cut the tomatoes uneven. After working 16 hours shift I went to get her breakfast and Mcdonalds forgot her pancakes so she takes her food and tosses it on the floor. I go back and get her pancakes, I have kept my temper down, unfortunately we have a son together. Even he says mama going to go crazy and he is 5. He knows there is something not right with her!! ONLY reason I am still married to this selfish, spoiled witch of a monster is because I would have to prove she is 100% unfit to be a wife and mother my house looks like a pigs house, I clean it up and work full time to be a slave to this person and it is still not enough nothing is enough to make this woman happy NOTHING!!! But I know how the courts are, I know I cannot expect a reasonable divorce and she is too crazy to work out a shared parenting. So I am stuck in this place it sucks and it is because of people like you and your stupid mentality. That keep good fathers from their kids and forcing abusive mothers on them all for the sake of what?

    Who knows better
    So, this sounds unreal. The mother left the father. No ill feelings, besides the mother has admitted she was bored with father of their 2 children. He has been paying a substantial amount of child support (roughly 80% to her 20%). The father of children traveled many distances to see children although they lived 4+ hours away, then he was relocated to be only 2+ hours away. Regardless of the distance the mother still complained about him wanting to spend time with the children. ONe minute she states she don’t want him to contact them, then the next she is like he dont’ contact them. Basically, damn if he do damn if he doesn’t. Regardless he has been always trying to create and ensure a relationship with his children. Father is not trying to get physical custody of his children. Oh, he is remarried also. Mother now request sole custody because she thinks a financial fight vs best interest of the children. Her fail is all of the social post of her partying and emails of how she doesn’t want to parent with him. There are just some bizarre situations out here. Fathers who want to be an active participant in their children lives, but the woman are bitter for no reason and don’t see the benefit of their dads being in their lives. We need more men to stand up about the issue. Because girlfriends/ new spouses we can’t do anything about it besides vent about what we see is going on with the legal system allowing these woman to consistently get over. It’s sad how much money drives the placement of children when parents can’t see past their own selfish ways. Hope that he gets physical custody or more visitation. He already has an extensive amount of visitation, but the custodial (mother)doesn’t allow for it on many occasions.

    huh?
    okay I am the woman in this case….Just asking all you, do the courts not take evidence into consideration for the best interest in the children? I have ton of evidence however since i’m not a lawyer, nor have money for one I can’t abtain them documents. I agree children need 2 parents to live since it took 2 people to make them. However depending on the status of the parents with proof I agree the parents should have equally rights and responsiblitiy to the children.

    Best interest of the children??
    Divorce, custody, support, and visitation are NOT Court motions/actions that consider “the best interest of the children”. The terms “Law Guardian” and “child support” are perverse concepts in the Court System that are NOT looking out for “the best interest of the children”.
    If you file for divorce, you are NOT looking out for “the best interest of the children”. You are looking out for YOURSELF, just like Judges and attorneys are looking out for themselves.
    Be careful, Ladies. My wife filed for divorce earlier this year and so far it hasn’t cost me a dime!! She borrowed against her ENITRE 401K and she is barely getting by now. She thinks she holding all the cards with her having the kids and by placing an order of protection against me. Now the “law guardian” is making HER pay most of the costs associated with my “supervised visitation”. I don’t make 1/3 of what she makes and now I’m telling the Judge when I want to come back to Court and she is paying twice as much in RENT as my mortgage!!
    Maybe I don’t get to see the kids when I want but I’ll be damned if I give her ANYTHING (alimony/child support) and not see my children whenever I want!! I think I’ll let HER have fun with HER lawyer and now the “law guardian” holding HER AND THE KIDS HOSTAGE IN SUPREME COURT while I sit back in bankruptcy and foreclosure.
    See you in late February of next year, or whenever I feel like coming back to Court again, HONEY!! I don’t need this aggravation. IT’S NOT MY DIIVORCE!!
    Oh and Guys if you are reading this and think I’m being spiteful, I’m really not. IT’S MY MARRIAGE AND I REFUSE TO LET THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF NEW YORK TAKE MY FAMILY AWAY FROM ME!!

    Status after status, strike court dates?
    I am a mother of young boy who’s father I did not marry. We tried to co parent in separate homes for a long time. I had my son 4 days, he had him 3. No child support was ever paid to him or myself. It actually worked for the first couple years, but once I saw my son’s grades become less than average, and him struggling to read and comprehend, math tests came back with 50% F’s. My son begged for help at the school as did I. Finally, I decided we needed to change schools. We moved 30 minutes away and my son was diagnosed with ADHD. I served his dad with custody papers, since we were never married, there was nothing ever in the courts who was custodial parent. We’ve been in court now since June 2013. Dad has a cash job, went to tour with a band for 3 months from July to the end of November, lives with his mom. The court made us go through mediation which completely failed because he wants residental custody. But in the last 6 months, he’s hardly ever had our son over night, seen him maybe a total of 10 times. His attorney filed a motion to withdrawl due to lack of cooperation. Still, every month there is a status hearing. He was ordered in Nov to pay temporary child support of $101 per week, which I have not seen one dime of to date. The courts have on record he doesn’t file a tax return. Why does it take so long to deem one parent at least residential custody?? I have paid my attorney, and a guardian ad litem, and feel like this case will never end. I’m not asking for much. I just need a little help from him. My son finally has friends at school, he had a huge project due for science which he had to present…his teacher said he “rocked” it. A+. I couldn’t be more proud of what he’s accomplished. I just feel like I’m going to go broke over this, which is exactly what my ex said he intended on doing…putting me into poverty. It’s not always the women causing the problems guys. I agree, there are some money hungry women out there who take their children’s fathers for all they have. But then there are women like me. I just need a little help from him is all I ask, and for him to follow through when he says he’s going to see his son.

    Why would you want child support now from such a loser? You spent this whole time never wanting a dime from this loser and now you know he doesn’t make any money and you want it. Will a jail record help him find a job, become a man? Your only interest is for yourself, pray you do find that poverty your looking for. You son ADHD was causing the failing grades, not just your husband by your own admission. Your only reason as I see it is to get full custody and a steady pay check.

    take the case into another state…
    take away divorce cases to another state if possible.
    Specially for those in uniform. These should immediately be at fault cases
    by the more strict rule or simply by the conflict of interest
    between the military couple.
    This state is a be aware state, on most of everything.

    During my divorce the thing that stressed me out the most was the constant stress of not knowing if i was going to keep my children or not. Thanks to the wonderful firm of Rosenberg and Rodriguez, i was able to keep my children. I couldn’t be any happier with my results, so that is why i recommend you to contact them through http://rosenbergfirm.com/ so they can help you as they did to me.

    Umm… Single Mom…
    So what I’m seeing here is alot of people not fessing up to their lawyers… I fully avoid attacking my ex in anyway, but a week ago I asked him, I’m recently haveing some medical issues, to take my daughter so I could go to the doctors, mind you it’s a saturday and he retorts with as long as I don’t have to take her the weekend after. My response a simple question, is the trip personal? if so I don’t think you should be using time with her as a barganing chip I want you spending more time with her. He wanted custody to be 50/50 we alternate weeks, he doesn’t have a sitter and refuses to go to day cares with me (we have conflicting schedules I work from 4pm to 2am at the latest and he works 7am to 5pm) But the he says “lawyer up” I want at all costs to avoid court because I want him to have time with her and I know how unfair the court system can sometimes be, but what worries me is me haveing Tuesdays and Wednesdays off is somewhere down the line they will give him every weekend when she’s in school that leaves just the school days where she’s two tired or to cranky to spend any real quality time with me. I love my daughter alot granted I am 2years from really having to worry about it, but I know the court won’t do a 50/50 thing like that it’s not stable enough even to me and I refuse 6months a year she be mine and 6 months a year she’ll be his I raise her complete alone went through my pregnancy alone but I’ve done good I think at not holding it against him

    Good for you yes the court most certainly will consider 50/50 between two reasonable parents. It is in the best interest of the child unlike your story of what is in the best interest of YOU. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can not expect after divorce to be friends or for this person to make your life easier? You can do alternating weeks, biweek, monthly, semi yearly. The sky is the limit. Seems if you both are close enough a weekly plan would fit or biweekly. Most day cares will work around a weekly plan. I pray he does get the 50/50 because it would be in the best interest of the child as been proven again and again. Also nether parent financially benefits from this arrangement, so the abuse and greed is kicked out of the equation.

    tired of living in fear
    Two years ago my daughter fell asleep at her grand parents house. My ex said he had something to do and left to his parents house and had me served with papers for custody.. the police would not do anything to help me although i am her mother. I believe my ex father paid the police officer off. My exs parent are co owners to a very prominent construction company and they are well known in our community. Alot of people fear them. At this point i realized that the judicial system here in fl stinks. My ex is transgender and the therapist they sopened said there were no studies done on transgender ed people raising small children. Yes i knew he was a she before i was completely in love with her and contributed to her transition. When we had our daughter i did see signs of jealousy when i breast fed or our daughter reached for me i figured with counseling we could work through it. She lives with her parents and we were given shared visitation. Her parents do not agree with her transitioning and accused me of enabling her to be a woman. Well after 2 years we have a court trial i found out three weeks before and my lawyer recently quit my case because there lawyer never allows us the time to state our case. I had a horrible year last year because of the stress i almost died twice. I do suffer from bipolar so my post pardum stunk. I was anemic very badly after i had my daughterand i have had no time to truly greive over this whole situation. I feel victimnized and scared. So much wasted money and time that this person has taken from me. Now my daughter is calling him mommy. What a slap in the face.

    So was it a true transgender or do they have a sexual identity crisis. Which are two completely different things. 1st is a bit more real, but if they actually had sexual organs that worked that is very rare much less enough to make a kids.

    Was just a Woman that wants to be a man? Or is a man that wants to be a woman? Regardless you seem hardly the fit to be a mother what if you did die while you had the kid? I can only assume you on bi-polar medicine which in itself is risky? I can say “what if” all day but it seems when you are more stable in your life you’ll have a better chance being a part time parent I would not expect after reading your own story by your own words you be a full time parent ever. Seek God and his ways, a choice is still a choice.

    Wow
    And I read it as gender neutral… to bad the writer used gender specific terms. I don’t believe is was meant that way.

    I am a divorcing woman, married for 27 years and my husband never paid one mortgage payment nor has he provided any support (other than turning off all utilities when I had to file a restraining order…)for our two children living with me. He purchases sex and I am shocked that so many of you are choosing sides. I am sorry you have been hurt to that degree. All we can do is be the bigger person. Beer helps too!

    Abused Dad
    I have been with my ex partner for just over 5 years, in that time I probably had and experienced a lot of great things, travelling and just learning to love her. I had 2 young boys from a previous marriage which broke down due to financial strain and that I caught her having an affair. I told my ex everything as I’m an open book. However, during our rship things would prop up, that I was checking up on ex wife, still loved her.etc then she would lash out, argument after argument then she would apologise. I never hit her at anytime, 3yrs in with a wedding planned we had a terrible separation where she scarred my face, repeatedly punched, scratched me to point I moved out, she said I cldnt let her live etc, I thought she would have an affair…which I found strange, as she was out a lot and she said to me about giving up football, I never saw my pals and basically hardly saw family. But after moving out, I went and cleared my head,done well at work got a new flat for me and my sons, then I ended up working in my exs area so i had text about a catching a coffee, I still loved her and I knew I wanted her in my life… She refused numerous times until one day she text about mail I got and we ended up going for a meal and then dated regularly so much that, we were together again, I was so happy, things going well, boys were happy she was there, but there was the odd occasion where shed shout argue about stupid stuff, I told her everything would be fine I gave her engagement ring back and told her I loved her and we would get married. Building on this, she found out she was pregnant, she talked about her sister and her husband trying for a baby, I always assumed that we weren’t trying but I wouldn’t change it, but she still was arguing a lot fighting, stressing over silly things, it was hard, we had a little girl in august 2013,but by she was 3/4weeks old my ex was saying I was treating her different from the boys, that is never see her again, but then apologised then there were great times then the bad where between Christmas she repeatedly beat me, then again in January, even on Valentine’s day she did, saying I didn’t live her, treat her right or anything. By this time we had moved in together to a new home, I paid my way every month but still she was unhappy. It was affecting my work, I had to tell my manager what was going on,I ended up with a new job a lot more money, everything done in house, our little girl was growing great the boys were happy but again no, because I opted to tile the bathroom and go get shopping in rather than go to a communion, the boys got verbally abused, as did I, our little girl got a smack in the hand and then the next day while she was sleeping after I dropped boys at school I got a beating again so much that I had a minor concussion, I thought that this person was going to be my future and everything ok, but I cldnt take it anymore, eggshells fighting, arguing, violence, it’s not me so after that attack I left to seek advice from police etc, but because I didn’t have time off and the usual with DV that I’d end up in jail despite not ever lifting a finger…I was advised to get legal advice, I had to wait a week or 2, in that time I text her uncle, brother in law and best friend just what happened. The next day I get in from work, I get a lawyers letter stating separation, to move my things out, my limited access time with my little girl and that I have to pay her maintenance…all before I could speak to a single soul professionally.

    Your story is much like my own I know I should leave my wife because she is super abusive but I will not get a fair deal court. I just keep hoping things will get better. You story was literally hard to read. I think I understood most of it and my heart goes out to you. It is a great example how the system fails dads / man all the time.

    Okay I have a question I have been in the process of moving and my daughter will be two in November he father was not involved during the pregnancy and would not have been involved at the day of birth had it not been for my mom well he was gone and never asked about her til she was 5 1/2 months old then seen her 16 days during a 3 month spans then was gone again for six months I don’t wanna a male in and out of my child’s life well now he is trying to take me to court over my daughter all that has been done is DNA we have no court date yet or anything would I still be able to move state

    What is wrong with letting him try to be father? Are you scared your going to loss your pay check. This male is that kids father and nothing you do will change that. Only thing you can do is forever emotionally damage your kid. If he is trying to get in the picture that is because you are not letting him in hence him having to take you to court. You complain because he wasn’t before (more in-likely your fault) but when he finally is you’re offended? Please… I read between the lines on this one. You child deserves to know their Dad. You wont lose your pay check, let him at least try to be a part time daddy.

    Communication and Abusive Behavior
    I have been compliant to send my child to visit his father from across the country. His father pays for the flights of course but he is verbally abusive to me when I question anything. I don’t know how to deal with his abusive behavior other than to limit all calls or conversations with him. He assaulted me during our last exchange when I drove to meet him over 900 miles. I am tired and I can’t afford to pay for an attorney to stop him from doing this. I don’t curse him or call unless it is about our son. My husband has even addressed the assault after I called him. He apologized to him but never to me. For almost 20 years, we’ve been a part of each others life but when he changes gf’s he becomes aggressive and abusive to me. What should I do

    I have a few words for all this so called acts which I am sure you had nothing to do with instigating. Video record it they also have black boxes for you car.

    Help
    I am going through a divorce right now in Florida. My wife is a avoidant parent. She left for another man , party, and to be with her friends. (documented) She has not cared much for our 5 year old daughter, since she has left and four months later when I have her served, she all the sudden wants to have our daughter 50/50. I did try and work this out with her with a marriage counselor, but she lied to him as well and he no longer wanted to see us. She refused to take that seriously for our daughters sake. I have it documented that she is depressed with other medical issues, lives in an area that is not allowed, she is around old friends that do drugs, dating a guy that does drugs, and does not watch our daughter very well when she is with her. She is good at taking pictures to appear she is taking care of her and that she is a great mother, but the PI I hired shows otherwise. I am trying to retain majority custody, since I am the one who takes her to school, doctor appts, zoos, beach, pool, and play dates with her friends. She has yet to do any of this. I also have it documented that she did not seek medical treatment for our daughter when she was ill for almost a full day after our daughter told her she was not feeling well. Do I have enough to fight this out? I am ready to drain my retirement funds to protect my daughter. Please help.

    PI and all evidence means very little she is the mother, I have seen the worst mother get 10 chances and still win custody. Until she had to spend a year in jail then she got out and sued for back child support when the father had the kids all that year. lol but he forgot to get the child support shut off so to speak. if you can prove or get records aka crimestoppers.com … drug arrest then you have a much more of a case against her. You should not feel bad about turning her in if anything maybe she will get her act cleaned up. Last thing you need is a tripping parenting going crazy on syth.pot.. around a small child.

    the ex wife
    My husband has joint custody of his two boys and their mother has custodial but they have lived here with him and went to school here before and after the divorce e! Yet he’s still having to give her child support for two kids that don’t live with her and don’t want to see her the older one refuses to visit her and so she waited til 3 days before school starts to pull them out of the schools they’ve been on all their lives and enroll them in schools 45 mins away.we already have a lawyer and filed for full custody but it’s been 13 days and she still hasn’t been served the papers! And when the younger son went to visit she’s kept him And is refusing to let him see us. So I feel what you all are saying about blaming g men for it all. He’s only missed 2 payments in five years! And yet she’s dwelling on that to whoever will listen

    Alienation goes both ways
    I know it seems to men that the system fails THEM. There are many moms like myself suffering at the hands of narcissistic ex-husbands who have alienated their sons like my 16 yr old. On top of that, my ex has brothers on the police force and is married to an attorney. He works as a school security guard so doesn’t make much money. When my son lived with me, he was constantly in arrears with child support. Reduced his income attempting to pay less. He didn’t need the money, his wife pays their bills. Constantly in violation of this and other court orders but no one does anything about it for last 6 years. A spouse gets a pass because they aren’t the ex but what about when they are an officer of the court knowingly violating orders? Why have orders?

    depends on all the facts
    depends on what facts are brought to the table…
    mother of nineteen that owns a house bought new car makes 20+ dollars and hour full blown health insurance and my boy has his own room toys upon toys and every inch of emotional stability possible…kicked out at 18 mind you…….

    now the father…only been employed for one year full-time..was unemployed while i was pregnant and going through highschool…has no reliable vehicle lives with his parents..doesnt afford any kind of daycare..no insurance..and is 21.. compare and tell me who should take care of my son..
    oh and cant forget he has 2 harrassment charges bc im pathetic..worthless..and a whore..

    i will agree good dads get the short end of the stick alot but theres also alot of bad men in this world that dont deserve their children..my son willl not grow up to see someone live off their parents and see he doesnt support my child..he wont hear the horrific things he says about his mother and he will not think its ok to disrespect and degrade family the way he does point blank.

    I need some help…
    So I have taken my daughters mother to court for custody because she does not let me see her. She is using my daughter to get revenge on me for us not working out. Next week on 09/03/14 is my daughters birthday so yesterday 08/30/14 I tried to go see my daughter. It turns out that she was not home, her brother claimed she was on tecate mexico with her parent. So i text her amd told her if she didt tell me where my daughter was i would call the police… later that night i passed by her house and notices her parents truck was already in the drive way. I went this morming to see my daughter and once again she wasnt home. Her dad claimed that when he got back home the night before she wasnt there and didnt know where she was. I believe she went to rosarito in baja california but she is not suppose to leave the state because we have an open case. Also she did not bring this up to me and I am not even sure she is there… do I have the right to call the police on her? Or what right do I have? And who am I suppose to contact in order to report anything?

    The book of Job
    My daughter is the unfortunate one to have married a man just before he went to Iraq, who is a police officer in the town where we live. He decided to leave my daughter (after 14 years) who is a clean living person, and now he is on his third? girlfriend. My daughter lives with me. And I’m glad! He has been awarded shared custody. He takes their 5 year old daughter on camping trips with the girlfriend out of state, if my daughter disagrees, it’s too bad. My daughter wants to call her baby to say goodnight when she is with the father and he doesn’t answer the phone. A half a dozen times he would not disclose her whereabouts to my daughter for days, while my daughter frantically called and texted to try to find her! Then he says she’s harassing him! To add insult to injury, he socially berates my daughter, thus forming a bandwagon of followers for his schemes. Why is he so hell bent to control the child; during his visits, so that there is little to no contact with her mother? Why is that such an issue for him? What is his explanation to his child for this? Why does he treat my daughter with contempt? After all, HE LEFT HER! He blocks all my daughter’s attempts to communicate with him with, “court orders” mumbo jumbo. He tries to set himself in front of others as “the victim” he creates tension between himself and my daughter, and cries that the tension is not good for the child. He created the situation that he is in, and blames my daughter for it. He speaks to her as though it’s not natural for a mother to be close to her child. As though the child is a “thing” and when it’s HIS turn with the “thing” my daughter should shut up and go away! So much for shared custody! My daughter spent two weeks accumulating and printing emails and texts to show his alienation of affection campaign, but it all fell on deaf ears. Next is pretrial for the divorce. God help her and her baby. Can you say, CORRUPTION?

    Whoa, I actually want to divorce you after reading that. The Dad has a right to travel, camp, go to soccer games, everything and anything he wants to do with “his child”. The mother should give him the space they need to have a good relationship, I doubt he calls multiple times and nags his ex wife to death when she has the child.

    From the sounds of everything you wrote sounds like this lady(mom) and I use this word lightly, is a control freak and overbearing. For him to last 14 years was more in-likely amazing on his part.

    disgusted
    Please anyone w/ some advice. I have a ten year old that I’ve been raising pretty much on my own since the day she was born. Her ” dad” has been in and out of her life since her birth up until maybe 4 or 5″yrs of her life. Now during these first FEW years he’s only hung around for maybe a month every so often and disappear and then show up a year or two later.HHe’s never spent one birthday w/ her. Only one Christmas and one thanksgiving. Hes never been there for not one school day, bedtime, earache, awards, homework. Not to mention shes ADD, hss a speech impairment and learning disability since she was three. Everytime he promised to stay in her life ( not mine and thats finevw/ me) he has always stood her up, made excuses as to why he couldn’t see her, or called me to go pick her up. He has caused me soooo much stress because he never helped me support her in any way. He was an alcoholic and hit me once ( and thats all it took for me to leave) when she was three months. I can go on and on… About a year ago he started to pay child support even though he was court ordered years ago and a few months ago I ran into his mom and one thing lead to another and i let him start seeing her again. Well hes up to his old ways and has already stood her up and a few times, misses another birthday and started to threaten me that he wasgoing to have me arrarrested for not letting him see her. Im so sick of him coming in and out of her life she is not a baby anymore she knows and i have to keep lying for this jerk. He still has rights to see her since long ago we went to court. I had evidence in my phone that is broken now on ugly txt messages he had sent me in the past but nothing now. I feel he is going to try to take me to court for her. What do i do? Please and God bless.

    Child
    I have a question?? Ok my husband was names domicile parent in 2013 for his 9 year old daughter. Because the mother moved an hour away and seem to not have a stable living life. All last year the child is having a hard time adjusting to our home and school with having bad reports from school and failing. Again the same for this year. Already having detentions and it’s only the 1st nine weeks of school! The mother is went to jail a few months ago for possission of marajuana and demotic violence charge. She is trying to get the child back because of the child’s grades and behavior. Before when the child was living with her she wasn’t having any problems. My husband works a lot and is away and I the step parent cares for the child while he is done . Do you think there is a chance that the judge will give the child back to her mother with all the problems the child is having since the change was made??

    Why won’t my daughters dad just leave us alone?
    Found this site as there are no useful Uk ones..My daughter is almost 9 months old, not that her ‘dad’ could care less however,all he seems to care about is giving grief and playing devious mind games with myself and my family. Twice he has had the opportunity to be involved, yet each time just gets too mentally abusive,forceful and demanding when he has an absolute cheek. There has been no reason for this, bar the fact that he is horrible and controlling. I have stacks of evidence of this, yet he seems to get away with it all with the authorities..soo frustrating. Makes up lies about me which are the absolute opposite of anything I would ever do. Both sides of the sexes have bad people. But howcome it always seems to be the ones that are in the right that have to deal with the endless hassle. My daughter and I would be so much better off if he would just leave us alone. Here’s hoping a judge will agree!

    Custody Battle with my fiance’s ex girlfriend.
    My Fiance has two kids with his ex girlfriend, in this last year there oldest child has been hospitalized for his asthma due to the mom not giving child his medication, well this last recent time the child was airlifted and put on life support.In mind she does not work, pawns kids off so she can go out and is just plain lazy.
    We are fighting for full custody due to not taking proper care of both kids. can anyone tell me if it would look better to the courts being married and not being the fiance?? and if anyone would know how hard this is gonna be??

    Scared
    Hi what do you all think of a ex that has called DHS and reported abuse on one of the divorced parents children? Is this bad on their part or ours?

    I live in a county where the judge just wants to give the custody to the fathers. My ex berates me in front of our children, doesn’t allow them to call me when they are at his house, is having a sexual relationship with my oldest daughter whom he helped raise, has a criminal record and spent over five years in prison. I have no record, I work, our children told the judge that they don’t want to be with him.

    The “Law of Attraction’
    This is something I learned in Psychology class over ten years ago and still have to remind myself to practice it. My interpretation of the “Law of Attraction” is simply stay positive and positive things will happen. Instead of wishing the worse for your ex-wife, ex-husband wish them the best and I was surprised how much it helped me to overcome the separation. Believe me it wasn’t easy or did it happen in the time frame I would have preferred but it did work. I was reading SWAMPTHING910510 and a part of me wants to tell him to get his crap together and put the load on his shoulders, because whether you like it or not it is YOUR divorce. I don’t have money bursting out of my pockets but money means absolutely nothing when it comes to being with my son. I know where he is coming from but just sitting back enjoying bankruptcy isn’t the answer for me. I feel for you my man and pray that things turn out for the best for you and I.

    I understand that all dads are not bad, so many do deserve to just be a dad to their children. On the other hand, my daughters biological father was sent to prison while I was still pregnant with her. He was released just before her third birthday. I was completely open to them spending time together. I even dropped her off and picked her up (since he has no license). He had seen her maybe on five occasions, then went right back to abusing drugs/alcohol. Within 6 months he was sent back to prison. Thats where he spent the next few years. currently it has been almost 6 years since they have had any contact, but he filed for parenting time. The court has not spend ONE second looking into his past, which I provided. He has a laundry list of charges including drugs/alcohol and violence. He has never paid child support- ever. I have not forced the issue because I had hoped he would just back off. While goint to court dates for parenting time, he has still been using drugs and alcohol, even with an alcohol monitor on!! He was cited for two parole violations, they aren’t charging him with a felony charge for tether tampering for Lord knows what reason. He was sent BACK to jail during this process and STILL the court doesn’t see how he is a bad man. He is unstable, unpredictable, cannot follow the rules of the law, can’t stay away from drugs……..yet somehow the court system thinks my daughter needs to see him! I’m sorry to all of you dads who are good men and want to be there, but the “men” like the one I have to deal with in no way should be granted visitation. When a child’s life could be in danger due to the actions of the “dad” who cannot get his life in order, shame on the courts for not protecting the child!! Just praying he hangs himself before my daughter suffers…..as he usually does!

    I’m a dad that’s in a middle of a divorce. I discovered that my wife had my second child from another guy. After I found out and decided to divorce her and actually living in separate places, Now I’m a bad this bad that this and that. It is clear that was not the case before, she used to say I love my live, I don’t know what I would do without you and all the charming stuff you can imagine. So pretty much this is a obvious…A lot of women use the excuse of abusive behavior due to the situation they have put themselves into. Flash news…courts are getting a wake up call with all these false accusations against men and giving us men a good trial fighting these bad women.

    I am a mother of two wonderful kids. I have not seen in 8 long months now. There is no court order saying I can’t see them or can. My soon to be ex husband wont let me see them. He is saying if I come on his property he will have me thrown in jail. Well our custody hearing is April 15 I know it will go in my favor with all the proof I have. He has told me kids I don’t love them or want them around me. I haven’t talked to them in 6 months he don’t have a phone so I can’t talk to them.

    While prior or the 2000’s the courts did tend to side with mothers. This is because of maternal instinct, and just overall motherly love.

    With that said, nowadays the greater majority of courts want equal custody between parents. For the fathers who are saying the courts are against, lies. I assure there are issues going on such as anger, living situation, financial stability, and unfortunately if parents are/have just split… its the taking the child out of their comfort zone and known habit.

    And for those parents out there stating you haven’t seen your children because the other parent, “won’t let you.” Save the excuses! If there is NO court order, or you are in jail, there is no reason for you not to see your child. Call the police for a custody violation, then file an emergency ex-parte to inform the judge of the violation. Guess what? 999 times of 1000, you will have your time back with your child. Especially if its an ongoing issue.

    I am a single father who has had primary custody of my son for 3 1/2 years. Sole custody for 1 year. I have done everything i can for him, sing, read and tuck him in nightly. His mother is in and out of his life sometimes going months without contact. As soon as there is a warrant out for an arrest her attitude changes. After being in contempt 6 times for unpaid support, i get accused of “assaulting” her without any bruises or evidence. then i receive papers saying she wants sole custody!!!!! I have volunteered a hair sample which she refused to provide one as she has a drug addiction. im sooo tired of the systom siding with the mother. i agree wit a lot of what is said above. but

    I’m in a custody battle and my daughter just informed me that she sleeps between her daddy and his attorney. Is this wrong or am I just being crazy??? I can handle the truth…

    I don’t know if I’m happy or appalled to see that I am not the only father going through this hell. First off my nightmare of an ex ran up almost 20,000 in loans and credit card debt in the 6 months she was gone before we were able to get into court. Luckily I wasn’t stuck with any of it. But we have a modified joint parent agreement, which as you all know pretty much means she has sole custody. On my scheduled days with my child, I never know when she will have my child ready to be picked up, its either ” we are out of town, or you never specified so we made other plans. But on the other hand if its a school night and my child isn’t back to her by 7:02 she is texting and raising all sorts of hell. She has repeatedly made false accusations against me, and has tried to physically attack my current fiancee during a custody exchange….. right in front of my child. Speaking with my lawyer, he pretty much said ” if you dont have video proof theres really nothing we can do at this point.” What a crock. Her latest stunt was waiting until I have planned and booked out vacation to Disney world this summer, then she booked the exact same vacation the week before I did. Just to further complicate things. I feel like a child having to repeatedly contact my lawyer and make a joint journal about this crap. We might as well not have an agreement, because she doesn’t follow it at all.

    OK, so, im in the middle of a modification, which was illegally pulled from our home state with UCCJEA jurisdiction and moved to MA by a sneaky TRO and emergency orders for custody, which where dismissed, but, the ex just kept going…. Today:
    I found my ex has his house for sale, and has reduced the price, he is a motivated seller, the pictures are new online, and the house is empty. I cannot get a hold of my kids… help?

    This must of been written by a female it is bias And should be updated or removed quote don’t allow your child or children to be around another woman you may be seeing well now! what about the wife whom may be seeing a new male friend. don’t allow your child around another woman true but don’t allow your child around another male the spouse may also be seeing, Its a 2 way street people a lot of divorces are from woman as well not just men!

    Whoever mentioned money hit the nail on the head! Money seems to be the root of all evil when it comes to many circumstances in life. When my children’s father and I separated the battle was AWFUL! I went without seeing my kids for two months due to him keeping them from me, he even went as far as telling the tonawanda police that he had full custody of our children, but when I pulled out the paperwork which proved we were in the middle of procedures the police turned to me & stated it is a family court matter & their hands are tied. It made my stomach turn knowing how ugh power he had over our kids. Soon our daughter would not want to spend time with me once the court intervened, & our son told me daddy said I was bad as he reached out to wrap his arms around me after not seeing me for two months. Still brings tears to my eyes remembering the situation to write it out here. When it comes to the family court system there is point A & point X there is NO inbetween. I had gotten Fed up, & I was desperate to make the horror end for the sake of our children. After all why would our lawyers promise an easy out for both parties when their wallets are fattening by the hour?! I sat down and wrote my own custody agreement, YES my own, in which would eventually become OUR custody agreement. I had never worked on, nor written something of this magnitude, after all why would a judge, law guardian, & worst of all the man I once loved most who now wants to now see me suffer agree to my demands. I’ll tell you why. After endless reasearch in to cases & family law since the beginning of our case, + COUNTLESS hours of trying to get in to my ex’s head & putting myself in his shoes. After many wept tears from watching our children fall apart it all barreled down to money & ownership for him.ANY woman work like this too sadly. written in my custody agreement there would be absolutely no exchange of child support. Why you ask? Because I would offer that both parents spend equal time with the children, & I mean equal right down to the hour!I set it up as alternating weeks week 1, week 2, week 3, & week 4. All of the holidays he has this year, I get next year. I even covered things such as claiming the children come tax time. He claims one & I claim the other. Think a judge wont sign off on something like that? When you base your every move, every thought, on what’s best for your kids they will. I could have taken my ex to the cleaners after he basically kidnapped our children for that two months, but my best interest was getting our kids back on track. Our daughter now 14 exhibited angry defiant behavior for three yrs between the time of break up & one yr after the agreement was signed due to parental alienation. Our son is now 7 and still suffers some emotional attachment issues, but has gotten A LOT better. I can leave to go places and he is not chasing me out the door eyes filled with tears anymore. He finally understands mom is not leaving him for good. So you see people it can go both ways. Parents be mindful of your children. After all they will exhibit the behaviors they are taught, & they do have feelings. It is not our job to teach them to hate. It is our job to teach them to love, & what child does not want to love both of their parents.?! You can too draft your own parental agreement, & if any of you would like help, I am willing to help you by sharing my self written agreement. Your lawyers don’t care about your children, it is not their job! A lawyers job is to make even the worst parent look like the best parent. That’s what you pay for PERIOD! I was told by my ex’s lawyer, if I ever wanted a job to come knock on his door. My ex’s lawyer also tried to charge my ex for MY custody agreement! Yes the one I wrote up, he tried to bank cash on lol. So you see parents you are dealing with a broken system that is not set up for the best interest of your children, it is your job to fight for that. if you’re failing one way, then get back up and try another route. Don’t wait for a judge to tell you, you can have one Saturday on the fifth full moon with your children, instead show a judge what she or he has failed to do… Show the judge in writing that they are both of your children, & it is in the best interest of the children to have both parents equally in their lives. Never say my children/kids. They are our children. Wish you all the best of luck . If anyone should want my help please contact me…. sallymarie@gmail.com
    P.S. I’m just a parent who wants to raise good wholesome kids who will someday kids chase their dreams & embrace life!

    I am a father who fought like hell to get my daughter in a broken court system. Mother accused me of everything under the sun, including twice of sexual contact with my daughter. Which was proven untrue both times ! Mother habitually lies, blows thing outs of proportion, sleeps around, lives with mommy and daddy at age 42. Claims to be disabled but since she was 18 betcha she hasn’t worked more than 24 months. Scams off guys till they find out what she is really about. I have placement of said daughter and she is to pay me child support and 1/2 medical bills. After 3 years I have seen ah lets see $0.00. She somehow finds the money to pay to take me back to court all the time but yet cant support her own daughter. Now she claims cause she has more time because she does not work, she is the better parent and wants placement and LOL child support. Her daughter is nothing more than an object and represents a paycheck. I do not have a problem taking care of my obligations even without mothers help. What I cannot stand is the fact I have to constantly spend money for attorneys that take away my ability to take care of her better. Did I mention the 15 contempt’s she has for not following the court papers? Quite honestly I do not even want her child support money I would be just as happy to tell her to set it up in an account for college needs. With all I have to spend in court how can I ever help my daughter out later in life for college? I cant do anything now let alone save for that too. I am so fed up with the courts allowing it and the laws that are on the books. They are archaic at best and need to be rewritten fairly. Child support needs to go to a check and balance system too. No more money to moms/dads with out receipts to prove it was for the child

    What about when its the Mother doing all these things, when the father was the primary caretaker of their children for 5 years, at which time the Father left the Mother, because of emotional, and psychological abuse, she was cheating on him, with his best friend, constantly threatened him, went through his things, accessed his electronic accounts, and demanded he do everything in the house, while she sat on Facebook flirty with guys, after leaving, she violates custody orders, alienates the kids (no.pictures of him in their house, they dont mention him, text mesaaages have been sent to him saying they are going to tell the kids daddy doesnt love them anymore, Police wont stop the harassment, or bullying, even though in his state its a felony, he has no.criminal record or history or violence towards others, upom trying to get help from Domestic violence Agencies, he gets brushed off, a couple times because of his gender. The mother consistently tries to coerce the kids, and blackmail their father, “Do as I say or there will be hell to pay”, is often the nonverbal message sent by the mother for anytime, he need for control and dominance is challenged or questioned, or she is denied her unreasonable demands, their retaliation, using electronic means, mobbing, false police reports (their allegations were denied by the PD, and found to be frivolous.), even attempts to get relief of abuse order, which the courts denied… what is a Father to do when its the mom doing this, and in the process of defending his children and his rights, he is seen as the aggressor, for speaking the truth, even when he is cool calm and collected?
    The state refuses to acknowledge the developmental damages surrounding this form of abuse, its not even recognized by this mans therapist, how does he substantiate the claims against her without being seen as the guilty one?

    I have been denied my court ordered visitation for almost 3 years now by my ex wife. I have never been a bad father. I have been dealing with the pain of not having my children and had some issues with an ex girlfriend that had a drug problem that I knew nothing about. After 1 year of not being able to get my children on my weekend, I gave up. My now current wife pulled me out of a bad situation, helped me save some money, found a reasonable law firm for fathers, and looked up all the information for court, helped me fill out documents, collected my evidence, and get back on track with my child support.
    One day I was in town running some errands and I saw my children in the Mcdonalds parking lot with their mother and some other guy. So, I decided to go and see them, for it had been a long time coming with her not letting me have them on my weekends, and just as I come in to see my children and let them know I love them and give them a hug and kiss before I headed out, she saw me and ran to the bathroom and locked the door with my children crying on the inside. She had told her boyfriend to tell the manager that I had threatened to put my hands on all of them and to call the cops. (Keep in mind I had just walked in) My children are crying and screaming that they want to come out to see me and she still entraps them in the bathroom with herself. The manager called the police and I ended up getting banned from there, just because she lied to keep me away from my children. On another occasion, after two years without being able to see my children, my wife was working at a Mattress Firm, working on their computer system, and she sees my ex wife’s mother come in with my daughter, and my wife secretly called me while I was out and told me that she seen my daughter at her job and I rushed there. When I got there my ex wife was there with her youngest child, that she was pregnant with, before our divorce was finalized, and I got out of the truck my ex wife went across the street to the warehouse so I got back in the truck and headed across the street. I wait outside at her car to see my daughter, again just to hug her and tell her I love her. When my ex wife stepped outside she ran back to the back of the building and told the owner I wasn’t supposed to be around them and the owner gave them a ride back to the other store. When I got there and got out of my truck, I heard my daughter ask my ex wife if I was her daddy. I felt like I was dying. Then my ex wife told her “no” and shoved her in the car. I looked in the window and smiled and said “I love you baby”, her mother then almost ran me over with her car. The owner, whom my wife knows personally, said she heard and seen everything and it broke her heart.
    On another occasion, my wife and I were coming out of Walmart and she saw my ex wife, her youngest child, and my two kids coming inside, so I walked up to the, my wife heading to the truck to give me some time with my kids, and I finally got to hug and kiss my babies and tell them I loved them. Needless to say she was trying yet again to run away with them so that I couldn’t see them. But I was there and she couldn’t stop y children from loving on me and making me believe that I was their daddy and they knew I loved them.
    I called them that same night and after so many failures in the past, I wasn’t prepared for an answer. When I got a phone call back and I heard the voices of my children, I MELTED. Tears were coming up and there was a lump in my throat. I asked them everything I could in one short night and kept talking to them for 1 week, then I found out it was all about money again. I tried to plan trips and every time she would find a way to refuse later. I asked her over the phone one night if I could take my children to the movies to see the new Spongebob Movie out of water, my kids loved spongebob, and she told me only on one condition,, that she could go too. So as I bit my tongue and tried not to get a little upset for the sake of the children, my wife looked at me assured and said ” tell her she can go” and that I did. I told her she could and that my wife would be attending us, that way my ex wife could meet her, so that she would know who the children would be around. My ex wife said okay and the next day she canceled. It all ended that way. She told me that she needed some time and that is all she was time. It has been 2 years.
    She told me that I would have to come by myself to see my children, at first that was okay, until I got married and it just wasn’t appropriate and it wasn’t right for me to be having interruptions while trying to spend time with my children, she even tried to seduce me a couple of times, and would get mad when I would reject her.
    I told her if that was her final say and she said yes, so I told her I would be filing contempt. Then she said that if I could afford that, then I needed to pa her the 8500 dollars in backed child support, which I had already settled with DCSS and am making monthly payments along with regular child support. THIS SHOWS ME ITS ALL ABOUT MONEY, AND MY CHILDREN ARE BARGAINING TOOLS AGAINST ME TO HER.
    I finally filed and now I am waiting till court day next month, when I got her response she wanted all of m personal backing information, including my wife’s, and all of my belonging, child support and much more. I just need to know if it is legal in the state of Georgia to mention child support in a custody and visitation hearing, because Child support and Child custody and visitation are two separate matters in the state of Georgia. And will they see that my ex wife is not keeping the best interest of my children in mind.
    I have proof of everything and I want to know everyone’s opinion. I also wouldn’t mind some pointers.
    Thanks so much.

    “Having a physical confrontation with wife/child” seems like an odd thing to include in this list. If someone doesn’t know better than to hit their husband or wife, do they really need custody of the kids? Hitting the kid is unfortunately a different matter, as physical reprimands such as pops or spanking is seen as a normal way to discipline your child, even though studies show that it does more harm than good long term.

    Hi I have a question if anyone can help me ? I’m going thro my divorce the judge give us a share custody of are daughter but I have a family member sick out of state what can I do the school start back in few days an probably I have to stay there for few weeks can I take my daughter with me or can I live her with my ex ?

    My father n law just found out today that his ex wife decided to moe out of town and take their two children with her. She has already take them out of school and enrolled them in the town she is moving to. Neither child wants to go b her excuse for moving was that her boyfriend couldn’t keep driving back and forth. My father n law is thinking about keeping them and putting them back her but we are afraid of any consequences he may suffer for doing this. The bad thing is in two months the oldest will turn 12 and the judge said when she turns 12 her and er brother have the choice to move with their dad which we already know that’s what they want to do so why make them move and start a new school when they will just have to come back in a couple months. Does anyone know what he could do?

    I personaly think that courts favour the woman. I have seen things in civil and criminal court that back my opinion up but this is about parenting. The thing with me is that because I was not married I had some parental rights but not as much as my ex. so she decides to stop me seeing my boy for six months last year then we came to speaking and let me see him again then stopped me once again for five months this year. never followed or shown any responsabilty by not letting me know anything about my child. so I took her to court to get this over and done with well I was granted acsess every weekend for three hours that is not enough because I was having him stay with me all weekend until she stopped me. she was not happy that I wqas granted this. we had to go to a other court hearing for the defence of her not allowing me to see him. now I don’t think she is a bad mother at all I respect the fact that she looks after her kids all week and I would never bad mouth her as a parent. but that’s not to say what she is doing is all ok. my son is old enough to be at pre school and is old enough to speak clearly to a certain degree and every weekend I see him he tells me some nasty things about me that his mother said to him or around him ither way the other parent should not bad mouth the other one around the child. NOT GOOD. anyway had a other court hearing and she never evan turned up so I thought il be resnobal and ask for a extra two hours a week I was giving one hour because the judge was splitting it in the middle and because her lawyer said she was not amused with the time frame I get him for now Im sorry but if it were the father who were not to turn up to court it would be a different story and it might be the last of it in court there were not complaints about the time I was with my child nothing her excuse she lived 10 miles from the court no I live 120 miles and I could make so it has been moved to a different date. sorry but its not right how females want equle rights what I agree with nut when it comes to family and court fathers are the disadvantage and I think that they forget that men will feel emotional stress by not seeing there child and being treated unfairly.

    I have been reading a lot of the comments made on this page. The one thing you all must realize you are speaking with emotions and not facts. Something caused a relationship with children to ravel and even though we may not know all the details to some extent anyone can hear a sad story and relate somehow.
    I agree there are some women that should not have had children but men has placed themselves between a rock and a hard place over the years to be the missing parent in children’s lives for so long that it is extremely difficult for any judicial system to look beyond this, and that is a fact. Mothers are looked at as the nurturing parent, care takers and father the care givers and most times mother are both.
    This is my story, at 16 I met my soon to be x-husband who took advantage of my unconventional raring (the good girl). He cheated had kids all over the place. Never graduated high school or when to collage, lied about it all from the beginning even about his name OMG. (I’m writing a book) I will tell you then how I became a detective. Lol…Later in life after realizing all the goals he so call had, which matched mine was not his goals at all. After 22 years and I don’t know how many kids and “I really don’t know” as he lies so much if he is to ever tell the truth his tongue would probably have a stroke.
    I joined the military at age 29 and has been trying to make a better life for me and my 3 children. I filed for a divorce and put him out of my house after I found out yet again that he has another kid with one of these nasty trash he picked up and no offense, but they are all white….no morals or self-respect in these women OMG.
    Anyway this fool is asking for alimony, my house and for me to take care of him while he works and pay child support to how many kids I don’t know and refuse to care for our children. Not to mention while he lives with this trash and their kid and don’t show up on time or at all to see our kids and thinks it’s ok to have my kids around this nasty trash. (Well you all know this is not going to happen right, he has lost his mind)
    My kids will break this cycle by me not allowing them to be part of what society has come to accept. All kinds of kids all over the place and children seeing that and only repeating what they see….o hell no, my kids are not going to be a part of that kind of life style.
    He thinks calling and seeing the kids somehow is caring for them. I do not believe this is true and that’s my opinion. If both parents gets up daily telling their kids I love you and care for you and none of them goes out and provide for them what would you think of those parents. Hhhhaaaa…..well, like I said, sometimes we are suckers for a sad song when it’s sung well. I will talk more about this in my book.
    There are more dead beat fathers than good ones and of course more than dead beat mothers, so with that said the courts have a hard job deciphering weather or not this sad song that is being played in front of them by a father/mother is written by them or just a bootleg version.
    The more the justice system see more fathers/mothers stepping up and society has less infidelity and more marriages being upheld by the standards God has set by respecting, honoring, being loyal is when all this madness will stop. Until then we all will be writing blogs like this on a daily basis getting our frustrations out and not making any head way because we have not learned what “live in the world but not of the world” means and has yet to teach our kids because we lack knowledge in 2015, go figure.

    I’m currently going through some issues with custody for my two daughters which are 5 and 6. My ex and I have been together for 12 years. Almost 6 months ago she was forced into treatment for drug abuse! She had a habit of taking of on my daughter’s and myself. It was a pattern, like every two or three months she would start an argument so I would either tell her to leave or to the point where I get angry enough and she will play damsel in distress. She would be gone a couple hours and she would be hooked up with some guy she claims is a “friend” and finally her mother got sick of her behavior of drug abuse and either taking off on my daughters or drag them along with her because nobody wanted to enable her behaviors. She was signed into treatment when she took off the last time. While in treatment we agreed to make our relationship work. So for 4 months we were getting along great until she come home.for a visit and my daughter showed me her pictures in her phone. She had 13 selfies with some guy she used to run around with 3 years ago, 2 of the pictures this guy was kissing her cheek. I confronted her and she exclaimed it was nothing and to.get over it! Then the.next day I.heard her voicemail and this guy left a message, begging her to see him and he asked if she gotten the $75, which was what I wired to her for cigarettes, body wash, etc. So I.became really concerned and asked to.speak with her councilor because we were having relationship problems because of this. Then I.found out she revoked my release, so I couldn’t talk about about her anymore or have info.relayed to me because of confidentiality. So this went on for a couple weeks and the day before she graduated she tried to break up with me. I’ve always had my children, even when she would take off. We were waiting for.her to.get better and come home, then this was a curveball thrown.at my.daughter’s , and I. The day she graduated she took off with another guy from the treatment center. She is currently still with this guy, it’s been 3 weeks, and she only come home once and seen my daughter’s for 3 hours and took.off again. There is a lot of animosity I.have towards her and we were basically abandoned by the mother of my children. I know for a fact that she.is.still abusing drugs and to make.matters worse she is.involved with a guy who has felony domestic batteries on his.record plus he is gang affiliated. I stayed faithful to my ex during the.time she was away in.treatment, I sent her $, I drove 4 hours.to.pick her up or to visit her, taken care of.our.children, believing she was getting better, listening to her say.She was.So.happy to be by us, then it was a kick to.the head when I.found.out these things.that were going on while she strung us along! So now I filed a petition for.full custody because this.behaviors has been going on for 6 years and she continues to make.the same choices she did before she was signed in. Now she manipulates the the police, gets a restraining order one because I was asking why she didn’t.come.home.yet and why she abandoned us? She used actions I.did 6 years ago to help influence the police into believing I’m harassing her when I as asking her these things. And even.when she did that, I.spoke to her last week and she claimed she was ending this.relationship with this guy and.coming home. She.left to go end this relationship.and.She never come.back home. I called her and I.got.a txt back from the guy she is with telling me it.ain’t.her phone and to.stop txtn. Since I.believe.She hasn’t any positive change, I.feel I needed to file for full custody. She won’t call my daughter’s, won’t see them, don’t ask about them, and it’s affecting me. I’m hurt, betrayed, sad, and depressed. I was convinced we were doing well and behind the scenes she was still committing promiscuous behaviors. But now she is manipulating the courts, police, and her councilors by lying to them about what she tells me then.go.and do.something the total opposite. She was doing these things “sober” then.I.feel there were more problems than.just drug addiction. I.work.a good full time.job, own my home, and take care of my daughter’s on my own. She has every opportunity to see our children, I tried to keep her involved with them, bit she refuses to talk to me and now she manipulating everyone who will listen to her, giving my daughter’s and myself empty promises and false hope. My employer suggested I go to EAP, which is employee assistance program. They wanted me.to.do it for mental health because of how depressed and down I’ve been because of my ex’s actions. It’s affected my job and it affects my.parenting because I.still question.what did I.do.to.deserve this from someone I trusted and loved? It’s not.fair, and I feel she will find some way.to sway or.manipulate the courts when.we.go.to court for custody. I feel she ain’t ready to be a mother or wife

    Ok I’m having an issue. My ex has actually put his hands on my I have bruises and a broken finger and a dented car. He has starved my son in the past. He would rather buy his new girlfriend’s sisters kids toys for their birthday then his own son. I’m alwaysure the one who asks if he wants to see jax he never asks. I have currently filed for custody. He told me he didn’t want him and so did his girlfriend. I am going to first step woman abuse. I am scared an having anxiety. I don’t want him alone with my son or his new girlfriend around my son. I’m afraid my baby will come back dead or hurt. I’ve gone to the hospital and I have heart damage and I’m close to a heart attack. Someone please give me advice

    I don’t know what to do….I am a mother of a 2 year old that her dad has had her since march and we was never married but forced me to leave.my child …..and he’s a sex offender and I am suppose to have her on weekends but I don’t and it more complicated and I don’t have the money plus.I’m pregnant with my soon to be husband. And I’m afraid that child services will involve my pregnancy and my soon to be husband and his family what do I do???

    I have court this week and it seems my ec has either read this page or been helped by someone who knows how to hurt a man because I’m being accused of everything on here from abuse on her to hurting my children, drugs and death threats .. when I am the mother and the father to my kids because she is never home , always running the roads selling pills and Escorting old men for extra money .. am I just done for ? Is there anything I can do ?

    Torn solo mum.
    My ex and I broke up 2 years ago. My daughter to another man was 6 months old. The relationship was violent and abusive. It was on again off again for 3 years in which he has very little to do with her in the way of “caring and raising ” her. I fell pregnant and a son to him, he did nothing to care or raise him either. The relationship became a lot worse and I moved away when he was 5 months old. He still had little to do with them but i felt would use access to them as a gateway to continue control and abuse. When I got him trespassed he filled for week about. I applied for a protection order after he assaulted me at one of the change overs. I allow him every 2nd weekend supervised and he has remained consistent for over a year, but he is now fighting for guardianship of my daughter which I refuse because of his abusive and aggressive nature. I was concerned with things my daughter had been telling me and have now stopped all access to her but he continues to see his son. She sometimes says she wants to see him and at other times she doesn’t. I want to keep him away from her but am caught between knowing if I am making the right decision or not. She does not know her real dad, he is the only father figure she knows but I feel he is not a good influence on her. He was very verbally and emotionally abusive towards me and I fare he is the same towards me. Have I made the right choice?! Any advice appreciated.

    What a friggin joke. no wonder so many men walk away and dont pay. the system is a legal scam for mothers to steal children for a paycheck and give them absolute power.

    i fought for 7 years for my sons rights to see me. i finally had to walk away. she had finally won her estrangement campaign of parental alienation even tho my son loved me. its disgusting. some men try, but i see why so many walk away now. it took me 7 years of fighting to see its a losing battle. that poor boy……only god knows if ill ever see him again.

    my father passed away I was in the will I had the house an etc but my sister I been fightin with wont give me my stuff I hsve coming help ty briggs

    My wife’s ex husband likes to send nasty emails to my wife. Little does he know that they have all be documented. He lives 70 miles away, and even started a fight when we registered my daughter, and step son for HS. He actually called her “fucking arrogant” in the email because we didn’t consult with him first. I was the one who filled out all of the open enrollment forms, and I was the one who did all the work. I dont have to tell him that we were accepted to 4 schools, when we picked our home school. He made no effort to find a school for him. I suppose that if he lived closer and had anything to do with school, we would have asked him. Wonder why he waited 14 years to get mad about our school decisions. I enjoy sending emails to our attorney when he loses his temper.

    Jim,I think you like the drama. Maybe you should just “stand down” and let her handle the situation. It is possible that she is not the “damsel in distress” that she wants you to believe.

    There ARE some good men out there that give a hoot about their kids. My ex, however, is NOT one of them. He has never lived on his own, lives with his parents. Has a wife he has repeatedly cheated on (and oh ya, might i mention she has had custody of her own children legally taken from her, and for whatever reason the state hasn’t or won’t grant it back.). I left when my daughter was young, i could not take it anymore. At the age of ten he returns to her life, and bashes me. I allowed him back in after he ran out on us, she spent a whole summer with him at his parents house, despite his lack of child support and the fact that he and i have a volatile past. (When we first split i would beg him to see our child, and he would repeatedly ignore me or he would show up days late for visitation, if he showed up at all. I would get angry, because my daughter who wanted her father was being denied by him and treated badly because i did not want a relationship with a lying, cheating, unemployable jerk!). After this summer and ten years of absenteeism he fills my daughters head with lies, such as he had tried numerous times to see her and i would not allow him access. Which is completely false. He would show up in the middle of the night, well past midnight with no warning and demand to see our daughter. I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure any single mom working ninety hour weeks to support a kid completely on their own IS going to be a little grumpy being drug out of bed at two am by an obnoxious ex who is two days late for visitation, demanding to see their school age daughter RIGHT NOW. (I feel it was well within my rights to tell him to gtf off my property and he could take it up with the judge.) When she was growing up, I even asked him to watch her while I worked, knowing he could not pay child support for his lack of ability to hold down employment and child care was so expensive. He used to accuse me of being nothing more than a useless whore, and say things like all I wanted to do was go out and party. ( right, because SOOO many parties happen between five am and five thirty pm, seven days a week) I have even went as far as getting him two jobs and helped him with transportation to those jobs for the sake of his parents and his wife, which he goofed up in the matter of weeks and still did not pay an ounce of child support from. He has only ever been around for one birthday, (and i paid for his ticket to the baseball game on that one) and if he has been involved, it’s spotty at best. Hell, i run into him in public and he doesn’t even ask how she is or if she needs anything, or IF he can see her. I have the epitome of a dead beat dad on my hands, and the I am being prevented from moving out of state for a better job and a better life for my kid because all he has to say is “I want to know my daughter”. Yet, he only wants her when it is convenient. He does not want to follow a schedule, he has no legitimate place for her to sleep, his wife doesn’t have legal custody of her own kids and he doesn’t bother with child support. His own parents are on the verge of losing their home due to supporting him, his wife, and their daughter, which my exes parents have legal custody of, while my exes wife’s parents have full custody of her other daughter due to drug use and neglect on her part. There ARE dads out there who do care, and there ARE lousy moms out there too. But to cater to a non custodial party who fails at every aspect of life, is a little on the rediculous.

    I love my wife and kids very much. She left cause had feelings for another man. All I wanted was shared parenting and she doesn’t want to work with me so u fortunately I had to file. But now I. The bad person in her eyes even thought the first 6 weeks my daughter slept in a floor with 8 people in the house instead of the bed shes been I. The last 8 hears. Didn’t want to get ugly but she just sees dollar signs. Doesn’t matter that I gave her showers most of the time, put her to bed her whole life and picked her up from sitter everyday. Now all of a sudden im not good enoght to do that. All I want is shared with my sweet 8 year old girl who I might add is taking all this very well and loves every second were together. Scared to death dad in ohio

    It’s refreshing to see that there are men who will actually fight to be with their kids. I am currently going through a divorce and my husband, who still lives in the house, is going off every weekend and leaving his kids behind so he can be with his girlfriend and her kids. When he is home during the week, he spends all of his time at the gym and then on the computer and texting her. Aside from having a girlfriend and leaving every weekend, this has been standard operating procedure since we’ve been married. I have begged him to stay home at least every other weekend and spend time with his kids. I applaud you gentlemen here who want to be with your children. Good luck with your battles and I hope you win them.

    My story is a long and complicated one, but will shorten it the best way that I can. Back in October of 2014, I discovered some info about my spouse that I was being cheated on, which is what led to the mess I am about to talk about. During our time together up until marriage and then divorce, we took care of my son, from a previous relationship, from the first day he was born. The biological father came to the hospital to sign the birth certificate and only seen the child for the first 3 months after birth, then disappeared. I had tried to contact him through phone calls, only to find the number disconnected. So I reached out through facebook messaging where it would only show he read my messages but would never reply. This went on for a solid year and a half. I had even went to the extent of contacting child support because I was drowning and couldn’t find a job. I had left my job previous to discovering I was pregnant and stayed on prenatal care. Which I did not go back to work so I could care for my son due to limitations. Anywho, getting off topic, child support attempted to reach out multiple times without response, letters were being returned, had an order for DNA testing and guess what? NO SHOW! Could not establish anything. So I sold everything I had to make money to get by until I could find a job. After going through several jobs, he finally contacts me in October 2014 and informs me he wants to see his son and that he was unstable before but isn’t now. During this time I was having issues with the spouse, like mentioned before. My mother informed me that my spouse was abusive to my son. No one had any proof of anything, not to mention I was working when it was supposedly witnessed. Prior to filing for divorce, I contacted the father back in regards to seeing his son and also expressing the issue at hand. Wanting to remove my son from the line of fire and away from any potential harm to be safe. I also had to save up money to file for my divorce due to not having the finances. I also explained this to the father. He understood and we had a verbal agreement on the matter. My son would visit for a few hours a day at first because he had not clue who his father was. So we started out slow and worked up to weekends. The father wanted more time with him, so I worked it up to a week at a time. Then after Christmas 2014, I began a new job in January 2015, working full time and 3pm-midnight with only 2 days off. I tried my hardest to see my son when I was off work and sometimes my mother would have him with her at her house. My schedule stayed hectic for about 3 months, then it changed and I could see my son at reasonable hours with consecutive days off. My mother was getting my son every other weekend prior to my new schedule. Then visitation gradually went up to where my mother would have my son for a whole week every other week beginning in may 2015 and we would switch off during those times on my days off. Everything was working out great, I was getting on my feet with my new job and residence, I had gotten my divorce shortly after. I remarried 4 months later, October 2015. My son absolutely loves my husband and even calls him dad for some reason. I had seen my son last at the end of September 2015, but when my mother went to get my son, the father refused to let either one of us have my son back. Did not have a court order and neither parent has custody granted. It’s who ever has the child has physical custody until one is granted custody. Now we are about to go through a court battle where his petition states I am unstable and I live with my ex spouse, who was supposedly abusing my son. Everything stated was false information. I am just wondering, do they sort through the lies to determine everything? Or do they grant based off of falsified information. I have a stable job, income, car, drivers license, house, married, etc. He has no car, no license, no job, and not married. He receives a disability check and VA benefits. He also just got a house a few months back where he pays rent. I don’t know how they would ever consider him stable and more fit. I’m a little worried with all the lies being told.

    I’m a great Dad to my Beautiful 11 year old Daughter . I get her every other weekend and I pick her up through the week days to go to the YMCA or just spend time with her . I’ve been devorce 2013. my Ex is addicted to pain killers and recently was caught smoking opiates through a pipe. My Daughter tells me that mommy locks herself in her room with her strange boyfriend . Daughter has to text her mom in the same house to get her out. Also my Daughter has been left alone many times and it goes back several years. The Ex and my Daughter just recently was evicted from the place they have been living 10 years. And now is with her 5th boy friend which all of them look skinny and trashy looking. So what is my FN rights ….how can the Law and state allow this??!? I pay the Ex very good for child support and she drives a 2014 Audi which she just recently purchased. Is there anything I can do ?? I don’t have $20.000 dollars to get my Daughter. It’s not fair !! I can’t afford a Lawyer. why can’t the state help my Daughter and I??? The State had NP getting child support!! They don’t give a crap about the safety of my child. As long as the mom gets money for her needs not my child’s .

    I am a mom and on the day of my court divorce date I was put in a “sercured part of the court house behind a locked door” is what the judge called it. I was put in a closed court room and I had 9 other people there to support me and observe and when they went to the door and turned the door knob it was locked and hit a button no one would answer them to buzz them in, so needless to say I was put through the ringer and my 4 year old was taken away from me with no evidence of any wrong doing. I know and my attorney says they know that we were set up and put in a locked courtroom and I can’t get anyone to help me. I have call dozens of lawyers and no one will torch my case because they all know if they go up agents a judge there career is over. and i have even went to Family and Childrens services to help get my son back and they can’t help me even with a open case of my ex’s girlfriend abusing my son.
    will someone please tell me what to do? who can help me? and yes , my ex got all the money and I don’t have another $15,000 to pay another lawyer to help me get my son back or if I did with me still being under this judge i will never win.
    Can anyone help me???

    Some parents just want custody arrangements so the other parent can’t constantly blow their child off and/or only get her on days that he has to work and his new perfect girlfriend can watch our child instead of him.
    It’s not always about money.
    I don’t want money. I just don’t want my baby girl tossed around like a rag doll from home to home, then when I go to get her on my day “no, sorry but you knocked on my door, and she is not ready, despite us agreeing on this time and place to get her, i’m going to slam the door in your face then call the police and claim harassment”, Yeah. And guess what, the police show up, and when mommy over here says “I was just trying to pick my daughter up, but he won’t give her to me…” what does mr. officer say? “Well who has custody of her?” oh…. nobody…. soooo we can’t help you sorry no kidnapping here no wrong-doing here.

    i went thru a lengthy custody battle w/my sons father(whom i never married). my son will be 5 soon and the father was recently awarded 50/50 custody even after his “priors” which i was not aware of until i started looking into. my sons father and grandmother know i have no money to fight in court but i do b/c i will fight for my son until the end. i have to constantly deal w/the name calling and being talked to like i have no rights to our son. i am the mother and domicile parent. he’s even yelled and cussed me in front of our son. so i can see both sides for the good fathers and mothers in the world. i too had to learn to watch what i say and let him say things and he does thru text. hes even gone as far as verbally attacking my mother in a court house. so you see what i’m dealing with when he doesnt get his way.
    i am even called white trash when i am the one paying him child support now. so i’ve learned no matter how nice you are or adult you are, when you have a “bad” seed you are dealing with, there is now winning. i let my sons father say what he wants and pray one day my son will see it wasnt me causing alot of problems thru all of this. i am thankful i have a great husband that sees me thru all of this.

    My girlfriend really wants her daughter but her sister won’t give her back to her. We live in California and before I meet her she was on the streets homeless with a guy who hit her. She told me that she was living with her sister at one time after her husband left her and the kid. While living there her sister gave her a curfew at 10 pm when she was 5 minutes late she told her the kid stays here and took back the house keys. So when she came by to see her daughter she never answer the door are the phone. When she applied for homeless and the welfare told her to bring her kid and her sister did not let her get her own daughter and told her to not mess up her case. So when I got with her she took me to her moms house and while we where there she found child helper papers and papers for showing up to court and the 60 days where up cause her mom hid the papers and never told her nothing. But now it says she has to pay her sister child helper. I thought that was beytween husband and wife only. And also on the papers her sister says she ain’t married and she is he has a good job and that she don’t work and she does she has 3 jobs and own a house. So why is she getting welfare for her daughter and putting my girlfriend her sister threw hell and the all go to church. Is this even fare.

    If you’re a GOOD man and a GREAT dad in New York State, like me, good luck. These judges see so many deadbeats that they wouldn’t recognize a good father if he were their own. They put everyone in the same basket and just make decisions based on their mood that day, instead of facts.

    From Suffolk County to Erie County, New York family court judges are the worst in the nation. I feel sorry for the children…and hope the system changes sooner rather than later, too many families have been destroyed because of incompetence.

    I have been divorced for over 6 to 7 years my daughter is 9. I am remarried as of last August. My first and most important question is I took her back to court am I allowed to serve her the papers because she was yelling at me that it was no good because I served her the papers. I am not trying to take my child away from her. I said that during the school year my daughter stay with me and she could still get her Friday ,Saturday and Sunday twice a month and in the Summer time go back to half and half. Now to the bad points my child has had head lice 8 times in two and half years and my ex will not do it properly so I have taken her for 18 days do the cleaning and then do the cleaning with the lotion 7-9 days later just to make sure plus hours of nitting my daughter has very thick hair. My daughter has missed 27 days last year and it close to that this year. Her mom does not make her go to school and I hold very important. She has to watch her younger brother and sister she tells me and that is why she is up so late. Another thing I can never get hold of her by phone it is either dead or she just turns it off. The school does not even call her anymore just me. I am wondering what is going to happen in court this time I am not trying to take my daughter away from her mother it is just not healthy over in that house. She had a child before I was with her and I had one daughter with her. She had two more kids with my best friend that she cheated on against me but he passed away from Cancer which really sucks we had gotten over that. Now she is with a guy that has his own two boys 13 and 15. So all together there are 6 kids in a 3 bedroom house and there are no bed times so I think it is just as well that she stay with me during school I am not asking for the money back that is what she said to me I did not even think about that. So any input on the first question is important and what do you think will happen in court this being the third time back.

    “If she hits, pushes, punches, or otherwise makes contact with you in an offensive way while she is angry, you need to call the police. Such behavior should be reported. The police will treat her the same way they would have treated you and she will go to jail. ”

    Not the case in Minnesota. I called the police and I have been removed from the house and stayed overnight at the hotel. Latter on I went to the sheriff’s office and asked why this did happen. The police told me that 95% of abuses come from men, so it is very unlikely they will remove a wife from the house. And he there are kids involved, she will NEVER go to jail!

    Gentlemen, keep this in mind.

    I have asked numerous of times to please not have my kids around three certain people because they talk poorly about me to my kids they have her asked me detente to me they used to be my friends and then now they have went and started being friends with my ex I’ve been friends with them like since growing up before I even knew my ex before we even got married and now they’re hanging out with him and I just asked him not to have kids around them well he is deliberately hanging out with them when he has my kids told him he can do whatever he wants on his own time and his personal time just please not to have him around my kids. Doesn’t this fall under some kind of respect or not following something I let him call the kids anytime you wants to let him take him whenever he wants to even if it’s not his weekend if he has something going on with his family I let him take him and I feel like he does this just to hurt me.

    I am hopefully towards the end of a three year divorce. Every time we get close to a court date, he decides he doesn’t like something in the agreement. I have move to a different city, to get a new start. In or temporary order we both agreed to not have our son around a significant other. However I have become so tired of this game he is playing that I have let my son meet my significant other. They get along great and he would never try to take the place of his dad. Is there anyway this could back fire on me?????

    well my fiancé left me a month ago we been together for 11 years and I have three kids but the two smallest one is his we been rocky and haven’t had any sex or any loving since October I will ask him if he was seeing someone but deny it all the time he started coming late from work saying is events and so on since he left he block me of Instagram facebook and I found out he was talking to a girl anyways I took him to child support and for custody it would of been different if we talked or care for the boys so child support I took him now he is complaining he cant get the kids cause he has no money cause I took to him to child support but found out he is living with this big girl he took the car and we having a court date for custody in a week so he claims he cant get them due to law so he hasn’t called them or came to see them and its hard for me cause I suffer with the kids everyday from taking them to school and doctors apt espically my youngest he has a disability and he says I put family before him and I was never there for him all lies and he is a coward I’m so hurt that I even have to go through this and don’t jnow what to do next.

    I believe it’s imperium
    Important to aim these things at mothers as well. I know some very low life mothers not just father’s. I feel this is a slam to men because it makes it seem as though just men do these things.

    Ich verbringe alle 2 Tage circa eine Stunde auf deiner Homepage und finde immer wieder schöne Beiträge von Dir.
    Mach weiter so! gibt es noch lange!

    My ex got physical with me during a fight so I left, when I came back he had packed all of my stuff in garbage bags and shoe boxes. What was the fight about? Our then 3.5 year old child shook a straw and some chocolate milk went on the floor. He started screaming and berating our child telling him that act ruined our day. Nice. He has since stopped working and is on disability for mental health. He let the mortgage on what was our family home go into foreclosure so he could move in with his buddy. His buddy is a convicted drug dealer(still sells even though he has been to prison) convicted domestic abuser and has also committed a B&E. Neither of them work, besides selling drugs. He brings our son to coke dealers houses and leaves him unattended in the basement so he can go outside to get high. He threatens me and bullies me. His roommate’s current girlfriend also does not work and has a child who bullies our child and calls him names. My ex does not let me see our child through the week because I work, I don’t get home until 8:30 PM, apparently that’s too late. He doesn’t work because of mental health, claiming he has a hard time leaving home without having panic attacks but maintains a very active social life. He spanks our child hard enough to leave welts that last a week. He is a loser and I don’t want to have to deal with him for the next 15 years. I won’t do anything because honestly he scares me, but also because, as much of a loser as he is I still think it’s important that our child maintains a relationship with his father, but I am always worried what kind of life our child is living with him. If I were to do something I would be pegged as the nasty vindictive ex who took our child away from him.

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