When it comes to child custody battles, the deck is often stacked against dads. There are numerous gender stereotypes that work against fathers in all family law matters, but they seem especially pronounced in child custody issues.
The unfortunate reality is that child custody is the practice area of divorce that tends to cause the most heated disagreements. Divorce can impact nearly every aspect of your life, but matters such as property division and spousal support pale in comparison to the relationship you have with your kids. Far too frequently, dads are relegated to a secondary parent role when custody is determined.
If you are a father facing divorce and an ensuing child custody battle, it is best to take steps so that you are prepared for what lies ahead.
Contact a child custody attorney
The single most important thing you can do to prepare for your child custody case is to hire a family law attorney who focuses on fathers’ rights.
There are a number of different factors you should consider when choosing a divorce lawyer, but first and foremost you need to make sure you find an attorney who understands the specific challenges men and fathers face in family law.
Fortunately, there are law firms out there, such as Cordell & Cordell, that are solely dedicated to providing dads the legal guidance and resources they need during the divorce process. These fathers’ rights attorneys are well-versed in the child custody statutes in your jurisdiction and equipped to navigate the treacherous minefield of custody battles you are likely to face.
Cordell & Cordell understands the concerns men face during divorce.
Pay attention to details
If you are seeking sole custody or joint custody, it is vital that you show you are invested and engaged in your child’s life. This means knowing everything from your child’s school schedule to the names of their best friends.
As their dad, this is likely information you already know, but do not leave it to chance. A judge can tell the difference between a father who is intimately involved with his child’s life versus a dad who is a passive participant in it.
Don’t confide in your child
Divorce is such an emotionally trying time that many fathers find themselves desperate for a listening ear to vent their frustrations to. But no matter how stressful your divorce gets or how frustrated you get with your ex, do not rant and rave to your child.
Trashing your ex in front of your child can potentially lead to parental alienation, which is incredibly damaging. It can also badly hurt your child custody case. If a judge finds out that you are using your child as a therapist and turning them against their mother, they are likely to question whether you truly have their best interest in mind.
It is important not to keep things bottled up as you are going through the divorce process, but talk to a friend, a trusted family member, or a mental health professional such as a therapist or counselor. Leave the kids out of it.
Stay civil
When a marriage falls apart, it is difficult to avoid having some hard feelings towards your ex. However, regardless of what you think of her, it is for the best if you two can work together to have an amicable relationship post-divorce.
After divorce, you might wish to never even see your ex again, but that is not realistic when you have children. Although you are no longer husband and wife, you are still both co-parents and you are going to need to communicate on some level as you raise your child.
Review some of the best practices for effective co-parenting and try to implement as many of them as possible. Of course, good co-parenting is somewhat dependent on cooperation from your ex, and that is out of your control. If your ex is especially disagreeable, consider utilizing a parallel parenting model of co-parenting to avoid conflict.
Keep notes
It is a good idea to start keeping a journal recording important names, dates, places, and people in the lives of your children. You should also detail any negative behaviors from your ex that could help your case, such as engaging in alienating behavior.
Make sure you list precise times and dates. Attention to detail, or lack thereof, can make or break you child custody case.
Understand your state’s child custody laws
Child custody laws can vary substantially from state to state, so one of the first things you should do is familiarize yourself with the custody statutes in your jurisdiction.
Paying attention to the fine print is tedious, but it is the only way to know what you are up against before your child custody hearing. Reading up on the latest custody laws can also help you figure out a list of questions to ask your divorce lawyer as your court date nears.
Follow proper courtroom etiquette
If you hope to win child custody you have to make sure you behave appropriately in court and follow correct protocols. Talk with your attorney about what is expected on the day of your hearing. It might even be a good idea to do some roleplaying with your divorce attorney ahead of time to ensure that you understand the expectations prior to your court appearance.
You will also want to make sure you dress appropriately to make a positive impression. Typically, you will want to wear something formal that conveys that you are well put together and a responsible adult.
Monitor social media
When you are in the midst of a child custody battle, it is for the best to shut down your social media accounts across the board. There is not much upside to having those accounts open during this time.
Whatever you do, do not post any details about your case. You should be very careful about all the content that you post because it is very easy for someone to form the wrong impression without proper context. For example, you might post a picture of you and your friends having a couple drinks and the opposing party could use that photo as evidence that you are partying too much and not a responsible parent.
A temporary social media blackout is really for the best.
In the beginning, before i brought her into the states, we had a verbal RESPECT/Control agreement of ME as her husband to being responsible for EVERYTHING for her & the FAMILY thru out the years in my DUTIES so she would not be a PUBLIC CHARGE before i brought her into the GREAT USA.
Me and my best friend filed for my Ethiopian wife to get her into the states. How can she call a PFA on me by surprise when i can put a smile on her face and my daughters everyday and brought her into the states? She just wants control.
She agreed and eventually I brought my Ethiopian wife into the USA in 2014. In 2015, she commits adultery over my best friends house. I caught them both and my best friend of 25 years told me about it!
My wife also knew that i have a mental condition called SCHIZOPHRENIA (Iam usually home all day as the Home Taker of the house). Thru out the years she took well advantage of my MENTAL Paranoia by VERBAL threats.
She says iam mentally ill to homeschool my kids.
Threatening me every year, ive tried to ISOLATE myself off from her each time i drove her from work in which ive help her get as well.
Ive tried to Defend myself against her by locking myself away and/or taking away some obvious privileges ive given to her that she focused too much on, but she never learned. I only asked for RESPECT & Humility, but she wanted the CONTROL.
She told me that she will FAKE a domestic charge and go behind my back to become a Public Charge as well! She also told me to file for SNAP and WIC Benefits, but i told her no because ive gotten her a job.
Throughout the years her threats of calling the police on me escalated to the point that my COMPASSION told me not to file against her, so i was kind of afraid and didn’t pursue that hoping she wouldn’t. Though she never truly apologized and ive never forgiven her.
Even thru the years of psychological abuse, ive tried to tell her about researching things before using her emotions to control her/me, but it didn’t work.
I have proof of everything and all that she was planning ahead before she called this PFA on me. She may try to use my social sattire to discredit me and my comical character.
It’s now NOV 2019 and she threatened me with the police if i didn’t send them to PUBLIC SCHOOLING! She eventually got a PFA by surprise on November 8th 2019!
Though ive told her i had good plans to properly and legally homeschool my 2 daughters, because i have a degree in Computer Aided Drafting and Design, but she still sneaks out and with the help of her associates, calls the police and evicts me with the PFA regardless!
Iam the head of the house hold and ALL bills are in my name! She is NOT a CITIZEN but a Permanent Resident Green card holder (10 years). I am currently in the shelter now and need help! I must get back to my daughters and responsibilities in my home.
Though this case is about ABUSE, nothing of a sorts that way in the report ever happened! Please drop this PFA and expunge it from my records. Thanks for listening to my plea!
well done, this very important to make awareness about child custody in today’s society, keep up the good work.
My son is divorcing his wife in ct . She has filed 4 TRO s . 3 of which were Unfounded or dismissed . They were all lies. Now recently the 4 th one with more lies . When she begs him not to divorce him and he doesn’t she files another order to stop him from seeing their child. She files orders of protection out of the district of their divorce so that he has to file a transfer of order to the court that is hearing divorce to hold up visitation . They have been granted each time . She suffers from anxiety and bulemia the later which is hard to prove . My grandson was recently hospitalized and he tested for a low bun which is a lack of protein. We know she does not feed them properly . What else can he do to protect himself or stop these false filings . He is doing all that he can to keep it above board . Paying child support , keeping his cool . They were married for less than a year.
Perhaps have him file his own grievances, give back a little of what she’s giving. This will start a court record of his complaints against her and with hospital records and other documentation will prove her inability to parent safely.