When you are thinking about divorce, there is a seemingly endless list of pros and cons that you race through.
On one hand, even though you’re not happy, marriage is at least familiar. You have a routine that you know and a person to come home to every night. Thinking about life after divorce might seem pretty scary.
Still, you can’t shake the feeling that your marriage just isn’t working. The thought of staying in this relationship just doesn’t seem right and you can’t stop thinking about all the reasons for divorce.
Research shows that this back-and-forth is typical as most people aren’t sure how to know if divorce is the answer. There are also numerous factors that go into the decision of when to get a divorce.
As you are considering divorce, you should think about all the ramifications of divorce and what it will mean for your family’s future.
Here are some important questions to ask before divorce.
Are you or your children in danger?
If you are in an abusive relationship that is putting you or your children in harm’s way, then your first priority is to find a safe place for you and your family to stay away from your spouse. If there is any sort of violence in your relationship then that is one of the surest signs it’s time for a divorce.
Does your relationship need to change? Or do you need to change?
Sometimes, people divorce because they are afraid to address their own personal shortcomings that have contributed to the relationship’s demise. It is sometimes easier to flee from the marriage rather than take ownership of your own mistakes and work to address them.
If you feel that describes you, then you should strongly consider trying to work through your own issues before moving forward with divorce. Leaving the relationship is not going to cause those problems to magically disappear.
Of course, some relationships simply are not meant to last. The reality is that people and circumstances change. While your marriage might have worked for a time, you and your spouse might have grown in different directions and sometimes the best choice is to accept that you are no longer the same people and need to move on from each other.
Have you verbalized your concerns?
If you are the only person in the relationship who is unhappy then it really is not fair to throw a divorce at your wife out of the blue. As a husband, you have the responsibility to voice your concerns and at least try to work through them.
Initiating these difficult conversations is never easy. It takes real courage to let your wife know how you really feel, and it can be especially tough figuring out how to ask for a divorce, but both parties deserve to know when the marriage is at risk so you each at least have the chance to voice your concerns and try to work through your issues.
Do you have a grass-is-surely-greener mindset?
The early days of marriage are often filled with ignorant bliss as everything is new and exciting. It seems too good to be true that you get to spend the rest of your life with this person.
Even in the best marriages, that thrill usually dissipates. The truth about marriage is that it is often a grind. Two people might love each other as much as possible, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t going to be serious problems to work through.
When the reality that marriage is really dang hard sets in, it is easy to start thinking that the grass must be greener on the other side. Maybe a friend of yours has recently divorced and you see them living the bachelor life and that seems enticing. This mentality is probably one of the most common causes of divorce.
You might be happier after divorce, but there is no guarantee. If you are only thinking that you need a divorce because you need a change of pace, you might want to reconsider and look into why you are not fully happy with your current situation.
Are you avoiding divorce out of fear?
One of the biggest reasons guys put off divorce is because life after divorce for men can seem scary. A lot of guys are terrified of being alone and might prefer staying in an unhappy marriage to facing the unknowns that divorce brings.
Deciding to pursue a divorce and confront that inevitable uncertainty takes great courage, but if you adopt the right approach you can actually end up stronger than you ever were before once all the dust settles. It is tough to know how to deal with divorce, but there are strategies and techniques you can utilize when coping with divorce that can help pull you through.
One thing you must realize is that it is unhealthy to seek validation from your relationship status. Ultimately, your happiness is going to come from within.
Everyone’s marriage is unique as are the reasons couples decide it’s time for divorce. If you have considered all the pros and cons and determined your marriage isn’t salvageable, it is a good idea to get in touch with a family law attorney as soon as possible to help you figure out how to proceed with divorce.
They can walk you through the process of preparing for divorce and help ensure you are protected legally and financially so that you can get the next chapter of your life started on solid footing.