Perhaps the very worst aspect of divorce is its tendency to pit spouses against each other.
Divorce and conflict go hand in hand. Generally, couples don’t decide to end a marriage unless they’ve had some pretty serious disagreements beforehand. But the confrontational nature of divorce is like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Splitting amicably is the ideal, but it’s much easier said than done. There are often arguments about the division of assets, child custody, and more that too often turn bitter and contentious.
The dirty secret of the family court system is that family law attorneys stand to benefit financially the more litigious your divorce becomes as attorney fees and billable hours start accumulating.
With that knowledge in mind, it’s wise for you to try to have a mature conversation with your soon-to-be-ex at the very start of the divorce process. Look, neither of you ever imagined being in this position when you decided to marry. And while it’s easy to point the finger at the other, both of you could probably share at least part of the blame when dissecting why things didn’t work out.
None of those arguments matter now and this is not the time to try to take a stand. What’s important now is figuring out how you’re both going to move forward so you can each start the next chapter of your life. You will both end up better off if you can find a way to remain amicable.
NFL Hall of Fame running back Barry Sanders, who has gone through a divorce himself, recently wrote about the importance of carrying the right attitude during your divorce on his blog.
“The earlier into the process you realize that divorce is a no-win scenario, the better off you will be when it comes time to sort out the details,” Sanders wrote. “There will obviously be points where you disagree along the way, such as how the property is split or how custody plays out, but you can’t let these feelings cloud other aspects of the settlement negotiations.”
Need further convincing? Here are three reasons you should try to carry the right attitude in your divorce.
You still have to co-parent
This is probably the biggest incentive for you and your ex to remain friendly. She might not be your wife anymore, but she is still the mother of your children, and it is important for them to maintain a strong, positive relationship with both parents.
Research suggests that it is the conflict associated with divorce – not the actual divorce itself – that causes so many negative effects for children.
Even if your ex is difficult, it is probably in the best interest of your children to swallow your pride and let some arguments go.
It strengthens your case
Divorce proceedings are often incredibly frustrating, but losing your temper and letting your emotions get the best of you won’t help your case.
You’re much better served keeping a level head to come up with effective and reasonable arguments to make your points.
This is also why it’s important to have skilled representation in your corner, such as the attorneys of Cordell & Cordell, as they are trained in negotiating these settlements.
It speeds your divorce recovery
Men face numerous health risks after divorce. The longer a divorce lingers, and the more arguments that ensue, the greater the strain is likely to be on you mental and physical health.
It’s often said that divorce is like a death, and in order to fully heal you must pass through all the different stages of divorce. The final stage is recovery, but you can’t transition to that stage if you’re still clinging to the same old disputes that led to your marriage’s downfall.
Realizing nothing can be gained from rehashing these tired arguments is one of the biggest steps you can take to speed your divorce recovery.
3 comments on “Let It Go: Carrying The Right Attitude Through Divorce”
Well said! Hard to do but so worth it. Every bit of self-control can pay off.
Can a ex step grandparent get visitation rights to a child in Arkansas?