Blending Families

By Julie Garrison

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If you are fresh off your divorce, you may not be able to imagine remarrying and subsequently parenting someone else’s kids.

But it’s been my experience that the day will come when that “special” woman captures your heart and you take the plunge all over again. Marriage is usually in the future – even though it doesn’t seem like it now.

Here are some pointers for handling a subsequent marriage:

Telling the Children:

When you tell the children that you are going to remarry, “reassurance” is the operative word here.  Remember that you are planting something huge into their little minds, and they are going to need some time to warm up to the idea.

Your part is to remain constant and tell them that you will keep loving and seeing them just as much as you do now. After a while they will be excited about it.

Prenup  or No Prenup:

Whether or not you get a prenuptial agreement is up to both of you, but it’s an issue that you and your fiancé should discuss.

You may feel that by getting a prenuptial agreement you are planning ahead to fail, but this is a normal feeling. Prenups are relatively new to the divorce-and-remarriage scene and are not entirely accepted.

But with the divorce rate for subsequent marriages as high as it is, getting a prenup is not a bad idea.

The Wedding:

If you decide to include your children in the marriage ceremony, make sure that they are okay with it. The kids may feel that they are being “disloyal” to their mother by playing a part in your upcoming wedding.

It is a good idea to have a talk with your ex-spouse to see how the kids are dealing with the idea of the approaching wedding. If they are acting up or feeling sad, you should continue to reassure them.

At Home:

When you return from the honeymoon, and you’ve had the big “merger” of combining both households, you’ll be embarking on family life as a married couple.

Even if you were already cohabitating prior to the marriage, everything changes post-nuptials. Now, a permanence has been factored into the equation.

Everyone wants their marriage to last. Even though many of them don’t, the majority of couples enter into marriage doing everything they can to make it work.


Julie Garrison has been writing articles and short stories for the past 10 years and has appeared in several magazines and e-zines.

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