By DadsDivorce.com reader Big D
This article on common divorce issues is for those of you that are looking to get divorced, newly divorced, or trying to modify anything for the first time after being divorced.
That might seem like a strict set of criteria, but if nothing else, the scenarios and outcomes included in this article will entertain and make you feel like you are not alone in your quest to have a “sane” divorce.
The Real World Scenario 1: The Kids Don’t Get Attention At Mom’s
My first real world example is something that I am sure all divorced men have come across. You feel that your children are not getting the attention they deserve, in some area of their life, when they are at your ex-wife’s house. So, you merely ask for some assistance that will help your children cope with the situation.
What was asked by the father of the children:
“For the interest of the children, a parenting coordinator should be introduced to help both parents better co-parent the children, especially when it comes to school work, homework, and learning objectives.”
What the response was from the mother of the children:
- The father abuses the children.
- The children do not want to spend any time with the father.
- The father’s new wife is mean to the children.
- The children hate the father’s new wife.
- The children should be interviewed.
- The mother should have full custody of the children.
The Real World Scenario 2: Modifying Child Support
My second real world example is a situation that most men will have to deal with at some point in their post-divorce life. We all know that situations change, jobs come and go, living expenses change, etc. With all of this change, of course child support will need to be evaluated.
In many post-divorce proceedings, child support is evaluated every two years anyway. However, my experience has proven that if the mother is in the “black” with the current child support situation, she will not pursue the valuation of the child support on the two-year anniversary. But when the father does, well…
What was asked by the father:
“For the children to go from 36/64 (time with father/mother) to 50/50 parenting time. Based on the new parenting time and the fact child support has not been evaluated in over four years, child support be calculated based on the incomes and parenting time of the children.”
What the response was from the mother of the children:
- The father does illegal drugs.
- The father abuses alcohol.
- The father is always traveling for work.
- The father did not divulge all savings accounts during the divorce.
- The father has security cameras inside and outside his home.
- The father is obsessed and is stalking the mother.
- The father is jealous of the mother’s new boyfriend.
- The children do not want to spend any time with the father.
- The father’s new wife is mean to the children.
- The children hate the father’s new wife.
- The father should have a psychological evaluation.
- The children should be interviewed.
- The mother should have full custody of the children.
I know, you might be thinking that I am just a negative person. You might be thinking that my story must include details that I am not including. You might be thinking that my story is unique and no one else could possibly be dragged through what I am being dragged through.
I wish you were right, but it is not the case.
For all men that are just trying to make a small change and make things “even” or “right,” there is no such thing as a small change! Be prepared for the worst, as this is typically how every ex-wife will react. I say this from experience and from talking with many other divorced dads over the years.
I wish all of you the best of luck and please stay true to yourself, your children, and pursue a life past your divorce. You deserve it, your children deserve it, and there is no reason to be dragged down by your ex-wife or her lawyer!
Read about more real-life divorce experiences and divorce advice for men in our series Divorce Survival Training.
