5 Ways The Child Support System Fails Families

child supportCordell & Cordell Principal Partner Joseph Cordell recently spoke with 700WLW-Cincinnati about many of the problems pervading the child support system and family courts.

As Mr. Cordell noted, rather than providing support for children, the system often drives a wedge between families and creates unnecessary financial hardship for many well-intentioned parents.

Here are five ways in which the system fails families.

The system creates debtors prisons.

Twenty-nine percent of the families in the child support system live below the federal poverty line. This makes completing payments a challenge for many parents.

The situation gets even worse if a parent loses their job. Child support doesn’t stop during unemployment. That debt starts to accumulate and it can suddenly become impossible to catch up.

The court also has the power to say it thinks an individual is capable of finding a meaningful job and a parent can be incarcerated if they continue failing to make payments. Once imprisoned, the arrears continue to accumulate and suddenly they’re stuck in a never-ending cycle.

The system financially destroys the support system of parents who can’t pay.

In his interview, Mr. Cordell described a cynical attitude that many judges hold in regards to enforcing child support. Their belief is that once a parent who claims to be unable to pay child support is faced with a prison sentence, the money suddenly shows up.

That is often the case, Mr. Cordell conceded, but not because they were hiding the money. The money often comes from friends or family who are now forced to take on a financial hardship they didn’t deserve.

Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.

“Incidentally, debtor prisons were founded on the same assumption that you send the guy to jail and the money will show up,” Mr. Cordell said. “Interestingly, the money does appear, but it appeared by his loved ones having to mortgage everything they have or to work 12-hour days to get him out of prison. That’s not a system I think we want to emulate.”

The system fails to acknowledge economic realities of divorce.

The formulas used in most states to calculate child support is founded on the policy goal of preserving for the child the same standard of living that would have existed if there weren’t a divorce.

Of course, providing as much financial support for the child as possible is ideal, but the reality is that divorce creates some economic hardships that make maintaining the exact quality of life impossible in many instances.

The fact is, there are now two households being supported by the same combined income, and the non-custodial parent is shouldered with that additional financial burden.

“The way this would happen in the real world if the couple had stayed together and hit hard times or if we’d go through a recession is that the child would make the same sacrifices that the parents make,” Mr. Cordell said. “But with this policy aspiration that the children are not to experience a reduction in child support, it’s entirely on the shoulders and the backs of these guys.”

The system deincentivizes being a productive member of the economy.  

Another characteristic of the child support system is that any source of income is to be considered in the child support determination.

That means the more money you make, a larger and larger share of every dollar will be going to pay child support. In many cases, the mother has remarried, so that income will be benefitting her new husband as well.

“It’s a system with entirely the wrong incentives,” Mr. Cordell said.

The system overemphasizes financial contribution while underscoring other types of support.

Perhaps the system’s greatest flaw is that it places an enormous emphasis on providing financial support for a child while essentially ignoring the other types of support parents can provide.

The deadbeat dad myth still looms very large in society, but recent research has shown that even the poorest of fathers try to find other ways to help raise their children.

Financial support is important, but so is having an involved father as that can play a key role in the healthy development of children. Child support debt often pushes fathers out of their children’s lives to the detriment of everyone – a fact Kimberly Seals Allers recognized when she decided to forgive her ex-husband of nearly $40K in child support arrears.

An outdated gender stereotype pervades the system that mothers are solely responsible for raising the child while fathers serve as the breadwinner. But times are changing as women are continuing to make professional strides and fathers are contributing to child raising more than ever.

There are also numerous agencies that help enforcing the right to child support, but when visitation is denied dads often find themselves on their own.

“A guy can’t pick up a phone and have some official go to work on his behalf,” Mr. Cordell said. “What the guy has to do is he has to go to a lawyer’s office and write a check for three- to five-thousand dollars. Then a petition is filed and over a period of months it’s going to work its way through the slow course of court systems and then he’ll probably get a day in court maybe three to six months later.

“… Does he even bother when he’s looking at that sort of road in front of him?”

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80 comments on “5 Ways The Child Support System Fails Families

    As long as Title IV-D of the Social Security Act exists or not modified to separate the wheat from the chaff. The state(s) are always going to hide, like the cowards they are, behind the “best interest of the child” for their own profit. Think about it. If you were given a dollar for every dollar you could show the feds you were getting from parents, would you really waste your time on deadbeat losers who don’t want to take care of their children ? Hell no, you want that sweet, sweet cashola. So you’re looking for those parents who would do anything for their kids and squeeze every dime you can get out them. Until parents unite, and force Congress to modify Title IV-D, parents who care about their kids will continue to be exploited. It’s simple economics. There is no such thing as winning or loosing. Only trade-offs.

    How is it best for the child when one parent is living in squalor and can’t afford to do anything with the child resentment sets in because “mommy” can do this “mommy” can take us here. soon they don’t want to go to dad’s its boring your place is small ect this situation is because my ex and DCF put me here in this situation.
    Situation two is what happens to me she made false allegations against me the judge bought it slammed me with a restring order said I was too dangerous to have my kids but i could pay all the same 1200$ a month my NET take home 1300$ a month but because my GROSS is 6000$ that was it. the 17K in debt I took in exchange for her agreeing to keep the support at a agreed amount..she lied said she never agreed her email stating this was not allowed to be introduced my lawyer lied to me said her and her lawyer had an agreement but could provide no proof. two years of brainwashing my kids they no longer wish to see me my oldest changed her name,Now she is 18 and because I got a few raises and my gross yearly went up so did my taxes and insurance and lawyer fees and that 17K so my NET went unchanged but according to the formula I will most likely not get a decrease maybe even get hit for more putting me further in debt. I can’t afford to move or better my life because the more I work the more I better myself the more they take there is zero incentive for me to make more work harder I am a slave for her she have every reason to lie to scam the system more I am kept away more she gets so she has every incentive to screw me more she knows noone will ask her to show where the money actually goes all with the state’s help. lawyers are only good if you have $$ they really don’t care. so explain to me how I this is what is best for the kids? do I get a deduction if she gets a raise or betters herself? NOPE do I get to benefit if she makes more NOPE yet she does and don’t tell me its not her money because we never paid that much a month on them ever.. No state takes into account the debt a divorce leaves they use money I never receive. They tax it i get no tax breaks she get that free and clear and child care income credit ,If it”s not HER money then why is it taxed at all kids don’t pay tax so I should not be taxed to give it to them right?
    If i don’t pay i go to jail so now daddy is in jail but that is what’s best for the child?
    I can loose my licence forcing me to break the law and go to work without it because that helps solve the situation right…It’s whats best for the kids hu..

    You hit the nail on the head. The more you make , the more they take regardless of what she makes. It’s even worse when she gets remarried and his income goes towards the household but the system doesn’t acknowledge that for whatever reason. It’s a corrupted , sexist system but there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve been through this almost 20 years and now only 7 months to go before my youngest son turns 18. Dont give up

    56 years old, I have paid over 125k in child support to 3 women, I’m broke, have no credit because of it, and still owe 100k because I was injured on the job and had to fight Labor and Industries for 8 years before finally a Lawyer took my case and won surgery and retraining. Child support took 50% of the 38k I received for back payment, the Lawyer got 30%, and I got screwed. Illinois, the black hole of social services, ignored 3 requests for modification and continued to charge me 1700 a month while I was injured. I’ll die a broke debt slave. Welcome to America…land of the free.

    I was hustled by two welfare witches out of Nevada. I met a girl in Nevada ended up having a child. The mother gave the child to her mother. The grandmother then signed up for TANF (cash assistance). The grandmother collected 32,000 in cash assistance from the state, I get the bill, wage garnishments and all, just now getting the 32,000 payed off. Took me 13 years but it’s actually coming to an end, the child is 17 now but in the meantime paying that 32,000 back I was also ordered to pay current and medical insurance, so I’m at around 70,ooo when it’s all said and done, I was homeless, couldn’t take care of my son that I had and only work at Walmart but the state didn’t care, they are quick to strangle a working family to give to a family who refused to work, where this gets really ugly is, the original mother in the meantime had another child and also signed up for TANF, effectively giving both her and her mother incomes, since the original mother was also on Tanf, she was shielded from having to pay any child support on the first child she gave to her mother. I had to pay back all the state assistance for me as well as on behalf of the original mother. Both the mother and grandmother have never had a real job, they rely solely on food stamps and cash assistance from the kids the daughter has, it’s the welfare hustle, they were on the reservation (Indian) so their is no 5 year limit on Tanf cash assistance, when one kid turns 18 they will have another kid and give it to the mom. So the mom can continue to collect, all while alienating the fathers also putting them into extreme debt. It’s a scary world. I was a victim but survived, in my last year paying for there welfare.

    I’m 38 and in the same boat. It’s a harsh realization to know that unless you hit the lottery you will never have to ability to acheive the American dream.

    I have been reading all the complaints from everyone and I’m sure there’s thousands more,but what’s the bottom line ? Just complaining about it ? What can actually be done ? Fathers need to be protected ! They shouldn’t have to give up their lifestyle..All these stories sound ridiculous . My heart goes out to all of you. But there has to be something that all of you can do together ! You all have to pull together and fight the corrupt system.. communicate together, come up with a plan. Be sick of some system telling you what to do and how to do it..Fight back..Together not separate. All you fathers sound very intelligent. You have access to the internet.I don’t know do a petition . Just a thought. Please though don’t be a puppy dog with your tail between your legs, be a power source ..Don’t stay in the condition box, get out of the box !!

    Well the system is a joke period. 4 kids with same mother, she is out cheating which ultimately led to our end….I take home $1980 a pay period, yet was told I make over $6300.00 ala gross pay a month. Let that sink in. I take home $3960 a month. She was awarded $1650 a month. That leaves me $2310 for myself a month with $1486 in rent…..wow $824.00 to pay utilities, food, gas for car….what a fucking joke. She makes money yet apparently none of that needs to be toward kids. She basically makes more than me now. Oh I forgot, I pay their insurance and was credited $313 dollars…so nearly $2,000.00.

    Whew I gotta say I am glad to see I am not the only one fed up with the child support laws and biases in this Country. I live in Indiana, and the county of jurisdiction in my case is a small rural section of Southern Indiana. The county has only one major town with a population under 2500. Needless to say the judge and my ex wife are acquaintances, which was proven by the fact they exchanged pleasantries before our last hearing. I made the mistake of paying a good chunk of my support in cash, which obviously I never was given credit for. I had adopted my ex wife oldest daughter when she was 7 and ended up paying support on her until she turned 25. I never got credit for the over payment either. During the last hearing in 2013, the lawyer I retained was so appalled by the judges bias that he refused to represent me when the prosecutor called for another hearing to address arrears, so he withdrew. I was unable to find an attorney who was willing to handle an arrears case. I had a heart attack in September and fell behind on my support payments. I have never said no when my ex wife asked me for additional funds outside of the support I was paying when I was able to pay. The truth is I am about 5000 behind in support, but because I wasn’t given credit for the cash I paid for years, and the over payment on the child I adopted, as far as the court is concerned I am behind 18000. My ex wife has taken advantage of the fact the court and judge is biased in her favor. She has turned the screws on me any chance she gets. I finally was able to reach a settlement with her and pay 14000, in 3 installments, 7000 at first, then 3500 every 30 days finally ending on May 31st. Once we appeared in front of the judge to finalize this agreement, he threatened to deny the agreement even after my ex wife confirmed she agreed with the terms. Then out of the blue she asked to be paid in 2 installments, and within 40 days total. Eventhough I had proof on my phone via text messages exchange with her, the judge basically told me I was going to have to pay it the way she wanted, an I should consider myself lucky. He asked me where the money was coming from, and I replied that I didn’t see how that was relevant as long as the money was paid on the dates he determined. He was so condescending and rude, and did not even inquire why I was without council. I felt like I was being tag teamed by a manipulative ex wife and corrupt biased judge and felt insignificant and helpless. He demanded I go pay the 7000 and bring him the receipt after which he feigned concern for my safety and said in a fake tone “Have a good day Mr. Bright, and make sure you be careful on the way home.” I just stared straight ahead remembering if I didn’t have something good to say to not say anything at all, and he turned around expecting a Thank You from me and when he didn’t get it, said “your welcome” in such a teenage girl sarcasm like I should be on my knees kissing his feet for the favor he just did me. I wish there was a way to file complaints against judges, or at least move the jurisdiction to a neighboring county in which neither of us live for a fair and impartial hearing. But it’s too late now as I will have made my 2nd 7000 payment next week and hopefully will be released from the arrears get and further child support. After all both of the kids I was legally obligated to support are over 19. Finally, I think trusting a system that tries to place every case in a singular context is ridiculous. These judges get paid good money to do just that, judge. I think each case should be heard individually, and represented equally and let the judges do what they get paid to do and that is make a judgment based on the evidence at hand who is telling the truth and who is lying. Instead we get judges like the one I dealt with who has a personal friendship with one party, and took her word as gold and mine as I was lying through my teeth when exactly the opposite was the truth.

    My husband is paying on 3 to 2 mothers. 2 children are now in their 20s but thanks to times he was unable to work he owe over 40,000 on them. He was at times denied his visitation with them untill they were old enough to drive and could come when they wanted and still do. We had to explain to them why they were allowed to come over when they wanted but their Dad didn’t want them over before. That was done by a diary of sorts I kept of every time he was romhave them or asked for them and the excuse he was given.
    The other 1. They have both been lied to since her birth. He also owes about 30000 on her. She is 19 with a 3 year old. Dropped out of school in her Freshman year. Never allowed to see each other and don’t even know if he is really her Dad. He sign the birth certificate. His never ending nightmare. They have been talking for the past 3 months in private messages on FB. They would love to be able to afford the test to find out if they and blood, but neither one can afford it. She is even for having the legal test done so that if they aren’t blood, he can start getting paid back. She never knew her mother was and in still collecting on her or any of the trouble it has been for him.
    Why is it so “ok” to take out the non custodial parent to the point if they can’t survive on their own, can’t drive because License has been taken away, can’t have a job because they have no way to get to work. If not for me who mows where my husband would be right now. We still face each day wondering if the next time an officer comes to the house, ” Did they find another reason to come and lock me up.”
    No parent or maybe parent should be treated as though the can’t have or own anything. No one should not be allowed to spend time with their child. Let alone both not knowing if they are truely related or not.
    Imagine being 19, having a 3 year old child of your own, but you yourself don’t even know who your father is and afraid to talk to the man that was named as your Dad because you have grown up thinking he doesn’t care and didn’t want you. When in all reality it was your mother who made theta decision for both of you.
    I,wish I knew where to find help so my husband could live a life that he wants than the one he is left with. He lives with depression from not being able to help me as he feels he should. He has anxiety because he never knows what each day will bring. He’s been through depression from everything he has had to deal with. I am proud to be his one constant in his life that keeps him going. But, I would love to be able to help him have a better life also.

    I have just been slammed with an accusation of never paying support when I was definitely current until last month. In Alaska, the custodial parent in CSSD can claim any accusation they want and that is taken as gospel without providing any proof; I have been told it is my responsibility to clear all accusations. To back up a bit, I was awarded 3k in positive balance because I was overpaying for 16 months while the mother lied to the court, kidnapped my daughter and fled the state. I filed 3 motions to enforce an order and restructured my custody. In 50/50 per state law, the majority custody parent may not exceed 70/30; I’ve had her >25% of the time. Alaska is an equitable state for dividing divorce debt, I was placed with 100%. All motions to modify the support must go through the court system and cannot be raised more than once a month, I have had 3 raises this month alone and was in court a little over a month ago. Never has my X stated in court that I owed back child support because I keep very detailed payment records and pay every month; I now apparently have never paid, although I have provided ample evidence to the court and CSSD several times; this has resulted in a total of apparent back support in excess of 21k. The family judicial system that enforces and emplaces the laws do not even abide by the law themselves. I love my daughter so much this hurts, and I now have started my life completely over and have a new daughter with someone wonderful who is now impacted by my X’s insatiable lust for vindictiveness (we’ve been divorced 5 years). They could care less how their bureaucratic greed for increasing government income impacts their citizens; they could also care less what the child’s psychological and well-being is. My X’s father is addicted to opioids and watches my daughter on a daily basis now. Fantastic right? Myself, however, have fallen into vast depression wondering if I will go to jail because I can never seem to convince anyone of my proven innocence. It’s a never-ending vicious cycle driven by greed under the guise of protection and providing. The fact of the matter is, when this has become a way of capitalism for the government making millions of dollars, they just call me a deadbeat Dad and throw me in jail saying to family and media that he’s just another criminal. I, however, know this is extortion, bribery, legal kidnapping, slavery, corruption, all in connection ranging from lawyers, the court system, the government, and CSSD. The only option left is obtaining legal means to protest peacefully and gain a following to show the public how bad this really is. These parents of either gender in our situation need to get together sign petitions and introduce legislation to our so-called government to get bills passed to have the system either abolished or reconstructed. My last point is that the stereotype of breadwinner and housewife is so ridiculously sexist and outdated. It also initiates the debtor to not strive to get a better job etc., because they will just take more. This behavior also entitles the other party and degrades their contribution to socio-economic betterment. Capitalizing on peoples interpersonal mistakes in their lives is so ethically and intrinsically wrong it makes me sick. I have two college degrees, volunteer in my community, 9 yrs of US Army service and 3 combat deployments and now could care less if I end up jobless and on welfare just so I can take tax money back from the government. This is how I get treated for all of my hard work, public service and accolades? Furthermore, when folks go to jail for this, it ends up costing taxpayers even more money for having non-violent criminals incarcerated! This is the most dumb, racist, sexist bureaucratic injustice in our ideocratic society. I truely believe that we need to fight back this bureaucrat oppression, restore our rights, be in our childrens life without paying bribes and ransom to do so!

    Yeah this process is a joke I constantly am struggling and can’t provide the “wants” for my kids most we can do is go to the park or out to eat rarely, the mother who is working full time is able to collect my moneyband I’m sure she just uses it for her own personal things th3 system is broken especially for the dad’s that are actually apa4t of the kids lives it’s insane

    I too have been a victim of the child support system paying out in excess of 50% of my income to my ex the thing that is really dumb founding to me is that have been financially bankrupt it for the better part of 10 years wow paying out close to $100,000 and support payments now I have a child that is 18 his mother never saved a penny for him to go to college the money that was garnished from my wages was just used on whatever meaningless thing she chose to spend money on the most insulting thing is that during the course of the past 10 years I have been homeless twice when I simply could not afford to pay rent and have my wages garnished I’m currently paying two thousand one hundred and sixty dollars a month in child support and I only bring home $1,400 a month this is incredibly insulting the part that is most shocking about this is that why can’t more people get together and call attention to Congress and the lawmakers in Washington DC that this is a broken system that does not accomplish the goal of supporting children there’s no obligation that the money that is being garnished is actually used to benefit the child yet lawmakers hail the child support program as a success there’s one example and my area where there is a gentleman who has 13 children by 9 different women he refuses to work because he doesn’t want to pay child support but it’s still under the obligation to pay due to our laws so his child support payment is $5 per week per child this is the exact scenario that the welfare reform and the Bradley amendment of 1986 was designed to stop yet and still it exists and our current Society unfortunately we’ve gotten to the point as the Society of putting a dollar sign on children the fact that someone could get thousands of dollars of free money to spend on whatever they want the only caveat is they have to destroy and break up a family is pretty sick again I just don’t understand why we can’t get together and get some petition or some Congressional hearing into this system the family court system in the United States is an embarrassment and a complete dysfunction

    In my youth. I wholeheartedly lived like there would be no tomorrow. I quite enjoyed presenting myself. As the last man on earth, who would be interested and/or capable of being: Provider, Husband or Father. While I was lonely and empty, in a few ways. I just figured it was better than, being subject to the obligation of a Wife.
    Well. At the age of 24. I had impregnated a rather gorgeous 22 yr old. We just might have been the two most prideful and childish fools to ever create a baby. I could go into the blame game and finger pointing. But it ain’t worth the ink.
    I was scared, mad, callous and wanting to run. I listened to the advice of my parents. And tried to be a person, who I very much was not. We dedicated ourselves to a war of attrition. And managed to create another innocent baby girl.
    Our babies were One and Two yrs old. When We officially stopped living that love/hate cycle. I had to step into the role of a Single Parent. I had the dream job. I had the family for the support network. I had the bank to steamroller straight through the court.
    I had legally sown my daughter’s custody. Into position, where I did not have to share authority; with a Wife.
    I had no need for support. I kept my daughter’s safe. Fed, dressed, insured and in school. Independent of support from the ex and the state.
    And I was still miserable. Still angry and bitter. I lashed out at work, friends and school. I still look back and realize. I had to don the warpaint. I had to guarantee a safe environment. Most days. I didn’t have the other parent, to share the duty of minding the children.
    And even though I had everything that I fought for. Everything that I could possibly have guaranteed by law. And I had the best opportunity. To enjoy the joy that I came to later appreciate. Of raising “My” Daughters. I was still very bitter and incredibly consumed by rage. I had won the proverbial Pyrrhic Victory. I still had no adult companionship from a Wife. Was faced with the monumental task of filling the void of Mother, too my Daughters. Like. Just imagine what kind of employment history, would qualify a Lady. To be a suitable Mother, too “Your Daughters”.
    I did, what I did. Achieved the mission objective. I accomplished, what I thought; needed to be done. As I saw fitting for the situation. I am not trying to apologize for my actions. Manipulate people into offering empathy or pity.
    But after the smoke cleared. After the victor raised the victory banner. Over the contested goal.
    I felt dirty. I felt hollow. And I felt like: I could not ever fight like that again. I had to change into something. Something that felt downright impure. And it just ate to much. Of what I used to be.
    And at the end of the day. And $50’000 lighter. I still had no one to direct my anger towards, other than myself. For being so foolish. As to impregnate somebody who wasn’t ready to be a Mother. While I was also not ready to be a Husband.
    Long story short. Ain’t no Judge’s ruling. That could possibly satisfy my peace of mind. Or sooth my burned ego. About the fact that I had irrevocably changed my fate. Once a Lady and I created lives.
    I guess. That once it was all over. I had been disillusioned. That it was me. Who had a flawed expectation of marriage. Flawed expectation of the divorce/custody battle. I thought it would give me a sense of satisfaction. That the ruling would ease “ALL” of my woes.
    And it turned out. To be nothing more than the end of the prelude. And the beginning of a never-ending march. Of further contempt and hatred. That My Ex and I still harbor for each other. That divorce, never removed.
    All right and wrongs aside. We all should listen to. The experiences of those who tread ahead of Us. And detach the fairly tale connotations, we associate with marriage.
    Jason Snyder

    The system is set up wrong. It isn’t just about men. Women get abused in this system as well. My ex husband is a lazy excuse of a human being and sued me for custody and child support. My son wanted 50/50 so I didn’t fight for sole custody because I respect my son’s wishes. However, now I have to pay my ex husband child support because he is a lazy man and is always looking for a handout. He has one child to support in this world and he can’t even manage that because he’s such a loser. Being a single mother, I struggle as it is to pay for everything and now on top of it all I have to pay for his home. People who can’t afford the child, shouldn’t be allowed the handouts. They should be made to work even 2 jobs if that’s what it takes. That’s what I have to do now. I took on another job part time to help me to pay the child support. He’s a useless father that is taking from his child’s life rather than contributing. The laws need to change for these lazy, underemployed, useless parents, regardless of gender.

    I had a judge Bobby Peters in Columbus Ga tell my kids mom its ok to not work and drive your tractor on the land you fony farm and raised my child support and I had no increase in pay. On top of that I lost my job and experienced the same situation this article defines, my whole unemployment check was garnished and I had no money to live on. I was forced to cash out everything to live for a few months!!! This system is not fair for lazy women to sleep around and expect a man to pay for her nails and a kid she doesnt care about!

    Welcome to the world that we fathers live in everyday. Be careful with that 2nd job, they’ll come after that income also.

    The corrupt system will target the parent who makes more money..they dont care about the best interest of the kids like they claim to be..the more child support they collect the more money the state gets from the federal government..the laws says the state shall not be a interest to child support unless the child is on government aids, the courts n attorneys violate that law and forces child support on people and uses the children as pawns

    Well as soon as the state of California set my child support at 1122.00 per month my ex quit her job and is currently trying to take me back for more.

    My attorney did a horrible job representing me. I have 8 year old twins I get every other weekend and get to see them for dinner one night a week. I pay $225 a week in child support and 55% of everything else. My wife is a teacher and when her income was shown it wasn’t accurate, she makes much more than her attorney claimed. My attorney did nothing to discover this or even look into it. Is there a way I can bring her back to court to prove this? I love my children, have no problem providing support for them, could not have them more because of the hours I work. This arrangement will soon begin to bury me financially. Any answer would be greatly appreciated! Thank you! Bob

    I have been divorced for a year and a half I have twins that are 21 years old my son is high functioning Autistic PPD NOS undefined as to what the actual label is , I hate to call it that anyway he is going to be 22 I was giving child support indefinitely. My son worked for Lennys sub shop for a brief time and can speak clearly comprehend what people are saying played varsity baseball for MAC can work a computer , X box text call on his cell he has driven a golf cart rides horses works as a volunteer but does not work to get paid for it . Being that he is able to work and has proven it I still got screwed Its in my sons best interest to work at least part time and my ex is basically keeping my son from working so she gets a check such BS!

    Ex makes 3 times as much as myself i have the 2 children every other day and every other weekend.. 1/2 medical 1/2 co pays 1/2 sports fees equipment etc.. still giving her 1286. Mnth…. Hearing (rumors)… Cant change situation because was agreed upon in divorce decree???? Im barley making it…. RIDICULOUS!!!

    I have a letter signed by a judge, releasing me of my child support obligations from 1996. I stopped paying and am being sued by the state {Nebraska} for over 40,ooo$ , more than3/4 of this is intrest. Apperantly my x-wife was collecting monies from the state. My SS# hasn’t changed in 55 yrs and the state says they cant find me. no my wages are being garnished,for a debt a judge says I don’t owe

    I struggle from week to week pursued the system to pay , and even the system fails me on a constant basis . i may comlpete my responsibilities on time but case workers on individual bases often complete their portions of the process past the acquired times , costing me fees and suspensions on a pretty reg basis . i survive on my own but the system does not consider me for my expenses nor attempt to aid the small percentage of us that genuinely care for our kids futures at the expence of our selves in all aspects.

    Outdated gender profile ??? I want to know who decided that the man is 100 percent financially responsible for bringing a child into this world. Current child support laws are antiquated and outdated…..They were formulated generations ago for the man who walked away from an unemployed wife with small children…….Now for the most part….the females are employed, remarried and the poor father coughs up 25 percent of his salary plus attorneys fees and most times never has vistatoon because the courts ignore the rights of a father.

    More importantly, in my experience, there are no checks and balances in place to ensure child support ever is used for the support of the children????
    My ex gets substantial support, yet buys the children’s clothing used for pennies at the Goodwill store, and then deposits hundreds of dollars each month into her retirement IRA.
    She works half time, even though our children are 13 and 15 respectively, and nets more $ than she would if she worked a full time job.
    She has the leisurely lifestyle, and is building a nice retirement for herself.
    Where is the oversight to make sure children actually get child support?

    I am a dead beat Mom….think I deserve time with my kids and haveven never raised them. My ex husband who is great dad and has a good wife have always taken great care my youngest bilogical kids. I need to do better!

    Seriously, it is disgusting because it is the deadbeat dads who get away with not paying support. They also don’t see their children and most of the time they don’t want to. Then you have great men and fathers like my husband who get completely screwed. My huaband pays $800 a month for ONE CHILD. Tell me how it costs $1600 a month to care for one kid? Her mother should be reaponsible for half of what it takes to raise her child. Meanwhile my poor husband has to fight and fight for anytime he gets with his daughter. He basically has all the financial burden of raising a child while his ex wife gets to sit back and spend all the time in the world with his daughter. She is also remarried with 2 other children. We can’t helo but feel like the money my husband is paying monthly goes into paying for her other children as well. My husband also pays his daughters health insurance, his ex wife is always asking for more money to pay co pays everytime my step daughter goes to the dentist or doctor. Also, when his ex wife decides she wants to enroll my step daughter into aome sort of sport or activity or summer camo she always comes to us for money to cover half of that as well. Like seriously? Take that out of the $800 we give you every month. Also we have been trying to get her to put some of the money aside in savings for college and she won’t. She expects that to come out of our pockets as well. She knows that when rhe time comes we will come up with the money somehow. Meanwhile they live in a gorgeous house on the north side of town, always have money to go on vacation and buy new cars, she has fresh hisghlights in her hair every month while we are stuck pinching pennies and taking hand me downs for our baby we are expecting this month because we can’t afford to buy everything brand new even though my husband makes between 80 to 100 grand a year. It isn’t just the money thing that irritates me, it is mainly the fact that my husbands ex wife gets to treat my husband like she is doing him a favor when she allows him time with his daughter. She acts as if her time with their child is more important than my husbands. The system is incredibly unfair. Somethings got to change.

    I agree with you on some things but let me kindly say something. Your husband makes 90k per year which is 7,500/month and he pays 800 in child support? That’s not horrible math-wise. The 800 probably covers the day care portion of that child (if they are that age) so the mother is still responsible for everything else regarding the child so mathematically 800/month on an income of 7,500/month is not really that bad.

    Actually it really is that bad. 7,500 a month after taxes, health insurance, and 401k leaves about 4,000 a month. That’s 20% of his take home going to support. How does he support the rest of his family? I bet that child would be better off if she lived with dad, and he could devote to her that money that’s currently going to pay for the ex’s vacations.

    The courts should make the fathers pay a % of what the mother brings in for income. That would keep these moms from being dead-beats and living off the hard work of their ex’s.

    Child support is a Ponzi scheme. It brings in money for that state. And the states don’t like to lose. Judges are creating a higher than average suicide rates amongst men and women , they don’t care! At the end of the day these judges go home to there families. They don’t worry about not paying rent or having food to eat or paying car insurance. they hurt good people, they destroy families for money feeding this sick, twisted monster. Divorce and custody is a $50 billion dollar a year industry it’s going to continue until we the people demand reform and change. Attorneys are in on this relieving kick backs from family courts and the child support enforcement agencies are there to serve as enforcers to take this money, after its all done and said the custodial parent who gets the so called support $ receives 30% of it after the state or states take their fees out of it. It’s funny that states can enforce child support but have no interests in enforcing visitation.

    This is why men need to use COMMON SENSE and follow their own parental instincts and go for full custody and CARE ENOUGH to fight for control of their kids and not let gold digger child abusing mothers take control. And do it without an attorney.

    Common sense doesn’t win in family law. I went to court to get full custody and I literally had the mediator tell me “you are not going to win. You can’t come back from being deployed overseas and think you are going to get full custody. Unfortunately this court doesn’t always serve justice” basically told me I would be wasting my time.

    I have custody of my 2boys and custody of my other 2. One 3rd pays nothing. The other pays 100. Per month. If they had custody I would be paying over a grand. I don’t see how that is even half legal.

    How does a dad go about it without an attorney? I’m planning on taking a loan out of my 401 to pay an attorney for my nephew to fight for custody of his son. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

    What fees, never had any fees taken out? I never got state aid either, maybe that’s why I never had fees taken out of the $5327 he’s only ever paid out of 19 years of her life and has only seen her 5 times ever, his choice not ours.

    Yes that’s exactly what I was going say too. Everyone is forgetting the Child Support Department for the state and counties is making millions of dollars off this money. They are collecting this money and hanging on to it for awhile before they pay it out.. They have a constant revolving stream of revenue coming in… what do you think that the state/counties are doing all this out of the kindness of their hearts.?! lmao.. Think again.. #corruption101..

    The system is definitely a failure in my opinion. I am being forced to file child support which has driven a wedge between my childrens father and I. After years of abuse we split and were trying to make ammends for our children, which was starting to work,but since he has received the paperwork for child support he has become somewhat unhinged. He is now threatening to take my children from me and suing me for child support&full custody. I would gladly pay,but have only just started a small business doing housecleaning and have yet to find a steady income what so ever. My temp work only ever seems to last about a month and is not enough for me to even afford my own home. I was a stay at hone mother for almost a decade which makes it extremely difficult to find work and i woyld be emotionally devastated if i lost my children to him. He has controlled me for almost half of my life and has threatened me on numerous occasions, claiming that he wants to disappear with my children,which would simply be unbearable for me&our kids,he has proven to be very mentally unstable and a danger to my kids when not supervised. I am now terrified that because of a flawed system and being forced to pursue childsupport that i may loose my children to one of the most dangerous people ive known. I simply do not want his money or help if it means putting my life,my childrens lives&a normal structure for them at risk. We should be aloud to do support through a mutual agreement without having to pay anything into the state unless getting cash assistant. The state said they will be taking 60% of his income and from what ive heard,will b keeping a large portion of that for themselves which in no way helps my children and I. We will barely be getting the assistant we need, if he doesnt end up just simply taking them from me first. This has caused their father to,hopefully temporarily, stop seeing and talking to his children. The system is putting so much mental strain on my kids and myself and just for some money,its completely ridiculous. The child support laws are outdated and someone clearly needs to do something in order to change them before anymore families lives are ripped apart! If he wins his case against me and i am forced to pay child support i fear that i will fall behind due to my lack of steady employment and be incarcerated where i wont be able to see my children at all. It breaks my heart and puts me in tears to even think of a day without my children in it let alone a lifetime. I cant stress enough how much this is ruining my life even more,which i never thought was even possible after everything we’ve been through this past decade. He has already hired an expensive attorney, being he makes almost $20 an hour and i will be stuck with hopefully a free attorney, which will barely help defend my rights im guessing, if any at all. I feel like ive hit a brick wall and theres nothing i can do to get around it. In the end of all this craziness i can only hope that i will still be able to see my children,unlike their father,i honestly dont know what i would do if i didnt have them in my life anymore!

    I definitely know you so I know this it true. I’m paying support but if I got back with her then she said she will try n have it dropped. Constantly hearing ” I saved you ” , well….. Now I’m saving myself & I won’t try to make it work with her. Some things you can’t so for your kids when they can sense how unhappy 1 or both parents are. Overtime they will become unhappy. Prayers sent your way

    I am on both sides of this corrupted child support system.. first let me start with me.. I am a 30 year old “single” mom of 2 girls ages 10 and 4. Well technically I’m not “single” as I am happily engaged to a wonderful man that has been there for me for the last 5 years. He is not biodad of my youngest but we we’re together about 2 months after I found out I was pregnant with her. He stepped up when my ex stepped out. Now I’m going to back track about 10 years and 40 weeks to when I conceived my oldest.. I was raped. I was 19 alone and scared. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t go to the hospital. 8 weeks later I find out I’m pregnant.. now I knew exactly how because I hadn’t been with anyone since. I made a decision to keep her. (The best decision of my life) I work hard to give her a good life… that is my sole purpose to give her all that she needs. And though I knew that she would never know him because I don’t even know who he was, I still chose to be that little girls mommy. Not abortion. Not adoption.. and even if somehow he was found, I am not owed a penny for deciding I was ready and strong enough to be her mama.. no matter how wrong what he did to me was.. fast forward 4 years.. I’m in a relationship . I find out I’m pregnant.. I’m happy.. he’s happy… then one day he get mad and beats me up pretty bad.. turns out he was sleeping around with a few other girls and decided he didn’t want this baby anymore.. he left. He stalked and threatened me for about a month after he left.. then he got bored because I just ignored him.. meanwhile my oldest daughter had made friends with some neighborhood girls. This is where I meet the love of my life and also get a real taste of what it’s like to be on the other side of the child support /custody system… when we first met I found out his girls were only supposed to be there every other weekend though he had them most every weekend and any days they had out of school.. he couldn’t get steady work because he had lost his license and had a warrant for non payment. He had already just lost a job because he had fallen behind and had a warrant and they arrested him at work. Yet he still did whatever side jobs he can to send as much “child support ” as he could. Now his children’s mother lived in a house shared with her new boyfriend and the daughter she had with him while her children with my fiancé were dumped at her mothers house except on the days he had them. They didn’t go to doctors when they needed to.. their clothes didn’t fit or had holes in them. Even when we buy new ones their mom would take them. Their diets we’re horrible as the grandma worked all day and the grandfather was sick and just mean to them anyway. They came to our house for 7 months straight every weekend with lice in their hair.. we spent countless dollars and hours treating the kids , their clothes and bedding, and our house my car for lice.. money we didn’t have extra to spend because we we’re on a strict budget. He begged her and their grandmother to treat their house. We even bought the stuff for them but they refused to do anything about it… he finally told the courts about all of this at a hearing she scheduled to have his visitation revoked when she found out he was at the hospital for the birth of my youngest daughter.. the judge sided with her immediately and took his visitation instead of looking into anything… his child support was then raised more.. after a year of not being able to get the courts to reinstate his visitation.. not being able to prove her unfit… and yet another cost of living child support increase without any notification, we could no longer afford to live in new Jersey so we had no choice but to move down south with my family.. he had gone through so many jobs because if he didn’t have a warrant to get picked up on she would harass him at work until he was fired. We couldn’t take it any more.. it was our only hope of getting ahead.. 3years later we get the unfortunate news that my fiancé father passed away.. he wanted to move back to Jersey to take care of his mom.(He’s Italian.. the only son. He felt it was his duty ) so he moves back about 2 months before my girls and I do. Meanwhile his children’s mother showed up at the funeral.. she apologized and said his girls need their father. Its not about the money and she would stop calling when the payment was late or a bit short. She then told him she found out she had cancer. (This is a not true at all statement as we later found out. ) he had his girls any day they were out of school again.. every weekend.. then she finds out I am back. I lived in hotels with my girls when his girls were over at first.. we come spend a few hours at the park so all the kids can play but they could have their daddy to themselves the rest of the time.. (we didn’t want my girls who only know him as daddy to feel abandoned or forgotten on the weekends his girls were there with him. This is why we made sure they got a few hours too. Plus they have 3 sisters they should know and they we’re all friends before the relationship ) when she found out I moved back too she was furious.. she has yoyoed the girls for the last has year and a half. (They are 14 12 and 9 now) over the last 6 months she has completely poisoned them against him.. they speak to him with pure hate. He loves his kids so much but can’t show them.. the courts and their mother has decided that money is the only way to show he loves his children. Not time.. not effort. And he damn sure isn’t allowed to move on with his life or add to his family but she sure can..(just a side note about his children’s mother.. she makes decent money at her job and still receives government housing, food, medical, cash and bill assistance.. she gets as close to the $300 a month child support as my fiancé can do.. child support from her other child’s father.. plus money from her multiple “boyfriends” she has in and out of her house daily. Plus some old man that she moved in as a roommate to “help” around the house and with bills) she can afford to go get her hair and nails done every 2 weeks. She can afford to go out drinking after work and every weekend. Buy new clothes shoes and accessories for herself all the time while crying that she can’t afford to take care of her children. And my self, a real mother, own 1 pair of jeans 2 pair of yoga pants 1 pair of dress pants and a handful of shirts. them all of which came from the thrift store (thats where all of my husbands came from as well. Goodwill has been our friend) My husband and I both have hand me down shoes from friends that had extra and were embarrassed for us and our sneakers with the holes all in them. I got my nails done (with my 2 girls as a girls day treat) for the first time in 7 years about a month ago. And unfortunately it will be the last to a while.. the last time I got my hair cut professionally was because I had a free coupon for a mother daughter cut at a kids salon. That was 3 years ago now. But on the flip side my kids have everything they need. Real parents make sacrifices for their kids, not cry because they don’t receive enough money to keep up their lavish lifestyle and take care of their kids and business.. and don’t think I’m just the “evil step mom” I watch my sister in law do the same.. she doesn’t even have custody of her kids and received 15,000 back support and 250 a week and none of it went to her kids nor to her household.. it all went to her drugs.. u think the courts would pay a little more attention and make sure these women aren’t abusing the system. the truth is, they just don’t care. There is no “best interest of the child” .. they make money off of collecting child support..

    Jen I know what you mean, I’m basically a man in your shoes. My ex bilked the hell out of me and doesn’t want our child except as a show toy and bargaining chip. I have no retirement left as it went to legal fees and I’m still paying the lawyer I had to hire. While she was living her life I blocked her attempt to take our child out of state with fiance # 3 in as many years and ended up with custody for a year before she got a new unscrupulous lawyer to work for her and got 50/50 custody back, was not difficult since we live in a state that favors mothers over fathers .Her first lawyer was pro bono so multiple calls and emails were made to my lawyer in the first court battle and with the court appearances made the first fight 15K. I also got 90% of the guardian ad litem fees, had the our child on my medical insurance with a 70/30 expense split an all unpaid medical, 100% responsibility for Pre school fees not covered by her state assistance, and 35% of my net income for child support taken in that battle. To block her sudden move out of state where she had already leased a place with that guy was 5K and I got custody, but the second all out round with her new lawyer was another 10K . During the second round for her to get 50/50 I lost my job for missing too much time from work during the 18 months of in and out of court, family relations appointments, and lawyer appointments. I got unemployment but she got the support from that and complained it was less because I was also paying support at the time for a child from a previous marriage and the amount of support had to be split between the two. ( Funny how my ex wife never complained when it was her check that was shorted when the state divided the money alternately paying one more than the other since there was a maximum amount they could take from my unemployment. She never took me back to court after the divorce either for any increases as she knew if she couldn’t afford something for our child all she had to do was call me and I’d do everything I could to get what was needed.) She had cash, food, and medical all from the state. Before I got custody from her failed attempt to secretly move, the child support was for her as our child got nothing from it. She however bought a brand new car ! I’m still driving the now 22 year old car I bought 12 years ago because that’s what I can afford.When she couldn’t take our child 150 miles away and lost custody I never got a dime from her. She promptly moved in with a different guy and while being too poor to pay a dime went on 2 Caribbean cruises and opened a business with the new fiance she moved in with. Having gone through 2 more fiance’s since then, she got another new one a few months ago and moved in as usual with that one. The new twist is she took me back to court in December to revisit and change our ” visitation”. We have a parenting plan agreement not visitation, and court was a bad call on her part as it turns out. She skated past a Child Protective Services investigation 5 months ago but they again had cause to investigate her a month ago , and both were initiated by mandated reporters although she blames me and a few others for them. Now I’m fighting to keep our child living with me where CPS decided was the best placement during the investigation. Since this CPS worker isn’t treating me as just the dad, which happened before, I was constantly contacted after they came to my house to document our child’s living environment here and to see how things were going or answer questions that came up. They have substantiated neglect on my ex, so now I have to present my case to the court on why she should not get any of the changes she asked for while she attempts to validate them and fight the contempt the judge already granted me against her for not following our orders. I may be struggling financially but my child is in a stable environment with all needs met so I am fighting to keep it that way. Multiple documented friends with benefits and 6 fiance’s later, all in 7 years since giving me back the ring and telling me to get lost, when our child was 6 months old. The difference this time …..A female judge and a male CPS worker so no special sympathetic treatment for the poor mother being persecuted. In the past it was always a male judge on the bench and a female CPS worker that treated me as just the dad.

    Rule of thumb it’s better to live in your car and eat then live in a house and starve I calculated my checks at 2200 a month after taxes and child support I bring home less than a thousand a month to stay apartment that takes more than half of what I bring home.How is a man to live.I mean if it’s important to support children why is the idea centered around revenue just like the lie about taxes.Taxes in 1913 Was set at one percent if you made 500,000 year.That’s For the year !!!!In 1913.Let me but something in to perspective how come the courts won’t reduce the amount a father pays in taxes to support him or the women for that matter who carry the burden of supporting children?I don’t ever hear about politicians ever struggling it seems to be on other foot.Let me just put like this:When vote if we retain the right to vote seeing how that these politicians are bought out by corrupt business.2nd These politicians lack the intelligence and integrity to ever be leading people.Further more our schools teach people nothing but corrupt practices to just the error they commit against us.so long struggling Americans.

    I don’t really agree with this article. I’ve been a single mom since I found out I was pregnant with my son, his biological father had never made an effort to be involved. He’s only seen his son twice in give years, once because his family came up for my son’s first birthday and once when I took my son to his sister’s wedding. neither were initiated by him. he works two jobs now and he’s decided to stop paying child support even though he tells me he has been.. that’s not what DHHS says. I personally believe it’s a parents responsibility to financially support their children. I can work (and have) 7 days a week, 70 hours a week to make sure my child is happy and healthy, cared and provided for, but then I’m sacrificing important time with my child that I wouldn’t have to if his “father” were actually around. I do however have a wonderful boyfriend who has entered our lives and is there for my son as much as he is for me. When I do get child support I tend to spend it on things like groceries and gas, occasionally a toy or perhaps school supplies and things of that nature. I don’t believe anyone should have to report how they spend their child support, does an unbroken family have to prove how they spend their money? my son is well provided for even without child support, I see it as an extra outside of basic needs, a monthly bonus. imagine the actual hardships of living on your own with a small child, you can’t even afford child care without some form of help, you have a hard time providing proper nutrition because you were in a bad place when you got pregnant, but somehow you work your way through all of that just to make sure your child is taken care of because THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. I’m honestly sick of all the people complaining about the system. child support isn’t even enforceable until the parent is three months behind. A two parent family paying rent and bills, vehicle maintenance, child care, food, etc. may have a hard time but that’s TWICE the income. To a single parent struggling to put it all together and still find enough time outside of work to spend with their child, relying on financial support is the least they can hope for. when the other parent decides they don’t want to pay (even though they currently have two jobs) could mean the difference between paying rent or living on the street. no one should have to choose between their kid sleeping in a bed or having dinner. it takes some serious neglect of payment before it even gets to the point of prison time. and if the custodial parent doesn’t enforce it, they can be behind forever. children cost a lot to raise and it’s hard to juggle time between work (money) and kids. as much as I’d love money to not be a factor, IT IS. to the dad’s that aren’t given fair time with their children: those mother’s should be ASHAMED. ANY MAN WILLING TO SPEND TIME WITH HIS CHILDREN SHOULD GET ALL THE TIME HE WANTS, AND VICE VERSA. YOU SHOULD FEEL LUCKY THAT HE WANTS TO BE THERE AND QUIT BEING SO SELFISH. put your personal beefs aside for the good of your children. I’m getting ready to have a second child with the boyfriend I mentioned earlier and I know beyond a doubt that he will be there for this baby regardless of what happens between us, the same way he’s been there for the son that isn’t biologically his. people need to see the story from all angles before they start calling names and pointing fingers. my parents went through a bad divorce and at the time i, bring the oldest sibling, had to pitch in and help a lot more, thankfully both of my siblings were a little older (10-15) and my parents finally got to a point where they figured out something that would work for both of them. My point is that no two situations are the same, that’s why it’s left up to the courts to decide how it’s all played out.

    If you think you want kids save a bunch of money ang plan for one, don’t just have one cause it sounds good or your friends think it’s a good idea for you. If you want a kid then plan and pay for it if you know the father didn’t want one don’t bring him down with ones lack of fibaicall planning and judging it on years of work he did.

    I easily afforded all the things my children had before divorce when we separated. Once lawyers got involved, she sought more time, and child support. The rates applied far exceeded the actual expenses. This is of course, because it became my job to support her household as well. I now struggle to pay my rent an utilities and have a credit score so low I had to buy my car from a buy here/pay here lot. I earn between 90K and 120K a year.

    The problem created for those of us not in poverty is that the rates are so high that a father has to work extra to make up the difference in their own household, and has less time to set aside for family time. This begins the cycle of taking time away for not using it and increasing support, that then leads to having to work even more hours to come up shorter than before. In states that consider all income, not just regular hours worked, this cycle is even harsher.

    Lifestyle needs to be removed from child support calculations. Children have a right to the lifestyle that a parent wants to provide for them. This right is retained by the custodial parent to determine and the non-custodial parent is bound to provide what the state decides is the correct amount to the custodial parent to then determine how to spend. The debt not being a considered like other debts, and often being caused by the actions of others without your consent is indentured servitude, and someone with real money needs to push this into the federal courts.

    Child support should cover the fixed expenses of the child where they live. This would be education, medical insurance, and child care costs. It should be based on real numbers. The parent who has possession of the child should be responsible for consumption based expenses like fuel, electricity, square footage in the home, and food. Agreed on activities and medical expenses and other items should be split by prior agreement.

    I pay my child support and I am limited on my time with my Oldest daughter not only because I have to work 2 jobs so I can provide for the rest of my family and my ex only lets me have her extra if it benefits her. I just want more time with my daughter not just for myself but for my wife and youngest daughter, we all have a hard time when we have to say good bye and wait for the next time. I have been offered so many better job opportunities but I don’t dare because I can barely survive as is and if I try to better myself and better situation for my family I know my ex will just take me back for more child support. I don’t have a problem paying right now, and my daughter is worth more than that but my ex just uses it as reimbursement.

    I have gone rounds and rounds with the domestic relations officers because all they care about is making sure you pay their is no one in their agency that is responsible to make sure the money is used to support the children. Nor is their anyone in their agency that checks to make sure the woman (plaintiff) is actually reporting the correct wages. I have shown them several occasions where she has lied and they do nothing. But I go out and get a second job and also get further training and next thing I know I told they are increasing my support. So let’s get this straight you can sit at home work one or two days a week but I work 6 days some times 6 days a week to pay my bills plus support and you get more money??? Where in the world does that make sense??? I’m a father not a source of income for you to be lazy. Then in the state I live in fathers are second in custody so every time I bring something up to the courts her attorney files a emergency petition which the bleeding heart judge (a woman) signs with no hearing the that means I can’t see my children so I’m stripped of my rights to be a father until a few months pass and we get to court again. All the mean while I’m paying support and that money is being used to pay her lawyer to fight me. And usually her lawyer tries to put in court paperwork that she wants me to pay her attorney fees. ( I tell the courts I already did when I paid my support) and on top of that I have to hire an attorney to fight against the attorney that my support is paying. Then when I regain some type of visitation my children come over now out grown all the cloths I have at my house and their mother sends nothing with them for the weekend so I have to run out waste my time with them and buy new cloths because she has sent them in the oldest cloths possible. And when it’s all said and done you sit down and finally realize their is NO ONE and I mean NO ONE who really cares enough to help. Lawyers care as long as you have money to pay them once that dries up its “hey sorry it didn’t work out good luck, give me a call when you have more money” . I have lost over two years with my 7&9 years old children and spent over $20,000. For what? That money could have been set aside for their college funds! Try and say that to the courts!!!

    My husband scheduled a court hearing because he wanted to spend more time with his son. Cyfd took over the entire hearing because they wanted more money. The judge even said she’s a single mom you need to pay more. Even though they had already based the amount on what he made. They even tried to get my husband to take his son off our insurance plan because they felt him being on Medicaid was sufficient. After they ended up screwing him he tried to ask to get his son during the summer (we lived out of town) and the judge said sorry I don’t have time to address that. To top it off she tells their son that his dad and my kids are not his brothers and sisters. Who does that to a child? Women are so evil.

    What about the “father’s” that won’t acknowledge said child. My daughters bio dad has yet to pay a dime let alone see her she will be 4 halloween night. Single mom working 12 hour shifts as a certified nursing assistant making less then 12 bucks an hour with 77 hours on a check every two weeks. I live with my parents and listen to my daughter ask me when I’m coming home when I call to ask and bout her day. I don’t get help everything comes out of my check maybe you should say something and about dead beat dad’s that somehow manage to skim past not paying. Leaving children like mine wondering why mom has to work so much?

    77 hours on a two week check is less than 40 hours per week. I work 50 per week not because I have to but because I can. I have been a single mom of 3 kids and am a RN. I have been on my own since 18. Don’t blame the dad for not being there, be a big girl and do it on your own. There are a lot of us that have. Also if you say you make as little as you do then go back to college because I know you could get cheap or even free and get a better paying job. Since you are living at home with your parents maybe you should go back to school, make a very strict budget and make a life.

    77 hours on a two week check is less than 40 hours per week. I work 50 per week not because I have to but because I can. I have been a single mom of 3 kids and am a RN. I have been on my own since 18. Don’t blame the dad for not being there, be a big girl and do it on your own. There are a lot of us that have. Also if you say you make as little as you do then go back to college because I know you could get cheap or even free and get a better paying job. Since you are living at home with your parents maybe you should go back to school, make a very strict budget and make a life.

    I’m sorry but I don’t understand why its the fathers fault that a woman did not take the necessary steps so that she would be able to financially take care of herself in life.

    For me personally its the opposite. I pay my support. And spend time with my son, but I’m always broke. We do free things like throw the ball around, ect. But I can’t take him on summer vacation cause i wont be able to pay the rent, So he does have a place he can say is his father’s place.

    I understand Chris my base salary is $74,000 and I pay for 3 children and my oldest lives with me and I get no support.. Work is all I do from 330am to 1030pm I’m so tired doing the weekend when I have my children yet I push through we have too…they say child support is for the child and the father that doesn’t pay yet child support effects the working dad and the system benefits and most women use it to their advantage… We need to have America look at us as valuable not fallible….Greed is their foundation being a healthy active father is ours….they are blatantly abusing us with economical abuse, psychological abuse, and verbal abuse which they do in every court hearing which is legal called ” the best interest of the child” yet if its done to a woman its considered “Domestic violence”…

    I read this article with much interest. My son battled in court to get custody of his boys, not to avoid child support, but to be the father her set out to be originally. He spent so much money trying to gain custody, while paying child support at the same time. He was successful and is raising young men that could very well make a significant mark on society. My daughter, on the other hand, which speaks to the inequities of the other side, has recently gone through a divorce with a man who served 4 tours overseas and had nothing to do with his three children. He has fought her every inch of the way to avoid having to pay any more child support than he had to. He pays 1300 a month for three children. To avoid splitting his military retirement with her he somehow managed to get out of the military with a medical discharge. She isn’t entitled to any of the 90,000 settlement he got. I don’t think his cost of living went down one penny. There are inequities on both sides and the only ones to suffer are the kids, all the way around.

    The biggest imbalance that I an experiencing is that despite the fact that my ex and I are both teachers and both earning roughly the same amount (she actually earns a little more), she is able to afford a nice the bedroom house for her and my son while I’m stuck living in a one bedroom apartment. In addition to my own bed, I have small bed in my room that my son sleeps on when he is with me. Meanwhile my ex has remarried which means I am paying part of the mortgage for a house for her new husband. Finally, it’s not just child support. I an also ordered to provide my son’s medical insurance, rather than my ex and I splitting it. And to add insult to injury, I’m not even able to claim what I pay as a deduction on my taxes while she gets the deduction and the earned income tax credit. It’s insane.

    You are right, Patrick. I think it is also very unreasonable that the person receiving child support does not need to justify where that support is going. I believe, maybe unreasonably, that after divorce both parents are still responsible for the financial support of the children. In that case, if I am paying, say, $1,500 per month, it means that the other party is also putting $1,500 toward the children. Why don’t I have a right to know how the custodial parent is spending my children’s money? And if there is any left, is that being accumulated for my children or is my ex living the life? Is that fair for my children?

    I can understand what you mean. Especially with the taxes. My ex makes at least twice what I do, Out of the $1600 I earn every 2 weeks I lose $1000 in taxes and CS (she is getting 50% of my income due to arrears which will only end after another 8 years, and only 10 years before I reach retirement, so the remainder of my life will be behind the 8 ball)
    According to the government us fathers are told that our CS is meant to cover at least half of our kids support, therefore we should be able to claim them on our taxes, instead the custodial not only get the income that we have to pay taxes on, but they get the tax benefits. I am 4 years behind in Federal taxes and found that last year if I could have claimed my kids it would have changed owing $600 to getting a refund of over $2,000 (which would help pay off my govt tax debt.
    The saddest thing about all of this is that with as many divorces that involve children and CS, you would think the govt would have come up with the ability to calculate the tax code to allow for both parents to file and split the child tax credit.
    Instead the custodial parent reaps all of the benefits, lives better, while the non continues to suffer and sink further into debt.

    It’s all part of the irony of the whole phrase in the divorce laws that say that things “are handled to ensure that both parties maintain as close as possible the quality of lifestyle after the divorce as they did during the marriage”
    Ha! Even the TV shows are somewhat correct as society has found it acceptable for the mother with the kids to live in the nice house, while all of the fathers are in small apartments driving 20 year old cars. When did that become acceptable? Those men earned their right to a decent lifestyle, but the moment a divorce happens thy all become second class citizens, despite their story.

    The system in the US is inhumane. It allows verbal abuse, other types of abuses that are not factored for fathers who make the effort.

    I read the article’s that you share weekly on how the system is unfair and i agree because i’m a victim of the system like many others and unless i missed the article’s, I’ve never seen one given a solution such as a class action against the institution.. I’m sure that the many who are victimized could give $1. To a repretable legal defense to change these bias,outdated, stereotype attitudes we could win our rights as Custodial parents, supportive fathers and contributors of our community not just our money, there are many organizations that are fighting for their rights and winning (LGBT) why aren’t we….Best interest of fathers matter too !! If there is a class action or a law firm that’s taking action please reach out to me or provide me information to help me start a legal organization to empower dads instead of keeping them impoverished….

    Christopher your response is right on??. I wish there was a way to do something about this issue. As a father to one child I worked by tail off while married then at divorce the court looks at how much I earned and disregard everything else. I went to court in March and they took my ytd for just this year and came up with my estimated annual earnings, which was estimated at $220,000 a year. Got ordered to pay $1522 a month for one child plus continue to pay daycare at $520 a month. My base salary is $77000 and my ex’s is $56000. We have join custody. I have to work non stop just to try and pay this. So when I don’t have my daughter I am forced to work every opportunity I am giving. I can’t get out of debt nor do I have a personal life anymore. This system sucks and I would do anything to change it.

    Mr. Nicholson is 100% correct. Father’s need to fight for the right to actually be a parent outside of being financially responsible. The system looks at men as being the cash cow and that’s it. They not only want men to fully support their child when the child lives with mom. Father’s are also fully supporting their child when they are allowed visitation time. They have to have their own things the child needs. Now they are basically paying for twice as much. You also have a system that doesn’t care if a father can’t provide for a child he has custody of. The system only seems to care about children if the mothers have custody. I did alot of research about 5 years ago and saw something very disturbing. States get kickbacks from the federal government based on a percentage of what child support is paid. The only state I was able to find a percentage on was Ohio. It was set at 33%, so for every dollar that they collected they also received 33 cents from the federal government. The system needs to be fully reformed. The best interest of any child is to spend the most amount of time with both parents, not just the custodial one. Because of the amount of support I pay I can no longer provide to have my own place and had to move back into my mom’s house. I am 35 and shouldn’t have to move back home because the state wants to exhaust father’s to the point of why care anymore. Alot of father’s deal with it because all they want to do is spend as much time with their children as they can.

    The original deal I had with my daughters dad was he spend time with her and help out when he can I don’t go after for child support. Soon he got a new girlfriend and our daughter became non existent to him I tried talking to him that our daughter needed I winter jacket and I couldn’t afford one between bills and rent he told me no so I said this is how it’s going to be and filed the next day. I gave him 6 months when it got to cold to be bringing her talking daycare at 5:30 in talking he morning in just a sweatshirt is when I said enough.

    I don’t have any issues with women going after dead beat dads. I would actually encourage it.

    In my situation my crappy lawyer told me and I quote as best I can from memory “You’re a man, you will pay child support, and you will get every other weekend and one night a week. That is just how it is.” I found out later that he is wrong. He fought for the bare minimum of my rights. Now in many cases that is true, but bottom line if you don’t ask for it, you definitely will not get it.

    It should be automatic 50/50 time with parents as best can be worked out.

    Now I am told since I have the schedule that I have, it will be very hard to change it.

    Its sad, because 100% if I could spend more time with my children they would be better off.

    The last point hits home for me. I’ve never had trouble paying child support, and my ex-wife and I share custody of our daughter, so no worries there. However, I have seen others not spend enough time with their children. Spending time with your kids is worth way more than the money you pay in child support! Kids need their dads to be active in their lives as often as possible. Moms need to strive to allow dads as much visitation and overnight stays as possible. ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY – it’s about being a loving, teaching, responsible dad. There are some things only a dad can teach, so make sure your child benefits from “Dad knowledge”.

    I thoroughly agree with Mr. Coley. There are some things only a dad can teach. The truth is, an entire family benefits from a father being allowed to play an active role in raising children. Sadly, it is the type things that if not exposed to it, many simply don’t understand. That is why there is so little weight given to the father/ dad’s role.

    Damn straight . My daughter’s mother won’t allow me any time not set through court but always wanting money. After souly supporting her for her 1st 19 months of life

    My ex-husband pays child support on a regular basis mainly because it’s through child support enforcement agency; therefore, he has no choice. I have never kept my children from him. He was always allowed to spend time with them. He chose not to for reasons I’m not sure of. He has a girlfriend; which my daughter liked; however, there were times she just wanted to spend time with just dad. He didn’t like that. Now he only TEXT her every few months. I have talked with him regarding how she felt, but he only thought we wanted him to stop seeing his lady friend. Such is not the case. The youngest of our 4 children will be graduating from high school this year, and it has been about 4 years(?) since he has seen her. She has been in great depression because of this, but is coming along well. She holds onto Jesus, but would love for her father to make that first step to rekindling their relationship. We pray for peace and happiness for him.He only lives about 5-10 minutes away from us. That’s what hurts the most.

    Pretty crazy system. 99% of women abuse this system. It’s more about control then support. After all how is a man good enough to have a relationship with but not raise a kid with. If you both lied there and had the same fun you should have the same responsibility. When a couple goes through divorce the man has to fight to get custody if he’s to get custody he has to prove the mother unfit. That assumes every man is unfit In the courts eyes automatically. But to get custody he has to prove mom unfit. Out of 50 states not one has a legal definition of unfit. So it’s really judge’s decision. Law is black and white yet most important area is gray. Here’s a great example how the court is prejudice toward men. After 3 years of marriage and me being the care giver I go through divorce. I hire a attorney that had already figured what the judge would do so he didn’t fight for me. Just did what he had to do. ( not the courts fault, mine. I hired the wrong guy.) we get to court she makes up every lie she can. Even accuse me of molesting my son ( judge shut her down ) I told as much of the situation I could and atleast got joint custody. Yeah. You’d think. Well not really. I still pay child support. She gets all tax credits. But how? She actually makes 20k a year more then me. If we have joint custody and she makes more,how come she don’t pay me? Now add that I had him 72 days more then her last year. Add that up. 72days is 2.5 months we already have joint which is half the time and add 2.5 months. I now have him 8.5 month to her 3.5 months. She never makes it to dentist appointments she’s ordered to supply health care but she claims she can’t afford it. Yet as soon as we get divorced she joins a gym gets a personal trainer, gets messages to help her muscles from work outs. Goes to Vegas with friends , takes days off work to go hike with her new bf and so on the list is huge. But I’m not complaining Id do that anyway but it’s about pricncipal. I give her money to help her take care of him. But I’m the one doing it. She got the title and the paycheck but not doing the job. One day I heard from her family how she was telling them I didn’t pay all my divorce obligations. I rounded up divorce decree and all cancelled checks and all child support payments went to her parents sat down talked with them. I did this cause I want to keep our son involved with them and not think they can’t call him while with me. They then realize she was full of lies. They then quit helping her with money. And it all downed on me in one answer why this system is highly flawed. It is been going on for so long women see it as a entitlement. I ask the mom , why should I give her support ? Mom answers and says so she can buy him clothes and feed him. I look at here and ask do you think she sends clothes to my house and packed up meals? Heck no she don’t I have to do all that and give her money to. I have literally heard my ex wife refer to child support as income. Truth is so many women want all the control but none of the financial responsibility. If I had got custody I wouldn’t have wanted a dime from her. I’d tell her take care of him on your time I take care of him on mine. And just split medical. After all don’t women want equal rights? Or is it equal rights till there’s a advantage

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