The New Teenage Struggle: Should I Choose Mom or Dad?

By Molly Murphy

Attorney

Cordell & Cordell

Custody battles are hard on kids of all ages.  It is especially hard for tweens and teenagers.  They are old enough to understand what court is, and that Mom and Dad are fighting over them.  Some children even become their parents’ confidantes or are used as a pawn between their parents.

In this role the teenager, who is still a child, becomes a mediator.  Or, they become one parent’s staunchest defender.  Any of those roles is a hard place to be.  It is especially hard on teenagers, as they are still developing their own relationships with their peers.

However, be aware that getting your child involved in your case could backfire on you.

In the State of Missouri, where I practice, there are three kinds of custody for children who are the subject of family court cases.  The first kind is physical custody.  That covers where the child physically is at, at all times.  The second time is legal custody.  Legal custody covers all major decisions facing parents.  These include educational, religion, and medical decisions.  The final kind of custody is residential parent.  Whoever is designated the residential parent will have their address used for mailing and educational purposes.  This can determine what school district the child is enrolled in.

I see clients and potential clients every day.  Many tell me that they know their child wants to live with them.  Some even want their child to speak to the Judge.  A frequent question I receive is how old does a child have to be to testify in court and to make their own decision on where they want to live?  This is a very good question.  Where a child wants to live can affect where the child is ordered to live.

However, be aware that getting your child involved in your case could backfire on you.  The child may pick the other parent, or even resent you for getting them involved.  Many teenagers begin to manipulate both parents to get certain privileges or material objects.  Parents of teenagers have to be able to find a way to communicate.

Why do judges not want a child to decide?   Many children want to live with the same sex parent.  This is because teenagers naturally gravitate towards their same sex parent.  Judges also do not want a child to be in this position.  A child deciding where they want to live will cause hard feelings and ill will between the parents and child and the non-custodial parent.  Finally, judges can also be parents.  They understand that a teenager may manipulate parents to get their own way.

What happens next?  The Judge may order the parents to seek help with their custody issues with a mediator.  Many counties in my state utilize the M.A.R.C.H. mediation system, which offers free services to parents going through a paternity or modification case.  Parents utilizing services for divorce cases are asked to use a mediator ordered by the Judge.  Some court systems have their own social workers on staff.

Another option judges utilize is ordering a Guardian ad Litem.  By statute, guardians are ordered in all causes that involve abuse or neglect.  Judges can extend this and appoint guardians when there is a problem with a parent using drugs or alcohol, or in difficult custody situations.

As a parent, you are responsible for your child’s every need.  The standard Judges use is the standard parents should use:  What is in the child’s best interest?

 

 

Margaret “Molly” P. Murphy is an Associate Attorney in the Arnold, Missouri office of Cordell & Cordell, P.C. where she practices exclusively in the area of domestic relations. Ms. Murphy is admitted to practice law in the state of Missouri. Ms. Murphy was born and raised in St. Louis. She received her B.A. in Political Science and English Language and Literature in 1998 from the University of Tulsa where she graduated magna cum laude. Ms. Murphy received her Juris Doctor from the University of Missouri-Columbia in 2001.

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57 comments on “The New Teenage Struggle: Should I Choose Mom or Dad?

    I am a 20 year old female currently working as a cosmetologist full time. My parents split when I was about 3. I have lived with them completely 50/50 equal for the past 17 years. Needless to say I am drained. I spent my entire life appeasing them. DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU. You are so worth happiness, you are not an object. You are not somebody’s possession. You may have to live by some sort of court regulated schedule until you turn 18 but after that don’t get stuck like I did. Now, I want to move in with my mom for a little while because I’ve never had one home to go to at the end of the day. I feel more comfortable as a young woman living with my mom for the remainder of my time living “at home”. A female space, just her and I for a little while. I need time with my mom before I go out on my own. Having my laundry, possessions, girl products, etc there seems more comfortable and quite frankly a bit more appropriate for me personally. However, I feel EXTREMELY guilty about leaving my dad. I’m not sure why, because he’s not the nicest most of the time. I know he loves me, but sometimes it’s a lot to expect me to know that… I have a beautiful relationship with my boyfriend and we would like to move in together soon. However, I feel like I deserve to try living at one house for a bit before I move in with him. I don’t know how to tell my dad I want to live with my mom for a while. I’m beyond stressed. Anyway, Thank you for listening. I hope this helped someone out there 🙂

    so I am 13 years old and just started year 8. My mum and dad split when I was 6 years old and I live with my mum and step dad. Although every second weekend I go and visit my dad and step mum. The school holidays have just passed and I spent 3 weeks at my dad and stepmums house and over that time I realised I want to live with them. I have never lived with them before but they treat me so good and we always have a good time together. But I feel as if I can’t leave my mum because I have lived with her my whole life and we had been through court and that costed her a lot of money with lawyers (same with dad). I also can’t just leave my friends and neighbourhood and my mothers family because my dad lives about 2 hours away, but he lives near a lot of my other family including some of my mums. My mum is always yelling at me and calling me names, she manipulates me and makes me feel as if everything is my fault. I love her though I have never lived without her plus she game me a brother who is now 10 months old. I want to watch him grow up but I feel I will be happier if I live with my dad but I am scared. Please give me some advice.

    I moved from Georgia to Connecticut with my mom because of her school and her boyfriend. I moved away from the place I grew up. I trust my dad. He’s told me things about my mom that aren’t “good”. With my dad I’m part of the family while with my mom we do things occasionally but it’s not like it is when I’m with my dad. I learn how to do things while at my dads too. Cleaning, laundry, etc. I’ve been by my moms side most of my life since my dad has traveled for work too a lot. After spending 5 weeks of this summer with him and my stepmom I’m going to miss them A LOT. My dad said that if I wanted to I could move back to live with him. I’m happy when I’m with my dad. I think I want to move back but… I feel like if I do I would be betraying my mom. Last time my dad gave me the offer I signed an election and it ended up with me going back to my mom and bad things happened as a result of the whole situation. If I do it I would have to not tell her I’m moving back to ga I think. I hate that I have to choose who I have to live with primarily because my parents can’t freaking do things simple. My dad literally told me he has spent about $1 million on the divorce total for lawyers. He doesn’t have enough to put me through college so I’ll have student loans. I’m not mad at him but at the whole situation. Oh and if I stay with my mom chances are because she hasn’t worked since the day she found it she was pregnant with me that we would move once again because the school district I’m in is too expensive. I want to move with my dad but I’m afraid that when I go back to my mom my mind will change and the part of me that wants to be with my mom will click. I don’t really know what kind of feedback I need. Whether to stay with dad or mom? Idk. More logical reasons be with dad and my mom keeps convincing me somehow that being with her is the best choice. She tries to make me happy with anything possible except the one thing that will actually be successful: making nice with dad. I just needed to rant about all of this which I think helped me realize I should probably be with my dad. I’m sorry if this rant was all over the place but I needed it. It’s 1:30am so yea. If you can please give this 14 year old any advice for anything whether it’s divorce, freshman in highschool, or stress..

    As a mother, I would want what makes you happy. It’s my job to provide for my child, Emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. Divorce is hard enough on children. Anything to make it easier is my way of thinking. I would still let my son know he’s welcome and encouraged to come visit as often as he likes. Keeping the lines of communication open is important as well. A text, phone call, visit, etc. It doesn’t mean you love your mother any less, you just want to live with your father. It’s is natural for a boy to want to live with his same sex parent. Life and teenage years are challenging. I feel anything to make it easier on my son is what’s best for him. It’s not about me. It’s about him and his well being.

    So im 14 years old and my mom and dad are barley getting a divorce. After like a week of her calling it off with my dad, she found herself a boyfriend at some party. No one in my family likes him and everyone thinks he is suspious because he said “I love you” to my mom after only a few weeks of dating and hes already wanting to meet my siblings and I, which we aren’t ready for and my mom knows that. But its been really hard for me because I just don’t understand how she can move on so fast and not even give herself and her kids time to grief about the divorce. My dad is literally still living with us until the end of this month and she has been telling her bf that my dad moved out a year ago which probably explains why hes moving so fast. She leaves every other weekend to L.A. to go see him and my siblings and I hate it because were all having a hard time with the divorce so we need my mom more than anything right now. We don’t need another man coming into the picture so soon and she just doesn’t understand that. She’s already lost a relationship with my sister and im scared that she’ll loose her relationship with me too. I hate that she takes everything out on us and call us “selfish” and says that we’re “jealous of her relationship” but that’s not true but she just doesn’t understand that and its so frustrating. But ive never really had a relationship with my dad and hes never been much of a father figure for me either. But I feel like somehow living with him would be better for me because right now all me and mom are doing is just fighting and it just makes me so sad. So I don’t know if I should live with my dad or my mom? Ive tried expressing my feelings to her about her bf but all she says is that shes happy and she doesn’t care what her kids think. I feel like if I leave my mom to go live my dad she will not want anything to do with me anymore since shes already saying that she wouldn’t care that I went to go live with him. if im being completely honest I really don’t want to live with either of them but I know I have to choose one of them I just don’t know which one. If I moved with my dad then I would leave my siblings and I would feel so sad but I just don’t know how long im going to be able to put up with my mom. So I just don’t know what I should do.

    i really dont know what to do
    last year december my mom and dad seperated technically my mom moved out but only because of my dad he brought his parents to live with us. when my mom filed for a maintanace order for us my dad started acting like a moron he hurt me but i later found away to forgive him and right now we are on the best of terms but becausue they giving a ruling on wednesday i i told my mom that i want t live with my dad she started screaming at me and swearing me and like now i am living with my mom and her family and we have being getting into continuous fights tat it has become to much for me to handle i tried to tell her that i didnt blame her i blamed my father but i lied i blame her because she honestly ruined my life and today i told her i want to live with my dad she told me i only want to go there becacuse i am a golddigger but if she new what are said to me at school she would understand she only priorities my siblings and i cant do this anymore. please help me.

    Okay i dont know if anyone will reply to this or even see it but i need help. Im 15 and i live with my mom. She is crazy and very narcissistic. I can usually deal with it because my older sister lives with me but she is going to university in the fall. I have the choice to live with my dad but he lives 5 hours away. Ive never lived with him before and it would mean i would have to start at a new school and new town. I have no idea what to do. I cant just pick up everything and leave my friends and family but i cant deal with my mom. Please help

    I know how it feels to have to choose between mum and dad, my dad left me, my mum and my siblings but now that I’ve turned 12, I can choose where to live and I wanna live at my dads but I don’t wanna tell my mum because i don’t wanna hurt her feelings, what should i do?

    Honey, I am so sorry. This may not seem like a very helpful comment but I just wanted to let you know that you are never alone. My mom just told me that she’s getting divorced and I’m in the exact same situation. I’m sorry this isn’t the answer to your question but I wanted to let you know I care. I’ll be praying for you sweetie.

    I’m 13 and I live with my dad now cause my parents ended their relationship in the middle of the school year, my mom had to leave to live in another country cause she cant afford the life here, so I’m living with my dad and his wife. I have two siblings, and a stepbrother, my mom wants me and my siblings to live with her, but she has financial issues she doesn’t even have a job [I know I sound materialistic], but my siblings want to live with my dad, and I love my dad as well, but we always fight almost everyday, I cant choose I have two months left to choose, and they both keep making me feel guilty, I don’t know what to do should I go live with my mom without my siblings and lose ant type of bond with them, and break my dads heart, or live with my dad and my siblings, and leave my mom alone broken hearted and depressed, I really don’t know what to do, I cant talk to anyone, cause I have no one.

    I know how you feel and this might be a hard thing to ask but if you can… can you please help me? I’m going through something similar but the thing is that the roles are switched. My dad is moving and he has some financial issues and my mom is staying with all my siblings. Please, please help another 13 year old in need.

    I’m turning sixteen and my life has always seemed great until now. My mom just told me that she is thinking of getting a divorce. She says my dad is not nice and that she can’t stay with him. But I have never thought of my dad as mean. He is a little strict sometimes but he has always been my daddy. I can’t leave him. But I can’t leave my mom either. It would kill me to have to choose. I have been leaning a little bit more towards my dad now but I love my mom and I don’t want to do that to her. At also doesnt help that my mom is moving west and my dad is staying here. So I would hardly ever see my mom or my siblings. Most if not all of my siblings are going with my mom. And my mom says I’m the last one she talked to about it.
    (I’m sorry if this doesnt make a lot of sense. I’m just really upset.)

    i love my mum and dad so much but in 6 months i turn 16 and have to chose who i live with and they live 700 mile apart. If i go with my dad my mum will be hart broken and if i go with my mum my dad will be hart broken but i love them both so much. the situation is tearing me apart every day just knowing it is a day closer to having to pick.

    i hide this from every one i know, every one thinks im happy, but when im by my self i just keep thinking about the day i have to tell my mum or dad who im living with. And the worst part a bout it is both of my parents think im gonna live with them so when i put one of them down its even worse. And both of them are the best people in the world to me.

    they split up after like 30 years because they were not getting on, but i happened as we were moving. so my dad ended staying at the old house and my mum ended in the new house 700 miles away in Scotland. so it would take 2 days and a lot of money to see the other parent, so i wold be lucky to see my other parent 1 once a year. i know about Skype but its not the same and there would be a lot of emotion with the parent who i do not live with. and the thort of that is what is tearing me apart

    Live with your dad. You people don’t understand. If he loses you, he loses his reason for living, but a girl can just move on easily. Even if they act like they don’t They do. They are good actors. As far as telling both parents that you will go to live with them. That happens, go live with your daddy

    You must be a dad!!! How dare you tell a child that the dad will lose his only reason for living if she doesn’t choose him!!!! You are ridiculous!!!

    So I turn 15 in a month. My parents have joint custody of my sisters and I. At first, it was ok at both houses, but now my dad is never home when we live with him for the week. When he is home, we just lay around and it is really annoying. There is a lot of things that he has said to me and he makes me cry all the time. This has been going on for 7 years too. Some things he has said is that I’m gonna be pregnant in highschool just because I’m really nice to everyone. I’ve never gave him a reason to think that. He’s also said that my mom is a terrible parent when she isn’t. He talks badly about her all the time. Also, he has constantly guilt tripped us for things we can’t control and has made it our fault. He won’t even let me go to graded activities after school because he’s “tired” or “wants me to be home” causing me to fail the class. There is so much mental abuse in this house that I don’t want to talk about. 😕 Everytime he does something bad and I don’t talk to him for a couple days, it doesn’t bother him and when he has really messed up, he tried sucking up to us. I can’t take crying every night anymore when I’m at his house. I want to live with my mom, how do I get the courage to leave him?

    So I live with my mom, and I go to my dads every other weekend they live 4 hours away from each other, so I don’t get to see him much, maybe on holidays and the summer. My mom and I ALWAYS fight and I hate it, I love her, but she dosent trust me enough, and my step dad is very mean and racist! I want to live with my dad for high school, but that would mean I would not be able to get a hope scholarship, so it would be very expensive to go to college. My mom also says that she will cut her self off from me if I live with my dad in college. I miss my dad very much, and my family is all we’re my dad lives, I have friends at my moms but it’s not the same! I don’t know what to do!!! (Please help!!) 💚

    Just do it move in with your Dad! Be strong and do it if your mums saying she’ll cut herself off from you does she really deserve you? Call your dad and all him you love him now anyway just pick up the phone and do it cause on day you won’t be able to do it and you’ll want to.

    Don’t live with your dad just stay there more often that way it will feel like you are living together.Well…..Sort of.

    PLEASE HELP!!! I am 15 and I live with my mom and her boyfriend and my 3 other siblings. I hate my mom’s bf he is very rude to me and we fight alll the time, so because of that me and my mom fight. I love my dad and miss him so much, and I don’t get to see him that much. But this year I told him about how I feel and what goes on at home and he gave me the option to come live with him, which I love that idea, I can’t stand the fighting it really hurts, alot. But my brothers and sister all get along with my mom and her boyfriend great, it’s just me that doesn’t like him and this has gone on for 7 years. I think I’m ready to move in with my dad but at times I hesitate. I don’t want my mom hurting because I want to leave. Please! I need advice on how to do this.

    I think you should live with your dad, judging by your situation. You should also, go back and forth, like stay with your mom on Tuesday, and Thursday,and Monday, wensday, and Friday with your dad! On Saturday be with your mom and Sunday with your dad!👍

    My parents got divorced when i was 3 almost 4,i stayed with my mom in jhb joburg till i was 7 i had to move to my gran and dads in durban because of financial issues,i am 15 now,my dad moved out about 2 years ago and stays with his girlfriend i see him about twice a week and my mom only a few days 4 times a year,she is financially stable now actually more than that she has over enough money to support me and all my needs,and i want to move to hers now i know it will break my dad and my grandparents but i’ve grown up without a mother and it hurts.. how am I supposed to tell them and how can i get over the fear of leaving all my friends?

    I’m 12 years old and I’m having trouble picking who I want to live with because my mom is nice just like a regular mom and so is my dad but I’ve been living with my mom before they even had a divorce and the state is starting to get a little boring but my dad live in a Michigan and that’s where I was born have all my cousins, Aunts, Uncles there and it’s rlly fun but I’m afraid if I leave my mom then she’ll be all alone with no one to talk to boss around 😂 and I know my place around my state/city like a hawk but then my mom also says she’s going to live in Michigan but know she doesn’t and they both keep going back and forth on getting back together…👫🙎🏾‍♂️🙎🏾‍♀️

    I am 16 years old and do not want to live with my dad anymore and want to move in with my mom my step mom controls him and has him convinced I’m just another lazy teenager when all she does is lay around the house while I do everything and am stuck with all the responsibility. I had respectfully brought this up with my dad who disagreed with me and threaten to hurt me and a little after that my stepmom had kicked me out of the house and told me to find some place to live but my dad had told me to stay in the house. My step mom had then started shouting that she doesn’t want me living here. my dad has tried everything from family meeting to councilors and none of its helped. I don’t want to live somewhere where I am constantly threatened and not wanted how do i move out and can I keep my possessions

    My parents got divorced when I was 5 and I am now 13. My mom is going to get married to this guy and I do not like him he makes me feel scared. He is threatening to put me in a uniform, like a school girl uniform with a skirt and knee high socks. I love my mom and I want to live with her but not with him. I do not know what to do. I want to live with both of them. What should I do?

    You should tell your mom how you feel. Don’t push it on her to break up with him but don’t hide your feelings. You don’t want to make her feel terrible but you want her to understand how you feel. I hope this helps and good luck with your parents.

    if this guy makes u scared , go with ur dad . See how u feel and then decide if it is better and makes u feel more safe visit ur mom and u dont hav 2 speak 2 this guy. i hav been thru this it helps if u hav m8s there 4 u and kno ur struggle.

    thats whats happening to me but with my dad hes getting married to a girl i dont like and i told him but he dosent care so im going to my mom and im 13

    My mom and dad are going through a divorce and I’m only 11 .litteraly I just turned 11afew weeks ago. My dad cheated on my mom .the girl that he cheated on her with has th e same name as her .my dad and his girl friend are about 22 years apart and he got her pregnant. I had to give my dog away and that was the worst part because he was my best friend ,I 💖ed him!!!I haven’t really ever liked my dad on time when I was real little my dad was choking my mom in front of me and my sister and brother so I got up and slapped him plus my dad didn’t want me to even be born .my dad has anger issues so me and my sister got yelled at a lot.my dad also yoused to be a professional shop lifter so that was how he saved money my mom was abused by my dad she wanted to leave him but then she found out she was pregnant with me so she stayed.I wish she would have left him !!!!!!¡!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!sorry that you had to read so much its just that we grow up in a scary place called life.

    Hey, I have gone through a Similar experience. My mom had an affair in front of me and my sister. I am 16 male btw. My dad has an anger problem and gave my mother a black eye. I have to Decide who I want to live with. I have no idea. Can you please help me. Also my mother is a narcissist and my dad gave her a black eye

    I want to live at my dad’s house a little more than I do mom’s, bit don’t want to hurt her feelings! It is happier at dad’s, and here with my mom everything is chaotic! What should I do?!

    My parents got divorced about 3 years ago but stayed best friends and still kept their company going (they co-owned it). They lived in the same town so I jumped back and forth between their houses every week.. ~I’m 15 at this point~ But the economy crashed and so did their business. They owned an insulating business but if no one is buying houses, none are being built and the run out of work.. They couldn’t afford to stay so they moved.. To different countries… My older brother (19) and my dad went to BC for work but had to sleep in tents at a camp ground until they found steady work while my mom, little brother, and I moved to Chicago with her boyfriend.. This all happened about 2 months ago and these have been the hardest days of my life. I’m going into grade 11 and had some very wonderful people in my life! Some that a person can just tell will stick with them for a very long time! So being without them now really hurts! Because therapy isn’t free in the us I had to stop going (I had been going for the majority of the year because I was feeling very down and wanted to help myself) so everything is very hard to handle. I have my little brother but sometimes having someone who isn’t family, to lean on, can be nice! I moved 6 weeks before school ended and my teachers were nice enough to let me go without doing finals or any more work and my grades all stayed the same but I am a few credits behind now! My dad got married last week and none of my siblings were able to go so that was kind of upsetting.. now him and his wife have bought a house in bc and my mom has a good place in Chicago… I have a very good relationship with both my parents and love them equally so I have no idea where to go…. I had to give my dog, and two birds away so I have been very lonely without them and making this decision seems more and more difficult to make as time goes on! My tortoise is with my dad so I know I will see him again but leaving everything really messed me up! Sorry that was a big message! I needed to let it out! Do you guys have any suggestions or advice?

    My parents got divorced when I was 7-8 years old and I hated it all my sisters (I have 4 of them) had changed mentally and even I did. We stayed with our mom the rest of our time but then something happened and we were forced to be with my dad until a custody case was put in place. Then they finalized the decision and we had to live with my dad, Honestly I like living with my dad but it sucks sometimes because my stepmom is kinda rude to me and I just miss my mom. My sisters miss her too. I’m debating on where I should live because my parents both live in 2 different states. I don’t know who to choose because I have my friends and my sisters here, but my mom would be all alone with no one. Help idk what to do??

    I really don’t know what to do at this point. I’ve been living with my dad ever since my parents got a divorce. Now I’m 13 going on 14 and I see my mom every other weekend. I love them both so much, it’s hard to pick between the two. They got divorced when I was like 4 or 5. My dad married my step-mom Maybe a year after the divorce. I Really do lik her also. But now that I’m older I’m starting to think about how my mom feels. She puts be above everyone else, whenever I don’t even live with her. Right now I live in a 3 bedroom house with 7 people, 5 of those are kids. I share a room with my two sisters. Whenever I go to my moms it’s so relaxing to get away sometimes. Now don’t get me wrong I love my family with all my heart. But my mom is family to and I feel that I should live with her at least one time before I graduate. She’s not even in a relationship, she’s alone a lot of the time besides when she’s with her roommate or some of her friends. She cries so much because she can’t be with me and she works so hard for her money to provide things that I need and want. Everytime I think about going and living with her I start thinking about how my dad would feel. And eventually it makes me break down and cry because I was his first child and also the oldest. They don’t live very far at all from each other, my mom lives in McAlester,OK and my dad lives in Whitesboro, OK. Only like one hour away. I’m so afraid my dad will get mad at me and think that I’m like trading him for my mom. They get along real good compared to some parents after a divorce. I’m going into eighth grade this year and I go to a very very small school and if I go live with my mom it will be a bit of a change, not to bad I don’t think but it kinda scares me to go to a new school without knowing anyone. I have a very close best friend that would be very sad. But we can always go see each other and communicate over the phone. About a year ago I got in trouble for making a stupid mistake on my phone, my mom agreed with everything they said at the time. After me getting in trouble they wouldn’t trust me at all, which to be honest I really don’t blame them. But the one time I get in trouble for something like I did, they put me in lockdown and I felt and still feel like they Willl never stop looking over my shoulder and reading everything I do. After I got in trouble and time passed I got In a habit of getting in trouble and disobeying them because they made me so mad that I just wanted to keep doing stuff to make them mad. But eventually I found out that none of that was going to help me, so I started trying to be better with everything. I’ve been doing good for about 6 months now and i don’t know if they see it or not but my mom sees that I’m really trying to get my normal life back. They took all my social media away and I haven’t had it back since the first time I messed up. So now they no longer trust me with a lot of stuff, even over time as I try to prove myself better they still can’t see. I just want to make my mom happy and live with her and I think I will actually be happy to. But it’s a very hard dicision to make.

    I’m 13 years old. I live with my mom on the East coast, but my dad lives on the West coast. My mom and dad always go to court over me, because I want to be with my father more that 3 weeks a year. The judge said that I’m supposed to spend 5-6 weeks with him, but my mom won’t allow that. I want to live with my father, but when I told my mom that she said the only way I would ever live with him is if she went to jail or died. I don’t know what to do anymore..

    I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel that my mom will help me more but everyone says I should go to my dad but I don’t know, I don’t like my step mom she tells behind my back and tries to manipulate me like she did my dad. My mom sees this and so does everyone else but they’re still saying I should go with him what do i do…i can’t think straight and I’m stressed out and depressed I cant do anything anymore, I feel like I’m losing my mind and myself.

    I have been back and fourth with my dad and with my mom since i could remember i was living with ma mom since i was like 13 years old and i have been with ma dad for about 3 years now and the first couple months were hard having to deal with my step mom but i love being with my dad but i also miss being with my mom and not seeing her as much i was use to . and its not even about who spoils me the most or what school i will be going to its just the simple fact of understanding who i want to be with and at this moment i dont know …

    How to put someone in their place bad things that happen to you after you put them in your place?
    Edit
    Update: dad and sister want too sue my mom cause mom put sister in her place ?

    i live with my dad in minnesota but im sick of him but all my freinds are here my mom lives in arizona and i want to live there but i think he wont approve of me moving there im 14 son help me

    I’ve been living with my mom since I was like 3. She married my step dad when I was seven, and ever since then I’ve been mainly living with my mom and seeing my dad every month or so. I honestly cannot stand my step dad 90% of the time because he is a huge jerk and my mom and him together are so strict and don’t trust me at all. I’m so stressed out every single day and then being so hard on me makes it 100x worse. I think the strictness is good for me sometimes, but when I have mental breakdowns because of it is when it’s a problem. I kind of want to live with my dad now, I love my family so much on that side and life would be so much easier. But I can’t just ditch my mom and my friends I have already, even though a lot of the time I want to. What should I do?

    My parents got divorce when I was 5 and I have been living with my mom ever since and I want to go to my dads house to live there but I don’t want my mom , or my siblings to hate me. I really want to go to my dads house but I don’t want all the efforts my mom did for me and my bros to go to waste so….. I’m stick in the middle and I keep saying im going to stay here (with my mom) but I also keep saying to go to my dads I don’t know what to do …

    mine isnt so much a custody battle through court because i am 16 so it is between my parents and i , i live in Edinburgh with my mom and stepdad and sister but my dad lives in Glasgow ( where im from ) and i want to pick him but i am scared of the changes because of my exams and education

    whome to choose
    once my mome calls me and ask if my mom and my dad gets divorced whome will i choose? i asked her but she is not telling me the reason and gave me 5days to think . i love both my dad and my mom . what should i do .i am of 13 only and i dont want the saperation.

    Hard decision
    I have been going back and forth between my mom and dad since I was one so it has been 12 years now and I don’t like my step mom but I love my dad. I love my mom and my stepdad. so I like my moms house better but I still love my dad!!!

    help
    I lived with my sad since I was 4.it’s been 8 years and is frustrating most of the time and I want to live with me mom 4 a change. What do I do

    Problems
    I have lived with my mom for 9 years now and I want to spend the remader of my life in school with my dad. I love my mom but at my dads I have everything that interest me and that I love him and all my family on his side. Me and my mother have been fighting this out for years now and I am finally going to go to court with her. All I’ve done for the past month is read up on how divorce works in family’s and I have found out a lot of stuff but this will be it for me lets hope that it god well.

    Help
    I love my dad but i live with my mom my dad wants to pick him my mom wants me to pick her I’m fraud if I pick the other parent one is goin to hate me my mom lives with my grandma grandpa brothers and my baby cousins and my dad has a girlfriend and his mom but I live being near my moms mom my grandmother because she nice and sort of spoils me but my dad loves me and my mom is always gone or somewhere with her boyfriend and I just don’t feel loved the major concern is that if I have the other parent as my permanent government I’m afraid the other will the me

    Im going through the same thing right now and i want to live with my mom and i told my dad and he went crazy this happened today i am so scared i will make the wrong decision im not really helping u just letting u know u arent the only one in the world

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