No one ever expects to get divorced when they get married, but for millions of people it ends up part of their life story.
No one would ever suggest that going through a divorce is a positive experience. More often than not, starting over after divorce is traumatizing. In fact, getting through divorce is the second-most stressful life event behind only the death of a spouse, according to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale.
The fact is, coping with divorce is excruciatingly difficult work. However, there are some upsides to life after divorce. Research shows that people who have experienced extreme hardships, such as surviving divorce or death of a loved one, have a greater appreciation for life’s little things. This is actually one of several potential positive effects of divorce.There are some upsides to life after divorce. Click To Tweet
Perhaps there is some truth to the old cliché that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Here are four traits that dealing with divorce can help cultivate.
It’s odd to think that getting over divorce could help as you’re rebuilding self-esteem, because at the start of the process it usually devastates your sense of self-worth. It’s even worse if it was your wife who asked for the divorce or if your marriage ended because she cheated on you.
But if you take the necessary time to self-reflect and put in the work to improve who you are as an individual as you are rebuilding after divorce, you really can come out of the experience more sure of yourself than before. At the start of the process, you’re unsure whether or not you’ll survive, but after divorce when you’ve made it through something you didn’t think you could do you’ll have more mental toughness and confidence than you ever did before.
In divorce, you inevitably lose something. Maybe it’s part of your identity, your house, or, unfortunately, it could even be how much time you have to spend with your kids. That sense of loss is one of the most common feelings after divorce and one of the biggest reasons moving on after divorce seems so impossible.
That’s heartbreaking, but the thing about loss is it cultivates a greater sense of gratitude. Inevitably, friends and loved ones will step up to support you through your divorce recovery and you’ll grow closer to them in the process. Eventually, as you begin healing after divorce the pain of your breakup will start to diminish, and you’ll have a greater appreciation for the many things in your life that you are thankful for.
When guys get married, their identity tends to commingle with that of their spouse. This makes life after divorce for men especially challenging because they’re literally losing part of their identity.
However, this loss can also spur a process of self-discovery that gives you a greater sense of who you are as an individual. You’re afforded a greater degree of freedom after a breakup than you ever had while married. Reinventing yourself after divorce is an exciting opportunity to branch out and try new experiences.
Use that freedom to figure out who you are and what you care about. Start a new hobby and try to find what you’re passionate about. Learning more about who you are and what you truly care about will help you develop healthier relationships with others moving forward.
When you’ve gone through something traumatic, something that rocked you to your core, you inevitably develop a heart for others going through similar struggles.
A strong sense of empathy is one of the most valuable traits a person can develop. It gives you the ability to see other’s viewpoints and helps you consider the feelings of others.
Whenever you have a friend or loved one experience any sort of loss, you’ll be much better equipped to help them cope because of your own experience.
As you’re moving forward after divorce, it is always a good idea to consult with a family law attorney who can help walk you through each step of the often confusing divorce process. By ensuring that your rights are protected in court, you can focus on developing the traits that you’ll need to thrive once your divorce case is over.